So this is what happens when you major in philosophy.
Wow. And it's been so very fun to realize that I can't look myself in the mirror with a straight face and ask "Why didn't anybody tell you?" because EVERYBODY told me. I am quite literally not qualified to do anything except correct my new boss's pronunciation of the name "Nietzsche."
So now I sell paper. Paper. In the digital age. I'd laugh if I wasn't so depressed.
My shirt's too big. I have to roll up the sleeves because the cuffs don't have any buttons. Cufflinks? What the fuck are cufflinks? My dad is an electrician. Yeah, so I've never bought dress shirts before and I blew my credit limit on what I got so I have to wait until I get my first paycheck to buy something normal. I also didn't understand the sizing. Who the hell buys a shirt based on how big the neck is anyway? What IS that? I feel like I'm strangling in this thing. I finally had to undo the top button and cover it with my tie. The tie. Jesus. Like a leash. Or a costume. Like I'm "New Wave 80's Guy" at a halloween party.
Oh God, What have I done?
My boss and his 'assistant' are easily the strangest human beings I have ever been in the same room with. I can't believe my uncle even knows someone like Michael Scott. I'm working for a cartoon character. A really weird, unfunny cartoon character. And Dwight. Oh, man. I don't even have the words. He's like something out of Sponge Bob...
Wow. I am already losing my mind and it's only my third day here.
Michael's been giving me these "tasks" to complete and gives me the entire day to complete them and now I'm trying to figure out what to do with the other seven hours and thirty minutes. Matt's been trying to get me to start a "blog," so here we are. And I ordered myself a copy of Pranks: RE/SEARCH on Amazon. I'm going to need some inspiration if I don't want to drop dead of sheer boredom. The crap I pulled in school was okay, but I've got to raise my game up to a whole new level for this Dwight guy. He absolutely freaked out when I borrowed his stapler yesterday without asking. Like, shot right past annoyed and went straight into apoplexy. It was...really entertaining.
Maybe some visine in his coffee tomorrow...?
Nah. That would be too mean.
Story Notes:
My response to the "First Days" challenge
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
