“Why do you need to talk to me?  This wedding, if that’s what it is, isn’t anything to do with me.

“Yes, I received an invitation, but I will not be attending.  I’m still not sure that it’s not just an elaborate hoax designed to humiliate me once again.

“Fact: Pam was engaged to Roy.

“Fact: Pam is now claiming to be planning to marry Jim.

 “Fact: Roy is clearly the better husband and father candidate, due to his physical prowess and protection instincts.

“Fact: Pam and Jim have a history of setting up elaborate pranks to humiliate me.

“You do the math.

“I am convinced that there is nothing Jim would not do to see me humiliated.  And, Pam’s not exactly unattractive.  Yes, I do think he would marry her in order to prank me.

“Are they fooled?  Or are they accomplices?

“But that’s what they want me to do…unless!  (Has epiphany.)  Of course!  They were trying to chase me away from the wedding site, so that they could all meet to plan their next work prank together!  That’s why everyone’s involved.

“Oh, I’m sure of it.

“Michael’s not part of it, of course not.  But there’s no one else in this office I’d trust.

“Excuse me, I have to make some preparations.”