“Man, two new guys in less than a month. Seriously screwing up the man-to-lady ratio, know what I’m sayin’ bro?”
“My name’s Ryan.”
“No, I know, I was just…” Andy rolled his eyes in exasperation. “You are so lucky you have me as a mentor, dude, otherwise you would be lost.”
“Right. So we get paid bi-weekly?”
“Correctamundo, my gel-haired friend. Now, I know we’re not paying you much, but,” Andy stopped his brisk pace and turned toward the new intern, placing his hands on a very uncomfortable Ryan’s shoulders.
“Work clothes: $40. Lunch: $10. Bluetooth: $100. Working with one of the top radio producers in the greater Scranton area?” Andy leaned in to Ryan and whispered: “Priceless.”
Ryan gave a tight smile and nodded, trying to move around Andy but was stopped yet again.
“There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s Andrew Bernard.”
Andy clapped Ryan on the shoulders and began to walk in front of him, a slight swagger in his step.
“Okay, next up on our tour, this is our supply closet, in case you ever need to ‘do inventory’ if you know what I—huh,” Andy said, jiggling the doorknob. “It’s locked. Weird.”
xxx
“You’re joking, right?’’
“Michael, why not? She’s smart, and funny, and you should have seen how many calls we got that day!”
“Jim,” Michael sighed, propping his feet up on his desk. “You’re young and foolish. I’m not as young and wise. Take it from me, I know what it takes to succeed in the radio biz, and it is does not include turning board operators into hosts.”
“Look,” Jim leaned over Michael’s desk, watching him slightly shrink away. “Either Pam becomes my co-host or…” he paused a moment, breathing a heavy sigh before he committed to what he wanted to say. “Or I quit.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jimmy,” Michael stood, holding his hands up in a surrendering position. “Let’s not get hasty. What makes you think I won’t just let you quit?”
“Jan would kill you if you did.”
A visible wave of panic spread over Michael’s face. After a moment, he cleared his throat.
“Well played, sir. Well played.”
Jim grinned. “So she can do it?”
“On a trial basis. If nothing changes, then she’s back to the boards. You hear me all the way up there?” Michael shouted, craning his neck up towards Jim, laughing hysterically at his own joke.
“I hear you, Michael.”
“Oh, and Jim? I’ve been meaning to give you these,” Michael rummaged through his desk before pulling out a stack of note-cards.
Jim took them and started glancing through. “Umm, what are these?”
“Controversial topics. Thought it might bring some edge to the show.”
“I don’t think I’m allowed to talk about,” Jim continued to flip through the cards, shaking his head. “Any of these on the air.”
“Nah, you’ll be fine. Though if you’re really worried, I think I have a euphemism reference sheet around here somewhere…”
“No, really, thanks. I’m good.” Jim sprinted from Michael’s office and shut the door quickly behind him. He kept looking through the cards as he made his way to back to his booth, appalled and amazed at the kinds of things that spawned from Michael’s brain. He was about to toss the cards in a trashcan until one topic got his attention,
Dating in the workplace.
He slipped the card into his back pocket with a smile and walked faster towards his booth.
xxx
Pam was staring at her sketchpad, deep in thought as she chewed on a pen when she felt someone slide onto her desk.
“Hey,” Jim smiled. “Whatcha’doin?”
“Drawing Andy’s next demise. Which do you like better, minefield or shark-infested pool?”
Jim put a fist to his chin in mock concentration, stirring a giggle out of Pam.
“Shark-pool. Very Jaws, very retro.”
“Good choice. So, what’s up?” She put down her sketchpad, leaning towards him in eager curiosity.
“Well, I just got out of a meeting with Michael. And it turns out I’m getting a co-host.”
Pam frowned. “Oh, Jim, I’m so sorry. Don’t take it personally, I think you do fine on your own, but sometimes they bring in reinforcements to try and spark interest in the audience.”
“You’re absolutely correct. Which is why the new co-host is you.” He beamed, anxiously waiting for her reaction. He grew nervous when all he got was a blank stare.
“Pam, did you hear what I said? You’re going to be my co-host!”
“What? How—why?”
“All valid questions, very articulate, let me try my best to explain. Basically, you’re a natural. And the callers love you. And we’d be great together. I mean, work, we’d work great together,” he stammered, a nervous laugh escaping through his words.
Pam looked away from him, tearing at a thread in her sweater. “Jim, I really appreciate the offer, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Why? Come on, Pam. Don’t be intimidated by my charm,” he winked at her, hoping to at least get a smile, but the worried creases in her forehead remained.
“I’m not cut out for it, okay? I’m just a board operator.”
“No, you’re not. I don’t get it, you have all this talent and—“
“Can we just drop it? Please?” Pam’s voice was firm and though Jim wanted to contine, he finally relented.
“Fine.”
“Good.”
Jim stood from her desk, reaching high up onto the storage shelves to retrieve an empty cardboard box. He made his way into his booth and began to pack up various CDs and personal items he’d brought from home.
“What are you doing?”
He shrugged. “Packing.”
Pam rose slowly from her chair, her eyes narrowed in confusion. “Why?”
“I told Michael that if you couldn’t be my co-host, I would quit.”
“Jim, stop. Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not. Look, I don’t want a radio show if it’s just going to be average. I want it to be great. And it’s not going to be great without you.”
Pam searched his face, stunned in both anger and surprise at the adamant position he’d taken.
“Look, I’m really sorry,” she started.
“Yeah, me too. Bye Pam.”
And with that, Jim gathered the rest of his things, throwing one last look at her before disappearing down the hall.
xxx
The next morning, Pam arrived at the studio only to find the booth still empty. There was no sign of Jim, and as the minutes inched closer to 6:00, she started to realize that he hadn’t been bluffing.
“Hey,” Andy appeared at her door, looking quite annoyed. “Where is he?”
Pam toyed with the gold chain around her neck. “I don’t know,” she whimpered. “I didn’t think—no one’s gotten a hold of him?”
“He’s not answering his phone. Damn it, I knew that guy was no good!” Andy glanced at his watch. “Alright, the show starts in five. You’ll have to go on.”
“What?” Pam yelled, her panic mounting. “No, I can’t, I don’t know what I’m doing!”
“Either you go on or we have dead air. Your call.”
Pam bit her lip, staring at the mic in front of her as though it were a wild animal waiting to attack. She gingerly put on her headphones and began to play the intro music to his show.
“Good morning,” her voice squeaked. “It’s, uh, 6 o’clock and you’re listening to ‘Jim Halpert in the Morning’. Jim is actually…not here, at the moment. So I guess this is ‘Pam Beesly in the Morning’. Not many people get to witness that…besides my cat and she’s not exactly a fan of what she sees. Hopefully you folks will be a little kinder than her,” Pam laughed to herself, the adrenaline she felt pumping through her masking whatever nervousness she previously had.
“Jim didn’t exactly give me any instructions so I guess that means I’m calling the shots. I’ll be more than happy to take your calls this morning on…well, whatever you’d like. Advice, requests, shoot, I’ll even do impressions. My Ray Romano is spot on. And on that awkward note, let’s take it over to Toby for traffic.” She punched button to patch Toby through, leaning back in her chair with a relieved, yet happy, sigh. Still reeling from her unexpected improvisation skills, she didn’t notice Andy and Jim watching from outside the booth.
Andy held out a hand to Jim, who then discreetly gave him a ten-dollar bill.
“Thanks man, I appreciate it.”
“No no, thank you,” Andy said, smiling as he pulled the bill taut in his fingers. “Hasta la vista, Blockbuster late fee.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
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Chapter End Notes:
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