As she entered the bathroom, she saw that Pam had already taken a seat on the sofa, and was waiting for her.

“Is anyone else here?” She said loudly as a warning to anyone snooping in the stalls.

“No, I already checked. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

As Angela looked at the sympathy in Pam’s eyes, she hated herself. She hated that she was this desperate, and this weak again. After Alex, she swore that she’d never put herself in this type of situation ever again. And, yet, here she was….

“I’ve already told you Pam, I am not okay.”

“Right. Um….so what do you want to talk about?” Pam’s eyes shifted downwards, breaking their eye contact, and she put her hands in her lap.

“I wish to talk to you about men. You seem to know a great deal.” She hoped that her voice wasn’t betraying her. That it didn’t quiver with the emotion that felt like it was strangling her at this moment. She had to sit down.

“Oh, well, I don’t know about that Angela. I mean, I’ve….well, yeah….I don’t know about that.” Pam’s eyes were suddenly wide.

She looked back over her shoulder at the door. Why didn’t it have a lock? Anyone would be able to walk in. Kelly could walk in. She had to get to the point, and fast.

“Modesty, while a virtue Pam, does not impress me. If you are going to help me, then I require your honesty. Do you understand?” For a second she thought that perhaps her tone, and word choice was too much for Pam. Despite her recent whore-mation, most likely the result of her sexual liaisons with Jim, she seemed sensitive to the topic.

“Yeah….look, Angela. I’ve got some faxes to do, because I’m leaving early today.”

“Why are you leaving early?” Dwight hadn’t alerted her to the fact. He always sent her a daily e-mail outlining any and all changes within the office. Actually….he hadn’t even sent her an e-mail today….What did that mean? Was he trying to “let her down gently?” Isn’t that what men did to women they had sex with before they dumped them like spinsters?

“Um, well Jim and I are going out….we’re going to pick pumpkins, and go on a hayride. It’s like a package thing. I don’t know….he picked it out.” She smiled as she said the words, her expression wistful.

With every God-given fiber in her being, Angela wanted to point out that leaving work early to go gallivanting with pumpkins and boyfriends was highly inappropriate…but she restrained herself. There were more important things to focus on now.

“Oh.” Her eyes leveled with Pam’s, and in that moment she decided she really had to trust her. She didn’t want to, didn’t know if she could, but more than anything she knew that if she didn’t….she could lose Dwight.

And she couldn’t handle that.

Her words came out in a rush, a single exhale of breath. “How do you do that?”

Pam looked confused. “Do what?”

“Get men…to escort you about town.”

“Uh, you and Dwight don’t go out at all?”

She shook her head. This wasn’t going well. Everything was tangled up inside of her. Words were out of order, and it was all jumbled up with her worries and fear.

She took a breath.

“No. That’s not what I meant.” She decided to just ask it, no matter how humiliating it was. “How long were you and Roy a couple before he proposed engagement?” Her eyes flitted away from Pam’s shamefully.

“Oh.” Pam paused for a second, as though in consideration if she should answer the question. “Well, I think it was, like, six years? Yeah, around that long.”

“Oh God.” It was unconscious; she hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

Pam seemed to understand almost instantly. “No, Angela, but…Roy and I…it was totally different, I mean. We met in high school, you know? So…..”

It didn’t soften the blow. Six years?! Was that how long men waited to ask women they loved? In six years, she’d be….41. How was she supposed to have multiple children at that age? How was she supposed to raise and grow a family?

“Look Angela. Are you worried about Dwight? I mean, how long have you been together?”

“Two years.”

Pam leaned back a little in reaction. “Okay, well…”

“And I don’t think he’s ever going to ask me.” There it was, she admitted it out loud, and to someone else. She had sunk as low as she could. She was depending on Pam.

“Whoa, Angela. I think, I mean….I know that Dwight cares about you. And—

Pam’s word choice confused her. She knew? Had Dwight said something to her? Did they talk about her when she wasn’t around? He wouldn’t do that would he? She had to know.

“How do you know?”

“Um, well. I mean, I know how worried he was about Valentine’s Day last year.”

Her eyes narrowed as she stared at Pam. How did she know about that.

Pam looked at her and continued. “….because he wanted to get you a gift that you would love…..because he asked my advice.”

“You told him to give me a key to Schrute Farm?!” It was too much. The best gift that any man had ever given her, and it was a lie. It was from Pam Beesly. She was going to have a panic-attack.

“No, no Angela! I just told him…um, that it should symbolize how he felt about the person…The, uh, key was his idea. I mean, I didn’t even know that’s what he gave you. But…that’s really sweet.” Pam half-smiled at her.

She relaxed a little. Maybe she had overreacted.

“But, Angela, have you two discussed marriage at all? Because, maybe he’s not sure whether or not you’re ready?”

“I’ve attempted to bring up the topic on several occasions. However, he always….” She caught herself, because she didn’t want to discuss that with Pam.

“He always what?”

“Uh, we just get distracted….and I forget.” Despite her embarrassment, her own words scared her. What if that fact that she had engaged in sex with Dwight was the reason that he hadn’t proposed? Maybe that’s all men cared about, and once they got it….

“Yeah….but I think that you should really try to talk to him about it.”

Angela shook her head. She shouldn’t have to bring the subject of marriage up. She was the woman. “No Pam. That would be….humiliating.”

Pam looked at her, her gaze so penetrating, that she actually had to fight herself to keep it. “Angela. Listen to me, what is better, embarrassing yourself a little and getting what you want? Or…..saying nothing and….watching someone you love possibly drift further away?”

She swallowed hard.

“If you love someone, and care for them…then you have to say something, Angela.”

Her plans for tonight instantly came to mind. “Well, I am going to dinner at the farm, tonight. Perhaps I will broach the subject then.”

“Alright, well, good. Okay?…”

Angela understood. She had wasted too much of her and Pam’s time on this. “Yes. Well. Thank you, Pam. I appreciate your time.”

“Of course, Angela.” She watched Pam get up slowly from the sofa, and walk past her and out of the bathroom.

She was alone.

She clenched her hands together and tried to calm herself down by regulating her breathing. Dwight had showed her how.

Dwight.

Pam was right. She loved Dwight, loved him more than she had ever loved anyone else. Even Alex….especially Alex, and she wasn’t going to let things go sour again.

Not this time.

She would calmly and rationally explain her feelings to Dwight over dinner tonight. It was that simple.

What could go wrong?