Don’t ever doubt my feelings

My love, yes, my love is real

My darling, I’m revealing

Exactly how I feel

 And if I owned a magic wand

I’d wave it for no one but you

Cause nothing in the world

Could make me love you more than I do   

~~~~~~

“Are we going to talk about this, or…”

“I don’t know what there is to talk about, Jim.”

“The fact that you’re not talking to me?”

“I don’t have anything to say.”

“Okay, well, I know that’s not true.  I know you probably have plenty to say.”

“What do you want to hear?  That I can’t believe you lied to me?  That I hate the fact that you couldn’t be honest with me?  That you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the whole truth?”

“It’s not like that at all.”

“How else could it be?  You told me ‘I didn’t get the job.’  You never told me that you were offered the job and didn’t take it.  Because of me.”

“Look, I was going to tell you.  I just didn’t want to put all that on you before we even had one date under our belts.”

“Because you didn’t trust me.  You didn’t think I could handle it.  After everything, Jim?”

“It’s not that I didn’t think you could handle it, Pam.  I didn’t want you to have to handle it.  Because of everything.  Don’t you get that?”

“No, I really don’t.”

“Okay, here it is.  I’ve been in love with you from the first day I met you.  You know that.  It took me over three years to tell you that and then I left.  I moved to another state because I couldn’t stand to watch you marry Roy.  Then, I find out, from Michael, that you called off the wedding and I couldn’t even let myself hope I might have had something to do with that decision because you never contacted me.  Ever.”

“Ancient history, Jim.  I don’t see…”

“Just give me a second, okay?  Okay.  So, I tried to move on with Karen and I don’t think I need to go into how well all that worked out.  Then you getting back together with Roy.  Wow.  Even though that didn’t last, I never had any indication from you that you wanted things to change between us.  We’d made all these big decisions because of each other and we weren’t even together!  When the chance came to move away again, I knew I had to try and take it.  It was the worst possible thing…all that time I thought the only thing standing in the way of us being together was Roy.  But then months went by and we weren’t talking and I felt like if you really wanted things to be different between us, you would have said something.”

“I did.  At the beach”

“Right.  Days before my interview.  I don’t think I slept more than a few hours each night after that.  Anyway, when I got your note during the interview, I couldn’t believe it.  And when I realized that I was actually going to get offered the job, I panicked.  I knew what I wanted.  I wanted you.  Nothing had changed.  But we had such a long history of crap between us and bad decisions, and not talking…I couldn’t imagine myself running back to Scranton and saying, ‘I gave it all up for you.’  I mean, that’s an awful lot to dump on someone.”

“Because you didn’t think I could handle it.”

“No!  Because I wanted to start fresh, with no obligations, no guilt, no second-guessing.  Okay, and yes, I didn’t want to scare the crap out of you with what I’d just done.”

“It wouldn’t have scared me.”

“You say that now, but be honest.  We hadn’t even had a date yet!  I didn’t want to force you into anything, or make you feel like…”

“Like I had to go out with you out of obligation?”

“Yes!”

“What’s wrong with you?  Don’t you see how that translates into not trusting me?”

“It felt more like not trusting myself.”

“I really don’t get that, Jim.  And here’s what made me so mad.  You think you’re the only one whose feelings are so deep.  You didn’t trust that I might feel the same way.  After everything.”

“I was afraid, okay?  I didn’t know.  Not for sure.  I always intended on telling you the truth.”

“Instead, I had to hear it from Michael.”

“Pam, I’m so sorry about that.”

“He thought I knew!  I felt like an idiot!”

“I’m sorry.  I’m really sorry.”

“We can’t have secrets or half-truths between us, Jim.  It doesn’t work for me.  I lived with that crap with Roy for years and I’m done with it.”

“I know, I’m sorry.  It was just…it was right there, we were…right on the edge of everything I ever wanted and I didn’t want to do anything that would prevent it from happening.”

“Okay.  Okay, Jim.  I can see that.  I can…but, please, don’t ever hold anything back again.”

“I won’t.  I promise.  When I think about it now, I feel like shit.  You had the balls to say you called off your wedding because of me in front of everyone.  I was just…afraid.”

This has gone on long enough, Pam thinks.  Now, she just wants it to be over.  They cleared the air, it’s done.

“Okay, okay.  C’mere”

He slides over to her side of the couch and lets her put her arms around his neck.  He buries his face in her hair and says, “I love you so much.  And I’m so sorry.”

She reaches for his face with both hands and holds it directly in front of her own.

“I love you.  Don’t ever doubt it.  Come on, you knew that all along, right?”

“Yeah.  I knew.  I just didn’t know that you knew.”

“Oh, I knew, Halpert.  I knew that I knew and I also knew that you knew that I knew.”

“I’m lost.”

She kisses him sweetly, once, twice, three times.

“You’re not the only one.”

“I am really sorry.”

“Okay, it’s okay.  I’m sorry I got so mad.  Maybe I overreacted.”

“Nah.  No holes in the walls, right?”

“No, no holes in the walls.”

“Good.  I love you.”

He kisses her with everything he has, wants to erase this first fight with his lips, wants to plant a new memory with his hands.  He slides his arm underneath her legs, still kissing her, and picks her up.  Starts walking back to the bedroom and she pulls her lips away and gives him a wicked smile.

“God, I can’t believe you gave that job up for me!  How am I ever going to live up to that?  Thanks a lot, Jim!”

He swats her bottom as he carries her down the hall.

“Pressure’s on now, Beesly.”