************************************
TONIGHT!
Join Jim and Pam
From
The Award Winning Documentary
THE OFFICE
for a
LIVE CHAT
9:00 PM After the Season Premiere
They will answer your questions LIVE!!!
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“Okay, Pam. You just hit this button at 8:45. That will log you into the room under Special Guest status. Terry, the moderator, will be there to walk you through how the chat will work.”  Brian, the camera guy tilts the laptop screen toward the end of the conference room table where Pam is sitting and picking at her cuticles.

She doesn’t know why she is so nervous. The way it was explained to her, all she has to do is log on tonight and answer some silly questions about working at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton. Piece of cake. It’s not like she’s actually going to have to see him.

“Pam…are you with me?” Brian’s question has a concerned tone to it.

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I’m fine. I was listening. I just hit the button and then type. It will be fun.” She’s trying for a cheery inflection in her voice, but she’s afraid she still sounds terrified and desperate.  Brain looks at her and she hates the pity she sees in his eyes. Ever since the camera crew came back from the summer hiatus, he’s treated her gently, as if she would break. She’s not the first person to ever call off an engagement, but it’s almost as if Brian feels guilty about something.

He lifts his production company baseball cap off of his head and ruffles up his thinning hair before slamming the cap back on, brim turned towards his back. He blows out his breath.

“Listen, Pam…it will be okay…I mean the moderator won’t put through any embarrassing questions and you won’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. They explained it to me. And besides…I haven’t seen the show, but I can’t imagine anything I’d have to be embarrassed about…unless someone wants to criticize me for my clothing choices.”

She’s fishing just a little for information, though she’s not exactly sure she’ll be happy with her catch. They aren’t supposed to watch the show or talk to anyone about it. The producers want genuine responses and if they got to see or hear anything they ordinarily wouldn’t, it would affect the show. She’s been dying to know, though, what the cameras saw. Did he explain to them the reason for his sudden transfer to Stamford? Had he said anything in a Talking Head about what happened on Casino Night? She was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to be reliving that in public, but the interviewers could be tricky sometimes. She wants to know if anyone knows what went on with him…what’s going on with him. He sure as hell hadn’t said anything to her.  She knows that he’s mad, but a part of her wants to hear it directly from him.

Brian looks uncomfortable and it dawns on her that maybe people know more than she thought they did.

“Pam, it’s just that…”

“What?”

“The people you’ll be chatting with know…”

“What do they know?”

“See, the way that Eddie and Carla cut things there was kind of a cliff-hanger….”

She repeats his words, suddenly making sense of the smiles people on the street had been giving her since May…the way people always asked her where Roy was with a wink and a smirk. Her life was a spoiler.  “A cliffhanger? Involving me and….”

Brian nods. “The season ended with you guys…um…kissing and the way things started tonight it was you telling Jim that you were still going to get married.”

She’s sinking now. Her fishing expedition has found her overboard and flailing in open seas.  She had no idea anyone knew about that…she thought that moment was private.

“How?”

“Um…we were suspecting something was going to happen, so we were ready. I was in the kitchen and before that…um…Pam, I was in the parking lot, behind Ryan’s car.”

“Wow.” That’s all she can say. She has no other idea how to react to the fact that the most emotionally charged and heartbreaking moment of her life has played out on thousands of televisions.  “Does Jim…does he know?”

Brian nods again. “Sammy’s probably telling him now. We thought it was only fair. It doesn’t change anything for you guys to know what everyone else knows. I mean, it only involves you two.” He swallows the last bit of that sentence, suddenly realizing how ridiculous it sounds. How can something that’s probably up on YouTube involve only the two of them?

He can tell by the angry/hurt look she’s floating his way that he’d best not say anything more.

“I’ll just be…um…I’ll be going.”

“Okay, Brian. Thanks, I guess.”

And then she’s alone in the conference room, waiting until the minute hand hits the nine and 8:45 arrives. She wonders how her life came to this…to something worthy of public consumption and dissection. She thinks about slamming the laptop lid down and running. So what if she signed a contract and so what if the extra money from these live chats will pay for an entire year of art classes? It’s the idea of getting a chance to “see” him and “talk” with him, though, that keeps her rooted to her chair. He’s the reason she presses the login button when the clock tells her that it’s a quarter before nine.

PBeesly_Office has entered the room

Host_Terry:  Hi Pam! Glad to see you got here okay.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks. I guess I did this right.

Host_Terry: Yup. Why don’t we wait until Jim gets here and I’ll explain how things will work tonight?

PBeesly_Office: Are we the only ones here?

Host_Terry: Right now we’re in a private area. There are currently about 650 people in the public area waiting to talk to you guys. You’re very popular.

PBeesly_Office: Wow. That many?

Host_Terry: That number will go up after the show ends in a few minutes.

JHalpert_Office has entered the room

Host_Terry: Jim! Glad you were able to join us.

JHalpert_Office: Thanks. It’s not that I had a choice. Your contract is pretty iron clad.

Host_Terry: Well, we’re still glad you’re here. Why don’t you and Pam say hello to each other to make sure you can see one another?

Host_Terry: Come on guys. Don’t be shy.

JHalpert_Office: Hi, Pam.

PBeesly_Office: Hi, Jim.

She sucks in her breath and tries to figure out how just seeing his name on a computer screen can make her heart flutter and her stomach flip over. The fact that people are sitting in their living rooms right now watching her humiliation doesn’t bother her as much as the coldness she infers from his clipped language and the way he made it seem that he tried to get out of being here tonight. She can tell she’s blushing and she feels the twin urges to both throw up and cry at the same time. She reaches up and touches his name on the laptop screen…glad that she’s alone here now.

Host_Terry: Okay, that seems to be working fine. Let me just tell you how this is set up. We had Michael do one of these last year and it was a disaster. All he did was yell, “Hello Interwebs, this is Michael Scott your leader” at the screen. I think tonight will go much more smoothly.

Host_Terry: You guys are in a protected area right now. At 9, I’ll bring you live and everyone can see what you type. I’ll be posting questions people have submitted. You’ll see those on your screen and you can just type your answer. If you need to talk to me privately, like to ask about what you can and can’t reveal about upcoming episodes, just highlight my name and hit “whisper”. You can talk to each other that way if you want as well. Any questions?

PBeesly_Office: Is there a limit to what people can ask? I mean, we are real people and not fictional characters.

Host_Terry:  I always remember that when I’m moderating, but anything on the show is fair game. You can always just make a joke or something if you are uncomfortable. Okay?

PBeesly_Office: Okay.

Host_Terry: Are you guys ready?

PBeesly_Office: I guess.

JHalpert_Office: Let’s just do this.

Host_Terry: Okay, hang on.

Office_Chat is now LIVE

Host_Terry: Hey everyone! Welcome to our live chat tonight. I’m sitting here with Pam Beesly and Jim Halpert of The Office, everyone’s favorite documentary. How are you guys tonight?

JHalpert_Office: I’m good, Terry. Hi everyone.

PBeesly_Office: Hello. It’s neat being here.

Host_Terry: Well, Jim and Pam, we don’t want to keep your fans waiting. I’ve got a lot of questions for you. Ready to go?

JHelpert_Office: Go ahead.

She braces herself, waiting for the inevitable question about what happened last May. It’s not fair that she’s being forced to confront this, here in front of her “fans”? How did she have fans? She was a receptionist in an office that sold paper. Maybe she should have listened to her sister when Michele told her she was “huge”.  She stares out the window, watching the screen out of her periphery , waiting to see the text scroll and a question appear.

Host_Terry: This question is from HankH in Orlando. “Hi Jim and Pam. I was just wondering if Dwight is really that weird in real life.”

She breathes. She can handle this.

PBeesly_Office: He’s weirder, Hank. Trust me. Television can’t capture all that is Dwight.

JHalpert_Office:  Yeah, definitely. Pam’s right. He’s much weirder.

Host_Terry: If you really want to get to know Dwight, keep checking the site. Dwight will be here for a chat in a few weeks. Okay, this is from ScrantonicityGroupie in Eau Claire, Wisconsin “Hey guys! I was wondering what it’s like to have your whole life filmed. Is it weird? What do you think when you watch yourselves on TV?”

JHalpert_Office: Well, we aren’t really allowed to watch the show. I saw a commercial once and saw myself on TV and was frightened. After a while, though, you get used to the cameras. Maybe too used to them. It can be dangerous to forget that they are always there and could capture something that was meant to be private.

PBeesly_Office: I think even if I could watch, I wouldn’t. I can’t believe anyone finds us interesting.

Host_Terry: Well, plenty of people do. We’re up to 1107 people in chat. Wow! Here’s a question from Jim’sGirl32 in Linden, TX. “Jim, I’m your number one fan. I was just wondering how you are liking Stamford and what the people there are like.”

She pictures him, sitting in an unfamiliar office or maybe in a new apartment, squinting at his laptop. She waits for him to type, anxious for any insight into what his new life is like…what the life he chose instead of her is like.

JHalpert_Office: Well, it’s nothing like Scranton, that’s for sure. They are a little more serious about work and that’s good for me. I’m looking forward to advancing professionally and I think that it’s a great place to do that. That’s why I took the transfer and the promotion. As for the people, they are really nice, though I think you’ll see they have quirks of their own.

Host_Terry: And we’ll look forward to meeting them.  Maybe we’ll get some of them in here for a chat one time. Maybe you and Karen and Andy.

JHalpert_Office: You’d have to talk to them, Terry.

Host_Terry:  I’ll be sure to do that. How about a question for Pam? This is from JetsFan in New York. “Pam, tell us the real reason you called off your wedding to Roy.”

She tells herself that she doesn’t have to sweat this one. She’s had an answer prepared for this question since June 7th.

PBeesly_Office: Well, like I told the cameras, I just needed to get out of that relationship. It wasn’t working and to get married would have been a mistake. It was a very difficult and personal decision, so that’s all I’d like to say about that.

Host_Terry: Fair enough, Pam.  GregQ in Royal Oak, Michigan wants to know “…if Jim and Pam still talk to each other since Casino Night.”

JHalpert_Office: We’re talking right now, Greg 

PBeesly_Office: Yeah. 

She has to stand up and pace in the area in front of the table. This is just so…wrong and frustrating. They are in the same space, albeit virtual, for the first time since that night and all they can do is type half truths and smiley faces. All she wants to do is scream to him in all capital letters that she’s sorry and that she was afraid and that she’s mad he went away but hurt he never called her. She walks over and stares at the “whisper” button that Terry told them about. Maybe she should just tell him that. She’s tempted, but the little voice in her head tells her that he’s moved on. He chose to leave her and break off contact.

Host_Terry: Wow. Time is flying. We have time for just a few more questions. Let’s try this one from ICanJim in Omaha “Jim, first, you are totally hot, but my question is for Pam. Here it is: Pam, do you feel guilty for leading Jim on all that time and breaking his heart? It was totally mean and cruel of you to do that to him and make him cry.”

There is suddenly no air in the conference room.

How is she supposed to answer this? How is she even supposed to come up with a casual remark or joke to get past this? She knows she hurt him. She saw the tear. Apparently, all of America has seen the tear. She wants to come up with something fast so that the people in the chat room can’t see how this question has affected her, but she’s paralyzed…unable to form a coherent response. Is that what people think of her? That’s she’s a heartless tease? The text on her screen moves.

JHalpert_Office Whispers to PBeelsy_Office: I’ve got this one. You don’t have to answer.

JHalpert_Office: I know the question was directed at Pam, but I’d like to address it. First of all, just because you see us on television, doesn’t mean that you know everything about us and it’s unfair of you to judge us based on the 30 minutes of edited footage you see each week. Secondly, Pam doesn’t have a mean or cruel bone in her body. I guess that’s all I have to say.

Host_Tery: Pam, anything to add?

PBeesly_Office: Not really. Jim’s right. It’s unfair to judge us.

PBeesly_Office Whispers to JHalpert_Office: Thanks.

JHalpert_Office Whispers to PBeesly_Office: It’s okay. It was a rude question.

Host_Terry: Let’s end with something light. Pam, RavioliTom in Los Angeles has this question for you. “What have you been doing with yourself now that you are single? Are you pursuing your art?”

She fills up her screen with a description of her classes and the types of projects she’s been working on, hoping that the happy blather will camouflage the turmoil that is coursing through her veins. She’s wanted this chat to be over, but now that it’s wrapping up, she wants a chance to say more to him. She doesn’t want to say goodbye.

Host_Terry Whispers to PBeesly_Office: I’m about to shut this down, but I need you to stay logged in after the room closes, okay? I’m sorry about that question, but it was the nicest one I could find that addressed the topic.

PBeesly_Office Whispers to Host_Terry: Okay.Don’t worry about it.

Host_Terry: Okay, everyone. That will do it for now! Remember, next week you’ll be able to chat with Kelly Kapoor after the episode. That should be enlightening! Also remember that this chat room is open 24/7 to talk with other fans of The Office.   Thanks Jim and Pam. This has been fun.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks, Terry. Goodnight everyone.

JHalpert_Office: Night everyone! Remember, we’re real people!

Office_Chat is now Private

Host_Terry: Thanks you guys, I think that went well.

JHalpert_Office: What the hell was that question, Terry? Your people assured me there would be nothing like that.

Host_Terry: Sorry, Jim, but I told you anything on the show was fair game.

JHalpert_Office: That’s bullshit and you know it. I can’t speak for Pam, but I sure as hell won’t be doing another one of these chat things.

Is he defending her honor or is he just pissed that everyone knows their business. The one poster had basically said that she had led Jim on…humiliated him…is that what he thinks? Her stomach flips again at the thought that there will be no more of these chats. Just seeing him type on a screen has brought him back to life for her. She can see him sitting in the corner of the conference room, arms crossed in front of his chest, legs stretched out in front of him and his mouth twisted into one of those adorable Jim grins. She misses him so much that having him here with her like this will have to be enough. She doesn’t want to squander it.

Host_Terry: You’ll have to talk to the lawyers about that, Jim. I’m just the host. I’m going to get going. Thanks for the chat and for not being Michael. You guys can stick around in here if you want.

Host_Terry has left the room

JHalpert_Office: I’m sorry if I got all weird. It just didn’t seem like something the public needed to be privy to.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks. I appreciate it. I guess I didn’t expect anything like that.

She wonders how long of a pause in typing is equal to an awkward pause in actual conversation. She longs to fill up the screen.

PBeesly_Office: This is weird.

JHalpert_Office: Yeah.

PBeesly_Office: How have you been?

JHalpert_Office: I’m good. Things seem to be going good for you…I mean the art and everything.

PBeesly_Office: Yeah, totally.

JHalpert_Office: Did you watch it?

PBeesly_Office: We’re not supposed to. Did you?

JHalpert_Office: Yeah. Kind of like a train wreck, you know?

PBeesly_Office: I don’t think I could.

JHalpert_Office: Well, just so you know, despite what some of these chat room jerks may say, you don’t come across as cruel or mean. I, on the other hand, look like a stupid chump. But it’s all in the editing, as they say.

PBeesly_Office: Jim…I’m sure it’s not that bad. You aren’t stupid or a chump or…

JHalpert_Office: Well, I should get going. It was good “seeing” you, Pam.

PBeesly_Office: Oh, okay. Take care of yourself.

JHalpert_Office: You too.

PBeesly_Office: Hey, Jim…

JHalpert_Office has left the room

PBeesly_Office: I miss you.

She waits, staring at the still screen, wondering if maybe he saw her message on his hurry out of the room and that he’ll pop back in to apologize for his hasty retreat and his clipped, formal tone. He doesn’t come back, so she logs out of the room and shuts down the laptop.

As she steps out of the conference room, she’s taken aback by the way the darkened office looks. The computer monitors give off a bluish hue and a soft glow illuminates the desks. It’s like that night all over again, except he’s not here…he doesn’t want to be here.

She grabs her purse and keys from behind the reception counter and lets herself out of the office, taking care to relock the door on her way out. She tells herself that if there is another one of these chats, that she’ll do it from home, so that she won’t have to face the scene of her biggest mistake so soon after being blown off by his carefully typed text.

She takes the stairs down to the lobby where she sees a familiar shape sitting on the low bench next to the security booth.

“Brian? What are you doing here?”

“Well, it’s dark and you’re here by yourself. It didn’t feel right leaving you alone.”

“You didn’t have to. It’s fine.”

She notices the laptop sitting in front of him and gestures toward it.

“Did you see that? Were you there?”

He nods. “I’m sorry, Pam. You don’t know how bad I feel about what we filmed.”

She starts to speak to tell him that it’s okay, but he cuts her off.

“Please, Pam. I need to…At the time we were so proud of ourselves, we felt like we were getting the hottest scoop around, but after…it felt all kinds of wrong. I lobbied to keep it out of the documentary, but Iris wouldn’t listen. She wants ratings and Emmy awards and figures you guys are the key. But I wanted you to know that I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, Brian. Really. It’s okay.”

“I just feel really bad.”

“Well, how about you make it up to me by walking me to my car.”

“Okay. Oh,  I was going to ask. Do you want a copy?”

“A copy of what…oh?”

“It’s just that if you were wondering what everyone saw…what we filmed. I don’t know if you want to see it or if….”  He reaches in his bag and pulls out a DVD. He seems unsure about whether or not to hand it to her.

“To be honest, I don’t know if I want to watch it.”

“I understand.” He starts to tuck the case back into his bag.

“But, can I take it, just in case I decide I do?”

“Sure. Definitely.”

She takes the case and lets him walk her across the darkened parking lot to her car. In a way it’s good that she didn’t have to face that alone…not tonight.

Later that night as she tries to sleep, images of Casino Night flash through her head. She didn’t need a DVD to remember everything about that evening…every detail is as clear and painful as it was back in May.  She wonders if there will ever be any words, verbal or typed out in a chat room, that can make up for the mistakes she made that night.

When she dreams that night, she dreams in italics.