PBeesly: Hey.

JHalpert: How’s bed?

PBeesly: It’s covered in snotty tissues.

JHalpert: That’s a nice image.

JHalpert: I’ll come see you at lunch.

PBeesly: You don’t have to its fine.

JHalpert: Pam you need your chicken soup.

PBeesly: You made chicken soup?

JHalpert: Well no… but I can buy you chicken soup.

PBeesly: You’re so sweet.

JHalpert: I know.

JHalpert: Oh my God!

PBeesly: What?

JHalpert: Dwight’s crying.

PBeesly: What??

JHalpert: He’s sitting in front of me, his head on the desk, bawling his eyes out!

PBeesly: No way!

JHalpert: His glasses almost broke when he hit the desk!

PBeesly: Oh my God! What’s wrong?

JHalpert: I have no idea. He keeps saying something able feeble felines or something.

PBeesly: Are you serious?

JHalpert: Dead, cold, rigidly serious Pam.

PBeesly: Oh no! They must have broken up.

JHalpert: Who?

PBeesly: Dwight and Angela.

JHalpert: How did you get that from ‘feeble felines’? You really do have a sixth sense, you know that right?

PBeesly: No Angela thinks Dwight killed her cat.

JHalpert: What? Since when did you talk to Angela?

PBeesly: Jim, you’re not the only person I talk to in the office.

JHalpert: OK putting obvious questions aside for later, Michael’s noticed. He’s out.

PBeesly: Oh no! Get him away! Quick!

JHalpert: How am I supposed to do that??

PBeesly: How long have you been there Jim? You of all people should know you need to use your imagination.

JHalpert: Ok. I’m about to do the unthinkable… and protect Dwight’s feelings.

JHalpert: Well that was an overreaction.

PBeesly: What? What was? What happened?

JHalpert: Michael started calling him a baby and he just ran away to the bathroom. In a less than heterosexual way I might add.

PBeesly: Oh my God is he ok?

JHalpert: Not sure. Probably not.

PBeesly: Go check on him.

JHalpert: …I’m sorry?

PBeesly: He’s obviously really upset Jim! Go check on him!

JHalpert: Sorry Pam. I don’t do bathroom check ups.

PBeesly: What do you mean you don’t do bathroom check ups? This is Dwight!

JHalpert: Exactly Pam! This is Dwight! I’m sure he’ll look in the mirror, be horrified, shun himself for the rest of the day and be done with it.

PBeesly: Shun himself? How does that work?

JHalpert: Ask Dwight Pam. He’s the one who’s going to do it.

PBeesly: I’m just saying, you’ve been through a lot together and now Dwight might need a friend to help him okay Jim?

JHalpert: I’m sorry, you just used Dwight’s name and ‘friend’ in the same sentence. That does not make any sense.

PBeesly: Jim now is not the time to be a jerk.

JHalpert: I spent my entire time here and in Stamford thinking of ways to prank the guy. I wouldn’t really consider him my friend.

PBeesly: Don’t turn all macho on me now!

JHalpert: Wow. I seriously never thought I’d hear you tell me that…

PBeesly: Come oooonn! Man I can’t believe I’m not there to push you into the bathroom right now!

JHalpert: That’s what she said.

PBeesly: Ok I wish you were here. I totally rolled my eyes into the back of my head just then! The massive headache is improving my eye flexibility.

JHalpert: Are you serious? You’re going to have to show me at lunch time.

PBeesly: Totally! Wait I’m getting distracted.

JHalpert: No you’re not.

PBeesly: What’s happening???

JHalpert: Nothing.

PBeesly: Dwight’s still in the bathroom isn’t he?

JHalpert: No.

PBeesly: Oh my God you’re even a bad liar on IM!

JHalpert: Fine! I’ll check on him on one condition.

PBeesly: What?

JHalpert: We never speak of this moment ever again.

PBeesly: Damn! I was hoping to use it as a bit of black mail when I want you to do something for me.

JHalpert: No Pam. That is a very, very bad idea.

PBeesly: Fine!

JHalpert: Not good enough Pam. Repeat after me.

PBeesly: Are you seriously going to do this? Dwight could be totally fine by now.

JHalpert: Yes Pam. I am seriously going to do this. Repeat after me.

PBeesly: Oh God.

JHalpert: I, Pamela Beesly…

PBeesly: I, Pamela Beesly…

JHalpert: Do solemnly swear…

PBeesly: JIM! I’ll do your stupid cult secret thing later just check on Dwight!

JHalpert: Fine!

JHalpert: I’m back and I knew it was a bad idea.

PBeesly: What happened?

JHalpert: Michael saw me go in to talk to him.

PBeesly: Oh no.

JHalpert: Yeah. And basically he made a lot of gay jokes.

PBeesly: How does that work? He knows we’re together.

JHalpert: Does that bother Michael?

PBeesly: Good point.

PBeesly: But how’s Dwight?

JHalpert: Do I need to be worried about how much you’re asking about Dwight?

PBeesly: You’re funny. What happened?

JHalpert: Nothing really.

PBeesly: Oh come on!

JHalpert: It was man time Pam. You don’t talk about special man time.

PBeesly: After all that arguing and you’re not even going to tell me?? Do I need to do the ‘sick at home’ manipulation technique Jim? Because I will if I have to.

JHalpert: Sorry, how does that go?

PBeesly: You know what? It doesn’t matter. I’m feeling pretty bad anyway… I might need a bucket… damn it’s over in the kitchen… I’ll be back in a while… it’s hard to get that far.

JHalpert: Ok fine! I told him that he needed to suck it up and prove that he could do just as well without Angela as she seemed to be doing without him. Then he might be able to get her back. You don’t need to get a bucket do you?

PBeesly: It’s right next me. Don’t worry I haven’t used it yet.

JHalpert: Good.

JHalpert: Oh my God! That worked so well!

PBeesly: I know right?

JHalpert: Wow Pam. That’s impressive!

PBeesly: No stealing!

JHalpert: That’s fine I don’t think I’d be able to pull it off as well anyway!

PBeesly: No you’re probably right.

JHalpert: Hey it’s one. I can come see you now.

PBeesly: Yay! I need details!

JHalpert: That’s what she said.

JHalpert: Did you do the eye thing?

PBeesly: Yes!

JHalpert: Okay I am so leaving right now.

PBeesly: Quick Jim! Before I lose it!