Confidence

By Jody E.

He liked to get in early, so he could arrange himself and his desk to look like he was immersed in work when the petite brunette came in. Watching her out of the corner of his eye as she hung up her coat and arranged her things behind the receptionist’s desk, he could act startled when she spoke.

"Good morning Michael."

"Oh! Liz! Didn’t hear you come in. Really busy this morning. Good morning!"

That was the most he could manage, conversation wise.

Liz smiled, since his act had become old hat in the two months that she had been working at Dunder Mifflin. Michael was very sweet, but hopelessly shy and awkward, and his constant attempts to impress her were more amusing than…impressive. He was a bit hard to avoid, however, since his desk was only about 10 feet away from hers. Thank goodness, the one next to it was empty at the moment. Hopefully Todd Packer would be good and late this morning, and even better, hung over or actually drunk. That would be ideal. Ever since his behavior at the Christmas party last month, Liz had been waiting for some sort of retribution to come crashing down on his head but so far he never seemed to get caught.

Michael looked anxiously at Packer’s empty desk. That must have been some party last night. He would have liked to have gone, but his mother had needed him as a fourth for Bridge, so what could he do? Of course he would have turned Mom down, much as it would have pained him, if Packer had actually called and told him where the party was. But he was a forgetful SOB, was Packer. A great guy, but forgetful.

Toby Macready, the new Human Resources manager came out of his office. "Where’s Todd, this morning?" he asked the room at large.

"He, uh, had an early morning dentist appointment. I think. I think that’s what he told me, "Michael stammered.

Toby smiled, "He’s been having a lot of trouble with his teeth lately, hasn’t he?"

"Bad gums," lied Michael.

Just then the door opened and in strode big Ed Truck, Regional Manager of the Scranton branch. He took a quick assessing look around, and bellowed, "Where the hell is Packer?!!!"

Toby smiled, and answered quickly, "He’s at the dentist this morning."

"Dentist, my ass! He’d better come in with a mouth full of Novocain! He’s walkin’ on thin ice these days! Thin ice!" With that Ed stomped into his office, and slammed the door behind him.

Toby looked at Michael and winked. Toby was great. The best. As long as you did your job, Toby didn’t hassle you about the small stuff, like being a few minutes late. He was very quiet, unlike Michael, who loved a good joke and was working up a repertoire for use in sales calls. But he was a nice guy, which was a good thing since he worked directly for Corporate, and Corporate, in the person of Howard Mifflin III was the big enchilada at good old DM.

"Oh Michael, I forgot. Could I see you in my office sometime this morning? When you have a free moment? No rush."

Michael nodded and Toby disappeared back into his office. Michael looked up at Liz to see if she had heard. She was on the phone. Michael wished that he had the nerve to ask her out. He had almost approached her at the Christmas Party, but Packer got there first, of course. Nobody beat out Packer when it came to babes.

A few minutes later Todd Packer swaggered in, looking like death warmed over. That was the most awesome thing about Packer, Michael thought. The man had no shame. Most guys who were late and hung over would slink in, hoping that nobody would notice them. Not Packer. He walked into every office as though he owned the place. Michael could only aspire to such confidence.

"Hey Betty Boop," he leered; leaning on the reception counter, but Liz deliberately turned away from him, and started busying herself at the other end of her desk.

Wow, thought Michael, watching the exchange, a woman who could resist Packer. They were few and far between. Maybe he did have a chance after all. Packer flopped into his chair and looked around, "Fuck been in yet?"

Michael looked scandalized, and admiring at the same time, "I don’t think you should call him that..."

"Oh..excuuuuse me, I meant Mister Fuck! He in yet?"

"Yes. Toby and I told him you were at the dentist."

"Well, my head is throbbing like a son of a bitch, so maybe I did go to the dentist! Who remembers?" he punched Michael on the shoulder. "Hey you missed a hell of a party last night. Remember Tamara from Vance Refrigeration?"

Michael nodded.

"Well, she’ll never forget me, I can tell you that. Once you’ve gone Pack…you can never go back. Right, Busy Lizzie?"

Liz turned pale and suddenly got up from her desk, and went into Toby’s office. She didn’t reappear for some time, and Michael tried to keep busy with sales calls, wondering what was going on. Eventually she came back to her desk, got her coat and went out the door, without even a look in Michael’s direction.

Michael got up and went into Toby’s office. "Where did Lizzie go? "he asked, trying to sound casual.

Toby sighed, but smiled wearily. "She’s just taking an early lunch. Had some errands to run. I told her it was okay. And how are you today?"

"Good."

"No dental appointments for you, I see. Your attendance has been excellent."

"Well, I like my job. I like selling. There’s just nothing like the feeling of meeting a stranger and making him laugh, and before you know it, you have a new friend. A new friend who buys things that make you money. It’s a great system!"

"Well, your enthusiasm has paid off, Michael. It looks like you are going to be Dunder Mifflin’s number one salesman this year. Ed Truck will make the official announcement next week."

"Holy Cow!" Michael exclaimed. "I had no idea! I thought Todd Packer had that in the bag, just like last year."

"Todd’s a good salesman. In fact I am thinking putting him into outside sales…moving him out of the office, and onto the road. But as talented as Todd is…he doesn’t have your drive and determination. You’ve earned this, Michael, fair and square."

"Wow. Uh...wait. Does this mean I have to make that, uh, speech?"

Toby smiled, "Well, it is customary for the top salesman to make a speech at the yearly sales meeting. There is also a cash prize and a handsome plaque."

Michael blanched, "But a speech….in public. I’ve never…"

Toby smiled, "It’s all right, Michael. It’s not that bad. I can help you, if you like. It’s just a matter of confidence."

Yeah, confidence…that was the kicker. If he had confidence he would be dating Liz now and that speech would be a piece of cake. Why was it so easy to sell things to strangers and so hard to talk to a woman he saw every day? And let’s not even think of trying to talk in front of hundreds of other salesmen.

"Thanks, Toby. I really appreciate it. Just the thought of it…" Michael shuddered.

"Listen, I have to go see Ed about something, right now. But talk to me after lunch and we’ll set something up."

"Okay." Michael and Toby left his office together, Michael back to his desk, and Toby to closet himself with Ed Truck. From his desk, Michael could hear their voices, Ed’s loud and belligerent, Toby’s low and conciliatory, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying. After a while, the voices quieted, and a few moments later the door opened, and Ed Truck bellowed out the door. "Todd Packer, get your ass in here!"

"Probably gonna tell me that I’m top salesman this year....again!" Packer confided to Michael as he strode confidently into Ed’s office. The door shut firmly once again.

Michael could hear voices. Once again the loudest one was Ed’s. Michael hated Ed’s gruff and (hee) truculent management style. If he were ever to be a manager, he would do things completely differently. His employees would love him, instead of plotting behind his back, or cowering in fear.

After a while Todd Packer came out, his face unreadable. When he saw Michael, he grinned. "Well, I told ya, m’nerd. Once again the Packman has gobbled up the competition. In fact I am too big for this one horse office…I am going out on the road! How do you like them apples?"

"Is this...is this about the top salesman award?" Perhaps Toby had miscalculated. It had really been too much to hope for.

"That stupid thing? Nah...some suck-up asshole copped the numero uno spot this year…they wouldn’t tell me who...probably that fag Josh Porter in Stamford. Anyway, I wouldn’t go to that fuckin’ luncheon again if they paid me. Last year they didn’t even have free drinks! Cheap ass company! I bet that that Howard Mifflin the fuckin’ third still has the first dollar he ever inherited! Anyway...I’m outta here! I’ll be back for my crap this weekend. Looks like my car will be my new office from now on! Beam me up, Scottie, cause there’s sure as hell no intelligent life in this place!" and with a whack on Michael’s back that took his breath away, Todd Packer grabbed his coat and left.

Michael had felt strangely reluctant to tell Packer that he was the number one salesman. Packer would be happy for him, right? But it was somehow easier not to say anything and wait for the official announcement. It would sound better coming from Ed, anyway. Odd. Toby had said that they were planning to send Packer on the road. So what were he and Ed arguing about? Well, at least there would be one fewer face in the audience, come speech time.

Suddenly, Todd Packer was back in the office, red faced and furious, "Who’s the fuckin’ asshole who keyed my car?"

Toby and Ed had come out of Ed’s office at the commotion. "What’s the matter now, Packer!" Ed demanded.

"Somebody keyed my car. Who was it?"

Toby spoke up. "We have all been here since before you arrived. You were late, remember? And we’ve all been here all morning, except for Liz Vanderhoven, who left to go to a doctor’s appointment an hour ago. It was probably neighborhood kids. It happens, Todd. Give us the repair bill and I’ll submit it to Corporate."

"Yeah, and I’ll be dead of old age before they pay it!"

Toby flushed, and took out his checkbook. "You’re right. They are notoriously slow. Here, let me give you a check for $200.00. That should cover it. I’ll get reimbursed from corporate. No problem."

"It better not bounce," Todd said, grabbing the check and was gone.

Toby looked at Ed and Ed said softly, but with his booming voice, still loud enough for Michael to hear, "Well, you’re the one insisted on keeping him on."

"He makes us a lot of money, " Toby said, trying to steer Ed back into his office.

"Which we will lose in lawsuits up the ass, if that bitch has her way!"

"Don’t call her that," was the last thing Michael heard before the door shut firmly once again. What bitch? What lawsuits? What the hell was going on?

He forgot about the mystery though an hour later when Liz walked in from her errands or doctor’s appointment or wherever she was. She smiled brightly at Michael when she saw him, and stared at Todd Packer’s empty desk with an odd gleam in her eye. "Where’s Todd?’ she asked.

"He’s been sent out on the road as an outside salesman. He seemed pretty psyched about it."

"Really. Is Toby in?"

"Uh yeah. He went out to lunch but is back now."

"Good, " Liz smiled and hung up her coat and walked calmly into Toby’s office.

The office was certainly a lot quieter without Packer, Michael thought. The new inside salesman, was oddly enough, a woman named Phyllis. She didn’t want to sit up front however, which was fine with Michael, since she was hardly a babe, so she took Walter’s desk, next to Stanley, and Walter came and sat in Packer’s old desk. Walter was sixty three and not exactly the live wire that Packer used to be. So Michael found himself eating lunch with Toby, more and more often. Quite often, Liz would join them. This was good news, because he liked being near her, but bad news because he always got tongue-tied and stupid when she showed up. She and Toby would sit there and talk about movies or books, and Michael would sit there, desperately trying to come up with just the perfect quip that would display his cleverness and complete grasp of the topic. Usually, by the time he came up with anything at all, the subject had long been changed, or lunch was over.

Every afternoon, Toby would help Michael with his speech that he would have to deliver at the sales meeting next week. Michael had loaded the speech with the best jokes he could find. Hopefully, if he kept the audience laughing, perhaps they wouldn’t notice how frightened he really was. Toby told him that preparation was key. Have his speech memorized so that he wouldn’t panic if he dropped his notes, and practicing in front of a mirror and an audience (Toby and sometimes Liz) as often as possible. Having Liz there was great, because if he could speak in front of her, he could face any audience. Eventually he got so that he was able to deliver his speech flawlessly. At his last practice, Toby and Liz had actually laughed at his jokes for the first time, since for the first time they actually sounded like jokes and not like he was reading a shopping list.

Neither Toby, nor Liz would be at the meeting of course, since it was for Salespeople and managers only. The top ten Dunder Mifflin salespeople and managers were honored, though Todd Packer never did show up. Ed Truck was there, but Michael was the only salesman from the Scranton branch. He recognized some of the other winners; Josh Porter from Stamford, an attractive blonde from New York, Jan Levinson, who had ambitions on the corporate level, or so it was rumored, and the New York Regional Sales Manager, Matthew Gould. Michael was so nervous he couldn’t eat lunch. He tried to remember everything that Toby had told him, including picturing the audience naked, but it only made him more nervous.

When Howard Mifflin III called his name, he was frozen and couldn’t move for a moment, but then somehow he got up, walked to the podium, and calmly delivered his speech like a pro. And they laughed! The audience actually laughed. And applauded loudly when he was done. Numbly, he accepted the beautifully engraved plaque from Howard, and the check for $500. Finally the last bit of money that he needed to move into his own apartment! His mother would carry on, of course, but too bad. If he wanted to date Liz, he needed his own place. And now he could do it.

Brimming with newfound confidence, Michael launched himself into sales. He was actually able to talk and joke with Liz, but he decided not to actually ask her out officially until he was established in his own place. He finally rented a nice condo, over the objections of his mother who hated living alone. But he still went over to her house for dinner every Sunday, and played Bridge with her and the other old biddies on Thursday nights. They all thought he was hilarious and he practiced some of his best bits on them. They especially enjoyed Ping, the Chinese waiter.

On Valentine’s Day 1997, a day he would never forget, Michael got to work early. He had bought a bouquet of flowers for Liz, in anticipation of finally asking her out. He had made dinner reservations at Chez Louie, Scranton’s fanciest restaurant. The reservations were for 5:30, the only time he could get, but there was nothing wrong with an early dinner. That’s what his mother always told him, anyway. He didn’t imagine that she already had plans, since she didn’t seem to have a boyfriend. She never got any personal phone calls, except from her mother, and the only person beside himself that she ever seemed to talk to was Toby.

Michael waited impatiently for Liz to come in. It wasn’t like her to be late. Ed Truck didn’t seem to be too concerned that there was no receptionist. He merely left the phones on the answering service. Concerned, Michael went to ask Toby if he had any idea where Liz was, but Toby wasn’t in his office, or in the break room. Michael didn’t remember seeing him come in. There was a Party scheduled for the afternoon, arranged by Sidney, Agnes and Marie in Accounting, but Michael was too preoccupied to care. Usually, he loved office parties, but he had no interest in a party without Liz. Was she sick? Had there been an accident? Nobody seemed the least bit concerned. In fact Phyllis and the other women seemed especially bubbly. Probably some Valentine’s Day hormonal thing. Without water, Michael’s cheap supermarket flowers began to wilt, but he didn’t have the heart to put them into one of the vases in the break room. Flowers, balloons and cards arrived all day long from various husbands, wives and lovers, but there was nothing for Michael.

Finally party time rolled around. Standing around with Creed from Quality Control, drinking red Hawaiian punch, Michael thought that he was as miserable as it was possible to be. But then Ed Truck came in, beaming with jovial good will.

"Happy Valentine’s Day," he boomed, his voice full of cheesy sentimentality. "In honor of this special day I have an announcement. You may have noticed that our receptionist is missing, as well as our own Toby from Human Resources. Well, as some of you probably already know, they have gone to Las Vegas for the weekend, and will be getting married tonight! Liz will not be returning to work here, but she sends everybody her love. Let’s drink a toast to the happy couple." Everybody raised a glass of punch, "To Liz and Toby…a long and happy marriage!"

Michael stood numbly, his glass of punch unnoticed in his hand. He could hear the voices around him, gossip that somehow he had never heard before…

"He helped her with that awful Todd Packer thing, you know."

"They’ve been dating secretly for weeks. I knew about it of course, but that sort of thing isn’t really encouraged, you know, so I didn’t tell anybody."

"Ed Truck wanted to fire the bastard, but Toby insisted on keeping him on."

"Well, the less he comes around here, the better."

"He counseled her for weeks after that Christmas party."

"Well, she got what she was looking for when she took this job…a husband."

"Vindictive little bitch. Did anybody see what she did to Packer’s car? Not that he didn’t deserve it, of course. But I wouldn’t want to cross her."

"Toby covered for her, of course. I guess he was already smitten."

"Which one was Liz?"

Conversation swirling all around him, Michael went back to his desk and picked up his bouquet. He put on his coat and left Dunder Mifflin. He got into his car, still clutching the flowers, but when he reached for the steering wheel and discovered the flowers still in his hand, he opened the car window and tossed them out into the parking lot. He considered driving away and never returning to Dunder Mifflin...doing something else, becoming somebody else. What would the gossips say about that, he wondered.

But damn it, he was good at what he did. People had laughed and applauded, and it wasn’t because of goddamned Toby, but because of himself. He was funny. He had talent. He could sell. And next year he would be the top salesman again. And someday he would be the boss. And everybody would love him. So who cared about goddamned Toby and goddamned Liz? Let them get married and live happily ever after. And as for Packer, why he was a great guy! No matter what those people accused him of…it was all a tempest in a teepee. Maybe he’d call Packer up, see if he wanted to catch a movie this weekend. Find out how life on the road was treating him.

He wondered what his mom would think of Chez Louis.

The end