I was reading a magazine article yesterday about Synesthesia. Have you ever heard of it? It’s so awesome. Okay, I’m going to be honest. I didn’t read a magazine article. Hannah left one of her books at my house last weekend and I read it. It’s called “A Mango Shaped Space.” It’s really good, and it makes me wish I had Synesthesia, which I’m sure you have no idea what it is, but it’s awesome. It would come in so handy with my art!

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: I love Ethel

Okay, well that’s all good and well, but what is your fourth-grade reading book about? I can’t really converse with you about it if you won’t tell me what it’s about.

PS. Don’t drop your cell phone in Sprite. It stops working. Go figure.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Chester A. Arthur

Oh! Sorry! Apparently a small percentage of the people in the world can experience two senses at one time… Like they can taste words or hear colors or something. I’m not really sure how to describe it. In the book, the little girl could hear numbers as colors, and it helped her when she added stuff because she could just remember colors… And some of her friends could taste words, so when they wrote papers, the bad sounding stuff literally tasted bad in their mouths It’s kind of cool. Look it up online.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Cherry-flavored condoms

Interesting… But how would that help you with your art?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Trains

Think about it, Jim. If I could play music and hear colors, maybe I could paint more vibrantly and create a piece of art that really represents a song or a movie, or a feeling or something I say out loud… I could really get inside my inspiration and really capture it, rather than just trying to do so.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Tapioca pudding

But isn’t part of the great thing about creating art the process of interpreting your inspiration on your own? If you could just hear and see the colors, you wouldn’t really have that chance.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Retirement homes

I guess that’s true. When did you become this wise?

And why did you drop your phone in Sprite?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: The Enlightenment

I took a Flinstones vitamin this morning. I hear it has a lot of B12 and C and intelligence inside it. Grape flavored.

I didn’t mean to. I just happened to on accident. I was thirsty after we got off the phone last night so I went and got a Sprite and I accidentally dropped it in there… It’s not a big deal. I just wanted you to know I’m unreachable by phone today.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Monopoly Life

You’re unreachable? Really? You don’t have a home phone I could call?

Grape is the best flavor. And Flinstones is the best kind. Duh.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Bubba Gump

I don’t actually… I figure anyone important will call my cell phone.

You will not believe what I just saw.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Daffy Duck

What did you see? Tell me!

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: blankies

Dwight, on fanfiction. net uploading the ninth chapter of his Battlestar Gallactica story. I’m not kidding.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Billy Bragg

Oh my gosh. What is his penname? I really want to go read it!

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Beets-o-rama

I have no idea. But the name of his story had something to do with keys to earth or something… I’m not really sure. But you’re honestly going to read that stuff?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Wal-Mart

What? You get addicted to it….

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Cardigans

Oh my gosh. My girlfriend reads fanfiction. Are you kidding?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: IT Guy

It all happens so fast…

Some of it isn’t written by thirteen year olds and is actually pretty steamy…

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Oh really?

Really now? So you read this before you pull out Freddie?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Go Cure Cancer

ITS CARLOS!

Well, let’s put it this way… You have to put a rating on your stories… I only read the ones that are rated M for “mature”.

Now, can I have my question please?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Jack Daniels and a coke, hold the coke

Okay, I guess that’s not as bad…

Question 13: Tell me about your first time doin’ the nasty.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Line dancing

Oh wow, that won’t be an awkward series of emails at all.

What do you want to know?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Grandma got ran over by a reindeer

Who with? How old were you? Where was it? Was it good? Anything else you feel you should tell me.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Retro toasters

Wow. Let’s see.

I was 17, it was after a party that I went to with Roy and Abby and Brian. Our friend Chris was hosting it and there was lots of beer and drugs… I only had a few drinks, Roy had more than a few and a few... other things, too. Unfortunately, I was too stupid to realize that I should have left earlier. Anyway, Roy got really frisky and we went upstairs and did it in some guest bedroom. And no, it wasn’t particularly good. It hurt. He went too fast, and he couldn’t stop because he was so drunk and horny he didn’t know what he was doing. The walls were spinning, and I felt like I could throw up… Have you ever seen Derailed, with Jennifer Aniston? It was kind of like that, except I wasn’t asking to be raped (nor was I). It was just that bad. And I ran home crying, I hated it so much.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Micro Remote Control Helicopter

I’m sorry, that really stinks. I was hoping it was a good experience for you. If I would have been there, I would have kicked his ass so hard.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Uptight Christian bitch

It’s alright. Eventually I’ll meet someone who will rock my world so much I’ll forget all about Roy’s inaptitude. ;)

And, what about yours? Or was mine not acceptable?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Darth Vader

It was acceptable for the game. Definitely not acceptable in real life.

I was sixteen. It was with my high school girlfriend, Brittany. She was a senior at the time, and I was trying to impress her by being that cool sophomore. I thought if I could land her I could get any girl by just saying I’d done a senior. It was really quick, painless (for me, and her, she wasn’t exactly a virgin) and there was no feeling or emotion attached to it. I was just too young to really understand what I was doing, I think. I don’t remember much about it, it’s kind of a blur. I don’t even remember what she looked like. I guess it was good. It must have been if I kept coming back, but not near as good as it could be.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Dwight

You said you didn’t really understand what you were doing? What do you mean by that? And what do you mean, not as good as it could be?

To: Pamela Beesly
From Jim Halpert
Subject: Twizzlers

I mean that I think sex means more when you care about the other person and do it because you’re in love with the person you’re having sex with, as opposed to just doing it because you think you should or it might be fun or it’s a way to pass the time. I think the more you care about the other person, the more it means to you and the better it is… When it becomes more than just an act.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Barrettes

I agree with you on that one. I’m glad to know it means something to you other than just a quick lay.

I painted you a picture last night. Come by my desk and see it when you get a chance. It’s the one with the purple-pink flower. I have to go to lunch with Kelly now. Sorry, I forgot to tell you… She cornered me and was asking me all of these questions about us and since we decided to keep it a secret, I didn’t know what to tell her so I just agreed to go to lunch… Believe me, this pains me far worse than it pains you.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Davy Jones

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! You better let me know how round 1 of Kill Pam went.

When is the gymnastics meet again?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Sex to nieces, smooth

Next weekend. And I already talked to Laura and we can stay at her house for the weekend. You can still come, right? You better! Those girls need you right now, Jimbles.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Absolutely, I do

Yes, I’ll be there. Have fun at lunch today.

Dwight was telling me about the dream he had wear a black bear chased him up and down the mountain side and through the forbidden forest into the chamber of secrets. He also claims Voldemort is not gay because he saw Voldemort kissing Professor Slughorn with his own eyes. I had to remind him that Slughorn is male. He then conceded.

PS. Is your underwear 100 percent cotton? Dwight’s is!