To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Canaries

Good morning, beautiful. How was your night?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Steve Holy?

My night was wonderful with you by my side.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Smiley Faces

Happy birthday, by the way.

Are you glad you waited?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Vanilla soy milk

Thank you.

Yeah, I am.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Macbeth, in the foyer, with the dagger

Have too much O.J. this morning, baby? Second time you’ve been to the bathroom in ten minutes.

You are? Tell me more… Was that a pamgasm? If it was, I’m horrible.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Really, Really, Ridiculously good looking

These flowers on my desk better be from you. How did you know I liked these? They’re so beautiful, Jim.

Oh, baby, that was definitely not a pamgasm. I can’t even begin to describe to you how much that wasn’t a pamgasm.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Cobra Starship

I’m glad you like them. Dwight picked them out especially for you. Do you know what next Thursday is?

Oh, is that so? What kind of gasm was that then?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Suzie from Planned Parenthood

They’re from Dwight? Halpert… be serious… What is next Thursday?

Which one?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Taming the one-eyed snake

No, they’re from me… And next Thursday is my anniversary with my girlfriend. It’s been nine months since our first date.

Oh that’s right… You had a few. I pick the third one.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Purple petals

Wow, that’s funny. Your girlfriend told me you two have only been dating for four months, two weeks, and three days. And 21 hours.

Oh, that third gasm? That’s the kind of gasm that makes you orgasm just thinking about it. Mmm. (You are so good. Did I tell you that?)

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: God gave us oil!

Well, she’s wrong. Our first date was actually four and a half months before we started dating. You see, she might not remember it, but we saw a really amazing show, had Grilled Cheese sandwiches on the roof with fireworks, and then we danced. Swayed. But swaying is dancing.

We might need to stop talking about this. I heard you whimper all the way over here… Don’t worry, we can have an encore tonight. (Only because you are.)

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Tommy Corn

Ooh encore tonight… I can’t wait.

Oh right… That sounds like a date to me. I bet she just didn’t think you counted that, since you weren’t official or anything.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Count Olaf

Oh… Well I count it. It was our first date, we just didn’t get our act together until four and a half months later.

You never told me why you’re glad we waited. I would like to know.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Discovery Zone

Okay, so in your mind, you and your girlfriend have been together nine months.

I don’t want to upset you.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Gogurt

Nine months... Exactly. That's a baby!

And no. You won’t upset me.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Bewitched

Okay, well I guess I’m glad we waited because I wasn’t really ready emotionally. I mean, my body tensed up and I wanted you so badly… I know I never told you that, but even before I left Roy, I wanted you so badly. And the more we started dating and the more you knew about me and still loved me, the more I wanted you… But I needed to know that was there. That unconditional love. I’ve never had anyone praise my body before. With Roy it was always criticism about how I gained weight or I had a mole here, or too big of a freckle there, or I was too pale here. And I don’t think he meant to hurt me, but he did. And it gave me this self-consciousness about my body and almost a fear to show it off. And with you… I don’t know, I didn’t want to disappoint you, and I couldn’t begin to fathom the pain that would come if you looked at me the same way he did. Not that you would, it was an irrational fear, I know that… But I needed to know you loved me no matter what before I shared my body with you and let you see the most intimate parts of me.

I wanted to see how long you would wait for me, too… Roy was never willing to wait. He was always a go-getter… Even when I said I wasn’t ready, I’d cave into his desires. And I wanted to see what you were like. It was almost my way of testing you to see if you wanted me for me or for my body because if you wanted me for my body, you were going to be sorely disappointed. It’s not like I went into it consciously thinking that you wanted me for sex, but it was a fear that just ate at me for a while…

I just needed to know you wouldn’t leave when you saw my body, and that it wasn’t the only reason you were in this. You weren’t just sweet talking me to get into my pants. And in the process of really examining you, I found out a lot about myself and our relationship. I realized what I was afraid of, and I was able to look at those fears and figure them out and pinpoint why they were there, to some degree. And a lot of them were there because I let Roy control me. Not physically, but with his mind games I let him control how I thought of myself and everything, and that’s not healthy. So, since we’ve started dating (the four and a half month dating), I’ve been trying to break down those thoughts and look at myself and see myself for as I really am and not some faulty, used car part that Roy thought I was… And I needed to do that and work through those things before I let you in. I didn’t want to subject you to all of that. I didn’t want to be scared when we finally did have sex because it’s such a big step, and I wanted it with you for so long, and I wanted it to be so perfect…

It was amazing, Jim. Toe curling amazing. And you were just phenomenal… I just don’t think it would have been as amazing if we’d done it earlier.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: XXX

Fair enough. Thank you for telling me all of that. I could tell there was something going on in your head last night. When I was looking in your eyes last night, there was some fear there. I hope it’s at least somewhat gone away.

I love you, Pam. Apart from your body, I love you so much. And I will always wait for you to be ready. No matter what it is, I’ll wait for you. I wouldn’t ever want to pressure you or push you into something else. And, so you know, I love your body. I think you are absolutely beautiful. I love every freckle, every mole, every piece of pale skin you have. And honestly, I wouldn’t care if you looked like Phyllis, I’m attracted to who you are, not what you look like.

Is there any way I can help you work through it all?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Limpid pools of desire

I love you… Oh my god, when you looked into my eyes, I nearly died. My heart races just thinking about that.

Everything you do helps me work through it. Thank you.

Are you saying Phyllis is or is not attractive?

Do you have plans for lunch today?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Boston Market

I’m saying Phyllis is not a sexy person, but if you were to don Phyllis’s appearance, all of a sudden, I would really, really enjoy her body.

I do. I am taking my girlfriend out to lunch for her birthday. Then we are swinging by my place so she can see her present.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Elastigirl

I’m going to ignore that you said you could ever possibly enjoy Phyllis’s body. But thank you. You make me feel so beautiful.

Oh really? Where are you taking her?

What did you get me? Did you get me The Incredibles DVD? What is it, Jim? Tell me! Tell me!

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Babysitting

You are beautiful.

I’ll have to ask her where she wants to go.

Baby, where do you want to go for lunch?

You are so adorable. I’m not telling you what I got you. But check your pants pocket.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Wheat

I bet she’ll want to go to Alfredo’s Pizza Café.

Alfredo’s Pizza Café. You don’t have to take me out to lunch though, baby.

When did you slip a love letter into my pocket?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Lucky Charms

Alfredo’s Pizza Café it is. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t take you out to lunch for your birthday?

Well, contrary to pamular belief, smiley face pancakes with sprinkles and whipped cream don’t make themselves. And if you’re going to make them for your girlfriend to wake up to in the morning, you have to get up early. You’d already set your clothes out for the day, I just put it in your pants pocket before you got up.

We’ll leave in three emails.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: When you need me call me

A really crappy one.

Those were good pancakes. And that was an amazing letter. Thank you.

This has been the best birthday of my life!

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: No matter where you are, no matter how far

Am I a really crappy boyfriend? I try not to be.

The day’s barely even started yet, Beesly!

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Twister

You are the complete opposite of a really crappy boyfriend.

I’m hungry! Let’s go!

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Cuginos

Lunch was amazing, thank you honey.

I have a funny story to tell you.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Monkey bones

Oh? Do tell.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Waffle house

I don’t actually know how to ride a bike. My dad tried to teach me when I was six, and somehow I tricked him into thinking I could right before we had this huge blizzard. And when the blizzard was over, he forgot all about teaching me…So I have no idea how to ride one.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Binders

That would have been nice to know before I got you your red mountain bike you so desired for your birthday.

What if I teach you?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Green stripes

I’m sorry… I didn’t realize you’d actually get me a mountain bike…

I feel stupid not knowing how to ride one. Why would you want to teach me? I’ll just feel even stupider.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Radio

More stupid.

Don’t feel stupid about it. Feel silly. And just think of it this way. I need practice teaching someone before I get on the road with Luke and Leia.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Computers

Okay… Sex and bike riding lessons tonight, it is.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Marilyn Manson

Among other things.

Question Twenty: Will you accept this rose?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Tampa Bay Buccaneers

What? I thought I already accepted the rose, dear Bachelor.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Side dishes

I meant the rose of exclusivity.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Cup of No

Uhh. Is that your way of trying to get me to think you’re dating other women? If so, I don’t buy it.

Ask a new question. That one was crap, baby.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Clowns

Okay fine. Question 20: What is your biggest fear?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Orange hoops

I have two. One is that I’ll never be able to have children, and the other is that you’ll leave me.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Birch

I will never leave you.

I will do my very hardest to make sure you get your children.

Would you ever consider adopting a child?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Pylons

I would love to adopt, yes… I’d also like kids of our own, though.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Reeses

Our own? Was that a slip or intentional?

I agree with you about the kids. How many do you want?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Celtics

That was a slip. Whoops! I meant my. But now everything is ours and we, so…

Well, I really like the name Audrey. So I guess that brings the number up to three.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Printers

How does the name Audrey equal three children?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Wildcats

Luke, Leia and Audrey, duh.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Brown paper packages tied up with string

My thoughts exactly!

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: You are a few of my favorite things

Answer the question, Halpert.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Sharpies

My biggest fear is that I won’t make you happy.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Childproof Locks

Baby, you make me so happy. And yeah, in the future we’ll have some not so rosy times, but we’ll work through them. You make me happy. I know that’s all you want, for me to be happy, and that in and of itself makes me happy.

I have no doubts we’ll be happy together, Jim.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Victoria’s Secret

Who are you laughing with on the phone?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Ronald

Why? Jealous?

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Relient K

Yes. Now who is it?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Dr. Funk

Hold on... Jesus.

It’s Hannah.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Puppies

Hi Hannah!

Tell me what’s up… When you’re done I mean.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Pennies

She said hi back.

Sorry, long conversation.

You won’t believe who was sitting in the living room when she got home from school today.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: I love you

Barney? A flying baby?

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: You love me

No. Staff Sergeant Daddy.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: We’re a happy family

Really?! Good!! I’m so glad! I thought he wasn’t due back for another month or so at least. He was deployed for six months. That was after we were dating.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you

Apparently, they sent him home early. And he’s perfectly fine. She walked in the door and flipped out apparently. She’s feeling a lot better now, I think. Happy, go lucky… The child you described to me before I met her.

Isn’t that such a load of your chest? It is off mine.

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Won’t you say you love me too?

Big load off. I’m so happy for them. You’ll really like Walt when you meet him. He’s a great guy. And he’s REALLY great with the girls.

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: I love you too

Great like you? Or great like Barney?

I’m ready to go learn how to ride a bike! I can conquer it! I know I can!

To: Pamela Beesly
From: Jim Halpert
Subject: Make sure you carboload

All you have to do is just believe in yourself, Beesly. You can conquer many things. Do great things.

I heard something the other day that made me think of you. I was watching a movie and you were talking to your sister on the phone. It’s from The Emperor’s Club, with Kevin Kline? Anyways, it’s, “The measure of a life is not measured by a single failure or a solitary success.”

To: Jim Halpert
From: Pamela Beesly
Subject: Birthdays

The measure of my life is not determined by whether or not I fall off of my new red mountain bike. Good to know. Good to know.