From: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Hairspray
Good morning Starshine!
Before we continue on with our game, I’d like to know how your weekend was. It’s not one of my questions, it’s just friendly banter. Mine was good. I went roller skating on Saturday through the park. Have you ever seen those chick flicks where the couple is roller skating and there’s a kid with an ice cream cone in the way or an old lady walking her dog, or a stick on the ground and the couple goes plunging into the lake? I want you to know, this never happens in real life. It was a perfectly fine day of roller skating down the path. No harm, no foul.
I went to brunch on Sunday morning, which I’m sure you think is ultra girly, but hey, what can you do? My girlfriend’s mother invited us, and so we had a rousing brunch complete with pizza, beer, bagels, and bagel bites. What other kind of brunch is there? And by my girlfriend, I mean Mark. And by his mother, I mean our dog, Sparky.
How was your weekend, Starshine?
From: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Sex on a beach
Thank you for the update on your weekend. I’m glad you had fun rollerblading with your hand. And your brunch sounds just splendid! Did you have it at the country club?
My weekend was relatively boring. Well, except not.
Believe it or not, I actually saw you rollerblading this weekend. I also saw you wipe out. It’s really not that hard, Jim. It’s all about gliding. And not putting your toe down. Didn’t you ever see The Cutting Edge? Toepick is no good! And yet, somehow, you managed to wipe out, and even on flat surfaces. You sure are a masculine, athletic type of a man.
I drew trees and flowers this weekend for my art class. Did I tell you that I started my art class this weekend? Our first assignment was to go to the park and draw a scene. That’s how I saw you. You crashed into my scene. Oh well. Don’t worry, you didn’t make it into my drawing, and no, you may not see it.
Other than that I saw a movie this weekend. Crap, what was it called… Oh, yeah.. It was that new one with the talking fish. I don’t remember. I saw it with my niece, who loved it, of course. So, my weekend was good.
And oh my gosh, you won’t believe what Michael said to me today! He came in and I was sitting here, and he called me Pampon. As in, tampon. Can I change my answer to question two, please? Oh, and what’s better is, his sentence was this: Hey Pampon, need a tampon? And then he smiled that weird grin he does when he thinks he’s being funny and threw a box of tampons at me.
This is going to be a long week.
From: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Cow utters
You saw me rollerblading and you didn’t say ‘hi’? What kind of friend are you anyway? Geez, Bees. You could have at least come rollerblading with me and my hand! Three’s company!
I’m glad you saw the talking fish movie.
Pampons? Thank you for telling me about feminine hygiene. That’s just gross, Pam. GROSS. Hope they come in handy.
Okay, you’re ready for Question Three? Here it is: I need to know your favorite book, song, movie, quote, and color. And not just listed, tell me why. Or at least provide me some reasoning behind it.
From: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Rubber Ducky, you’re the one!
Man. I know it’s like, past lunch time and I am just now emailing you back, but give me a break. You asked like five questions in one. So it takes a while longer.
My favorite book is The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Steven Chbosky. It’s really good! I read it in high school and basically it’s these letters from this freshman kid Charlie to a random person. He just picks someone out of a phonebook and writes them letters and it’s the collection of letters. It’s got lots of sex and drug references, and I just love it!! It’s like a little snippet of life.
My favorite song is “Vienna” by Billy Joel. I first heard it when I was watching 13 Going On 30 and it just kinda hit me. Its all about slowing down and not moving too fast and just kinda taking life as it comes and having dreams but not daydreaming. You should google the lyrics. I just love it. I found it back when I was with He Who Will Not Be Named (Roy) and it rang true so yeah. There’s that.
My favorite movie, I don’t feel like you deserve to know that. You cut me off before I could tell everyone outside when we had the fire a few years ago. Okay, fine. My favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz. C’mon. If I only had a heart!! Plus, it’s so different from the book and I like it so much better! And it has flying monkeys. Come on, Jim.
My favorite quote? You don’t know it? That’s what she said, of course. No, it’s “suck it” and Abraham Lincoln said it right before he shot Napoleon. Yep, Michael told me. Okay, so really, my favorite quote is by Ghandi and it’s “be the change you wish to be in the world” because it’s artistic and I like it and it makes me want to be good and happy and filled with pizza. Because the world should be good and happy and filled with pizza.
My favorite color? Are you kidding? I think you know this one. How could you not? It’s yellow. Not bright yellow, and not cheese yellow, and definitely NOT smokers’ teeth yellow. A light, pale yellow that you could paint your room. Baby blanket yellow. And I like it because it makes me happy. It’s just a happy color.
So, suck on that Halpert. LAME question.
From: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
To: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Vienna waits for you
First off, it’s 4:45, so by the time you read this it will be tomorrow morning. So, happy morning. Hope you had a good night. If everything goes as planned, I will have had pizza for dinner last night, some ice cream, and watched some crappy movie on TV.
Now, as far as your answers go. I printed out your lyrics of the song that describes you, and okay, Beesly, I’ll give it to you, but only because I like The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, so that redeemed your poor choice for a song… I mean, yeah, the lyrics are wishy-washy and girly and definitely song club material, but please, Bees, grow some jimbles.
Your book is acceptable. More than. I love that book.
Your movie is also classic. And acceptable. Not as good as Dazed and Confused in my opinion, but still. It wasn’t in your desert island list, so that’s alright with me.
The Ghandi quote is sap. Did you google that? I feel like Ghandi has got to be the choice of EVERYONE. I mean, didn’t he starve?
And then the color. Yep. I knew it. But I have to test to make sure you’re being truthful.
So, overall, acceptable answer.
From: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
To: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: If you only had a brain
You are so strange. I’m glad you had fun with your hand and your pizza and your cold beer and your Lifetime movie last night. Thanks for telling me—I really want to know how pathetic your existence is. Although, I did the same thing. I have an excuse though. It’s called a vagina.
Didn’t you forget something?
From: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
To: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Re: If you only had a brain
Thank you for the lesson in human anatomy and gender differences. I forgot my answers. Sorry.
Song: The Oscar Mayer Weiner Song. It’s so freaking catchy!!!! And cmon, we all want to be an Oscar Mayer Weiner!
Book: The Bible. Just kidding. Making fun of Angela. Umm… Curious George Goes Shopping.
Quote: “Where is the bathroom?” –Ghandi
Movie: A Kid in King Arthur’s Court
Color: Black.
From: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
To: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: We’re playing a game, and it’s called…
BULLSHIT!
From: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
To: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Damn! You caught me!
Damn, you caught me! I feel like a fourteen year old boy with his hand under a sheet when his mother walks in.
My favorite book is I am America! (and so can you!) by Stephen Colbert. Because it’s written by Stephen Colbert.
My favorite song (at the moment) is California Stars, by Wilco. Just cause I love Wilco and this is my favorite Wilco song, so there we go.
Quote… Hmm. I know I teased you about being sappy, but it’s from a poem called Desiderata by Max Ehrmann and it’s “With all it’s sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it’s still a beautiful world.” It reminds me of a girl I used to like and how she broke my heart but life is still good, so I guess I like it. Maybe I wouldn’t have had I not come into it at the right time, but I did, and so I like it.
Movie. Say Anything. Definitely. Have you seen it? It’s amazing. I think I’ll go buy it today.
Color: Okay, so it’s really green. Not a dark green or a bright green, but a hazelish green… Like the color of your eyes. That’s my favorite color. Green!
From: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
To: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: California Stars! WHOO!
Okay, so I have never heard California Stars, I have never read the Stephen Colbert book, I have never read Desiderata, I have never seen Say Anything, and I have never seen the color Green. What the hell?
From: JHalp@dundermifflin.com
To: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Open your eyes
Come over tonight. I’ll let you listen to California Stars and we can watch Say Anything. I’ll make you some broccoli, it’s the only green food I can make. Or you can open your eyes and see Green.
As for the Colbert book, I haven’t read it either…
And just Google Desiderata, silly. Now, I want question four…
But really, do come over tonight. You HAVE to see that movie!! It’s awesome.
From: Pbees@dundermifflin.com
To: Jhalp@dundermifflin.com
Subject: Go Green!
Okay, so I looked up broccoli under Google images and saw it, so I see your favorite color now. I also Googled Desiderata. I like your line too.
I’ll come over tonight, but only if I can bring something. Soda? Macaroni and Cheese? That’s what you want? Okay, sounds good! Make hamburgers! Yummy!
I’m off. I’m going to go home and change. I’ll see you later tonight. And I’ll email you questions in the morning (might as well as you a few of the ones I want to tonight! Hehe)
-Pam
