Thanksgiving dinner was an even more solemn affair than dinner the night before...well for me it was. Everyone else seemed to be having at least an ‘ok' time if not a ‘good' one. Jokes and family stories flowed. Roy and Frank Sr. providing commentary on Thanksgiving's past. Even Allison laughed as Roy brought up more household items broken and high school football games won and lost.

The thing was though...there was always that sickening lull after the laughter.

Conversational lulls were the worst even under the best of circumstances. First dates, job interviews...all full of conversational lulls. But these kinds of lulls...lulls because everyone was scouring the very deepest corners of their minds for something - anything to fill the silence...they weren't just awkward - they were scary.

I took a look around the table, during one particular lull and decided to take my chances. "This turkey is fantastic Allison."

Allison smiled and smirked at Frank. "You tell him the story, Frank?"

He grinned. "What story?"

"Allison where's your sausage stuffing?" Roy asked around a mouthful of cornbread stuffing...because apparently he had to.

It seemed Roy had to interject himself into every single conversation there was. He was physically incapable of quiet.

"Oh honey I'm sorry, not this year. I always have to drive all the way to Stamford to that specialty store for that sausage...and it just wasn't going to happen this year."

"Oh man...I coulda gotten it for you. You shoulda told me!"

"...Don't you like the cornbread stuffing?"

"No...totally. Yeah....of course."

Yeah Allison ‘of course'...moron.

"...It's just not the same as your sausage one...that's all."

I turned to glare at Roy, but he didn't exactly pick up on the cue to shut up. Nor would he have taken the cue even if he'd noticed it.

Allison looked particularly tired and in that moment I wanted to kick his ass. By my count it was the 132nd moment of the day that Roy deserved an ass kicking. But of course what would we have done without Roy? Who would have gotten down Christmas trees and decorations? Who would have kept Frank company while everyone else prepared enough food for a small country?

"Well...I'm sorry," Allison said finally.

Roy got all sheepish at her apology and of course, another glare - this one from Pam. "No...no, apology necessary Allison...this is delicious."

Pam smiled her approval at Roy then before turning to Frank and I wanted to scream at her. What...what was going on? What was with all the Roy love? It was never-ending. It was non-stop, Roy smiles...

And I know my thoughts were that of a 10 year old but I didn't care. At that moment, I did not care.

"Daddy do you want extra potatoes?" Her hand was already on the ladle.

"No sweetheart, I'm fine....thank you," he said.

Frank's voice seemed even quieter than usual. I watched as he slipped his hand atop the table and threaded them through Allison's. She never looked at him, she just lifted a glass of wine in her other hand and sipped. The glass trembled...

Pam was rattling off dessert options. "There's pumpkin pie, cheese cake, and those little pecan tassies that you love so much Daddy..."

"Great," Frank said, nodding.

The enthusiasm in her voice...literally broke my heart.

The guy couldn't eat. He'd forced himself to eat the minimal amount of food he'd actually put on his plate. Pam either wasn't noticing...or couldn't notice. I expected the latter.

I spoke up quickly, desperate for her not to see. I was turning into a bigger contradiction than she was this week. Look at what's going on around you Pam...No, no for the love of God, don't look.

"Allison I'll deny this if you ever repeat it...but your turkey is actually better than my mom's..."

Allison's eyes grew wide. "Well...thank you Jim."

"Seriously..."

"Pammy, remember when you were on that vegetarian kick senior year? You swore up and down you weren't eating turkey that Thanksgiving and then by the time the turkey was almost gone, you almost dove for it! You couldn't stand it..."

Everyone laughed. I guess it had been a better redirection than mine...

"I thought poor Frankie was going down when you yanked that piece out of his hand!"

An uproar of laughter. Even from Frankie.

Suddenly, as good as the turkey was - I'd lost my appetite, completely. I laid my fork down against the plate and when I looked up, Frank was watching me. Our eyes connected for a moment, before he looked away - smiling at Pam.

"I know...I know," she was saying. "My stint as a vegetarian didn't last very long."

"Sure didn't. You like burgers more than any girl I know..." Roy said laughing mostly on his own then.

Allison drained the remaining drops of her red wine and stood. "Pam will you help me clear the table?"

"Sure," Pam said standing up quickly.

I started to stand as well. "Oh honey, you don't have to help," Allison said. "You're a guest. You just stay where you are...we'll be right out with dessert."

Right...Guest.

Frankie cleared his throat. "I'm gonna go get some air."

I sat down and watched as Frankie left the dining room and listened as the front door shut behind him.

Alone with Frank and Roy...wonderful.

"Hope it wasn't something I said," Roy said.

Frank leaned back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. He looked up at the ceiling and seemed to blink a few times as if to clear his head. "Oh, I'm sure it wasn't."

"So whadya say Frank...video games tonight? Me and you? Halpert you in?"

"Oh, uh I...I don't know. I think we're going to be -

"We're going to be decorating the tree...That's what we'll be doing," Frank said finishing my sentence. There was a sense of finality in his voice that I hadn't ever heard before. As if he was daring anyone to argue with him.

He wouldn't get any from me.

"Oh...yeah..." Roy said a bit bashfully. "We'll have time though afterwards...decorating's not gonna take all night, right?"

"Yeah..." the man said curtly. "It might."

It was the first time I'd read pure annoyance on Frank's face and in his voice...and for some reason I felt like maybe I didn't need to be around if it was directed at Roy.

It was the weirdest thing. If Roy was gonna get reamed why the hell wouldn't I stay? It'd been what I was wishing and hoping for...A Christmas gift come early!

I lifted myself out of my chair. "I think I'm gonna go out and get some air too...I'll be back in a little bit..."

I walked out without another word, desperate for the space and the freedom of the cold, frosty air just outside. I hadn't been at all prepared for a smoking, crying Frankie on the front stoop.

Jeez...

"Oh man, I'm - ...I'm sorry...I just thought I'd get some air or..." I started to turn around. "I'll just - "

"It's fine," he said sniffling. He took a long drag from his cigarette and dragged the back of his hand beneath his nose; used the heel of his hand to swipe at his eyes. "It's fine...just...sit down - you must be going crazy in there..."

I shook my head, felt myself make a face as if he were crazy. "I'm ok."

Frankie shook his head. "My dad's dying...it's the only reason I'm here this year. Your reason isn't nearly as good."

"Well...I'm with Pam...so..."

Frankie looked at me like I was some kind of alien life form for a moment. "Hmph."

I had no idea what that sound meant...wasn't sure that I wanted to. But I sat down on the cold front porch, a couple of feet from Frankie anyway. We were silent for a few moments before he spoke again. I imagined it was less because he had nothing to say and more because he needed to get himself together before he could say anything.

Oddly enough the silence was...comfortable.

"I'm glad you're with her," he said finally as a puff of smoke whitened the night sky.

I nodded. "Me too."...What else was I supposed to say to that?

"I gotta tell you though...I'm a little pissed that you're with her, and I'm still having to share my Thanksgiving with that asshole in there. I thought you meant the end of all that."

You and me both, buddy.

"What? Oh you mean -

"Yeah Roy...I'm obviously not a member of the Roy fanclub. Never have been...well, maybe for one shining moment when my sister brought home a boy for me to play with....but I figured out soon enough that he wasn't here to be anybody's big brother."

I made a face, "Oh come on...you mean he didn't take you under his wing and show you the key to being a man?"

Frankie smiled, "God...my parents loved that guy."

I swallowed. Don't you mean LOVE - as in present tense? Where is the shrine exactly? Have the 8x10 glossies been stowed under my guest bed? I'll look later on...

"I mean I think they knew some of the shit that was going on...but they never really - I don't know...as long as Pam was happy. She was a freaking moody ass teenager and Roy made her happy at least 35% of the time...the other 65% of the time was like an episode of the Guiding Light...but she was even less happy when she was with us as a family, so...I guessed they split the difference."

I desperately wanted to know what ‘some of the shit that was going on' meant, but was too afraid to ask. It was stuff that Pam would have told me if she wanted me to know...and so far - she didn't want me to know it.

"You wouldn't know it...but Pam's actually really good at covert shit."

Oh. It looks like I'm gonna find out some stuff anyway. Maybe I should -

"She would sneak in during the dead of night...never ever fucking got caught. But so many times she'd come in crying...like all the time. It was ridiculous. I remember asking her once in my naviete why Roy made her cry all the time...God, I think I was like 9 or 10 years old, she told me I was too young to understand relationships."

As irritating as that was to hear, it wasn't exactly news.

I stood up...I didn't really want to hear about Roy and Pam. I'd come out here to escape that. "I think I'm gonna take a walk around the block."

"Ok," Frankie said, lighting up another cigarette. "Thanks for skipping the lecture by the way..." he said gesturing towards his bad habit. A habit I would have thought would have been extinguished (forgive the pun) by his time here this week.

I shrugged. "...Not my place."

Frankie smiled. It was one of those weird smiles where you knew the person was thinking of something else but they weren't going to tell you. I guess you'd call it an ‘All-Knowing' smile.

"Hey, listen..." Frankie began as I stepped onto the path towards the sidewalk. "It's just...memories...You know that right?"

"What?"

"They're just...it's just memories in there. That's all they want. It's all they have room for right now...They're not stupid. They'll snap out of it...She will too."

I had no idea what that meant and didn't really feel like thinking about it. I was sick and tired of memories myself.

"Ok...see you in a bit."

"Yeah...don't forget we have to deck the halls."

I wandered farther than I should have. It was too cold to have walked this far without gloves on and my hands and they were throbbing. I made fists inside of my pockets and thought about what things had been like the first time I'd had dinner with her parents...before the bad news.

They'd been lovely. Really, truly lovely. Things had been awkward of course, but that had quickly worn off. Her mother had laughed at all my jokes to the point that she'd nearly cried - which is always my goal. And Pam's dad had shaken his head good naturedly at my stories. We had the same taste in sports teams, felt the same way about certain players...Agreed that certain publications oughtta be shut down for their opinions on such players, and both of us had the same passion for Pam's art.

It had been great.

When Pam and I had gotten back to her apartment that night, we'd barely made it through the front door before she'd pushed me up against the wall and tore into me like nothing I'd ever experienced before....

Take this off - right now...No...not my room...here...

I'm not a complainer...that night will rank up there with the best nights of my life...but it was certainly unexpected and our love making had been crazed. Frenzied to the point of chaos (we'd broken a lamp).

Afterwards she'd clung to me like a vine on a wall as we lay on her living room floor, the summer heat surrounding us...I'd decided right then and there that I wanted to spend as much time with her parents as possible. They were a very good influence on her.

This visit however, was decidedly different.

And of course it was. Her father was dying. Of course she didn't have time to spend with me - hand hold through the awkwardness. Of course she didn't!

So why couldn't I reconcile that? Why did I find myself watching from a far and wishing she'd just look at me? Just...look.

Because I couldn't remember the last time our eyes had held for longer than a passing second; and a second that had been a mistake, judging by her quick aversion.

So then what, Halpert? I asked myself. You two lock eyes and then what...the real world melts away? She stops hearing the death knell and comes running into your arms? You decide to hell with it all, go home and pull a prank on Dwight just for old times' sake?

Grow the FUCK up.

I sighed and pulled my hand out of my pocket just long enough to glance at my watch. I'd been gone for almost 40 minutes...shit. I'd undoubtedly missed dessert.

I started walking back in the direction I'd come as quickly as I could. But that was when I saw it...

~~~~~~~

The warmth of the house felt so good I almost passed out when by the time I made it over the threshold. The home smelled of cinnamon and sweets. Christmas music floated towards the entrance and I followed it back towards the family room.

The tree had been decked with twinkly little white lights, and apparently the cranberry cider that Frankie had told me about was flowing.

Everyone was smiling.

"Hey there..." Pam said grinning up at me, as I came nearer. Her smile the softest I'd seen in what seemed like so long...

In that very instant, it felt like we were the only two people in the room.

I pulled off my jacket, suddenly feeling even warmer. She took it from me and laid it on the couch next to her dad. "We're gonna need you for the star..."

"Sure thing."

"You're cold though...You should go warm up by the fire."

Ok she HAD noticed I was gone.

"You should come with me," I said, leaning down towards her ear. Before it came out of my mouth I imagined it being an incredibly sexy thing to say...but then my voice cracked like maybe I was still in the 7th grade...so...

"Oh goodness...Frank do you remember when Pam came home with this?" Allison said, lifting up an angel ornament out the cardboard box nearest her feet. The ornament had clearly been hand-made, but hand-made well.

Frank nodded. "Third grade?"

"Second," Pam corrected. "Mrs. Harrison's class."

"Mrs. Harrison was a beyotch."

"Hey..." Pam said, her glare turning into a smile when she looked at her brother. "She was very nice to me."

"That's cuz you were a suck up," Frank said and the words came out sing-songy...

Apparently the rum in that cider was the best rum on the planet. The entire mood in the house had shifted. Even Roy was uncharacteristically quiet on his side of the couch with Frankie.

Pam giggled and leaned into me. I quickly took the moment to wrap my arm around her waist, under the guise of steadying her...God, she felt good.

"That was when I knew," Frank said staring at the ornament that Allison still held in her hands...still marveling at it as if it happened yesterday. "That's when I knew we had a little artist on our hands. It was about a thousand times better than any other kid in the class."

Pam smiled and let her head fall against my shoulder. I turned my nose towards her hair, and inhaled deeply...desperate for all I could get of her in front of her parents. I could literally feel the muscles in her side, loosen beneath my hand. My fingertips moved on their own...rubbing her there just a bit.

When I started to steer her towards the fireplace, she pulled away. "Mom...do you want to use the red balls or the silver ones this year?"

"I think Jim might be partial to the blue..."

"What?" Pam asked blankly and I threw a glare at Frankie. Come on...seriously? I mean you're right...but seriously?

Allison hadn't heard or was choosing to ignore the exchange, as did everyone else. Even Roy was too fixated with his cup of cider to acknowledge a comment that was right up his alley.

"Why don't we use all of them?"

"Mom...that's gonna look terrible," Pam said. "We can't use all the decorations at once...Daddy tell her."

"I think that we should," Allison said, drinking. I noticed for the first time that her words were slightly slurred.

Frank senior was barely paying attention, his eyes drifting closed on the sofa.

Allison got up and sat next to him. "No, no...you have to stay awake. You can't get out of an argument by falling asleep."

"This is not an argument," he said quietly. "It's about decorations. You and Pamela decide...I'm gonna take a little nap."

"No. Stay. Up." The words had more edge than she probably intended and sounded more like a command than anything else.

Frank stared at her for a moment and then nodded silently. She pursed her lips together and I knew it was in an effort not to cry. It was the same face I'd seen Pam make a handful of times since I'd known her.

I averted my eyes. It was too intimate of a moment, and an expression I hadn't learned how to stomach anyway.

"I think I'm going to bed," Frankie said lifting himself from the couch.

"Frankie, no..." Pam said, scowling as she turned her attention on him. "Just...sit."

The clock above the mantel said it was nearing midnight.

"YOU just sit. I'm going to bed...I'm tired and Christmas isn't for another month...I'm sure I won't be late."

"God you can be such a selfish ass you know that?"

"Shut up," Frank Senior said with much more energy than I imagined he still had left in him. "You," he said directing his attention to Frankie. "Either sit down or help your mother and your sister decorate - and You," he said directing his attention to Pam this time. "Stop being a bossy Nelly."

Pam smirked a little at that and I watched a blush creep up her neck.

"Bossy Nelly?" I asked, glancing at her.

"Stop."

"No, I'm just wondering who Bossy Nelly is...that's all. Oh - oh is that your nickname?"

"No."

"It's absolutely her nick-name," Frank senior said stoicly.

"God...really? How - how did you come by that nick-name?"

"I hate y-

"For busting balls," Roy said finally piping up from his spot on the couch. He looked a little out of it. A little wobbly, even sitting down. How much had he had to drink exactly?

Frank senior, put a hand on Roy's shoulder. "And ...you...Why don't you go on and get out of here? Go home...You worked the night shift last night - it's been a long day for you."

"Nah...nah, I'm good. I'm good."

"Really, Roy I've already put together a care package for you," Allison said, softly. "I'm sure your parents want to actually see you before Thanksgiving is over...you probably shouldn't drive though..."

"I'm fine," Roy said standing up. His stumbling did everything to prove that point.

I glanced at Pam and knew the words that were on the tip of her tongue. She was going to volunteer to drive him home...which was unacceptable.

Sorry. I'm not a Neanderthal...but there are certain things that just aren't done...Pam driving a more than slightly intoxicated Roy home - was on the list.

I quite literally swallowed my pride...that had to be the disgusting taste on my tongue as I said, "I'll drive you home Roy."

Roy looked up. "Thanks Halpert...that's...fanfuckingtastic."

"Oh...great," I said, and then commenced the saga of getting Roy home.

I say saga only because it took another 20 minutes to get Roy into the car. Between the initial hugs and kisses and Roy's constant need to go back into the house to get something....I sat in the car idling, freezing my ass off.

During his last foray into the house, Pam came out with him, walking him to the car. Shocker that their hug seemed to take the longest. Roy's arms tightened around her, and she seemed to almost disappear between them.

She didn't pull away.

When he finally broke away and stumbled backwards, she reached out to right him and smiled.

Roy seemed to fall into the car and slammed the passenger side door. "A Saab. Huh, Halpert?...Nice."

"Yeah no...we like it."

‘We' like it. Jeez...I was a little sick of myself.

"I fucking love that family."

"Yeah no...I can see that."

"Can you?"

I licked my lips and kept my eyes on the road as I backed out of the driveway. "Where to?"

"Just...just when you hit the second intersection make a left...It's about 3 miles up the road."

"Great."

Silence fell between us as I hit the second intersection and prayed that 3 miles would feel like 3 seconds.

"Gonna have to come back tomorrow for my truck."

"Yeah."

"I'm not even that drunk...that family though - always lookin' out for me."

"Yeah, they're great."

"You don't need it do you, Halpert? Looking after I mean...all your shit - it's together, right?"

"Pretty sure that wasn't a compliment...Let's...can we not do this?"

"Do what? I haven't seen you in a long time...just thought we could you know...shoot the breeze."

"I've actually met my quota of breeze shooting so...no need."

"Halpert with the one-liners."

Eyes on the road...eyes on the road....

"Hey - you know what Halpert? I have every right to still be in that house right now," he said jerking his head back, gesturing towards the Beesly home.

A disbelieving sound that I wasn't sure I'd heard myself make before came out of my throat.

"Oh...what? You don't think so? You think you have more of a right to be there because you're with Pam?"

"Uh...yeah, actually I do."

"Well fuck that."

"That's...descriptive."

"Don't fucking condescend to me Halpert."

I almost started to pull over. "Oh...I have an idea...how about you walk -

"No, how about you get over yourself. That family is my family. I'm not even talking about Pam...I know that's what you're thinking. I get it, ok? Pam's moved on. Pam and me...I don't work for Pam anymore. I got that - loud and clear I got that. But that family is as much mine as it is hers."

I just frowned. What the fuck...

"That guy...that guy that's..." Roy had to swallow for a moment. "He's like a dad to me. More of a dad than mine ever, ever was. So if it's his last freaking week on earth...I'm gonna be there. I don't care who else is there. I don't care if it hurts your feelings."

"Doesn't hurt my feelings."

Yeah it did.

"Good. I'm glad."

They were the last words either of us spoke, before Roy pointed in the direction of his parent's house. I slammed the car into park, and he jumped out.

Shit.