This is the point when she knows

She thinks of never seeing Roy again and she is sad. She feels the loss in her stomach and is dizzy and wonders if she will throw up.

She thinks of never seeing Jim again and she is destroyed. She shakes all over and has to grab the counter when blackness tunnels her vision. Her knees weaken and her face numbs. She sweats and shivers. She runs her wrists under cold water then sits with her head to her knees.

She thinks of the effort involved in dissolving a decade-long relationship, but that hurdle is no longer sufficient to keep her restrained. Somehow paperwork, bank accounts and splitting the cds aren't good enough excuses to ignore what she suddenly realizes is a momentous gift. She nearly drowns in shame when she faces what she's come so close to discarding. People pray for what's being handed to her in a gift-wrapped package.

Pam grabs her phone and three seconds later is begging him to answer.

When he does answer, his voice is neutral, guarded.

She asks if she can come see him in a few hours. When he asks why and tries desperately to stomp on the hope struggling to life, she answers, "I really think Roy deserves to hear this from me first...don't you?"

He sucks in air and whispers her name following it with "really?"

"Yes, really. Please, I need to find Roy. Jim, I have to do this right."

When the man who has become the other man in her life answers his phone, she asks him to come home immediately. When he finally gets there, all of the things that are hers alone are gathered in the front room in boxes and bags and he doesn't need the tears rivering from her eyes to tell him that the death knell has finally rung in what has become cohabitation. He tries to tempt her with "Baby" and "Please" and "Don't do this" and "What about all of our plans?" He tries yelling and throwing boxes of her belongings around. He tries crying and collapsing and clinging to her waist.

She explains that the decision is made. There is no talking her out of it. She tells him that she wouldn't undo the last 10 years of her life. She tells him that he will always be the first man she loved and that he will always be important to her. She hopes that eventually they will be able to be happy for one another. She takes as much of her stuff with her as she can fit in her car. She promises him she'll finish moving her things by the end of the weekend.

The war of emotions is exhausting. She mourns the end of a life era while being nearly giddy about the dawn of the next, what promises to be better than she could ever have hoped.

She brakes in front of his home and is out of the car almost before it's stopped moving. His door is open and he's running down the stairs before her car door is closed. Then she's in his arms and he's asking if she's ok; if it's really over with Roy and if she's really sure, but she can't answer him because then she's kissing him.

She tells him she's sure and that she "never knew" she "could love someone the way" she loves him. She repeats "I love you so much" over and over for his benefit. She tells him she's certain and he doesn't think he can ever know greater joy than when she whispers, "I want you to be the last man I kiss for the rest of my life."

He promises to do everything he can to make that want a reality.

That is the point when she knows.