Chapter 1 - The Ex-Files
Jim Halpert’s dream had come true.
It was a simple one, really. It only involved two people - him and Pam.
In his dream, they were together.
Forever.
Corny? Yes. It was corny - like some Celine Dion song.
But a dream was a dream and a lifetime with Pam Beesly was his.
They were engaged now and everything was really, truly perfect in their relationship for the first time since they had met. The wedding was in three months. No long engagement here. Jim had made it clear from the moment he proposed he wasn’t going to be like with Roy. Pam had assured him he already wasn’t but he still felt like he had something to prove. She knew that watching her with Roy for all those years had deeply hurt him and even though they were together now and happy, Pam also knew that wasn’t something easily forgotten for him. But he also knew that seeing him with Karen had not been easy for her - and in passing she had let it slip she was perhaps a little bit jealous of Katy also.
But Pam knew she had nothing to worry about. She knew how much she meant to him. She knew she never had to worry about him that way, the way she’d worried about Roy for their entire relationship.
Plans for their wedding were moving forward but there were a still few glitches. There were relatively simple issues like should Pam sit her 64-year-old Aunt Lucy at the same table as Lucy’s ex-husband, Pam’s 68-year-old Uncle Steve, and his new 29-year-old bride, Betsy, because Steve and Lucy’s children, Pam’s cousins, Joe, Tanya and Terrence, would also be sitting there – and with their spouses and children? But the biggest unresolved issue was that she and Jim still had yet to decide on a honeymoon. So one rainy Friday after work, they headed out to Cugino’s to discuss destinations over pizza.
“I thought you wanted to go to Hawaii,” Jim questioned as they slid into either side of a cozy corner booth.
Pam made a face as she opened her menu and pretended to peruse. Jim knew she was pretending because she always got the same thing when they came here. “I wanted to go to Hawaii when I was with Roy.” She looked up into the big hazel eyes she adored. “I don’t want to go there with you.”
Jim made a face. “Well, thanks.”
Pam laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that! Roy and I argued between Mexico and Hawaii and I am saying that, for us, you and me, the Anti-Roy & Pam; Mexico and Hawaii are officially off the table.”
He grinned, so wide and huge her own smile widened and they grinned at one another like two fools. “That’s okay, I didn’t want Hawaii anyway. It’s such a honeymoon cliché. Plus, I went to Mexico on spring break and . . .” He made a face. “Painful drunken memories - part of the reason why I still don’t drink Corona to this day.”
She chuckled and rolled her eyes but the gleam within the hazel told him she was storing that information away for another rainy day. The waiter came by to take their drink orders and Jim watched; fascinated, as his fiancée turned her attention to their middle-aged male server. “I’ll have a Coke please,” Pam politely requested.
“Grape soda for me.” Jim smiled as the waiter glided away as silently and uneventfully as he’d arrived.
Sighing, Pam flexed her fingers and rested them flat on the table. After several long seconds of contemplation, she decided to go for it. “I know it’ll cost a lot, but I really want to go to Italy.”
A look of accomplishment filled her face and Jim cocked a brow in revelation. “Italy?”
She quirked her own brow. “Does that surprise you?”
He shrugged. “Not really. Just never heard you mention it before, so . . .” There it was. Pam. Just when everyone thought she was completely predictable, she threw a change-up for the strikeout and completely blew everyone away.
It was her turn to shrug. “I don’t know, I just . . I mean, I never mentioned it before,” she licked her lips “ . . . because, I just . . .” She had kept it to herself, Jim knew. Plain and simple. Afraid he’d shoot her down, tell her they could never afford it, tell her it would have to remain a dream of hers and never become reality.
He flashed another huge, wolfish grin and reached across the table to put his hand on hers. “Pam. You want to go to Italy, we’ll go to Italy.”
“But it’s so expensive.” And Old Pam came back with a flutter of denials right on the tip of her tongue.
He quirked a brow, tilting his head to look at her. “Remember how Phyllis got six weeks of paid vacation?”
Her eyes widened in horror. “Michael’s not walking me down the aisle!” The memory was enough to make her cringe. Jim knew that she hated everything about Phyllis’ wedding, even the memory of that night.
He forced a laugh, deciding to move on from the brief reminder of a night he knew they both would rather forget. “Well, I know. That’s what your Dad is for. But my point is that we can figure something out. You really want Italy?”
She nodded, her eyes going slightly dreamy at the thought. “I mean, I’ve taken all these art classes and Italy is the birth place of the Michelangelo and da Vinci and Botticelli and Raphael and the Renaissance and I mean, the Sistine Chapel and the David and-”
He smiled, holding up a finger. “You don’t have to sell me on it, Pam. I want whatever you want.”
Her eyes sparkled as she gazed at him. “You sure?”
He quirked his face and smiled wryly. “Hmm, let me think – a honeymoon in Italy with the love of my life? Wow. That’s a tough one.” His voice stung with sarcasm as he winked at her and reached for her left hand, fingering the pretty diamond white gold band that sat on her finger - his mother’s engagement ring. Jim’s father had given his mother another ring for their fortieth wedding anniversary and she had insisted he give it to Pam when he proposed, because his mother adored her and wanted no one more to wear the ring than her. The band was a nice size, 1.20 carats, bigger and prettier and of a better quality than the one Roy had given her. That meant a lot to him, secretly, selfishly. But what meant more was the look on Pam’s face when she’d seen it for the first time after he proposed. And the light in her eyes when he’d slid it on her finger. He’d never forget the euphoria that had filled him when she’d gasped that one, single, simple, life-altering word “Yes” and launched herself into his arms to kiss him.
Three months later and he still hadn’t seen her take that ring off, not even once. “I just want you,” he whispered, his eyes darkening as he took in her familiar, pretty features. “I’ve always wanted you.”
Her face softened and she gave him that look with her eyes that told him she loved him too and she leaned in to say something but the waiter chose that time to return with their sodas and a quest to take orders.
Jim ordered their usual – half cheese, half sausage pizza, light on the sauce – without a second thought. The half-sausage was for him, the light-on-the-sauce half-cheese was for her. She had this aversion to pizza with lots of sauce on it. At first he made fun of her for it but now it was just one of many little quirks that made her Pamela-Beesly-soon-to-be-Halpert and the absolute no-holds-barred love of his life.
Pam grinned as the waiter sauntered away. “That is exactly why I am marrying you.”
Her sweet smile brought him back to the present and he returned the favor with a beaming grin of his own. “Yeah, what reason is that? My ruggedly handsome good looks?” He leaned back and struck a fake, arrogant pose.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, smiling. “You know exactly what I want. I don’t even have to say it anymore.”
He shrugged. “Well, I love you, it’s part of my job to know what you want.”
Pam giggled. “I’ve trained you well.” She winked at him. “You’re so getting lucky tonight.”
He perked a brow playfully. “Really? Just for getting your order right? I am a fortunate man.”
“Stop mocking me. And yes, you are fortunate. Don’t ever forget it.” Another wink.
His face softened, his expression becoming serious. “I won’t.” Looking into her face made his knees weak. He loved her so much. And she was his. Forever.
Dreams coming true, right now.
Pam tilted forward and puckered her lips, requesting a kiss.
Jim grinned as they both leaned across the table so their lips could meet. She moaned deep in her throat, her hands going up to frame his face as she tilted her head and teased her tongue into his mouth to deepen the kiss. He pulled back sooner than either would have liked, only because they were in public and he didn’t want them to be that couple; and he was about to promise her he’d make it all up to her later when movement coming through the front door of the restaurant caught his eye.
“You taste like grape soda,” Pam was giggling again as she sat back, her cheeks slightly flushed from his kisses.
“Yeah,” he muttered, his eyes locked on the person who had just entered the building – one who was staring back at the two of them in just as much surprise. Finally, Pam caught on, noticing Jim’s distant, stiffened expression focused beyond her and she turned to follow his gaze to . . . Roy.
“Oh,” she frowned, turning back to look at her fiancé. It was amazing how quickly his body language had changed. He felt it in his posture, in his attitude, in the screaming going on in his head. Pam attempted a reassuring smile. “Hey.”
She said it so quietly he barely heard her, but the feel of her gaze made him turn, look away from Roy, back to her. And instantly, thankfully, his expression softened. “Hey,” he whispered. “Sorry. I just . . .” He didn’t know where to begin. He should be over this. He shouldn’t care. Roy wasn’t even doing anything. He’d just walked through the door and already Jim wanted to punch him bloody and broken for, just, ever being the man who had had Pam first.
That didn’t matter.
He had her now.
And forever.
Forever.
Dreams coming true.
Pam was nodding. “I know. We’ve been together a year and haven’t bumped into him once. Until now.” Now that we’re engaged, he thought to himself. Go figure. “I should go say hi.” She looked back and saw that Roy was with his brother and they had taken a seat at the bar. He was trying to act like he wasn’t staring at them but he was. And, well, Kenny wasn’t being discrete at all. He was clearing watching them.
“Yeah, sure,” Jim said, his voice sounding foreign to his own ears. She’s mine now, he reminded himself yet again. No need to act like this is three years ago.
He watched his fiancée – that’s right, Roy, she’s wearing my ring now – slide out of the booth and walk slowly, almost reluctantly over to the bar. Once Roy and Kenny saw her approach, they both sat up straighter and turned to greet her. Jim watched with as much outward disinterest as he could possibly muster as his fiancé wrapped her arms around her ex-fiancé and gave both he and his brother a hug. The unreasonable anger, insecurity, fear and sadness that warred within him felt both so familiar and foreign. It was that same helpless, hopeless emptiness he always used to feel whenever he saw Pam smiling up at Roy like he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. And it was this unknown, incomprehensible emotion he had never experienced, not once since they had been together, because from the moment she had said “Yes” to his offer for dinner, she had made it unequivocally clear where her heart was – with him, and not Roy.
And yet he still felt so nauseous he could literally vomit. The waiter brought out their pizza not soon after and Pam was still over by the bar, talking and smiling and laughing with Roy and Kenny like it was old times. The smell of the pizza was making his nausea worse. No, wait, it was the sight of Pam looking like she enjoyed having a taste of her old life that was making him want to hurl. He was in the process of cursing himself, Pam, both Anderson brothers and the entire state of Pennsylvania when he watched Roy suddenly grab Pam’s left hand and pick it up. Her diamond ring caught the light.
He saw her stiffen in surprise and force a smile to her face once she saw the expression on Roy’s. Realization. He said something to her and her smile tightened. Jim watched Pam try to be subtle in pulling her hand from Roy’s. Kenny mumbled something to her and her smile dropped. She nodded, stepped back, gave a wave and, with a muttered goodbye, turned on her heel to come back to Jim.
Sighing dramatically as she sat back in the booth, Pam forced another smile. “Good. Pizza’s here.” She reached for a slice, carefully pulling the hot, gooey, cheesy slab onto a plate and had it halfway to her mouth before she realized Jim wasn’t eating. Even out of the corner of her eye, she could see his tense, set jaw. “You’re mad,” she said it simply, no inflection at all, dropping the pizza forgotten in front of her.
Jim cursed himself for being so obvious. He tried to relax his jaw but realized he could not. “Not mad exactly, no . . .”
Pam frowned, tilting her head to look at him. “Jim. Come on. They just came in to get a pizza and have a drink. I was with Roy for years, I mean, I couldn’t just ignore him.”
“I know all that. Pam. You don’t have to remind me.” He was doing all the reminding himself. He tried to force himself to remember she was his now, in every sense of the word. She was his fiancée, soon to be wife, his best friend, his partner-in-crime, his lover. He forced himself to remember that morning in bed, before the sun had come up and it was still dark in their room; he’d been inside her and she’d been moaning his name, scratching his back, moving beneath him, and he’d wanted to die from the pure fucking nirvana of it all.
He forced himself to remember that when it all came crashing back to him that she’d had another life, another fiancé, another lover, before him, and he wasn’t as completely and totally beyond it as he’d hoped.
She sighed, pushing the pizza away to sit back. “Come here.” The harsh lines of anger that had played across her face were gone now, replaced with an open, amused, adoring look of love.
It was his turn to frown at her. “What?”
She gestured to the space beside her. “Come here, Jim.”
He sighed, knowing full well he was being an insecure jackass but not caring in the least. Dragging his tall, lanky body from his side of the table, he moved over to hers, scooting in until their thighs touched.
Pam held up her left hand. “See this?”
He nodded.
“You gave me this. Remember? When you told me you’d always loved me and you wanted us to grow old together?”
He had said that and yeah, he did remember. So he nodded again.
“Remember what I told you?”
He wanted to shake his head, only because he felt like being difficult, but the look in her eyes mollified him. He could never stay mad at her. It was impossible. She was Pam. And he needed her like he needed air. “Yeah.”
“Then why are you mad right now?”
He shrugged, ashamed, looking down at his hands. “I thought I was over it, Pam. Feeling that way. Because I know you love me and I know you want me too but, I mean, it felt like the twilight zone where I’d lost a year and you were back with him all over again.” He hesitated. “I just don’t want that to be my life anymore.”
Pam cupped his face, kissed his lips. “It’s not.” It sounded so simple when she said it and he smiled because he knew she was right. “I’m sorry,” she whispered against his mouth. “And I love you.” She wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Me too,” he rubbed his mouth against hers, deepened the kiss, plundered her mouth briefly; just enough to stoke the flames, before he pulled back to look into her eyes. “So he knows we’re getting married, huh?”
She nodded. “He saw the ring because we were kissing when he walked in.” Her hands drew his face to hers for a quick peck. “Like this.” One more kiss. For good luck. “So, yeah, he knows.” She slid her arms back around his neck to pull him closer to her. “But he didn’t believe it until he saw it up close.” Her voice rose slightly with amusement.
“And he’s okay with that?” Jim heard himself asking as one of her hands snaked down to loosen his tie. Was it hot in here? Or was it just him?
Pam giggled against his mouth. “Jim, who cares?” She moved her lips down to his jaw and began to nibble his slightly whiskered skin, wrapping his tie around her fist as she moved from one side of his face to the other.
And all of it, the insecurity, the fear, the anger, it all left. With those three words, Old Jim was gone and New Jim fully took hold. Mine, he thought as he slanted his eyes down to look into her pretty face. Mine.
Dreams coming true.
“You’re right,” he said, chuckling. “You’re so right.”
Pam laughed as she continued to nibble, this time underneath his jaw line. Her left hand tightened his tie in her fist so she could bring his head closer to hers. “Let’s go home.”
He nodded. “Yeah.” Yeah, he wanted to remind himself she was his some more.
In bed.
“But we need to bring some grape soda.”
“Why?” Jim laughed.
“Because you taste good.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Grinning, Jim signaled to the waiter, sliding his other arm around her waist. “And that is why I am marrying you, Beesly.”
Her nose crinkled. “Halpert,” she corrected. “It’ll be Halpert soon. In 83 days.” She playfully tapped his shoulder with hers. “So let’s practice it.”
Just the idea of her taking his name made him dizzy with excitement, the fact that it would soon become reality was incomprehensible.
Again, dreams coming true.
“Right,” he said as the realization settled in his brain and he tried it on for size. “Pam Halpert.”
She giggled. A purely addicting sound as far as he was concerned. “Sounds good, doesn’t it?”
He nodded, his throat suddenly thick with emotion. “Sounds perfect to me.”
Yup. Dreams coming true.
“Check!”
Story Notes:
Song from The Perishers, which I think really signifies PB&J circa The Job through now.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or anything. DUH. ;)
