“What the hell…” Roy started, clearly surprised to see Jim in his house.
“Hey,” Pam said moving toward Roy, frantic to placate him before things got out of hand, “I didn’t know you were coming back today…”
“What the hell is he doing here?” Roy said, his voice growing angrier by the second. As she approached she could smell the familiar scent of alcohol on his breath. She knew this would not be an easy confrontation.
“He came with me to the art fair today, so I offered to cook him dinner as a thank you,” Pam said, trying to make the whole thing sound as innocent as possible. She glanced back at Jim, her eyes pleading for him to show his assent to her description of the events. He nodded in response, more at her than at Roy, who just glared at him coldly.
“Why are you home so early? I thought you guys were gone until tomorrow,” Pam asked turning back to Roy, trying desperately to change the topic.
“Nope. Kenny wanted to come back today because Jaime bailed since you weren’t coming. We got back this afternoon so I went to the bar with Darryl,” Roy explained hastily, eyes still focused on Jim, his voice still angry, “so it’s great to come home to my fiancé cooking dinner for another man,” there was a pause as Pam tried to craft a sufficient response.
“I mean what the hell Pam?!” He was clearly angry now, and began to shout loudly, “I leave for a night and you run off with Halpert to some art show, and then cook him dinner, in MY house?!”
She knew this was going no where good fast. She could almost feel Jim bristle behind her and the tension in the room had just increased tenfold. She quickly recovered, “Roy, really, it was nothing.” She knew she didn’t sound particularly convincing because she herself was not certain in this assertion. Why had she really invited Jim over for dinner…perhaps there was more to her motivation than just a pure desire to express her thanks. She quickly pushed that thought aside. She had to fix this, and that meant she had to deal with Roy. Alone.
Roy fell silent long enough for Pam to turn back to Jim. She gave him a look hoping he would pick up on her silent cue for him to take the initiative and say that he needed to get going. Jim returned her gaze with a look of his own. It was as if he was questioning her if she’d be alright if he left. There was no way he was leaving her here with an angry Roy if he knew she was in any danger. She gave him a small, quick nod.
He dropped his gaze saying, “Yeah, I should probably get going anyway. Mark’s having some people over tonight.” He began to head toward the door only to realize that Roy was still blocking the doorway. Roy moved aside slightly, allowing Jim enough room to squeeze past, though not comfortably. It was as if he needed to make Jim aware of his presence.
Jim hated leaving Pam in this situation. He wanted to stay, to protect her from the things Roy might say and do in his current state. But he knew he’d get his face rearranged if he didn’t make his way to the door pretty quickly. As he moved through the living room, he heard Pam’s voice behind him. “Thanks, Jim. I guess I’ll see you Monday.”
He turned to face her, making tentative eye contact again, fully aware of Roy’s seething stare. “Yeah, see you then. Bye Roy.”
“Yeah.” Roy responded gruffly.
Jim turned and strode the rest of the distance to the door, opening it. He faced Pam again, she had her arms crossed protectively around herself, and her shoulders were slightly hunched, as if defeated. He hated seeing her like this and knew she deserved so much better. He shot her a small, tentative smile before he walked through the door, closing it behind him.
Pam closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself for the onslaught of Roy’s rage. Deep down she knew Roy had a right on some level to be upset. She’d be livid if she came home to find him having dinner with another woman. Yet she was still feeling somewhat angry at his lack of awareness of her own feelings of frustration at his blatant refusal to give up a weekend at the cabin in favor of the art festival. She had a right to be angry with him too. She had always given up so much to be with him, but his unwillingness, or inability, to care about something she wanted was suddenly so apparent to her.
The silence stretched between them. It was as if they were both preparing for battle in their own minds. After a few moments, she turned slightly to face him. She was met with a harsh, yet patronizing glare.
“What the hell was that Pam? And don’t tell me it was nothing, I don’t believe it.” Roy began, shaking his head as he spoke.
Pam laughed mirthlessly, and shook her head. “God Roy, it was dinner. I was trying to do something nice for a friend who took time out of his schedule to help me out. But I guess you wouldn’t know anything about that would you,” she spat out that last sentence with more anger than she meant, but it felt good. She could feel the adrenaline coursing through her veins, its sweet, smooth power filling her and fueling her every word and action.
His expression changed to one of slight shock at her outspokenness, then quickly transitioned to one of anger. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that you couldn’t plan to spend the weekend with me doing something I wanted to do, something you’ve know I’ve been wanting to do for months.”
“God, is this about that stupid art show?” Roy returned incredulously.
She felt like he had slapped her in the face, but she recovered quickly, her anger energizing her. “Stupid art show. Yeah.” She shook her head.
“God, how can you be so oblivious,” she raised her arms in a questioning gesture, “I don’t want to be a receptionist at Dunder Mifflin for the rest of my life. I know that may come as a shock to you,” she said sarcastically, “but I want more than that. I want to be an artist Roy. After ten years, I would have thought you would have figured that out by now.”
She began pacing the length of the small living room, his large frame still positioned in the doorway to the small kitchen. This felt good. She was finally voicing what had been pent up inside of her for so long.
“I want to take art classes, I want to learn how to be a good artist. I want to travel to Italy.” She paused briefly. That was a new urge, she hadn’t even truly thought through fully, but she indulged in it.
“This ‘stupid art show’ is going to help me with that.” She turned back to face him, his expression one of bewildered shock. She realized in that moment that he really didn’t understand. He didn’t get that she didn’t just want to draw little pictures at work. He didn’t understand that she longed to be great at something.
Pam continued, needing for him to understand. “Jim went with me today because I asked him to. Because you wouldn’t go,” she said pointedly. “He’s my friend Roy. I just wanted to thank him for going with me today.”
She studied his face as he processed this information. She realized she had been a bit harsh, but it had felt so good finally saying the things she had been yearning to say to him for so long.
“I don’t like the way he looks at you.” Roy said bluntly.
“What do you mean?” Pam returned, trying desperately to suppress the flush that was inexplicably creeping into her cheeks at his words.
“I don’t like the way Halpert looks at you.” It was said as a challenge. As if he wanted her to contradict him. Here he was, making it all about Jim, when really it should be all about her. It was as if he was trying to change this into something outside of Pam, that could be changed, rather than dealing with her confession of her longtime desire to be an artist. His lack of understanding of the situation served just to increase her frustration.
“Roy, this isn’t about Jim. It’s about me.”
“No, it has everything to do with him,” He protested. “You never used to be like this Pam. You never used to be so…” he trailed off, as if searching for the right word.
“Driven?” Pam interjected, her anger building again. “He’s encouraged me in my art. He’s helped me out with things like the art fair. He’s my friend Roy.” She was getting exasperated at having to repeatedly explain this to him.
She was surprised when he dropped his gaze to the floor. A silence stretched on between them. She looked around the room absently, her mind trying to process all that had been said. Why was he refusing to understand that this was about her? That she needed more than just a receptionist job at Dunder Mifflin to feel fulfilled? That she wanted desperately to pursue her dream? This had nothing to do with Jim, though he had pushed her to think about what she wanted in life, and encouraged her in her art. And truthfully, he was really the reason she began thinking seriously about being an artist. She was suddenly struck by the realization that maybe it was more about Jim than she had thought. That without his influence, she never would have had the strength to say what she had said tonight.
Roy’s voice pulled her from her reverie.
“I can’t believe I never saw it before.” She was perplexed by his words, uncertain what he could mean.
“What?”
His gaze met hers, challenging her. “Now who’s oblivious,” he said mockingly.
“Roy, what are you talking about?”
“Halpert. He’s in love with you,” he spat out.
Pam was taken aback. This she had not expected. Her mind reeled with all the implications of his statement, but she tried to push that away and focus on the current situation.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Pam tried to sound innocent and naïve, but deep down, she had wondered if this might be true.
“Yeah. You do Pam. And I think you’re into him too” he challenged, shaking his head angrily, beginning his own pacing around the room. This was starting to get out of her control very quickly.
“Roy, what are you…?”
“Stop it Pam!” Roy wheeled to face her, his anger clearly getting the better of him “I’m not stupid! I’ve seen the way you look at each other! It’s like there some little secret that only you two know about. Like no one would ever be smart enough to figure it out. Well I’ve figured it out Pam, so stop trying to tell me you’re not…” he stopped, as if he couldn’t bear to say ‘in love with him’ out loud.
She felt like she had been punched in the gut. Her fiancé had just accused her of being in love with another man. She couldn’t process her emotions or her thoughts at that moment. She felt tears begin to sting her eyes, but she wasn’t sure what they were for. She looked up at him, shock and pain clearly evident on her face. He shook his head and turned his back to her. This spurred her to action.
“Roy,” she began softly, moving toward him, “I’m with you…I…” she couldn’t find the right words to say.
“Stop.” He said holding up a hand. She halted immediately, shaken by the coldness with which he spoke. He turned back to face her, tears forming in his own eyes. “Pam, I can’t believe…” he paused, shaking his head in frustration, running his hand through his hair, “God Pam, I trusted you.”
“Roy I’m not…”she trailed off. She found she couldn’t complete the sentence. She couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. And that’s when it hit her. Roy was right.
She couldn’t honestly say she didn’t have feelings for Jim.
“I’ll come get my stuff in the morning,” Roy said gruffly, moving toward the bedroom down the hall, “I’ll just pack what I need tonight”
“Roy, no. Wait.” Pam protested. This couldn’t be happening. Suddenly Roy was leaving. It was more than she had ever anticipated happening that night. She had never planned for this. She had just wanted him to understand why the art fair was so important to her.
But tonight he understood so much more than she ever had.
She followed him to the bedroom, protestations on her lips, but he acted as if he didn’t hear her. It was the coldest he had ever been to her. Her emotions became more raw and shredded with each unsuccessful plea. She needed him. He was what she had. They knew each other. He couldn’t leave. This couldn’t be happening.
“I’ll be at Darryl’s” Roy said, turning to leave the room.
“Roy. Please,” she said, pleading one last time.
He turned to face her. He opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it, and turned and left the room. She didn’t follow him this time. She heard the soft click of the lock in the door, sat down softly on the bed, and held her head in her hands.
Author's Chapter Notes:
So I'm probably giving Roy too much credit for excessive perception here, but generally I like to be optimistic about a person's level of intelligence. :)
Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Enjoy!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
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Chapter End Notes:
Thanks for reading! More to come as soon as I can write it!
Reviews are better than an A+ on finals. :)
Reviews are better than an A+ on finals. :)
