It's all the same.... the flowers, the table settings, all of it. Just like at the ceremony.
Pam gave her coat to the attendant and made her way into the reception hall. She was trying to remain lighthearted and, if possible, even enjoy herself at Phyllis' wedding. She had done pretty well so far, she thought. But the effort it had taken was starting to wear on her a bit. She clasped her stole around her shoulders, grateful that she and her mother had chosen an outfit with such a handy accessory, giving her something to do with her fidgeting hands.
"Pam!" Kelly was waving at her a few tables away. "You're at a table with me and Ryan, over here!" Pam made her way to the round table. Kelly might actually be a nice diversion.
"Are you alright?" Kelly asked, but then continued, "this must be so awful for you."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, this was supposed to be YOUR wedding."
"Oh, um......no. That's um.....that's actually fine."
"There's no way it's fine, I'm sorry." Kelly continued, shaking her head. "If I were you I would like, freak out, and get totally drunk, and tell someone I was pregnant."
"OK, a lot of good ideas. Thanks." Kelly is a terrible diversion. How am I going to get through this?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jim was waiting at the bar for a drink when Pam approached.
(".....A year has passed since I wrote my note....") Kevin sang.
"Hey," he greeted her. And as usual, Pam greeted him back with "hey."
("...But I should have known this right from the start......")
"When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?" He asked her. I would love to dance with you......
("..Only hope can keep me together.....")
She chuckled back, "I'm pacing myself...." You're with Karen. I can't dance with you, so I'd rather not dance at all.
"C'mon, get out there, give the people what they want." What I want......
("....Love can mend your life.........")
"Oh, I'm such a dorky dancer."
"I know, and it's very cute."
("....Or love can break your heart.....")
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Longing. Sadness. Regret.
Pam' s looking at me, and I swear I can read all of that, and more, written all over her face. Is it because I'm dancing with Karen? She was looking right at us....
No....I thought I knew her, at one time. I thought I was so right, and all I would need to do is open up to her.
I was wrong then. And I am probably wrong now.
She's walking out. Good God, look at her shoulder against that brown wrap she's wearing. I never knew brown could look so....
Why is she walking like that? She's skittering out of here, folded up on herself.....
.... I've never seen her walk like that.....
....except the time, in that grey sweater.....
.....The day she asked me out to coffee, the day I came back from Stamford, and I turned her down. I watched her--she wrapped her arms around her middle and......
.....she walked out just like that.
Because I turned her down for coffee.
Because I'm dancing with Karen.
No. There has to be lots of times she walked with hurt written all over her.....
....with Roy, for sure, when he said something stupid, which was often.....
...but then she just got mad, or frustrated, and that never looked like THIS.
Karen is talking to me, I have to smile down at her. "Ummhmmm". I have no idea what she is saying. I don't care either, because I'm thinking of another woman's gorgeous shoulder and whether or not her damned posture is telling me what I think it is.
I have a woman in my arms, my hands on her waist, she is smiling and beautiful and available-- and I don't care.
Jim sighed, though inwardly. Karen didn't even notice.
Enough.
He closed his eyes, took a breath. Enough.
Author's Chapter Notes:
A couple snapshots from Phyllis' wedding
