Jim answered the door, his mouth stretched into a yawn. He mumbled something incoherent into his brother’s face and was greeted with a punch to the arm.

“Sorry. Didn’t quite catch that.”

Jim shook his head vigorously in order to wake up. “I said, Morning.”

“Ah.” Jonathon grinned. “It sounded like aaaaorrrrrgh.”

“And you couldn’t get ‘morning’ out of that? Weak.”

Jonathon plopped down on Jim’s couch and ran a hand through his own unruly mop of hair. “Thanks for letting me borrow your car while mine is in the shop.”

Jim tossed him the keys. “No problem. Karen said she was more than happy to be my chauffeur for the next few days.” He glanced around. “By the way, who brought you here?”

Jonathon smirked. “Mom. She wanted to come in, but she had to be across town by seven.”

“She showing a house?”

“Yeah.”

Jim shuffled to the couch and lounged beside his older brother letting his eyelids slowly droop. It was too early for moving and talking and thinking about anything else but sleep.

“Late night last night?”

One eye opened. “Sort of.”

“You and Karen?”

“We were up talking until three this morning.”

Jonathon chortled in appreciation. “Talking, eh?”

Jim nodded, his expression of apparent unhappiness signaling that it was indeed only talking going on last night. “For the past four or so nights. It’s all she wants to do. Order in and talk. It’s like she’s trying to know everything about me in a certain time frame so she’s trying to cram all of it in. It’s literally exhausting.”

“Have you guys done it yet?”

Jim frowned. “We’ve haven’t even been dating a month, Jon.”

Jonathon’s face didn’t register. “So that’s a…no, then?”

“No we haven’t done ‘it’,” Jim used finger quotations to emphasis his point.

“So you guys just…talk.” Jonathon nodded once in confirmation. “Yikes.”

“I mean, I’m pretty sure she wants to,” Jim confessed, rubbing the back of his head. “But-“

“Wait, so you’re the hold up?” Jonathon exclaimed. “When did you become a woman?”

Jim sat up straight, indignant. “I’m not being a woman. I’m trying not to rush things.”

“Apparently she wants to be rushed. Wow, man…” Jonathon clasped his hands together and regarded Jim with newfound interest. “How long has it been for you?”

Jim shrugged, yawning. “Since Katy? February, maybe?”

“Last February? So, almost a year?”

“I don’t know the exact date, but that sounds about right,” Jim replied tersely, beginning to get defensive. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

Jonathon let it go momentarily. “What are you getting Karen for Christmas?”

Jim rubbed his eyes. “Uh. A movie.”

“You are never gonna get laid, brother.”

Jim actually laughed. “Its more of an inside joke.”

“Romantic. Girls love to get inside joke gifts instead of meaningful gifts. Which one is it?”

Jim gestured to the coffee table, where three small gifts were wrapped and ready to go. “It’s the middle one. The one shaped like a DVD.”

“Smart ass,” Jonathon shot back. “I meant which movie.” He leaned over anyway and rifled through the colorful presents. “Wait, this one’s to Pam? The Pam?”

Jim clicked his tongue against his teeth and tried to hold back a small smile. “Yeah.”

Jonathon shook his head. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I saw it and thought she’d like it. It’s Christmas, Jonathon. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It always means something when it’s involving Pam.” Jonathon turned serious.

“All it means is that we’re friends.

“Jim, I was there three weeks ago when you got home from seeing her. You were wrecked, man. You told me you couldn’t be her friend again and now you’ve moved back to town and you’re right back where you were last year. What are you doing?”

“It’s not the same as before,” Jim argued.

“What changed? It couldn’t have been that much, because you’re not with her. And you told me anything less you couldn’t handle. So…I don’t get it. What changed so much in three weeks?”

Jim pressed his lips together. “She left her husband.”

Jonathon digested that information. “She told you that?”

“Yeah. She did.”

“When?”

“My first day back.”

“No,” Jonathon waved him off impatiently. “When did she leave him?”

“On Thanksgiving.”

Jonathon scrunched his eyebrows, deep in thought. “So, right after you guys talked.”

Jim began to nod his head in something akin to enthusiasm. “Yes. Yes. That’s…I mean, okay.” He paused to collect his thoughts. “I’ve been thinking about all this. And I keep coming back to that night. The things she said and the way she looked at me and…I mean, she left him. So…that’s gotta mean something, right?”

“It means she doesn’t want to be with her husband any more.”

“Yeah, but she did it after that night,” Jim stressed. “She told me she missed me. And she kept - she looked at me in this… I don’t – I don’t know, Jon. I just…” Jim sighed. “I just don’t know. I don’t know where I stand with her.”

Jonathon watched him closely. “Since you’ve been back, has she told you – flat out told you to your face so you can’t misunderstand – that she wants to be with you?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “No, but she’s-“

“Then I think you know exactly where you stand. You’re in your usual spot, baby brother. She wants her friend back. I think the fact that she left her husband is making you think there’s a chance, but it sounds to me like she doesn’t want him, but she doesn’t want you either.”

Jim blinked, his shoulders sagging.

“Doesn’t that…for lack of a better word…suck?” Jonathon asked quietly. “How is that any better than what you had going before?”

“Of course it sucks,” Jim responded, finding his voice. “But at least she’s not wasting her life with someone who isn’t good enough for her.”

“Jim,” Jonathon admonished. “It doesn’t matter who she dates or who she marries. They’re never going to be good enough for you. You’re just going to end up right where you started. Watching her move on with someone else while you’re still pining away for her. As her friend.”

Jim shook his head but didn’t say anything.

“Look, it’s not my business.” He ignored Jim’s snort. “I just...” Jonathon sighed. “I don’t know. I gotta run though. Thanks for the car. Tell Karen I said hello.”

Jim followed to shut the door behind him once he was gone. He turned and rested his back against the thick wood and held his fingertips to his lips, deep in thought.

There was nothing Jonathon said that wasn’t the truth, he realized. He’d been so buoyed by the fact that Pam actually walked away from Roy that he never once thought that it was still a rejection of him. All Pam wanted was her friendship with Jim intact while she made the biggest change of her life. She wanted a confidant, someone to support her, someone to listen to her. She didn’t want him in her arms, in her bed, in her life – she just wanted one thing in her life back to normal before she threw everything into chaos. Jim felt his chest close in, squeezing the breath out of him as he realized he’d misinterpreted everything again.

Karen was a great girl and she truly wanted him. He knew exactly why Karen had spent the past few nights wanting to know everything there was to know about him. She saw the way he was with Pam and she wanted that with him as well. She felt him slipping away already and she was fighting to rein him back in, back to her.

What the hell was so backwards about him that he couldn’t just let her?

When Jim left for work, Pam’s present never made it into his messenger bag.

***

“Psst. Jim.”

Jim turned and noticed Pam’s head twitching sporadically, indicating she wanted him to come over to her. He felt Karen’s eyes on him as he stood up and casually stepped up to reception.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” She looked around and when it was all clear, she began to whisper. “I need to give you your Christmas present now because, um…well, I just wanted to.” Her smile was infectious. “Do you have a few minutes.”

Jim nodded, allowing his curiosity to get the better of him. “Do I finally get to see the contents of the mysterious red folder?”

“You do. But first I have to explain.”

She was whispering so quietly, he had to lean further in, bending his lanky frame and resting his elbows on the counter.

“I’ve been sending Dwight letters from the CIA.” She slid the folder across the counter and watched as his face went slack.

“Are you serious?”

“They’re considering him for a top secret mission,” Pam continued as he opened the folder and flipped through the pages she had been so careful to document. “That’s his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he’d never ever tell.” She was practically bouncing in her chair.

Jim flipped through the pages carefully, in disbelief that she could have concocted such an absolutely perfect gift. “Last year, my boss Michael Scott took the day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow…”

Pam laughed softly. “So here’s the gift.” She stared up into his eyes and felt her heart flip over in her chest at the way he was holding the folder, like it was made of precious material that might crumble in his hands. “You get to decide what his top secret mission is. Sorry I didn’t wrap it.”

“Actually. I really don’t think I should be doing this stuff anymore though.”

Pam’s face drained of color. The light went out of her eyes and her heart slowed to a heavy, painful thud in her chest.

“Oh.”

“No, just ‘cause…the promotion.”

“Yeah. No, I…”

“It just feels a little bit like, uh…”

“I get it. Yeah.” Her stricken expression was valiantly masked by a forced smile that nearly shattered her cheeks. “Of course. Okay.”

Jim handed the folder back to her trembling hands and twitched his lips into an unconvincing smile before turning and walking away.