Jim felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. It was hard to breathe and even harder to will his legs to keep standing. He was frozen to the ground unable to move, think or breathe.
“Jim?” Phyllis’s soft, concerned voice cut through the choking silence that was engulfing him. “I know that this comes a shock. But the doctor said that all of her tests are looking good and that a coma is just the brains way of healing. He said there is no reason to believe that she won’t come out of it in the next couple of days and be totally fine.”
Phyllis’s words were lost on him. The bounced off as if he was made of rubber. He couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying. Before this, somewhere in the back corner of his mind there had always been a thought that at the smallest moments taught him to hope. A thought that told him that they were meant to be together. That somehow, they would find their way through all of this and the end result would be them…Jim and Pam…and because of it all they would be stronger and able to love each other in the way that they were meant too. But now, as the word coma sunk into his head that thought was slowly melting away and was replaced with “It’s too late. Now I am too late”.
He felt Phyllis take a hold of his arm and he allowed himself to be led down the sterile, white and cream hallway. The rounded a corner and stopped at a small waiting room filled with uncomfortable couches and old magazines. On one of the couches sat a woman with short, red hair tucked neatly behind her ears. Even though her head was slightly bowed Jim could see the redness around her eyes. She had a small bunch of tissues balled into her hand and she was mindlessly thumbing through an old People magazine. Even before she looked up Jim recognized her. His mind raced back to a day when he was excited to meet this woman. A day when Pam had been has happy as a child on Christmas day. Her excitement was contagious and Jim had felt some of it rubbing off on him.
** “I’m excited to show her around. She really wants to meet everyone.” Pam had said eagerly while they sat in the break room together.
“Oh yeah?” Jim had asked. “Good…cause I have lots of questions.”
“Oh really?” she responded.
“Yes…like ‘As a child did Pam show any traits that would lead to her future career as a receptionist”? He loved conversations like this with her. They were so easy. He loved how the sound of her laughter reached his ears and made him fall in love with her a little bit more.
He didn’t know why he felt so nervous when he heard Pam squeal in excitement when her mom had walked into the office. He didn’t know why there were knots in his stomach as he shot a smile to the camera and slowly made his way over to the reception desk. He didn’t know why he was so terribly disappointed when Roy had walked in before he had had a chance to say hello. It wasn’t until after Roy left and he overheard Pam’s mom whisper softly “So, which one is Jim?” that he realized why he was able to feel so many emotions in the span of 30 seconds. Somewhere deep down inside of him existed that feeling that she somehow could feel even an ounce for him of what he felt for her. Hearing her mom whisper his name made his heart soar and helped him to believe, if only for awhile, that they had a chance.***
As Phyllis, Bob and Jim entered the small waiting room the woman lifted her head and then stood to greet them. “Any news Mrs. Beesly?” Phyllis asked quietly. “No, nothing new” she answered in a voice barely above a whisper. Then she turned to Jim.
“You must be Jim.” she said in the same soft voice, but he could hear a different tone than the one she had used when she spoke to Phyllis. It was a tone that someone uses when they talk to an old friend. Despite her haggard state her voice was filled with warmth and familiarity….just like Pam’s. She extended her small hand and Jim took it softly. “Yes, I am. It’s nice to finally meet you Mrs. Beesly.” What a dumb thing to say! How could he possibly say it was nice to meet her when the reason they were meeting was because her daughter was in a coma. Just as he was deciding where he could dig a hole to hide in she answered “Call me Jenn. And it’s nice to meet you too. It’s about time.”
The man that had been sitting on the couch next to Mrs. Beesly stood up next to her. He too was tall and thin with thick, curly hair. “Jim, this is my husband Richard”. The man extended his hand and with the same warm voice said, “It’s nice to meet you Jim. Finally. We are glad that you are here.”
For a minute Jim felt like he was watching a play of these interactions. He felt that he was the audience and this was going on in front of him. How could he feel so welcomed by these people after 5 seconds. How could he already feel that he knew these people and even more so, how they knew him. Jim didn’t know what to say. He wanted to ask all sorts of questions about Pam and the accident, but he was at a loss for words. Jenn Beesly seemed to sense this and she took the lead.
“Jim? Would you mind walking down to the cafeteria with me to get a cup of coffee?”
“Oh…sure. Yeah…that sounds good.” Jim stuttered feeling like an idiot.
Jim followed Jenn out of the waiting room and down the hall. The hall was quiet except for the faint beeping coming from the rooms that lined it. He tried not to be obvious as he craned his neck trying to look into the rooms for a glimpse of her. “We really are glad that you are here”. Jenn said, her soft voice breaking the silence. “Phyllis told us that she would try everything she could to reach you. She said that you would want to know.”
“Of course I would want to know.” Jim said softly. “She is my…..”. His voice trailed off. He didn’t even know what word would complete that sentence. Coworker? Best Friend? Soul Mate? Jenn stopped walking and turned to look at him.
He looked into her green eyes that were so identical to Pam’s and she smiled and simply said, “I know”.
