Jim was dead asleep by the time Jon pulled into his driveway. His eyes opened slowly as Jon turned off the car.
“Hey…we’re here.” Jon said getting out of the car.
Jim opened the passenger door and climbed out. He was surprised how refreshed a 15 minute power nap helped him feel. He stretched his arms up over his head and walked towards the house.
“Want me to make you something to eat?” Jon asked as Jim unlocked the front door.
“Oh…yeah…sure.” Jim said throwing his keys onto the table by the door. “I’m going to go grab a shower.”
Jon nodded and headed into the kitchen as Jim went upstairs. Once in the privacy of his room he sat down on the bed to collect his thoughts. He tried to think of what he was going to say to Karen. Would she understand? In his heart of hearts he knew that he had never wanted to hurt her. She had been good to him….good for him in a lot of ways. But, she needed someone that could give her all she deserved and he knew that he wasn’t that person.
Jim peeled off his t-shirt and threw it into the hamper. When he walked into the bathroom he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked exhausted. There was dark stubble covering his face and his hair was sticking out in more directions than he thought was possible. Pam’s parents must of thought he was a total disaster. He got into the shower and let the steaming water run over him. “She has to come back.” he thought. “She needs to know that I still love her….that I never stopped loving her.”
Memories of the past few months were racing through his mind.
***She had seemed so excited to tell him of her idea for the CIA prank against Dwight at Christmastime. After his quick dismissal of the idea he could see the disappointment cloud her face. It hurt him so much to know that he had consciously caused her pain. He had really wanted to join her in her prank. He had wanted to spend that time with her and maybe find some remnant of the relationship they used to have. But in spite of all that he wanted, he knew that if he gave into any of those feelings then he would be right back where he started. A place that he had tried so hard to move away from.
There was a look of sadness and regret that he saw in her eyes as he danced with Karen at Phyllis’s wedding. He was having a good time at the wedding. He was in the middle of a whole “wedding crashers” prank on Dwight and Karen had put her cell phone down for long enough to carry on a decent conversation with him. Also, he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Pam looked in the brown dress with her hair curling softly around her face. He was asking Karen what she thought the chances were that Kevin’s band knew a song by anyone other than Sting. He smiled down at her when she laughed, but then his eyes drifted upwards….and found hers. She looked embarrassed to have been caught looking at him. Her eyes quickly darted away, but not before sending him a look that he read as, “Why?”. He watched her hurriedly walk out of the room and felt a twinge of anguish creep into his heart. Later as he watched her leave with Roy that twinge deepened into a painful wrenching inside his gut. They were never going to get their chance he thought sadly. They were never going to get to see how good they could have been together.***
As he turned off the water and climbed out of the shower he thought for the first time, in a long time, that maybe now….finally, they would get their chance. Jim quickly pulled on a clean pair of jeans and a blue long sleeved t-shirt. He rummaged through his closet for matching shoes. As he was tying the lace on his shoe his cell phone began to ring again.
“Hello?” he answered as he quickly ran a small bit of mousse through his hair. He wanted to give a better impression to Pam’s parents this time around.
“Hey,” Karen’s voice came through the phone. “How is everything?”
“Nothing’s changed.” Jim said. “I came home to shower and now I am heading back over there.”
“Oh….well….I just thought I’d check in. I’ll call you in awhile.”
“Thanks…..sounds good. Bye.” Jim hung up and stuck the phone in his pocket. As he headed out of his room a flash of gold caught his eye. It was a gold medal carefully crafted out of a yogurt lid and some paper clips. He had hung it over his desk lamp that night after the Office Olympics. He smiled every time he saw it because it helped him to think of great times with her. That little token reminded him of cokes, pencil cups in vending machines, air high fives, grilled cheese sandwiches on the roof and her excitement over paper doves. It reminded him of teapots and hot sauce packets, Desert Island movies, jellybeans and her head softly resting on his shoulder. He carefully picked up the medal from around his lamp and put it into his pocket. Maybe it would help to remind her of all those things too.
“Dude…you are going to be so impressed.” Jon said as Jim entered the kitchen.
“Why? Because you didn’t burn my house down?” Jim joked as he sat down on a bar stool.
“If you want one of my world famous omelets I suggest you take that remark and shove it….” Jon laughed placing a plate down in front of Jim.
“Thanks man…” Jim hadn’t realized how hungry he was until the scent of warm ham, eggs and cheese reached him. He ate the omelet in about 4 bites and followed it with a big gulp of OJ.
“Well I think I should get back to the hospital.” he said standing up and taking his dishes to the sink.
“Yeah, of course.” Jon set his plate in the sink on top of Jim’s and they headed for the door.
“I feel like I should stop and get her something…you know…like flowers…or something.” Jim said as he opened the door to the car.
“That’d be cool. Let’s stop at the store on our way.” Jon started the car and backed out of the driveway.
Jim was amazed as he stared into a refrigerated case of flowers at Scott’s Grocery Store.
“There are so many flowers.” Jim muttered. “Out of all the things that I know about her you would think that I would remember her favorite flower.”
“Man you really dropped the ball on this one. Flowers always have a meaning. Get her the wrong ones and you could be telling her that she smells like rotten cheese.” Jon said.
“Oh…my…gosh, Jon. That is by far the most useless thing that you have ever said….well at least in the last 5 minutes.” Jim laughed.
“It’s not useless…it’s true. Remember Wendy Miller? I bought her yellow roses once because her favorite color was yellow and I thought I was being all romantic and crap. Well she totally dumped me because apparently yellow roses imply friendship and since we had been dating for 3 whole weeks she was pissed that I didn’t get red and declare my undying love for her.”
“You dated Wendy Miller in 10th grade. You were still playing with GI Joes. How could you express your undying love for anyone?”
“True and I have become much wiser since then. But you ARE in love and you want these flowers to say something.”
“And not that she smells like rotting dairy….I got it.” Jim looked around for someone that could help him.
A small, white haired woman was walking towards him carrying a vase. She looked like just the person that would know something about the deeper meaning of flowers that Jon was talking about.
“Excuse me?” Jim said quietly as the woman approached. “I am trying to buy flowers for a very special person. My brother told me that all these flowers have different meanings and I want to get her some that mean something nice…not like the flower of anger or whatever.”
“Of course!” the woman smiled brightly. “Let’s see what the choices are.” She studied each bouquet of flowers closely. “Is this your girlfriend? Wife? Friend? Mother?” she inquired to Jim. “Oh geez,” Jim thought. “If I don’t even know…how can I explain it to her. Does she have a few hours for a story?”
Luckily Jon saved him by saying, “Girlfriend….and best friend.”
“Ah…here’s just the thing.” she said picking up a large bouquet of what looked to Jim to just be a bunch of pink flowers.
***The door to the office opened and shut consistently all day long. Every time the door would swing open he could see her eyes glance up hopefully only to return to her computer with more disappointment then the time before. It was times like these that made Jim hate Roy. He always thought he was the guy that never hated anyone. He was pretty relaxed and could usually make a friend or two wherever he went, but not Roy. Roy pissed him off to no end. Here this jerk had the most beautiful girl in the world just aching for a second of his attention and he didn’t even care enough to send her some lousy roses on Valentine’s Day. He hurt for her as she watched vase after vase of flowers be delivered to other people in the office, but never to her. As the day came to a close he couldn’t help but think, for the millionth time, how things would be different if she was with him instead of Roy. He would never forget to get her flowers for Valentines day…or any other day. He would never belittle her thoughts and dreams in private, let alone in front of his friends and co-workers. He would never….but then he realized that it didn’t matter. She was with Roy, not him and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
“Heading out?“ she asked had he shut his computer off.
“Yeah….“ he said taking his coat and scarf from the coat rack by her desk. “Alright Beesly…..hey…Happy Valentines Day.” He didn't see the look on her face...a look that showed her longing for what she didn't have.***
“Okay,” the woman said, handing the bouquet to Jim. “These are lilies. They mean friendship and devotion. These are germinis…the actually mean doing something foolish, but a lot of times that is what love is right?” Jim was surprised at how precisely flowers could describe his and Pam’s relationship. “And these…” she continued, “are tulips and they mean perfect love.” Perfect love? That is what a second chance was going to give them. A chance at love. Jim smiled at her.
“This is absolutely perfect.” he said. “Thank you…so much.”
“Of course dear! She’ll love them!” and with that she walked away.
“Alright, I‘m ready.” Jim told Jon as he grabbed a small card to go with the flowers.
Once they were in the car Jim tried to focus on what to say in the card. He had plenty to say, but it needed to come from him personally…not written in a card. ‘I love you’…too much? ‘You’re the only one for me’….too cheesy. Finally he scribbled something down on the card. Just before sliding it into the envelope he read it once more…just to make sure.
Pam,
It‘s our turn.
Love,
Jim
