Jim awoke to the sound of rain hitting his window. Jim loved when it rained and he found the sound soothing. He rolled over and looked at his clock. It was 6:00 am. For the past few months he would always wake up tired and hurting and dreading the thought of another day. Today was different. Today he was here and Pam was ready and they could finally be together. Excitedly he jumped out of bed and took a quick shower. He put on some jeans and a green sweater with small white stripes. He grabbed his iPod and ran downstairs. After grabbing a quick drink of juice and leaving Mark a note on the message board that hung next to their fridge, Jim grabbed his coat and umbrella and headed to his car. He decided to stop by Dunkin Donuts to grab some donuts and coffee for the Beesly’s.
He arrived at the hospital shortly before 7:00. Carefully balancing the donuts, coffee and his umbrella he made his way inside. He was so excited to see Pam. He felt like a little kid on his way to see Santa for the first time! He took the elevator up to her floor and made his way down the hall. He stopped just in front of her door when he heard Pam and Jenn’s voices. He turned around to go wait in the waiting room, but then paused as he heard his name. At first he wasn’t sure if they had known he was there and were calling him to come in or if they were talking about him, but then he heard Jenn’s voice continue.
“He came as soon as Phyllis called him. It was like 4 in the morning when he got here.”
“Really?” he head Pam say.
“Pam….are you really that surprised?” Jenn said with a laugh
“No…well kind of…I mean we haven’t…he has a girlfriend. We haven’t really talked in months.”
Jim felt a pang of sadness at all the time they had missed. All the moments that had passed them by.
“Well, I don’t think he has a girlfriend now.” Jenn said.
“Mom…you don’t know that. I can’t assume anything. That’s where I went wrong last time. I assumed that even though he had been gone for so long that when he came back we would pick up where we left off. I assumed that he would still feel the same, even though I gave him no indication that I ever could or….would.”
Jim felt guilty about eavesdropping on their conversation, but as he was making his way to the waiting room, Richard and Rick rounded the corner.
“Jim! Hey! You’re here early.” Rick said taking the box of donuts from Jim’s full hands.
“Yeah…um…I figured I could bring some breakfast by.”
“That’s great…thanks. We were just on our way to ask Jenn and Pam if they wanted anything, so you read our minds!”
Jim followed Pam’s dad and brother back towards her room. Jim saw the smile that immediately lit up Pam’s face when he walked into the room and it made his heart leap. She was sitting upright in bed propped up by several pillows. She was wearing a soft blue sweater over the hospital gown. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, but a few curls had escaped and were partially covering the bandage that was still on her forehead.
“Jim!” Jenn said happily, standing to give him a quick hug.
“Good morning.”
“Jim brought us breakfast.” Richard said opening the box of donuts that Rick had laid on the table.
“Thanks! That was so sweet!” Jenn took the coffee that Jim handed her.
He set the rest of the coffee next to the donuts and moved to stand closer to Pam.
“Hi!” she said brightly.
“How are you doing?” he asked. The look of pure kindness and caring that was in his eyes made Pam’s stomach flutter.
“Ok. I feel a lot better today. Hungry though so someone better hand me one of those donuts!”
Jim laughed and reached into the box for sprinkled donut for Pam and a cream filled for himself.
“Theses are my favorites!” Pam said has Jim handed her the donut and a napkin.
“I know…” Jim thought to himself with a smile.
“You can sit down.” Pam said motioning to a spot next to her on the bed.
Jim sat down cautiously on the edge of her bed. It was as if this new chapter in their lives was a glass box and one wrong move would send it shattering into a million pieces.
Pam shot him a look that clearly said, “What are you doing??”
Gradually he relaxed more and more as he sat on Pam’s bed and talked and laughed with the Beeslys. He loved seeing how Pam interacted with her family. She was so relaxed around them and he could really see her full personality shine through. The Pam that he had seen glimpses of, but because of all that was usually going on around them, got pushed to the side. He knew Pam. He knew better than most anyone, except her family. Her family knew her in every aspect of her life. He noticed that she mostly listened to her parents and brother talk, but he couldn’t help but stare when her beautiful smile would spread across her face. A couple of times she caught him staring at her and that would made her smile grow ever wider. In spite of the cheerful atmosphere in the room he also couldn’t help but notice when she looked at him, a remnant of the pain and confusion from the last few months. When he had returned to Scranton he had been determined not to read into any signal or sign that she might have been sending him. He was convinced he had to move on. That was the only way. But despite his determination to put her behind him whenever his eyes would catch hers, it was almost as if she was sending him a message. Telling him to just approach her, to just give her a glimpse of what he had confessed to feeling before and she could say yes this time…she would say yes. He could also see the disappointment and regret that clouded over her face when he wouldn’t acknowledge it. He wondered if the questions were building up in her the way they were in him. He knew that if they didn’t get to talk soon he would burst. He just wanted it all out there…so that he could finally hug her…hold her…kiss her. Tell her how much he loved her.
Around ten the conversation seemed to die down. Rick had dozed off on the couch and Richard seemed to be getting a little restless of just sitting in the small hospital room. Pam must of sensed her dad’s restlessness because she said, “Hey Mom…do you think that maybe you and dad could run over to my apartment and get me a few things?”
Jim stifled a laugh as her dad perked up at the idea of getting out for awhile.
“Sure honey, what do you need?”
“Well I’d like my toothbrush and some socks. Also, maybe you could bring some books or games or something so that we have things to do other than sit here and stare at each other.” Pam slowly tried to shift in bed, but it was difficult with her leg still up in the harness. “When did they say I could get out of bed….or at least get my leg out of this thing.”
“Soon,” her mom said helping her adjust the pillows behind her back. “They just don’t want you to over do it too fast.”
“I know…but if I don’t get out of this bed sometime I am going to go crazy!!”
“Well hopefully Jim can do something to entertain you while we’re gone.” Jenn said giving Pam a quick kiss on the head.
“I don’t know mom….he’s kind of dull.” Pam said grinning up at Jim.
“If that’s the way your going to be then I am leaving.” Jim said indignantly as he stood up.
“Oh sit down! You know I was kidding.” Pam said with a laugh.
“We’ll be back in a little while.” Jenn said. Richard shook Rick awake, gave Pam a quick kiss and then he and Rick followed Jenn out of the room.
For a brief moment Jim was nervous. This was the first real alone time that he and Pam had spent together in a long time. He knew that he wanted to get everything out in the open, but how to start? There was so much to say…so much time to cover that he didn’t even know how to start. He could sense that Pam must have been having similar thoughts because she kept shifting slightly in her bed and was absently playing with her fingers, a habit she did only when she was nervous.
“So….” Jim said scooting a little bit closer to her on the bed. “I don’t know exactly how to entertain you. I could try to juggle…or do sock puppets. I know a great mime routine. Or I could sing for you.”
Pam laughed. “Oh really? Is Andy giving you voice lessons?”
“I would only learn from the best.” Jim said. He looked down at Pam and their eyes locked. It was almost déjà vu from the Booze Cruise. He was hoping that all that he thought and felt and wanted to say to be conveyed in just a look.
***They had wandered out onto the deck of the boat to escape the drunken madness that was taking place inside.
“It’s getting kind of rowdy in there.” she said pulling her coat tighter around her body.
“Yeah…Darryl…Darryl.”
She laughed as she leaned up against the railing of the boat.
“Sometimes I just don’t get Roy” she said.
“Well….“ he started, but then stopped because he realized he didn’t have an answer. What was he supposed to say? He wanted to tell her that he didn’t get Roy either. That Roy didn’t deserve her. That if she would just give him a chance he could show her what it was really like to be loved. He hurt for her when he saw how Roy treated her and how she felt the constant need to defend him or to brush it off like it was nothing. She didn’t deserve that and he wanted so badly to tell her. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t say anything.
“So….“ she said breaking the silence of his thoughts. “What’s it like dating cheerleader?” Oh man. If she only knew what was going on in his head. Katy was a nice girl. She was pretty and fun, but she could never compare. Never measure up to the girl with the green eyes and cheeks that were pink from the cold that was standing in front of him. It was on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell her then. Tell her all of it. Their eyes met and he nearly lost it when she smiled up at him. It took every ounce of self-control in his body to not lean down and kiss her right then. She had to have sensed it. She had to have known what he felt…at least a little bit, but instead she just smiled and went back inside…leaving him standing alone in the cold.***
This time it was different than that night on the Booze Cruise because this time she broke the silence. She sat up a little in bed and tentatively reached over and took his hand.
“Jim…” she began in a soft voice. “There is just so much…so much that I need to say to you.” He could see tears start to glisten in her eyes, but he didn’t say anything. He knew that it was taking most of her courage to do this and he didn’t want to hinder that in anyway.
**Ring Ring** Ring Ring**
The sound of his phone ringing startled him. He went to turn it off, but then he saw it was the office. “I…I’m sorry…it’s the office. Please…just hold that thought for one second…please.”
“It’s okay…just get it.” Pam said softly squeezing his hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Jim stood up and flipped open his phone. “Yeah?” he said, sounding more irritated than he had meant too.
“Jim? It’s Phyllis.” the voice on the other end said. “I am sorry to bother you…I know your at the hospital with Pam, but we have a problem over here.”
“What the hell?” Jim thought. “Why now? Seriously.”
“What’s the problem Phyllis?”
“Well Michael is home “sick” and so Dwight decided that he was going to try and be the manager for the day and I don’t know all the details, but it ended up with him in the women’s bathroom and now Jan is on her way down. She asked me to call you and have you meet us over here. I told her about what happened, but she said she really needs you to come if there is any way that you can.”
“Wow…I just…wow.” Jim didn’t even want to think of the madness that was taking place at the office right now. “Well…I guess…I can, but only for a little bit.”
“Ok…see you soon.” Phyllis hung up and Jim turned back to Pam.
“Pam…” he began.
“You have to leave?” she asked.
“Yeah, but it will only be for a little while. I don’t know all the details, but think Dwight and the women’s bathroom.”
“Wow….you better get over there quick.”
“I’m so sorry. I….we do need to talk. Please….”
“It’s fine Jim! Go…fix this and then come back. We’ll talk…I promise.” she smiled. “I could use a little nap anyways…although now I am plagued by thoughts of Dwight and the women’s bathroom so I might have nightmares!”
Jim walked over and gently took her hand. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“I know you will.”
