Pam was silent the entire ride back to the hotel. Tears had been trickling down her cheeks at first, but now she just sat rigid and silent. Aidan knew better than to say something to her. Nothing he could say would fill the emptiness that she was feeling.
He followed close behind her as she made her way to the elevator and then down the hall to her room. He could hear Natalee and Kate laughing as he took the key from Pam’s hand and slipped it into the lock. Their laughter stopped when they saw Pam’s face.
“Pam?” Kate asked nervously while Natalee cast a questioning glace at Aidan. Pam said nothing, she just walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
“Call me…if there’s something we can do…or for anything.” Natalee whispered to Kate as her and Aidan slipped out of the room.
Kate nodded and then went over to the bathroom door. “Pam?” she asked knocking softly. Pam didn’t answer, so Kate carefully pushed open the door. Pam was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, her head in her hands.
“Hey….” Kate said sitting down next to her sister.
After what seemed like forever Pam looked at her, her eyes red and puffy. Kate wrapped her arms around Pam.
“It’s over…” Pam her voice catching in her throat. Then she leaned her head against Kate’s shoulder and began to cry.
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Pam woke up to see Kate sitting in a chair next to the bed reading a magazine.
“Hey…” Pam said sitting up. “What time is it?”
“It’s quarter after 9. How are you doing?”
“I’m okay.” Pam said standing up and heading towards the bathroom.
After taking a shower, Pam dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, pulled her hair back into a ponytail and went back out where Kate was still sitting in the chair.
“Want to go get some breakfast?” Pam asked slipping on her shoes.
“Um…sure…but don’t you want to talk…or anything?”
“There is nothing to talk about Kate. It’s over. He has moved on and it is really time that I do the same.”
“Pam….” Kate said going to stand in front of Pam. “Come on….”
“I really….really don’t want to talk about it.” Pam said resolutely. “Please…not now.” She was almost pleading.
“Okay…” Kate said grabbing her purse. “Where do you want to go.”
“Anywhere with pancakes.” Pam said with a feeble smile.
Natalee had left a message with the front desk telling them that Aidan had to get back to the city to prepare for a meeting, but they would see Pam when she got back to New York. After breakfast, they returned to the hotel and packed.
Kate stood on the sidewalk while Pam put her bags in her car. She was seriously worried about her sister. She had never seen her like this…not even when she broke off the wedding.
“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Kate asked.
“Yeah…I’ll be fine. I need to get back. Get some stuff ready for tomorrow.”
“Okay. Well call me as soon as you get home.”
“I will. Thanks for everything Kate. I’ll talk to you soon okay?” Pam hugged her sister tightly.
“I love you Pam. Call me…if you need anything.”
“I will. I love you too. Bye”
Kate waved as Pam climbed into her car and drove off. Kate knew this wasn’t okay. She had to do something.
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Natalee was waiting on the couch when Pam got home.
“Hey…” she said with concern. “I was worried about you. Was your drive okay?”
“Yeah…it was fine.” Pam said taking her suitcases to her room.
“Are you okay?” Natalee said following her and leaning against her door frame.
“Not really….but I will be. Aidan probably thinks I am a mess.”
“Not at all. He’s worried about you too.”
“I’ll be okay…I just need…I don’t know what I need. I think I’m going to take a nap. Do you want to grab some dinner later?” Pam asked kicking off her shoes.
“Definitely…are you sure you don’t want to talk…or anything.”
“Not right now.” Pam said laying down on her bed.
“Okay…I’ll be here if you need anything.”
“Thanks…” Pam mumbled rolling over and shutting her eyes.
It was about 4:30 by the time that Pam woke up. She stood up and stretched and then slowly opened the door to her room. Natalee and Aidan were sitting on the couch watching TV.
“Hey…” Pam said walking out and sitting down in a chair.
“Hey!” both Natalee and Aidan said together.
“What are you guys watching?”
“Oh just some dumb TV movie. How was your nap?” Natalee asked.
“Good. Hey Aidan…thanks a lot for last night. It really helped having you there. I’m sorry about…everything.”
“Pam…” Aidan said seriously. “Don’t even worry about it. I am glad I could be there.”
“Well I really appreciate it.” Pam took a long pause. “Are you guys hungry, because I am starving.”
“Yeah…where do you want to go?” Natalee asked.
“Anywhere is fine. Let me just change really quick.” Pam stood up and went back into her room, not seeing the concerned look exchanged between Natalee and Aidan.
After dinner Pam sat on the couch with Natalee watching TV, but her mind was clearly somewhere else. She went to bed early. Once she had disappeared into her room Natalee pulled out her cell phone and quickly dialed a number.
“Kate…it’s me.”
“Hey. How is she doing?”
“I don’t know. She slept all afternoon, then we had dinner and she just went back to bed.”
“Oh geez. Look I am going to take care of it. Just try to keep her busy…I guess.”
“I will. Bye.”
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Jim had arrived at work early the next morning, desperate to do anything to keep his mind occupied. He and Karen had left soon after Pam and Aidan because Karen told him that they needed to talk. He had slept most of Sunday and now he was wide awake and in need of doing something, anything, but sit and think.
He organized his desk and filed some papers and was in the process of e-mail some leads by the time anyone else showed up in the office.
“Do not think I don’t know what you’re trying to do Jim.” Dwight said as he slid into his desk.
“What am I trying to do?” Jim asked.
“You are clearly threatened by my sales skill and you think that if you come in early you’ll get a head start. Well let me tell you something…you will never be as good as me Jim. Never.”
“Good to know Dwight.” Jim said not taking his eyes off his computer. Dwight shot him a look and immediately got to work.
Jim went and got some coffee and returned to his desk just in time to see Karen hurry past. She went right to her desk, threw some things in a box, grabbed some files and hurried back out, pushing against Michael in the process.
“Geez.” Michael said coming up to lean against Jim’s desk. “Women and their cycles. I swear. It’s like the Heckyl and Jide book. Take my advice. Stay away from her for at least a week. That’s what I’ve learned from my girlfriend…Jan.”
“Well that shouldn’t be a problem. We’re not together anymore.” Jim blurted out before realizing who he was talking too.
“What? Jim! Do you want to talk about it? Want to go to lunch? My treat. I can help you through this.”
Jim sighed. “No Michael…I really don’t want to talk about it. Please.” He must have said it in a tone so serious that Michael actually took a hint and with a shrug walked away.
The rest of the morning went by smoothly. Michael stayed in his office and Dwight only said five annoying things. He was about to go into the break room for lunch when his phone rang.
“Jim Halpert…”
“Um….hi.” said the voice on the other end. He could have sworn it was Pam.
“Who is this?”
“Sorry…um…this is kind of weird. My name is Kate…Beesly. I’m Pam’s sister.”
Jim was silent for a moment. When he finally snapped out of his trance his first thought was that something had happened to Pam.
“Hi.” he said again. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah…well kind of. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”
“No…wait…” he said softly.
“Ok well…the only reason why I called is that I think you should talk to Pam.”
“I….” Jim faltered.
“Please…I mean if you can. I know that she‘s had plenty of chances…I just…”
“I know…I understand.” Jim said.
“Thanks…again…I’m sorry I called.”
“No…don’t be sorry. I’m glad you did.”
“Bye Jim.”
Then the line went dead. Jim sat for a moment staring at the receiver. Then without thinking he quickly opened a new e-mail and typed in Pam’s address.
**Dear Pam,
I just wanted to tell you thank you for the dance. It meant a lot.
I also wanted to tell you that Karen and I broke up. It never would have worked out in the end. I couldn’t give her everything. Anyways, I hope your well and I hope to hear from you soon.
Jim**
He quickly sent the e-mail and then retreated to the break room. Sitting at the table with his ham and cheese he finally thought back to the night before.
They had left shortly after he saw Pam and Aidan leave. He opened the door for Karen and before he could close it she slammed it as hard as she could. They didn’t talk the entire ride to his house, just sat in stony silence. When they had pulled into his driveway he turned off the engine, but neither of them made a move to get out of the car. After what seemed like an eternity Karen spoke.
“I am such an idiot.” she said softly.
“Karen…”
“Let me finish.” she snapped. “I had no idea. How could I not know? How could I have never figured it out? I mean I’m smart. I went to college, got a degree and yet here I am. I moved here from Connecticut on a whim, for a guy I was seriously falling for, but who I really didn’t know. How could I have never put it together. I mean you started acting all weird right after she left and like the idiot I am I bought your story about how you were just upset that she didn’t say goodbye to anyone. I am such an idiot.”
Jim waited to see if he could speak. When she didn’t continue he took a deep breath and said, “You’re not an idiot Karen. I really was glad that you moved here. There is nothing with Pam. Truthfully, there never really was.”
“Don’t lie to me Jim. I have been wishing for months that you would look at me for a second the way that I saw you looking at her. That’s not nothing Jim. Did you guys date?”
“No…we didn’t.” Jim said.
“Well? A look like that doesn’t mean nothing Jim. You want a chance to be honest. Here it is.”
Jim hesitated for a few minutes. “Look…before I went to Stamford, I had a crush on her. I told her about it and she didn’t feel the same way. I kissed her and she still turned me down. So I left.”
Karen shook her head. “A crush? That is bullshit Jim and you know it. You don’t look at someone like that that you just had a crush on. Jim…tell me the truth. You owe me that.”
“Fine…you want the truth?” Jim could feel himself start to get mad. He didn’t want to, especially not at her because none of this was really her fault. “The truth is that I was in love with her. I loved her. I loved her for years and I told her and she ripped my heart out. Is that what you wanted to hear? Huh? Does that make you feel better knowing that?” Jim was shaking as he dropped his head.
“You were in love with her? Or you are still in love with her. Because based off of what I saw tonight…looks like the feeling is still there…and that it’s mutual.”
Jim looked over at her, the tears in his eyes made her hurt inside. “Karen…I am so sorry. I didn’t want this. Really.”
After several moments Karen sighed. “I know Jim. I’m sorry too. I hope you find what you‘re looking for.” She reached over and lightly touched his arm, “Goodbye Jim.” Then she climbed out of his car, got into hers and was gone.
He sat in his car, head resting on the steering wheel for over an hour. How had it come to this. A year ago they were laughing over pranks on Dwight and sharing coke in the break room. Now he was sitting in his driveway heartbroken, again, and alone.
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Pam kicked her shoes off in the corner of her room and sat down in the desk chair to check her e-mail. She had sent her logo ideas to Michael and she was surprised at how nervous she was while she waited to hear back.
Her heart dropped when she saw his name in he inbox. She blinked to make sure she wasn’t imagining it. She quickly clicked on the email and began to read. It was short, but it said enough. She smiled as tears streamed down her face. She couldn’t believe what she was reading. She hit reply and began to type back a response.
**Jim,
Hi. I am sorry about you and Karen. I really hope that the dance didn’t cause any problems and if it did, I am really sorry.
If you need anyone to talk to, just know that I am here. I may not be in Scranton but I'm only a call or an email away. Hope to hear from you soon.
Pam**
It wasn’t until after the email was sent that she realized that she may of misinterpreted what he was saying. All he said was that he had Karen had broken up. He didn’t say anything that hinted to him still having feelings for her. Maybe he was just looking for a way to rekindle their friendship.
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Jim was feeling something he hadn’t felt in weeks, months even. He was feeling a strange sense of calm. He was relieved that he was no longer treating Karen the way he had been because that just wasn’t who he was. He was happy that he had e-mailed Pam and somehow he just knew that she was going to e-mail him back. The phone call from her sister had done something to him. The memory of the night of Phyllis’s wedding wasn’t really one that he wanted to store in his mind, except for one part. He could still smell her hair, feel the softness of is against his cheek as they danced. He remembered the feel of her hands on his shoulders and the heat that flushed his face as she looked up at him. He had come home from work and gone out for a bite with Mark. Now he was sitting in a pair of faded blue plaid pajama pants and a well worn gray Penn State t-shirt, waiting impatiently for his computer to load. His stomach twisted in anticipation, trying to prepare himself to see no new emails. He almost jumped out of his chair when he saw her name in his inbox. He really wanted not to read into something that wasn’t there, so he didn’t respond right away. Instead he put on some running shoes and went for a really long run. Once he was back he ran his hand through his hair and opened a new e-mail.
**Pam,
I am glad that you wrote back. Did you have a good day? Dwight decided that today would be a good day clean out the file box next to his desk and when he wasn‘t looking I kept switching the piles around. He looked so confused and finally gave up. I knew that of all people you would appreciate that.
Pam, don’t worry about what happened with Karen. It needed to happen and it had nothing to do with the dance or anything else about you. I just hope that you and Aidan can find the kind of happiness that you deserve, because you deserve something great.
Hope to talk to you soon,
Jim**
He read the e-mail over a couple of times before hitting send. Then he went to bed and for the first time in a long time slept soundly.
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Pam woke up early the next morning and made herself some tea. She didn’t want to check her e-mail for fear that it would empty. She kept walking into her room and staring at her computer and then walking back out. She took a shower and got dressed. Then in an effort to keep herself busy she made breakfast for herself and Natalee.
“Well aren’t you just a regular Betty Crocker.” Natalee said when she came out of her room and looked at the huge spread of eggs, bacon, toast, fruit and waffles that Pam had laid out on the table.
“I think I went a little overboard.” Pam laughed.
Natalee was happy to see Pam smile again. They still had not talked about what happened the night of Phyllis’s wedding, but Natalee could see a change in Pam’s disposition, small as it may be.
Pam waited until her lunch break before she finally sat down at a computer and opened her e-mail. She smiled as she read his e-mail, that is until she got to the part about Aidan. Then her smile slowly dropped from her face. She had forgotten about that. She knew that neither one of them had come right out and said that they were a couple, but she knew that was how Jim took it…that was how she had intended it. She knew she was going to have to tell him the truth.
**Jim,
Before I say anything else I have to tell you something. Now you have every right to be mad and if you don’t write back for awhile I will completely understand. Aidan and I aren’t a couple. He is actually my roommates fiancé. I’m sorry. I know how it looked. I asked him to come with me because, honestly I couldn’t bear the thought of watching you with Karen and not having someone there with me, just as a support. Again, I am sorry. I just wanted to tell you.
Pam
p.s. Thanks for telling me about Dwight. Some day you’ll have to write a book. No one will believe it otherwise.**
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Jim sat staring at his computer screen. He was sitting out on his back deck while Mark was shouting from inside at a ball game on TV. His first reaction was to feel relieved. Then he began feel like a total moron for the way that he had acted towards Aidan. He thought that he would be mad, but then he realized that he was part to blame since he just assumed that they were a couple, he never actually had any proof.
**Pam,
Well, I’ll just start off saying that I’m not mad. Since you were honest with me I will be honest with you. I am actually really relieved to hear that you are not a couple. However, I feel like a total jerk for the way I reacted to him. He does seem like a nice guy. Don’t be sorry though. We’ve both done a lot these past months that we could be sorry for, but we need to move on.
How is the internship going? Tell me about your fancy new apartment. This one has 3 kitchens right? I mean it is in New York. Everything is fancier in New York.
Jim**
p.s. Just in case: 570-555-1020
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**Jim,
Still only one kitchen, surprisingly. I was disappointed at first, but I’ve gotten used to it. We do have a great view of the Hudson river though. And a door man. It is pretty fancy. I’m still getting used to it. Sometimes I can’t believe it’s real. It will be a big change when I come back to Scranton and have to find an apartment that has a view of…nothing.
Thank you for understanding about Aidan. He is a nice guy and happily engaged to my roommate. Her name is Natalee. She is the total opposite of me. Tall, brunette, gorgeous, talented, sophisticated. We get a long really well. She had been showing me some of the finer points of living in a big city.
How is work? Did Dwight do anything extra “Dwight” like today? Wait, what am I thinking. It’s Dwight.
Pam**
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**Pam,
I can’t believe that even in a thriving city like New York you only have one kitchen. I wouldn’t settle for anything less than three, but that’s just me. I have high expectations of my living arrangements. Speaking of which, earlier Mark mentioned getting a futon. I told him I don’t think I could handle that. He asked why and I said, Michael. He understood after that.
You think you’ll move back to Scranton after this? I thought you’d stay there. Get a fancy new job and a fancy apartment of your own.
Speaking of coming back to Scranton, what were you doing with Jan and Michael? Relationship counseling?
Jim**
Jim smiled as he hit send. It felt so good to have the beginning of his friendship with Pam back. Their e-mails were simple, friendly…nothing too deep. He closed his laptop and laid down on his bed. His eyes closed and he was almost asleep when a ringing sound jolted him awake. He grabbed his cell phone off his desk and looked at the front. His heart nearly leaped out of his chest when he saw her name, Pam, flash on the screen. He quickly flipped open the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi.” It was amazing what just the sound of her voice did to him. “Did I wake you?”
“No...no. I actually was just sending you another e-mail.”
“Oh, good.”
“What are you doing?” he asked stretching back out on his bed.
“Nothing. Just sitting out on the balcony.”
“What? It’s almost midnight. Aren’t you freezing?”
“I have a sweater…and a blanket…and mittens on.” she laughed.
“I guess that makes it a little better.” he said with a smile. “What do you have going on tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow we go to the Met. They are actually getting ready for a big show so we are in charge of getting all the pieces ready and in order so that they can be displayed. It’s actually a lot of work. More than I thought.”
‘That sounds great. Are you enjoying it?”
“So much. I’ve learned a ton. It’s great.”
“I’m glad Pam.” he tried to stifle a yawn.
“I better let you get to bed.” Pam said. “It’s late. Can I call you tomorrow?”
“Absolutely. That’d be great.” Jim couldn’t stop smiling.
“Ok…I will talk to you then. Bye Jim.”
“Bye Pam.”
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Pam flipped her phone shut and then pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders made her way back inside. Natalee was sitting on the couch drawing. She looked up as Pam walked back in.
“What’s up?” she asked noticing the huge smile on Pam’s face.
“Everything is going to be okay.” Pam said. “Goodnight!”
Natalee smiled as she watched Pam walk into he bedroom shut the door. Finally, it was going to be okay.
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Jim talked to Pam on the phone every night after that. Usually their conversations were short and simple. Nothing too complex or deep. They also continued sending e-mails back and forth. Just tidbits about their day. Jim would keep Pam filled in on the insanity that came with working with Michael and Dwight and she told him all about the art show she was working on. Despite the happiness they both felt at this chance to reconnect their friendship they both knew it was only a matter of time before they would have to have some more serious conversations.
Friday after work Pam was sitting out on the balcony with a cup of tea and her sketch book. She was finishing the drawing of the skyline when her cell phone rang.
“Hi.” she said smiling into the phone.
“Hey. How are you?”
“I’m good. How are you?”
“Tired. Glad it’s Friday. What are your plans for this weekend?”
“I don’t have any. Natalee is going to some fancy business dinner thing with Aidan tonight so I am left here. I will probably watch a movie and go to bed! I lead an exciting life.”
“Sounds like it.” Jim laughed.
“What about you? Anything planned?”
“Well I am actually going to dinner with my brother and mom and dad tonight.”
“That sounds fun. What about tomorrow?”
“Nothing…games and sleep probably. You’re not the only one that leads an exciting life.”
“I guess not. I am going to central park tomorrow. There is this great pond, Turtle Pond it’s called, that I wanted to go sketch.”
“Wow that sounds really fun.”
“Yeah. It should be nice.”
“Well I hate to cut this short, but my parents just got here. I’ll talk to you tomorrow okay?”
“Sounds great. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Pam did just as she had planned. She watched a movie and went to bed early. The next morning she ate some cereal and took a shower. She pulled on a pair of jeans, a pink t-shirt and her brown cable sweater. She carefully put mousse through her curls and then pulled them back into a cute ponytail. She grabbed her sketch book and put it into a canvas bag with some other art supplies. She grabbed the bag and her keys and made her way to the front door. When she threw it open and stopped short, her eyes wide with surprise.
“Jim…”
