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The trip to New York had been so fast that Pam barely had time to think. One minute she was leaving Dunder Mifflin and the next she was in Jan’s office signing papers.
“Now like I said earlier.” Jan said. “You will be able to stay in the apartment we have during the course of your internship. However, you will have a roommate. Her name is…Natalee Shepard. She’s another one of our interns.”
A roommate? Pam had never had an actual roommate before. She had moved in with Roy almost immediately after she graduated from high school. Her first reaction was to feel apprehensive about the whole situation, but as she thought about it more she decided maybe that is just what she needed.
“I’ve met her,” Jan continued. “She is really dedicated. I am sure you will get along really well.”
“Ok…” Pam said lamely. She was so overwhelmed by the enormity of what she was about to do.
“Here is the key and building information. You can start moving your stuff in whenever you want. I think Natalee has already moved in, but she is home for the holidays. Your orientation is January 3rd at 10:00.”
Pam took the key and papers that Jan handed her. Her heart was beating so loud she thought it would break out of her chest.
“Well…I think that is everything. I am really excited that you decided to do this.” Jan said standing to shake Pam’s hand.
“Yeah…me too.”
“Oh…and I faxed over the paperwork to Michael last night. I am waiting for a call from him to finalize everything. You should be good to go though. Are you heading home?”
“Yeah I am. I’m going to spend a couple days with my family and then get some stuff ready to come up here.” Pam said walking with Jan to the door of the office.
“Well have a great holiday and we’ll see you in January.” Jan waved and then closed the door.
Pam walked outside with her head in a fog. She felt like she was in some sort of weird dream. This couldn’t really be happening. She was moving…in a week. To New York City. She’d only been to New York once when her parents had taken her to see the Statue of Liberty and that was when she was five. She took a deep breath and sat down on a bench. Her chest was throbbing. She couldn’t tell if it was because of nerves, anxiety or for the simple fact that she missed him.
She wanted to walk, needed to clear her head, but she didn’t want to get lost. “Why in the hell am I doing this?” she thought to herself. “I am too big a chicken to do this. It took ten years for me to get my own apartment.” She thought seriously about going back inside and telling Jan that she changed her mind. She even walked in and out of the lobby twice before finally just walking to her car.
The whole drive back to Scranton her head was filled with a million different thoughts. What if she failed? What if she succeeded? Would he ever think about her? Would he miss her? As she drove her nerves calmed and she actually started to feel excited. This was the type of adventure she had always dreamed about and now here it was right in front of her. She needed to grab it and hold on to it as tight as she could.
She pulled into the parking lot at her apartment and hurried inside. She quickly grabbed a suitcase and started throwing things into it. She wanted to get to her parents house as soon as possible so that she could share her news with them. She couldn’t believe the timing of Jan’s offer. She had only signed a six month lease when she had moved out of the house she shared with Roy. It was up this month. It was time for a clean break. A fresh start. It was almost as if fate was telling her this is exactly what she should be doing.
Once she had her back packed she quickly locked the door and got into her car. She was feeling free…lighter than she had in a long time. She had to push the thoughts of Jim out of her head. They had both made choices and now they had to live with the ramifications. She put in her favorite John Mayer CD and cranked the volume up. The highway stretched out in front of her and she was ready.
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Pam smiled as she pulled onto the oak tree lined street. The Christmas lights that twinkled on the passing houses were just as she had always remembered. She had grown up on this street. This was the type of neighborhood where everyone knew everyone. She passed kids on their bikes and people standing outside talking to their neighbors. She pulled up in front of a white two story house. She got out of her car and stared up at the house. This was the house Pam grew up in. The house where she had all her Christmases. The tree out front that she had spent hours climbing. The porch where she had her first kiss. She loved coming home.
“Pam!?!” the front door flew open. Pam looked up to see her sister Kate flying off the porch. Pam had always had a close relationship with her younger sister even though they were the total opposite of each other. Kate was tall with long, silky red hair. She had always been popular in high school, involved in softball and track. Despite the four year age difference they had always been close. Kate had been the one that Pam called when she would have a fight with Roy. She was one of her main supporters when Pam had broken up with Roy. And most of all…she was the one that was there…no questions asked when Pam cried to herself to sleep after Casino Night.
“Hi!!” Pam hurried to her sister and threw her arms around her. “Look at you! You look great!”
“Thanks! So do you!”
“I look the same as always, but thanks!” Pam mumbled.
“We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow! I am so happy you’re here!!” Kate said enthusiastically.
“Yeah…some things came up and I was able to get away early.” Kate instantly knew something was up as she took Pam’s bag from her hand and led her into the house.
Pam walked into the entryway of her parents house and took off her jacket. She sighed happily. Everything was the same. The sounds, the smells, it was just as Pam remembered it. Pictures filled the bookcase that was right inside the door. Pam looked fondly at the pictures. Pam and Kate at Kate’s high school graduation. Kate’s prom picture. A family picture at the beach. Pam and Kate up in the tree when they were little. Pam did notice that there was some empty spaces on the bookshelf and she knew why. At one time a lot of the pictures had included Roy.
Pam thought back to the night before bridal shower. Kate and her mom Diane, had come into to town for the night. Kate was out with a friend that lived in Scranton, so Pam and her mom were working on some last minute wedding details. Pam had been sitting there for 20 minutes staring blankly at the seating chart.
“So what do you think? Pam? Hello?!” Diane had said tapping Pam lightly on the shoulder.
“What? Oh…yeah it’s fine.”
Diane Beesly always prided herself on having a close relationship with her daughters, but she had always had a special connection to Pam. Along with her bright green eyes, Pam had also inherited Diane’s quiet demeanor. She’d known for awhile. Known that there was a reason for her daughters unhappiness. She had been the one Pam had called after Jim told her he loved her. Pam had admitted to Diane that she loved him too, but she just couldn’t…couldn’t take that chance. She had cried in Diane’s arms when she found out that Jim had moved…hadn’t said goodbye. And yet here they were putting the finishing touches on Pam’s wedding to a man that Diane knew she didn’t truly love.
“Pam…” Diane began softly. She stopped when Pam looked up at her. Her eyes glistening with tears.
“I can’t do it mom. I…just can’t do it. I can’t marry him.”
Diane knew that she should have been surprised, but deep down she was relieved. Relieved that her daughter had gathered enough courage to admit to herself that this wasn’t what she wanted. She had reached over and taken Pam’s hand and whispered, “Ok.”
The sound of Kate closing the door jarred Pam out of her thoughts.
“Mom and Dad ran to the store. They should be back any time. They will be so excited that you are here! Come on!!” Kate led the way into the living room. Pam smiled when she saw the tree with all the old ornaments and the red and green knit stockings hanging over the fireplace.
Kate flopped onto the couch and motioned for Pam to sit next to her.
“What’s up Pam? You look…different.”
“Well I kind of have some big news…but I want to wait for Mom and Dad…so I can tell you all together.”
As if on cue they heard the front door open.
“Kate!! They didn’t have white melting chocolate…I hope that reg…” her mom stopped short when she saw Pam sitting on the couch. “Pam!! You’re here!! We didn’t think we’d get to see you until tomorrow!”
“Hi Mom!” Pam said rushing to give her mom a hug. “Daddy!!” Pam said as her dad, Ben, walked in his arms full of groceries.
“Pam!” he hurried to set them down so that he could hug his eldest daughter. “We thought you couldn’t come until tomorrow!”
“Pam has some big news…” Kate said.
“Oh really?” Diane asked sitting down in the large armchair next to the couch.
“Come on…spill it Pammy!!” Kate said. Pam rolled her eyes at the sound of her old nickname, but she knew that Kate was only one that she would get away with still using it.
“Well…yesterday at work I got a call from Jan at the corporate office…she is the head of all the branches on the east coast. She told me that there was a six month art internship in New York and she asked me if I would be interested in doing it. And…I took it.”
Pam immediately looked at Diane to see her reaction. A look of surprise and excitement mixed with confusion was on her face. Pam knew the cause for the confusion. All she had talked about for the last week whenever Diane would call her was the fact that Jim was coming back to Scranton. She could tell that that was the question running through Diane’s mind.
“Wow Pam! That is awesome.” Kate said jumping up to hug her.
“Really Pam. That is terrific! We are so proud of you honey!” Ben said.
Pam turned and looked at her mom. “Mom? What do you think?”
“When does it start?” Diane asked slowly.
“January 3rd.”
“What about work?”
“Well it’s a paid internship…and there is actually an apartment that the company owns that I am going to live in with another intern.” Pam said.
“Wait…you’ll have to live in New York?”
“Yes, but only for six months.” Pam knew the reason for all the questions.
Diane stood up and looked Pam square in the eye. “Is this what you really want to do?”
Pam took a deep breath and said confidently, “Yes Mom. This is exactly what I want to do.”
The look in Pam’s eyes and the assurance in her voice was all Diane needed. She just smiled and said, “Well then…congratulations! That is wonderful honey!”
“Thanks Mom.” Pam breathed a sigh of relief as Diane pulled her into a warm hug.
The rest of the evening passed by filled with talking and laughter. Pam loved being with her family. They ate and wrapped presents by the tree. Kate told them all about her crazy roommate and Diane and Pam just laughed while Kate and Ben argued over who the best player on the Phillies was. Every so often Pam would catch Diane looking at her curiously and she knew that a more detailed explanation of her recent decision was inevitable.
At 9:00 Ben had turned on the news and Kate was getting ready to go out and meet some friends. Pam went into the kitchen to help her mom with the dishes. The worked in silence for a few minutes when Diane finally stopped and turned to Pam.
“Ok…Pam…what happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“You know exactly what I mean. Last month, you could barely contain your excitement at the prospect of Jim coming back to Scranton and now…your moving to New York all of a sudden? What happened?”
Pam rested her hands on the counter and sighed deeply. “Nothing happened Mom. That’s the problem.”
Diane set the dish towel down on the counter and gestured for Pam to sit down at the table. “What happened the day Jim came back? Did you talk to him?”
“Yeah…I did…well kind of. I asked him if he wanted to go get coffee and he said no. Then later on…” Pam stopped. The image of Karen’s hand on his back was still burned into her mind.
“He has a girlfriend. A girl that came with him from the Stamford branch. Her name is Karen.”
“Oh Pam…”
Pam felt the tears begin to burn in her eyes and she quickly wiped them away. She wasn’t going to do this. Not anymore. “So…he came back and we haven’t really talked since. That’s it. There is nothing there for me anymore.”
“Well…maybe this internship will be a good thing then. Get you some of your life back. What did Jim say when you told him you were leaving?”
“Um…” Pam haltered.
“Oh Pam. You didn’t tell him?”
“No I didn’t. And you know what? I don’t think he would care anyways.”
“I know you don’t really believe that.” Diane said softly laying a hand over Pam’s.
“Mom…I have spent every day of the past month watching him with her. Watching them laugh and smile. He barely looks at me. I know I hurt him. Why on earth I thought I deserved a second chance I‘ll never know. But I didn‘t get one…so it doesn‘t matter. Besides what was I supposed to do? Go up to him and say…hey…you blew me off so I’m moving away?”
“I don’t know what you should have said, but I do know how much it hurt you when he didn’t say goodbye.” Diane stood up and went back to the sink. “Just think about it okay?”
Pam stared silently out the window watching the snow fall softly to the ground. It did hurt that he didn’t say goodbye, but she couldn’t go back there and face him again. Couldn’t watch him with her anymore. Everything was different now and she had to move on.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Don't Own Them! But I am in the market for a Jim Halpert.....
Chapter End Notes:
Some Visual Aid:
Pam's childhood home: http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/jinxcoke/th_HOUSE.jpg
Pam's sister Kate: http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/jinxcoke/th_KATE.jpg
Reviews are my crack, so help my habit!
Pam's childhood home: http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/jinxcoke/th_HOUSE.jpg
Pam's sister Kate: http://i247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/jinxcoke/th_KATE.jpg
Reviews are my crack, so help my habit!
