Pam stared blankly into her open suitcase. She had been in the process of packing for her trip to Scranton for the hour and a half. She had been excused early from her work at the Met to pack and to make the drive down to Scranton. So far all she had packed were three pairs of socks and her toothbrush. Her mind was racing a million miles an hour. Tomorrow she was going to see Jim. She felt the same way she did when he had come back from Stamford, but she remembered what had happened after that and so she tried to suppress those feelings as much as possible. This was a business trip, she tried to tell herself. She was going with Jan as a representative of the corporate office. They were having a meeting with Michael. Then she was going to a wedding…of an office friend and then she would be returning to New York. It would be fine. It didn’t have to be quite the crisis situation that Pam imagined. She wondered if Jim knew she was coming. She wondered if Michael had made a big announcement about it. Maybe Jim wouldn’t even be at work. Maybe he would take the day off so he wouldn’t have to see her.
“Stop Pam! You are being ridiculous. Get a grip!” she thought to herself and she opened her closet for the thousandth time. She took out several tops, two pairs of jeans, a pair of dress pants and a skirt. She carefully folded the shirts and jeans into the suitcase and hung the other items in her garment bag. Then she pulled out the new dress she had bought on her shopping excursion with Natalee. It was a gorgeous dress, simple, but it fit nicely and she felt pretty in it. It was a deep navy blue satin with small cap sleeves and an empire waist. She had also bought these great black high heels that Natalee had made her practice walking in all week so that her feet were used to them. Natalee had also insisted on treating her to a facial, manicure and pedicure the night before. Pam couldn’t believe how close they had become in such a short amount of time. She carefully hung the dress in the garment bag and placed her slip and the high heels into the suitcase. She added one more skirt so she had a couple of options to wear to the meeting tomorrow. She couldn’t believe that Natalee had turned her into such a girly girl. Usually it took her five minutes to get dressed, but she realized that it was from years living with Roy who grew impatient if he ever had to wait more than 10 seconds for her to get dressed. Finally she pulled on a pair of jeans, a small floral print pleated top and a purple scoop neck sweater. She slipped on some white converse sneakers and then zipped her suitcases closed. Natalee and Aidan were going to drive down to Scranton together on Saturday morning, so that Aidan could go with Pam to Phyllis’s wedding.
Pam grabbed her sketch book, camera, purse and coat. She glanced around once more to make sure she had everything. Then she made her way down to her car. The drive to her parents house went by faster than she had anticipated. She pulled into their driveway around 6 to see her mom and Kate sitting on the front porch.
“Hi!” Pam called as she climbed out of the car.
“Look at you! You look great!” her mom said rushing to hug her.
“Thanks! What are you guys doing? It‘s freezing out here!”
“Dad is inside watching a game and his team is losing so we came out here to get away from the yelling.” Kate said giving Pam a quick hug.
“Good idea!” Pam laughed. “Don’t you have school?” she asked Kate.
“I finished early today so I thought I’d drive over and hang out while you’re here!” Kate said.
“I’m glad you did! This will be fun!”
“Where’s your stuff?” Diane asked.
“In the trunk.” Pam grabbed her purse and coat from the passenger seat while Kate and Diane grabbed her suitcases out of the back.
Pam opened the door to the bedroom that her and Kate had shared when they were kids. It was just as she had always remembered it. The twin beds with the matching quilts. She set her stuff down on the bed as Kate walked in with her suitcases.
“You packed a lot of stuff for just a weekend!” she said setting them down in the corner.
“I know….too much. Natalee has turned me into a girl!”
“Heaven forbid!” Kate laughed. “What time is your meeting tomorrow?”
“I have to be in Scranton by 9.” Pam said sitting down on the bed. “Man, this room has not changed one bit!”
“I know! It’s like we never left home!”
“Girls!!” they heard Diane call up the stairs. “Dinner is ready!”
“Wow!” Pam laughed. “Nothing’s changed!”
Pam told her family all about her internship over dinner. She told them about New York and about the Met. She talked non-stop about her classes and all the great things she was learning.
“So what is this meeting you’re having tomorrow?” Diane asked.
“Jan has asked every intern to design a log for a different branch. It will be used on business cards and on the website and stuff. I guess she figured since I came from Scranton that it’d be cool if I did their logo.”
“That is great! And then you have the wedding on Saturday?”
“Yeah…” Pam said softly as she swallowed another bite of potatoes.
“Kate said your roommate is really nice.” Ben said.
“Oh she’s great. Actually, her and her boyfriend are coming down to Scranton tomorrow night. I’d love for you guys to meet them. Maybe we could meet them for dinner or something?”
“Sure….” Diane said. “Actually that is perfect because your dad and I have to go to Scranton tomorrow anyways. Your Aunt Beth had a baby last night.”
“Oh great!! That will work out great then. I was planning on staying in Scranton Friday night anyways…so I wouldn’t have to drive back here and then drive back to Scranton for the wedding.” She turned to Kate. “Natalee and Aidan are staying at the Station hotel. Maybe we could try and get a room? Go 50/50?”
“Yeah. That would be awesome.” Kate said.
After dinner Pam took Kate upstairs to ask her opinion on an outfit for the meeting the next day.
“You want to look hot for Jim right?” Kate asked flipping through the clothes Pam had brought.
“Well…that’s not really…well…yeah.” Pam said sheepishly.
“I would totally wear this then.” Kate said holding up a gold silk shirt and a grey tweed skirt. “Plus I have these great shoes you can wear.”
‘You don’t think that’s too dressy?’ Pam asked.
“No….not at all. It’s perfect for a business meeting and it will definitely grab some attention.”
“Ok…” Pam said. “I’ll take your word for it!”
Pam did not sleep well that night. She was so extremely nervous about what the day would bring that her insides felt like they were twisted into knots. Around 4:00 AM she finally crawled out of bed and crept downstairs. She was surprised to see her Dad sitting at the kitchen table.
“What are you doing up?” she asked.
“I have to get in early and do some inventory at the west building today.” he said as he bent to tie his work boots. Pam’s dad was the supervisor of a steel plant.
“Have time for some pie?” Pam asked as she pulled a leftover piece from the fridge.
“Of course! There is always time for pie.” Ben grabbed two forks and then sat next to his daughter at the counter.
“Why are you up so early?” he asked.
“Couldn’t sleep…just nerves I think.” Pam said taking a forkful of pie.
“You’ll do great. I am so proud of what you’re doing. I never thought you’d be able to do something like this…for yourself you know. Not while you were with….” Ben stopped suddenly.
“I know dad. I didn’t think so either.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes. Ben was always a man of few words, but Pam never doubted his love for his family. He was a great provider and had always been an encouraging father.
“Well….” Ben said setting down his fork. “I better get going. Good luck today. You’ll do great. We’ll see you tonight.”
“Thanks dad!” Pam smiled wrapping her arms around him. “I love you.”
“Love you too.”
Pam waved as her dad walked out the door. Then she quickly rinsed off the plate and forks and then made her way back upstairs. She lay back down on the bed, but was now wide awake. She lay quietly staring up at the ceiling until her alarm went off at 5:00. She showered quickly and then set to work on her hair. First she blow dried it straight, then set it in big hot rollers that she bought. It have her hair a slight wave and gave it some volume. While she was waiting she went downstairs and made some tea and grabbed a bagel, but found that she was too nervous to eat. After forcing herself to eat a couple of bites she went back upstairs to finish her hair. She loved the way that it flowed across her shoulders. Now that her hair was done she set to work on her makeup. Natalee had showed her some tricks to putting on eyeliner and she had been doing it more and more. As she looked in the mirror she started to feel a little self conscious. She couldn’t remember the last time she had put this much time and effort into her appearance, but she really liked the final result.
She quietly tiptoed back into the bedroom to get dressed.
“Hey.” Kate said sleepily.
“Did I wake you?” Pam whispered.
“No…not at all. Wow! Your hair looks incredible. I’ve never seen it like that.” Kate said propping herself up on one elbow.
“Thanks. Do you think it’s too much?” Pam asked.
“No! You look fantastic. Jim is going to loose it.”
“We’ll see. So you’re coming down with mom and dad right?”
“Yeah. Around 5:00”
“Ok…I will go and get us checked in to the hotel. Do you mind bringing my bags?”
“Nope…that’s fine.” Kate said yawning. “Good luck today. You’ll do great.”
Pam smiled as Kate pulled the pillow over her eyes.
“Thanks…see you tonight.” Pam slipped on the strappy gold wedge sandals that Kate had set out for her. She quickly glance at herself in the full length mirror. She didn’t even recognize herself. She began to worry that people would notice how much effort she put into this, but then she realized that she didn’t care. She looked good and felt good and she began to feel the uneasiness leave her and self-confidence take it’s place.
She pulled on her coat, grabbed her keys and hurried out to her car. It was about ten after seven and she knew she was going to have to hurry to make it by 9:00. She sang along with the radio as she drove, hoping that the feeling she had when she looked in the mirror would stay with her long enough so that she wouldn’t completely embarrass herself when she saw him.
In a matter of no time she was pulling into the familiar parking lot of Dunder Mifflin. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw his car was already there….parked next to Karen’s. She took a deep breath and climbed out of the car. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to wait for Jan or go in without her. Luckily she didn’t have to make a decision as she saw Jan’s car pull into the parking lot. She quickly snuck a glance at her reflection in the window.
“Pam….” Jan called as she got out her car. “Have you been waiting long?”
“Oh no. I just pulled in.” Pam said walking towards her.
“Good. Are you ready?”
“I think so!”
“You’ll be great! Let’s go.” When Pam and Jan stepped inside the elevator, Pam felt like she had stepped back into time. She felt like she had never left Scranton, never followed her dream, and most of all, she felt like she was going back to her perch behind the desk pining for the man that she loved but couldn't have. Funny how just walking into a building can bring out all those old feelings and insecurities she had…and had been working to get rid of while in New York.
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The past couple of weeks had been nothing short of pure anguish for Jim. He had been sure that his heart had stopped beating when he opened his e-mail to see ‘Pam.Beesly@DunderMifflin.com’ in his inbox. Her e-mail had been short, not exactly what he had been hoping for, but when he actually thought about it he wasn’t sure what he really was wanting her to say. He found himself looking at her picture on the website at least twice a day. Feeling that for that brief moment they were connected again and there wasn’t this huge separation between them. He had spent most of his nights with Karen, but he could feel himself slipping farther and farther away from her. There were moments, when she wasn’t texting her friends during dinner or talking his ear off about something, that he was sure she could sense it too. They did have fun sometimes. They could laugh over the same movies, she showed him some great restaurants and he could understand exactly what she meant when she complained about Michael. He knew from the beginning that she felt more for him than he felt for her. Not for lack of him trying though. He wanted to give her what she needed. He wanted to be able to look at her and tell her that he loved her, but the words never came. Instead he just smiled and kissed her and pretended that everything was fine. One night after they had gotten into an argument about his “childish” pranks on Dwight he had gone home and e-mailed Pam back. He had given her his phone number…in case she had deleted it when she left. He knew it sounded lame, but it was a desperate attempt to stay connected with her. She had never called though. He had prepared himself for that though, so the dull throb in his heart didn’t ache too badly whenever his phone would ring and it wasn’t her.
He was glad it was Friday. He had had dinner with Karen the night before and he felt guilty about the fact that he was sort of excited that she was having girls night with her sister and a couple friends tonight after work. He had invited his brother and a couple friends over to play poker. He would play some basketball in the morning and then pick up Karen that night to go to Phyllis’s wedding.
“……so I think that’s all we’re going to be doing.” he heard Karen say and he realized he hadn’t been listening to a word out of her mouth for the last 10 minutes. She was leaning up against the counter while he poured himself a cup of coffee.
“Oh….great. Sounds fun….” he muttered taking a sip. He tried to ignore a quizzical look from Kelly and quickly changed the subject. He turned to Kevin who was sitting at the table looking blankly at the newspaper.
“Big plans for the weekend Kev?” he asked.
“Oh…you know…” Kevin began.
“Whoa…” he heard Karen exclaim suddenly. “Is that Pam?”
This time he was sure his heart had stopped beating. He was surprised that he didn’t send his coffee mug shattering all over the floor. He quickly looked up in the direction that Karen was pointing….and there she was. She was hanging up her coat and she looked…..not like Pam. He just stood there, mouth agape, not quite being able to connect his brain to his body.
He could vaguely hear people talking around him, but he could not tear his eyes away from her.
“I would so hit that….” he heard Kevin say.
“Oh My God! Pam looks Angelina Jolie hot. Not pre-Brad, brother kissing, goth queen hot. She looks post-Brad and Shiloh hot. I guess Roy was her Billy Bob Thornton!” Kelly squealed as she flew out of the kitchen and ran towards Pam.
“Are you going to go say hi?” Karen asked not noticing his blank stare. “Jim?”
But nothing registered. She hadn’t seen him yet. She was standing slightly behind Jan who was on her cell phone. What was she doing here, Jim thought.
“JIM!” he heard Karen say forcefully.
“Sorry…what?” he asked carefully setting the coffee mug down on the counter.
“Never mind…” Karen rolled her eyes and stomped out leaving Jim standing like a breathless statue in the kitchen.
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Her eyes went immediately to his desk when she walked in, but it was empty. She quickly hung her coat up on the rack and stood back waiting for Jan to finish her phone call.
“PAM!!!!!”
She looked up to see Kelly running frantically across the office. She threw her arms around Pam. “You look like totally insanely awesome! Look at your hair! I didn’t know it could look so totally awesome!!! And your outfit!! I can’t even believe how totally hot you look! You are totally like Angelina!”
“Wow Kelly…” Pam said. “Um…thanks.”
“What are you doing here!! How could you even come back here after living in New York!?! Have you seen any celebrities! Do you party with famous people!?!! Oh my GOSH!!!”
Pam took a step back as Kelly continued to screech in her ear. She saw Karen come out of the kitchen and smiled dimly when Karen offered her a flimsy wave. She still couldn’t see Jim.
“Is Michael in?” she heard Jan ask Ryan who was sitting in Pam’s spot behind reception.
“Not yet…” Ryan said. He quickly looked Pam over and said, “Hi Pam.”
“Hi Ryan.”
“Pam!” Pam glanced up to see Phyllis walking towards her. She quickly hugged her and asked if she had received her RSVP to the wedding.
“I did! And you’re bringing someone?”
“Oh…” Pam faltered, not wanting to hear another ear piercing squeal from Kelly. “Yes…I am.”
“Great! I am glad you can come.” Phyllis said heading back to her desk.
“Well, well, well…..” Michael said coming into the office. “Look who finally decided to grace us with her presence.”
“Hi Michael. It’s good to see you.” Pam said.
“How can you say that? After the way that you….”
“Michael…” Jan cut in. “Should we start?”
“Yuppers….”
“What did I tell you….” Jan growled softly as she followed Michael into his office. Pam was about to follow them when a movement by the kitchen door caught her eye. She looked up and there he was. Her heart fell into her stomach as their eyes caught. He looked fantastic. Just as she had remembered him. ‘Get a grip Pam. It’s only been a month.’ she thought to herself. His eyes were burning a hole into her. She couldn’t tell by the look on his face if he was happy to see her or mad that she had never called him. He just stood there staring at her. She didn’t know what to do. Should she go over? Would he even want to talk to her? Finally he lifted his hand in a wave. She started to wave back when she heard Jan call her name from Michael’s office. She gave him a warm smile before going in and shutting the door.
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Jim stood rooted in place for a good five minutes after Pam had disappeared into Michael’s office. He couldn’t believe she was here, in Scranton, at Dunder Mifflin. She looked beautiful. Her hair was flowing softly around her shoulders. She was wearing an outfit that was a far cry from her typical skirts and cardigans, but despite the outward transformation he could still see she was the same Pam in the way she hung back and most of all in the way she smiled. He ran his fingers through his hair as he cautiously approached his desk, fearing that if he got too close she would disappear again. He didn’t dare to even glance towards Michael’s office, feeling that if he did it would be as if he was exposing this thoughts and feelings to the entire office. He stole a glance at Karen, but she was vigorously typing away at her computer and wasn’t paying any attention to him. He sat down at his desk, but he still felt like his brain was made of Jell-O. Finally he glanced quickly towards Michael’s office. He could see her through the blinds, leaning over a laptop placed in front of her on Michael’s desk. He took this moment to study her face the best he could from where he was sitting. She was pointing to something on the screen while Jan and Michael watched over her shoulder and she looked…poised… confident. It was almost as by looking at her he was sending her a message with his mind because she looked up and their eyes locked. She quickly looked away and refocused on the computer. He was stunned by the fact that even after all this time and through all the tension that built the wall that was between them she could still make him weak in the knees with just a look.
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Pam was trying really hard to concentrate on what Jan and Michael were saying, but she couldn’t help but be extremely aware of the fact that he was less than 5 feet away from her. Her heart had nearly beat out of her chest when she looked up and saw him looking at her through the window. She was showing Michael and Jan some of the ideas she had come up with for the logo, but her mind was racing and her stomach was fluttering.
She was quickly shaken out of her thoughts by Michael’s voice saying loudly, “I can’t say what I think of the design Jan. If you haven’t noticed I am a little upset that Miss Beesly just came back in like nothing happened.”
“Michael….” Pam began.
“No…JAN…” Michael said pointedly slumping down in his chair and crossing his arms like a three year old throwing a tantrum. “Pam was like one of my kids…a kid in the family of Dunder Mifflin. She left…didn’t say goodbye…no cards…no calls on my birthday…just silence.”
“Michael….” Jan sighed exasperatedly. “She has only been gone a month and your birthday isn’t until March.”
“That’s not the point. The point is that Pam doesn’t know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out and then stomped on again before it’s even had time to heal. Well I am the father in this office and Pam should have thought about the pain she caused us all before she came back trying to be all….progincal…pordigal..projical daughter on me.”
Pam just stared at him. “Michael…” she tried to start again.
“What? What’s that? Is someone talking?” Michael turned his chair around to face the window. Jan looked at Pam and rolled her eyes.
“Michael…” Jan said sharply.
“You know as my girlfriend I would hope that you would take my side in this situation.” Michael said without turning around.
Jan cleared her throat. Pam could tell that it was all Jan could do to not pick something up and throw it at him. Jan turned to Pam and asked, “Could you give us just a minute?”
“Oh…um…sure.” Pam stood up and quietly opened the door to see Dwight standing guard.
“Hi Dwight.” Pam said with a smile.
“Pam…” Dwight nodded curtly.
“Nice to see you.”
“What’s nice about it? It is my job as Michael‘s number two to be on call when he is faced with ghosts from the past.”
“Oh…okay. We’ll keep up the good work.” Pam said. It was all she could do to not look at Jim. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do. She thought briefly about going and saying hi, but decided against it and instead turned and walked towards the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and went into the break room. She sat at one of the tables glancing over the newspaper.
“Hi.”
How could one simple word make her feel weak in the knees. She slowly turned and there he was. She couldn’t breath, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak.
Finally she was able to squeak out a “Hi.”
“Um….how are you?” he asked leaning against the door frame, unsure about coming all the way into the room.
“I am doing good, thanks. How are you?” she asked nervously tapping on her coffee mug.
“I’m….I’m doing okay.” The look on Jim’s face was heartbreaking. Why was he the one person that could just look at her and send her whole world into a tailspin.
Neither of them spoke for the next minute. The tense silence just stretched out before them.
“Are you staying for Phyllis’s wedding?” Jim asked finally.
“Yeah…I am.” Pam couldn’t even bring herself to meet his gaze for fear that she would never be able to look away.
“That’s good.”
Finally Jim took a deep breath and inched closer into the room.
“Do you think…I mean…is there any way that maybe we could get a cup of coffee or something?” His voice sounded hoarse…almost shaking.
Pam gulped. Of course she wanted to get coffee, she wanted desperately for things to go back to the way they were. She sat silently for a moment, then she took a deep breath.
“Jim…”
“Pam!” Dwight yelled storming in through the door.
“Yes Dwight?” Pam said glancing over at Jim who still had his eyes glued on her.
“Michael needs you in his office.”
Pam stood up. She felt as if her feet were glued to the floor.
“Ok Dwight.” she said softly. “I will be there in just a minute.”
“No Pam…Michael doesn’t have a minute. He is very busy right now.” Dwight looked suspiciously from Pam to Jim. “Plus it is my job to disrupt all prank planning activities.” Dwight barked crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.
“Fine…I’m coming.” As she moved towards the door her heart was sinking.
Jim looked at her imploringly…waiting for her answer.
“I’m sorry.” she said meekly. “I just…I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
And with that she was gone and Jim was left standing alone and breathless in the break room. A look of utter hopelessness on his face.
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A good half hour passed before Jim finally sank back into his desk chair. Again, he had taken a chance and again he had lost. Why was it that the one person that he would fight to the end for was the one person that wouldn’t fight back. He worked the rest of the morning in a haze only to come out of it when Karen asked him to go get some lunch. Pam was standing at reception getting a fax. When Jim looked up he caught her looking at him. The sharp ache inside of him was throbbing. He missed her. He missed her so much, but she obviously didn’t feel the same way. She quickly looked away when his eyes met hers.
“Jim? Lunch?” Karen asked again.
He took one more glance at Pam…or at the back of her head and stood up. “Definitely…” he said a little too loudly…almost hoping that Pam would hear him and turn around to see him with Karen. He knew it was mean and he felt like a total asshole for doing it. Karen smiled happily and he followed her out of the office not seeing the green eyes that he knew so well watch him leave and then promptly fill with tears.
When they walked back into the office after lunch he went right to his desk. He sat down and busied himself in some paperwork. Finally he dared to glance towards Michael’s office. She wasn’t there. When he went to buy a bottle of water he didn’t see her in the kitchen or break room either.
“Did Jan and Pam leave?” he finally asked Dwight.
“How should I know?” Dwight grumbled banging on his keyboard.
“Never mind…” Jim asked. When he finally left at 5:30 she had still not come back. He wanted to feel relieved, but the only thing he felt was a small sense of excitement knowing that he would get to see her tomorrow.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Still don't own them....
Chapter End Notes:
Inspiration for Pam's outfit:
http://s247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/jinxcoke/?action=view¤t=FNB2.jpg
Don't forget to review and tell us what you think!
http://s247.photobucket.com/albums/gg148/jinxcoke/?action=view¤t=FNB2.jpg
Don't forget to review and tell us what you think!
