It was easy to just follow him. As she walked beside him, she suddenly realized how beautiful he was. So strong and manly, but at the same time very warm and soft. She never figured out what it was; why her eyes always seemed to be drawn to him, whenever he entered a room. But now she did. She figured it out. She knew exactly what it was. She was attracted to him.
At first she was shocked she could finally admit it to herself. She always told herself he was just a really special friend. That she cared for him a lot, and wanted to look after him just because of that. And so she ignored the strange feeling she had, whenever he would smile at her, or look at her with that strange look in his eyes.
He loved her.
It was easier to just pretend that she hadn’t known. To pretend this was all a shock to her. But really, it wasn’t. And now Roy was angry with her. And she didn’t blame him. She couldn’t. After all she had just left him, the same night he set a date for their wedding, without an explanation. She remembered how he had looked at her, with confusion in his eyes. It was the first and last time she would ever see him that vulnerable. Then, naturally, he had yelled at her, demanded her to come back. But she didn’t. And that had made him even more angry. But the truth is, she didn’t know how to react. She didn’t know if she would be coming back. She just didn’t know.
Jim made her feel things she thought she’d never feel again. Before she met him she would tell herself her feelings and thoughts about Roy were perfectly normal. That it is just the way things are in a marriage, and should be. Of course you don’t have a crush on your husband anymore, after ten years. You care for him, and you trust him. It’s just not as exciting anymore. that’s all perfectly normal.
And she never really cared about that. She just took the easy way out and settled for the ordinary. And she had truly believed she loved Roy. But Jim... He made her remember all those other feelings all over again. And as time passed, she became to realize, that maybe this, the way things were going in her life, wasn’t enough to make her happy. Maybe she was adventurous, althought nobody would ever call her that. Or maybe she wanted to be.
She always dismissed those thoughts. It was silly and it was never going to happen anyway, these ‘adventures’. But Jim made her feel different. As if she actually could do more with her life. As if there was so much more out there for her to explore. And the thought of Roy, almost.. sufficated her.
“Aha! Look over here Pam!”
She couldn’t help but notice she even loved the way he said her name.
“I think I found the right animal.” He grinned at her.
As she looked over the fence in front of her, she saw two hippo’s, lying lazy in knee deep water.
“How dare you! Comparing me to a hippo!” She punched him on his shoulder, laughing.
“Well, ouch, Beesly! A Meerkat isn’t exactly all that either, is it?”
“At least they don’t weigh 10.000 pounds!”
Jim straightened his face and pointed at one of the hippo’s. “That right one does look kind of sexy, don’t you think? I’ve always had a thing for large women.”
“O, shut it, Halpert! Just so you know, I am going to act really offended for the rest of the day!”
“You say it like it’s a threat Pam. Should I be worried?”
“Let me put it like this: you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into.”
“Oh come on, Pam. Hippo’s are very loveable creatures. Don’t you just want to hug them? I feel like climbing over this fence. I just can’t help myself.” He heard her laugh as he started climbing.
“I’ll push you over, if you don’t cut it out.” She grabbed his leg and tried to pull him down.
“Fine! No need to get all aggressive Pam! Jeez..” He jumped and wrapped his arm around her neck to prevent himself from falling.
“So...” She smiled a little embarrassed and finally said: “Well, get on with your tour already! I’m getting a bit cold standing still.”
And so he let her go, and they started walking again.
He was just so sweet to her. He deserved the truth. She knew they would have to talk about their situation at some point. Just, pushing it away, further and further, seemed the easiest thing to do. And she did it, mostly because she was scared. Not so much because of him or his reaction, besides she already knew a lot about his feelings, but she was genuinly scared about the impact it would have on her life. She’d thought about this, last night, lying in Jim’s bed. And she felt scared. Nothing else, just scared. But now, walking in the broad daylight, she sensed a little excitement as well. Yes, she did feel it: excitement. Maybe it was just because things always tend to look scarier at night, in the dark, all alone.. Or maybe it was because looking at him made her feel so much stronger.
Maybe she didn’t have to do this, all by herself.
Suddenly she felt like running. She felt like running and screaming, just screaming everything off of her. So she did.
“Come on, Jim! Let’s get crazy!” She smiled and grabbed his arm, dragging him through the zoo. She ran. And she screamed and the sound of Jim’s laughter behind her made her laugh too.
“Whoa, what are you doing! I’ve never seen you this impulsively. And I thought you were going to act offended?!” He shouted, surprised but even more, amused.
She didn’t let go of his hand.
“I have decided I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s just...” She stopped running. She was panting rapidly and when she turned around, she saw his chest rise and fall at the same high speed.
“I just don’t want to play safe anymore, you know?”
She didn’t let go of his hand.
“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He looked at her, suddenly with that rare serious look of him.
“Maybe I shouldn’t, what?” She asked him, raising her eyebrows.
“Play safe, all the time.”
She opened her mouth, as if she was going to say something, but then hesitaded and closed it again. They were both just standing there, catching their breaths. She still hadn’t let go of his hand.
“I just... need to figure this out.” She said softly, looking at her feet.
“I know you do. But you’re not alone, okay?”
“Yes, I am!” Suddenly she pulled her hand out of his and looked him in the eye again.
“You can’t help me with this Jim. This is my battle.”
He just stood there. Quietly.
“Say something!” She realized she almost sounded angry, which was not her intention at all.
“I don’t really know...” Now Jim was staring at his feet.
“I’m sorry,” she interrupted him, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just got a little frustrated. I know you’re here for me Jim, and I think that’s the biggest and only reason why I’m even facing this ‘battle’. So let’s just...”
Jim suddenly shushed her and put his finger on her lips. Suddenly they heard voices. He looked at her.
“Someone’s coming.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Hi everyone! I'm so sorry for the delay!! I've been really busy lately. But anyway, here's chapter number six :-) Hope you'll like it. And thanks to spookjess for reading this over and her support!
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Chapter End Notes:
Alright, I'll be working on the next chapter :D
Reviews really do make my day!! Thank you for reading!
Reviews really do make my day!! Thank you for reading!
