Author's Chapter Notes:
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It was strange, the fluttering memories that were flashing in her mind at that moment. It had all seemed so real. Could it have just been a really intense dream? It didn't seem possible. She tried to gather herself as she felt Jim's eyes on her.
"I think... maybe I just had a weird dream," she finally said, sitting back down on the bed.
Jim seemed to relax, and sat down next to her. "I just... I need to know if you're having regrets, because - "
"No!" she yelped, almost startling him. "I mean, no regrets. It was just a weird dream; that's all, and I was just disoriented for a minute."
He sighed. "So what are you going to do, about..." He couldn't complete his sentence as he bowed his head into his hands.
"Roy!" She had, almost ironically, forgotten about him, and then another memory of the night before suddenly became clear.
She had come home after the casino night to find Roy was not home yet, even though his excuse for leaving earlier had been that he was tired. She was in a sort of daze and her thoughts were unclear and muddled, but deep in her gut she knew that she had been dishonest with Jim. She sat down on the couch, still in her party dress, and just cried. Some time later Roy arrived home, and he had clearly been out drinking.
"Where were you?" she asked quietly.
"Oh Kenny called and we just went out for a few - "
She wasn't sure what came over her, because her normal instinct would have been to accept it and move on, but this time, she just knew. Something had to change.
"I can't marry you."
"Pam, what happened last night?" Jim's words broke her out of her reverie. "I mean, you told me no..." He swallowed, composing himself, then continued, "... and then you show up here at one in the morning and - "
"I broke up with him, if that's what you're asking," she said.
It had been ugly, and she wasn't entirely sure that Roy had accepted it, but she left the house, not even bothering to change her clothes, telling him she would get her stuff the next day. She then drove herself on auto-pilot to Jim's house, where his roommate answered the door - with great suspicion, since it was well past midnight. Mark told her Jim was in bed but he let her in anyway, and she nervously knocked on his bedroom door.
When he didn't answer, she slowly opened the door and was greeted with a sharp "What?" Obviously expecting his roommate, he sat up straight in bed when he saw her silhouette in the doorway.
"Pam?" He was clearly baffled to see her; it took him a few moments to even process her presence. Still, she closed the door behind her and walked on shaky feet to his bed.
She leaned over him and whispered, "I'm so sorry." A tear rolled out of her eye and landed on his hand, which he then placed gently on her face.
"I love you, too," she murmured as her lips met his.
She felt a warm sense of relief as the memories returned. No regrets, no guilt, no shame. Just pure peace.
Jim, however, seemed a bit nervous.
"Does he know?" he asked slowly.
"About us? No," she answered. "It's going to be messy for a while. I have a wedding to cancel, and I have to find somewhere to live - "
"Are you sure?" he questioned suddenly. "I mean, I know it's probably too late to be asking that, but are you sure this is what you want? You haven't exactly had a lot of time to think, and I really hope I didn't pressure you - "
"Jim, I had a lot more time than it seems," she answered with assurance. "There are a lot of reasons to not marry Roy." She could see the anxiety in his eyes as she went on. "Not the least of which is that I'm in love with another man."
He relaxed again, and drew her closer for a hug as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Take all the time you need," he said. "I'll be waiting."
She sighed, and whispered, "I know."
They held each other for a few minutes before Jim spoke again. "Hey, I should tell you - I had a weird dream too."
She leaned back so she could look at him. "Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, it was really vivid. Roy kicked my ass," he said sheepishly.
"What?" She had a strange sensation in her stomach.
"We were in, like, a hospital or something, and I... I can't remember what I was doing there but he punched me in the face..." His hand moved up to lightly rub his cheek as he smiled. "I can still kind of feel it."
Pam stared at him.
"What?" he asked, puzzled at her expression.
"Did you get arrested?" she asked.
"Yeah, both of us - hey, how did you know?"
She paused for a second, unable to articulate how she knew, then finally replied with a grin, "Just a lucky guess."
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