"Mom?"
"Pam, are you okay?" Her mother's voice sounded concerned. Pam was sitting on her kitchen floor, clutching the phone in one hand and a tissue in the other.
"No, Mom, I think... I think I'm going nuts."
"Honey, you're going through a tough time right now so it's to be expected that you'd be stressed out - "
"No, Mom, I mean literally. I think I am literally going crazy."
There was silence for a moment, and then her mother said, "Pam... ?"
"Just tell me, Mom." She swallowed hard. "Do you know the name Jim Halpert?"
Her mom didn't hesitate. "No... should I?"
Pam felt the bile rising in her throat. "I gotta go." She threw the phone down and raced to the bathroom, where she threw up in the sink.
She splashed water on her face and stared at herself in the mirror. "This can't be happening," she said to her reflection.
Suddenly she had a thought. She turned and ran toward her bedroom closet, where she frantically searched for the shoebox where she had kept all the little momentos that Jim had given her through the years. Fifteen minutes later, with all of her stuff strewn over her bedroom, the box was nowhere to be found.
Her phone was ringing. Probably her mom, she thought, but she hurried to check the number on the caller ID anyway. When she verified that it was indeed her mother, she shut the ringer off and tossed the phone aside.
She had to figure out what was going on. It just didn't make sense. How could everyone just have forgotten him, as if he never existed? Or maybe... no, the thought terrified her. He had to have existed. Just a few weeks ago he had told her he loved her and then he was kissing her. She could still feel his hair in her hands as she kissed him back.
She sat back down on the floor and sobbed.
She had no idea how long she was there, only that at some point she must have been overcome with exhaustion because she was being shaken awake.
"Pammy! Pammy, wake up!" She opened her eyes reluctantly. It was Roy.
"What are you doing here?" She sat up and quickly got to her feet.
"Your mom called my cell. Said you were having some kind of breakdown and I should check on you. She's on her way..." He trailed off and touched a hand to her cheek. "Pammy, are you sure this is what you want?"
"What?" She wasn't sure what he was asking.
"I mean, calling off the wedding. Are you having second thoughts about... your second thoughts?" He let out a half-chuckle at his inadvertent joke.
She pulled away from him. "No! No, that's not... Roy, I'm fine. Can you just go? Honestly, I'm fine."
"Who is Jim?" The question shook her, and she stumbled backward and grasped onto a chair.
"What?"
"Your mom mentioned you asking about someone named Jim." His eyes fell to the floor. "Just tell... Pam, I need to know. Have you been cheating on me?"
Pam sat down in the chair and felt like she was going to hyperventilate. "Why... would you think that?"
Now Roy was starting to get angry. "I mean, come on Pam! Our wedding was less than a week away and all of a sudden you get cold feet? And then you freak out at work today - "
"What? How did you know about that?"
He rolled his eyes and didn't answer.
"Roy, no, I haven't been cheating on you," she insisted, but she couldn't meet his gaze.
"Oh my God. You're lying. Who is he?" He was yelling now.
"No, I swear, I swear!" She started crying again. "It wasn't like that... Roy, there's something wrong with me."
But he wasn't listening. Instead he swept his hand over the counter and knocked a glass to the floor, shattering it.
"ROY!" The sobs were coming fast now, but she knew she had to get him to leave. So she took a breath and yelled, "I think I'm schizophrenic!"
Roy shook his head. "What are you talking about?"
"I think... I don't know... it's just that something... oh I can't even explain." She crumpled down into a pile, and wept into her hands.
"Pam?" Roy wasn't exactly the most empathetic of souls, so he wasn't sure what to make of her statement.
Just then there was a knock at the door. Roy stared at her for a moment before going to answer it. Her mom came flying into the kitchen a few seconds later.
"Pam! Oh my God, what happened?" She gathered Pam in her arms and stroked her hair. It was several minutes before Pam was able to speak.
"Mom... I think you need to take me to the hospital."
Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam deals with the growing realization that Jim seemingly no longer exists.
