As October faded into November Pam and Jim began exploring their relationship further. They hadn’t slept together yet, they wanted to take it slow so that they could fully enjoy the time they spent together and they wanted to make sure that what they had was strong. They went on dates (mostly lunch dates away from work, Michael and Dwight), yet it was hard because of JJ and Lizzie and they often just went out as a group, but both Pam and Jim were enjoying there new found coupledom. 

However as the weather cooled down, Jim’s personality seemed to cool as well. He was a little bit more irritable and a little short with those around him. Not Pam or the kids, but Michael and Dwight especially if they were being particularly annoying. He had even refrained from pulling some pranks because he didn’t want to deal with either Dwight investigating around the office or listening to him rant. Pam saw this change and asked if anything was wrong, Jim just gave her the standard answer that he was fine. He wasn’t fine though. School work was piling up, he had two papers that he had to finish, work was just getting more stressful as corporate downsized another branch and Scranton got more clients and Jim who could usually deal with the stress was finding it harder and harder. 

This Friday though everything came to a head. Larissa had shown up the night before- Jim had forgotten he had invited her for the weekend- and she disturbed the writing zone that he had gotten into by asking him about his life and what was stressing him out. JJ had developed a little bit of an attitude, that to Jim seemed a little bit more mean than just joking around and JJ had been making Lizzie cry almost daily. That morning when he walked into the office he said good morning to Pam, but really didn’t give her his usual smile. He went and sat at his desk and got straight to work. He ignored pretty much everyone for the majority of the morning. Pam knew that there was something, but she didn’t want to press him. They ate lunch together in the break room, and each made flirty small talk, but there was an underlying tension to Jim. As they finished she squeezed his hand to reassure him that if he wanted to talk to her he could. At 4 Jim went to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee, Pam couldn’t stand this quiet, brooding Jim so she followed him.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” He responded “Can you pass the milk?” Pam handed it over.

“Jim. I want… Jim what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong. I’m fine.” He said back with a harshness in his voice that Pam had never heard.

“Jim don’t lie to me. I know you well enough to know that there is something bothering you. Talk to me.”

“There is nothing going on. Between you and my sister what is it with everyone wanting to know how I am. I am FINE, I wish everyone would just leave me ALONE!” He practically yelled this at Pam and the minute the words were out of his mouth he wished he could pull them back.

The pain registered in Pam’s eyes and she was shocked, “Sorry I asked.” An iciness in her response and she went promptly back to reception.

            Jim stood in the kitchen for another minute gaining his composure before he went back out into the office. The rest of the afternoon passed in much the same way as the morning, except Pam never once looked over from reception. At 5 Pam left without saying bye and Jim couldn’t blame her. The way he spoke to her gave her the right to be pissed at him. By 5:30 Jim was shutting down his computer feeling miserable and had a sinking feeling in his stomach that he had messed everything up in his life, his relationship with Pam, he was going to fail out of school and he didn’t know how handle JJ and Lizzie. He felt as though everything was closing in around him and he couldn’t stop. He took a few deep breaths and left the office for home.

            When he got home it was quiet and he was happy that he would get some work done before dinner. He was just turning on his laptop when Larissa came into his room.

“Hey where do you keep your can opener?”

“It’s in the second drawer by the fridge? Why do you need it?”

“I am making dinner.”

“Ok well call me when it’s ready.”

“That’s going to be in like 10 minutes.”

“Ok.”

That is not what Jim wanted to hear. He wanted dinner to be ready in an hour so he could at least have gotten some work done. Instead of opening his essay he surfed the internet and checked his email until Larissa called everyone for dinner. Everyone sat around the table and put food on their plate.

“So I was wondering that if tonight you guys could keep it down so I can do some work?” Jim asked looking around the table.

“Yeah sure, I’ll keep us entertained.” Larissa said.

            When dinner was finished Jim went back to his room. He had been working solidly for an hour when he heard the tv blaring. He went out and asked them to turn it down, they did and Jim went back to work. Half an hour later Lizzie came into the room asking Jim to help her read a story. He told that he was busy and that she should go ask Larissa. The two interruptions had broken his concentration and now he was a little angry and frustrated. It hadn’t even been five minutes when he heard the yelling coming from living room. He stormed out his room and into the living room to see Lizzie and JJ yelling at each other and Larissa trying to calm them down. From what Jim heard of the yelling it was that Lizzie has interrupted what Larissa was teaching JJ and demanded that she be helped first, and when she tried to do this JJ got mad and started yelling, which made Lizzie yell in turn.

“JJ, Lizzie. Stop yelling at each other.” Jim said raising his voice just slightly, but JJ kept taunting his sister and Lizzie was yelling back.

“JJ stop calling your sister names. Lizzie stop provoking your brother!” He tried again louder, still he was ignored and now Jim was fuming.

“STOP!! BOTH OF YOU JUST STOP!” Jim had never yelled at the kids before and their faces displayed their fright as his outburst. “I CAN’T WORK WITH YOU TWO YELLING. I just… I can’t” With that Jim grabbed his keys and left with the door slamming behind him.

            Jim drove around trying to calm down, he just was still so angry. He couldn’t go home, not after the way he acted. He stopped at Poor Richard’s and had a couple beers and then he went to the only place he thought he would be able to talk. He was just about to knock on Pam’s door when she opened it. She had the phone in her hand, she said bye to the person and opened the door wider to let Jim in. He looked around awkwardly and Pam broke the silence.

“That was your sister. She told me what happened, she also said that the kids are ok, she talked to them about…” she didn’t have to finish.

She looked at him standing in the doorway. He looked so worn down, as if he had just run a marathon, she could also smell the tinge of beer on his breath. They both walked over to the couch, Pam wrapped her arm around Jim and then he just broke down.

“I just I couldn’t do it anymore. I have all this work and the kids and I can’t do it anymore. There is just too much.” A tear rolled down his face. “I yelled at them Pam. I yelled because of all the shit that is going on. I just I lost it and now they are going to hate me. I just if this is how I am now, how am I going to be as a father. The fact that I could get so angry at two kids who did nothing wrong, just the volume and fury that I heard come out of me scared the shit out of me. This isn’t what Jon and Lily would have wanted.” There were more tears now. “I know that I scared them, but I scared myself more because I fucked up. I yelled and then I left, how could I do that to those kids that I love more than anything else. It’s… Everything is just so fucked. And then after the way I snapped at you today, it was an asshole move. I don’t expect you to take care of me or even want to be with me.” He lowered his head into his hands, trying to hide both his pain and his shame.

            Pam took her hand and cupped Jim’s cheek. What he had just told her was honest and pure and her heart swelled for him at that moment. She used her thumb to brush away some tears from the corner of his eye. She looked at Jim and the kissed where her thumb had just been, she then kissed his cheek and then she lightly brushed her lips against his. She pulled back and they stared into each other’s eyes, she knew that she shouldn’t make any comment on his outburst, so she said what was in her heart, “Jim I think I’m starting to fall in love with you.” That was all he needed to hear and then Jim crushed his lips against Pam’s. This kiss was frenzied, passionate and breathtaking. Jim’s hand ran down Pam’s ribs to the hem of her shirt and snuck under, his fingers tripping along the skin of her stomach. As Jim pushed Pam further into the couch Pam let out a small moan, but then pushed Jim back up to a seated position. Jim pulled back, “Pam. I’m sor-” Pam cut him off with another kiss. She then stood and took his hand, the look she gave him conveyed to him that they should do this right, and not on her couch. She lead him to her bedroom, as they walked he trailed kisses down her neck. In her room they undressed each other, exploring each other with their hands and lips, they fell back onto her bed and lost themselves to their passion.

            They made love twice that night. The first was passionate and full of lust. The second time was slower, sensual and it was as if everything both Pam and Jim were feeling were said with their bodies. Jim woke to Pam places kisses across his now stubbly jaw. He tightened his arms around her and then pulled them so they were resting against her headboard.

“Morning.” He smiled, his voice gravely and sexy.

“Hey,” Pam kissed his jaw again. “Do you want some breakfast? I mean after last night I could eat.”

“Yeah me to. Pam last night was… it was amazing. It was more than…” He couldn’t even finish his thought.

Pam cupped his cheek. “Last night was amazing and Jim I mean what I said, I really am starting to fall in love with you.”

“I think I am too Pam.” She smiled and kissed him gently on the lips. “I am sorry though about yesterday afternoon and breaking down last night. I never meant for all that to come out at once. I kind of thought it would scare you off.”

“I’m glad that you were honest Jim.” She was looking in his eyes. “I don’t know exactly what you are going through, but I want you to know that you can tell me when you are stressed. I also know that we are going to snap at each other, but that doesn’t mean I want this…us to end.”

Jim grinned and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Ok. But I still feel bad, so let me say again that I am sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize to me, but I do grant you forgiveness, just this once.” She joked, “but you do though need to apologize to Lizzie and JJ.”

            They made breakfast together, stealing kisses and enjoying playful banter about who would make a better Iron Chef. Jim admitted Pam’s omelette was great, but his famous grilled cheese sandwich would win the judges over. While Pam was in the shower Jim called home and asked Larissa if everyone was up, he told her that he would be home soon. At noon he and Pam pulled into his driveway. Pam told Jim that she would stay, but she and her sister would be in the kitchen while he talked to the kids. He was greeted at the door by Larissa. He hugged her and apologized and she said it was ok and that everyone gets a little stressed. She said that the kids were waiting for him in the living room. Pam and Larissa then went into the kitchen and Jim went and knelt in front of JJ and Lizzie who were sitting on the couch.

“Hey guys.” He offered a timid smile, neither JJ or Lizzie offered one back. “Ok. First I just want to say how sorry I am that I yelled last night. I didn’t mean to get so angry and I wasn’t angry at you two. I was more frustrated at everything that I have to deal with. I just want you to know that I never want to hurt you guys.”

“Aunt Larissa said that to us last night.” Lizzie said.

“Well your aunt is right. I just want to let you guys know that there will be times that we get mad, at each other or at life, and we will yell but I will never stop loving you. I want you to know that. So am I forgiven?”

“Yeah” JJ said.