Dear Jim,
I’m not really good with words, I know that. And I really couldn’t think of a proper way to start this letter to you.
So I just, sort of, started.
You see, the thing is, I usually have a whole notebook in front of me, which allowes me to start over as many times as I need. But right now, I only have one peace of paper, so I need to get this right at once. Oh God, I’m really sidetracking right now.
I’m sorry Jim. Probably the biggest understatement ever.
I found your letter. Or better, your Poem. It has been three weeks since I read it. You’d already left the office and I needed one of your adresses. So I just checked your desk and there it was. The poem I mean. I really felt like some sort of criminal reading it, although it had my name on it. I know I probably shouldn’t have, I mean, you never really gave it to me. But I couldn’t resist.
I think I can safely say it is the most beautiful thing I've ever read. Even though it broke my heart.
Three weeks... It has been three rough weeks for me Jim. And I can't even imagine how it must have been for you. You were... different around me. A lot more quiet. But I realize that had everything to do with me planning the wedding right in front of you. I mean, I realize that now. But then again, there are a lot more things I just came to realize.
I’m a coward Jim. I truly am. But I believe that finding your poem, and reading it, has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. I mean, of course there were moments I thought something was going on between us. But you wouldn’t believe how easy it was to just tell myself you were way out of my league, that you could never seriously be interested in someone like me. Because there are a lot of things I don’t like about myself Jim. First off, I don’t like being the coward that I am. I never really... take a chance. I hate that. But I’m just so easily scared. I’m afraid to lose the good things that I have by changing. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? The good things.
But I know something now Jim. You are not a good thing. You are a great thing.
I’ve been cruel to keep you waiting so long. Just know, that wasn’t my intention. Your words never left me for one second. And as I read this: and I’m cold, for my version of you, doesn’t spread any warmth, I suddenly understood so many things about myself. I suddenly understood why I’m cold at night too. How I’m lonely, even with someone lying right next to me. We have a lot in common, Halpert. More than you might think.
I took me an unbelievable amount of courage to write this. And it’ll probably take me even more to leave this on your desk. There are a lot of things I need to change, Jim. And I’m working on that. I just really need some time.
You are a beautiful person. That’s why I want to make this right. You deserve that.
I can only hope you don’t give up on me, Jim.
For I am a dreamer too.
Love,
Pam.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Ok, so I really felt like continuing this. Just to be clear, casino night didn't happen here!
Hope you'll enjoy.
Hope you'll enjoy.
Chapter End Notes:
Any kind of reviews are great. I could make this into a longer story, or I could wrap it up. I just couldn't resist adding this chapter! Please let me know what you think, I'll be very grateful :)
