Pam sat on the bed, curling her toes when each contraction hit, and tried to make the best of her Lamaze breathing that didn't help very much to begin with. Jim paced back and forth through the room before heading into the hall way, only to come dashing back when Pam let out a breathy moan. He held her hand tightly but all she could do was smile at him through her pain. He was more anxious than she was.
"Jim, she won't be here for hours. Just relax; I thought Philly Jim was supposed to be laid back?"
"When I'm at work or here with you, but when you're giving birth to our child, completely different situation." Jim replied, rubbing the balls of his hands into his tired eyes.
"Just go to sleep, if anything happens I'll just smack you."
Jim only bit his lip and stared off into space. Elizabeth was coming and just the thought of it made fear rise in his belly. How could she be so calm? She was going to be a mother, so he guessed she just came wired with mom skills that kicked in the date of conception, but he was going to be a father, and didn't have the slightest idea what he was doing. They'd taken all the classes, read all the books, talked to their own parents and friends who were parents, done everything they were supposed to do. Now Jim just wanted a few of those months back to make sure they were absolutely ready.
Sleep, Jim repeated to himself, How can I sleep, she'll have the baby right when I...
She gritted her way through the contractions, trying not to wake her drooling husband. She knew they would be fine, it was nice for once, being the level headed one. Since they'd moved to Philadelphia calm, any kind of calm, had been a thing of the past. Jim had gotten that sports writing job he always wanted, Pam had her graphic design job and they spend long nights away from home. When she saw the little black 'yes' pop up on the home test she though maybe when she caught her reflection in the mirror it would be upset, confused. Instead she found a bigger smile than she’d had in her entire life. She wanted to plan and be cute about telling Jim but she flew down the stairs and into his arms, pulling tighter around his neck so he could see the stick peeking over her shoulder.
"Jim...Jim it's time!"
He yawned groggily, barely seeing outline of his wife.
"Jim!" Pam smacked his cheek, "the baby is coming."
Jim jumped out of bed and ran to her side, "Now, like right now? Oh my god...okay come on let’s go. Can you walk? Maybe I should carry you, but you can probably walk. Okay, okay, come on I’ll help you.”
“I…”
“Come on, baby, everything is in the car, the doctor is expecting us, it’ll be fine.”
“No, the baby is coming now,” She screamed the word now as another contraction hit, “There’s no time!”
‘Pam, oh god,” Jim called 911 and situated himself at Pam’s feet.
“My, my wife’s in labor and there’s no time to get to the hospital, she told me to sleep and so I did and then the baby’s just coming and I don’t know what to do…I don’t know wha-“
The operator cut him off, got the address and told him to stay on the line.
“She said to push if you need to push, okay?”
Pam nodded and dug her nails into the sheets for relief when she brought her chin to her chest and pushed for dear life. She would stop and take a few breaths before pushing again, Jim giving soft words of encouragement before lowering his head. This repeated itself about a dozen times before she laid her head back into the pillow, breathing heavy.
“I can’t…”
“Pam, she’s right here, I can see her. Baby, one more push, you have to.” Jim’s voice shook at the sight of his child’s head.
With everything left in her, Pam gave one last forceful push and heard a baby’s cry. Her head found the pillow again and she smiled watching Jim wipe off and wrap their daughter in a blanket.
“It’s a girl, Pammy.” He whispered as he handed the bundle to his wife.
He sat beside her, kissing her sweaty forehead, and they watched Elizabeth Jane open her eyes for the first time. The doorbell rang and Jim got up, hung up the phone, and went to let the medics in. He led them to the bedroom and when Pam came into view something was different, her eyes were drooping and her breathing was shaky, all of the color had gone from her face. In a second the paramedics rushed to her, one scooped up the baby, cut and tied off the umbilical cord and handed her to Jim who still stood in the doorway in a trance.
Elizabeth wriggled in his arms as he moved closer to the bed. He saw her face, pale, lifeless, a world different from just a moment before and he started to cry. Chocking through mostly inaudible words all he could manage was “Pam.”
It sounded over and over again, following them down the stairs and into the ambulance and through the quiet streets, the doctors throwing open the doors, some rushing around the gurney and the rest grabbing the baby from his arms. The crowd grew smaller running down the hall until they disappeared all together, leaving Jim alone, cradling an absent baby in his arms, his hands dirty and his shirt stained.
“Pam…”
It was only just after midnight and the house was quiet. No children, no TVs, no dishwashers or late night games of hide and seek.
“It’s not normal.” She thought, rolling over, ignoring the pain in her back.
Not a decade before you couldn’t walk into a room without hearing a giggle or a familiar story being told. Even the years when the kids had graduated before they all had families of their own the house was never lonely.
That was gone now. He’d tried to keep everyone happy, even from his hospital room, but when they were out of sight all anyone could do was cry. As if the earliest part of their relationship hadn’t been test enough.
Time passed slowly and Pam found a comfortable position, laying her hand on the cold space to her left, the space closer to the door. Sometimes when she woke up in the middle of the night she’s forget he wasn’t there, and sometimes she just needed to know that he was there somehow. She lay there alone, smiling to herself at one point thinking about the times where two adults and three kids were stuffed into that bed, all smashed together and fighting for a space.
Elizabeth was first, and although they’d been prepared the scare of almost losing Pam made a lasting impression. Growing up she loved to hear the story of how her daddy delivered her and kept her safe. She was four when Morgan shot into this world like a bat out of hell. The middle child and the most mix of the two was their dare devil and inherited her father’s devilish ways before she could talk. James, named rightfully so, seeing as he was Jim’s twin in most every way, was quiet and intelligent, both mommy’s boy and dad’s sports dream. He was the one most interested in his parent’s love story, he called it a one in a billion thing and from the time he could write he was writing their story.
One Christmas early on in their marriage Pam bought Jim a camera. He named it Bob and from then on Bob was a part of the family. The kids’ entire life had been captured and developed in his dark room in the basement beside Pam’s painting room. Subsequently most every wall had at least 5 pictures on it of the kids at various stages. He’d spent so much of his life at a computer he found solace in something he could touch and feel, something he put actual work into.
Pam slipped off to sleep again, dreaming of repetitive events and silent films of her life.
“Now your mommy is one tough lady. She was brave and calm, me, I was scared shi-poopless! Pretty soon you’re going to meet some characters, but just remember the big one with glasses will not be holding you, I don’t think I’ll be able to stop Michael, though. But all these people knew that your mommy and daddy loved each other, probably before we knew. Long story short, it all adds up to you. God, you look just like her, too. You got lucky kid, so lucky. Oh look Lizzy, she’s waking up. Say hi mommy, hi…”
Author's Chapter Notes:
It's been a long time since I posted the first chapter I know but I wanted to put out quality fic instead of writing whatever to get it out.
Chapter End Notes:
Reviews, both good and bad, are encouraged. and I promise it won't take almost 2 months for the next chapter.
-leah
-leah
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