Set

Jim had a calendar on his desk with doodles in the margins.  Indistinguishable to anyone but himself were a series of symbols that marked the number of days he had left.  

70 days until Australia.  72 days until she marries Roy.

Roy.

Roy – who couldn’t see what he had until he consumed five kamakazi shots out of a snorkel.

Roy – who couldn’t see what was in front of him until he was inspired by a washed up party boat captain.

Maybe he actually should take a page from Roy’s book.  He was obviously doing something right if he was able to keep a hold of Pam.

Maybe if he’d had a few more beers he would have had the nerve to say something before it had become too late. 

Maybe she did have some feelings for him that ran deeper than friendship.  Maybe if she'd let herself she could acknowledge the fact that if the timing had been different they might have stood a chance.

But every time a thought like that filled his mind he told himself there was another, simplier reason he’d kept his mouth shut.

He really just wanted her to be happy.   And maybe, just maybe, she really could be happy with Roy.

As soon as he entertained the thought – he really couldn’t quite believe it.  He understood that it wouldn’t be at all easy to let go of something that you’ve held for ten years.

After all, he was having a hell of a time moving on and he’d only known her for three.

So many things had happened in the last year.  She’d drunkenly kissed him, they’d swayed in the moonlight, she’d come to his house and raided his bookshelves. 

He thought briefly of the way she looked curled up on his bed and had to shake the thought from his mind.

Extremely dangerous territory.

He’d gathered courage and tried so many times to tell her. 

He’d chickened out at Christmas.  The card he’d written sat like a stone at the bottom of his desk drawer at home.

If he couldn’t even bear to let her read how he felt, he wondered how he’d ever get the nerve to say the words aloud.

With the way he’d let chances pass him by it didn’t seem at all likely.

When he’d stood on the deck with her that night and he’d felt it again – that moment where she seemed so connected to him he lost his capacity to speak.   She was looking at him, hopeful, her eyes pleading.

And he just kept thinking the timing was wrong.  Roy was inside, he had brought Katy – they were out in the middle of a lake in the dead of winter. 

Of course, he’d learned his lesson the hard way.

He didn’t know why it was so difficult.  He loved her and there was this look she’d get sometimes that made him sure she felt the same way.  

He could feel it. 

But that ring, that date, those plans still stood - unwavering.   He couldn’t help but think that if she really felt the same way about him she’d put on the brakes herself.

Wouldn’t she?

He realized the answer was probably not.  Pam barely took risks and one of the things that infuriated him about Roy is that he actually made her less confident.

He didn’t think he imagined the look on her face when he’d told her of his crush on her, backpedaling, trying not to make her too uncomfortable. 

He was stating the obvious, since they both knew he’d intended to ask her out again during that first fateful lunch date.  But when he stopped her in the kitchen to lay it out on the line she had feigned ignorance and he’d simply followed her lead.

What nagged at him was what had happened next.  As she made her way back to her desk she’d looked for a moment like she had wanted to hear something different.  She looked like she’d wanted him to say he still felt that way.

Maybe what she really needed was for him to push.

Maybe.

He was grasping at straws – more desperate than he cared to acknowledge.  If ever there was a sign that he was spiraling out of control it was the fact that he’d confided in Michael of all the people in the world. 

The spinning continued, manifesting into his planning the trip, making dates with Brenda, seriously considering just packing it in and moving on for good. 

If she insisted on going to go through with this he was desperate to figure out a way to get over her already.

There was only way to make it stop.

70 days.  72 till it was all over.

He’d resigned himself to it – but it was never, ever simple. Just when he thought he’d made some sort of progress – they’d have a day like today. 

A day when he could see it in her eyes – feel it in his bones – know with everything he was that what he felt for her was something that came along once in a lifetime. 

If things didn’t change in 70 days it would be something he knew that he’d be searching for - for the rest of his life.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

She didn’t know what had possessed her to suggest it.  She did feel bad for Kevin but it wasn’t her sole motivation.  

If she was being honest, she simply just wanted to spend some time alone with him again.

The whole year had been full of moments where she just couldn’t shake the idea.

There was really a chance they could have more.

There were glimmers of what it could be like with him if she’d just let herself feel.

She’d felt so comfortable as she walked through his bedroom, it had felt so right to sit beside him on his couch watching Phyllis singing karaoke.  The whole night had felt like they were together. 

Like for real.  Like a couple.

She’d shifted occasionally on the couch so that his fingers would brush her shoulder, tangle slightly in her hair.

She shouldn't have been surprised that other people would notice.

She’d been embarrassed by Phyllis' observation because deep down she knew it held a kernel of truth. 

She remembered how much thought he’d put into her Christmas gift, how many things he’d held on to from the years they’d been friends – all the moments he’d managed to cram into one tiny teapot.

It was uncanny how well he knew her. 

It had made up for the fact Roy’s gifts turned out to be a completely useless Prism Durosport that failed to let her download songs despite the help she got from Dwight.  He'd also bought her a sweater and a terrycloth bathrobe,  and a printout jammed in her stocking that let her know he’d upgraded their cable to the tune of another $40 a month.

Lovely.

It wasn’t about the fact he’d gotten her a low-rent iPod, or even the cable upgrade.  The robe was warm and the sweater was a nice shade of lavender. 

She simply would have preferred something that let her know that Roy saw her, really saw her for who she was.

Like maybe remembering how she had mentioned it would be nice to keep a teapot at her desk.

Roy.  Sometimes she just didn’t get him. 

She’d said the same to Jim out on the deck that night.  He’d looked back at her with soulful eyes and an expression on his face she’d seen before.  Like he had something terribly important he wanted to say and needed a moment to steady himself. 

She could recognize it now. 

And in that instant, in that split second she had wanted nothing more to close her eyes and see what would happen.

When she's being her most truthful she lets herself acknowledge it. 

If Jim had moved to kiss her right at that moment she absolutely would have let him.

But - obviously - he hadn’t.

Instead he simply stood there and she began to feel foolish. 

She mumbled something about being cold and left him standing alone at the railing.  Once they were both back inside it wasn’t long before Roy was teetering up to the microphone. 

She was suddenly aware of Jim’s hand - warm on her shoulder, and his voice close to her ear.  She was about to get up and go with him when another voice boomed through the cabin and sprang them apart.

“How about…June 10th?”

In that moment she’d been overwhelmed. She had thought it was a sign, that Roy actually remembered the conversation.  Not long ago she'd said that she'd love to get married on her grandmother’s birthday - that she thought it would be a nice way to have her there with them. 

But later she finds out it’s not why. When she beams up at him and thanks him for being so thoughtful he shrugs. 

She thinks his exact words were “Seems like as good a date as any.  I figured it’s far away enough for you to get shit done, close enough so you wouldn’t nag me to death.”

Her head had been spinning from the roller coaster she’d been on that night – first feeling self conscious next to Katy - then nearly giving up on Roy – and just when she’s thinking finally she’s made sense of it all she hears his voice, almost cracking.

“My best friend.”

In the weeks that follow she tries to keep things light in the office, tries not to make too many plans when he’s around.  Since he’s told her he used to have a crush on her she thinks it’s only right.

At least – that’s the reason she gives herself.

She doesn’t acknowledge what she’s really up to.   She’s issuing a challenge and one that’s completely unfair.

She keeps baiting him, letting him know that she really will do this.

Unless he stops her.

So today she’s in the mood to make believe.  To make believe the clock isn’t ticking and that time isn’t running out. 

To make believe that there’s still a chance she can have another type of life than the one that’s looming before her.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

She follows him to his car and sighs as he holds open the door.  She can’t even remember a time that Roy had done that for her.

Not one.

The air is slightly cold and she’s rethinking leaving her coat back in the office. 

They’d left them there to avoid suspicion – and to make it seem like they’d never left.

“The heat usually comes up pretty quickly.”

“I’m OK.” She replied, teeth chattering slightly.

He turns towards her and grabs her hand in both of his, rubbing briskly back and forth, making more than her hands warm in an instant.

“Oh so you usually have icicles for fingers?”  He laughs back at her, smiling as he drops her hand and shifts into reverse to pull out of the parking lot, the ever present camera crew following behind.

She clasps her hands in front of her, sighing a bit.  Her blood is suddenly pounding in her ears.

“No.”  She shakes her head at him and smiles.

At the first light Jim leans across and tilts the vents open, his forearm accidentally brushing across her chest, the warm air suddenly hitting her skin, making her curls flutter.

“Better?” He asks hopefully, trying to get his pulse back to normal.

She shivers, but not from the cold.  It takes her a second to form rational thought.

“Uh huh.  Yes.  Thanks.”

“Good.”  He nods and brings his eyes back to the road.

They make their way to Rite-Aid; she runs quickly inside and stands near the doorway.  Jim follows pushing the cart, his lanky frame folded over it.  She likes that when she turns to look at him she can see straight into his eyes.

“First a gift for Michael.”  Pam giggles as she moves to the fragrance section.

He watches her grab a box from the shelf and display it proudly.  “Can’t go wrong with Night Swept.  It’s a classic.”

She places it into the cart as she smiles.  “Indeed.” 

Feeling suddenly brazen she leans over, inhales deeply.  “You a fan of it too?”  She whispers near his ear.

Now she’s done it.  He can’t tell if it’s her shampoo or perfume but that berry scent that clings to her kills him every single time. 

He swallows audibly.  It takes him a moment to find his voice.  “Nah.  Um…just soap and water usually.”  His cheeks are flushed as he shifts his gaze downward.  “I only bust out the Night Swept for special occasions.”

“Of course.”  She smiles softly as she pulls away.  There was some other scent she’d noticed when she’d leaned close to him.  Something soft and clean that she couldn’t quite place.

In companionable silence they move through the aisles.  Jim immediately grabs a get well card with a bikini clad lifeguard on the front. 

“Get well soon...but if you don’t…”  He reads, his voice authoritative and serious.  He opens the card and laughs.  “…don’t worry.  I know CPR.”

“Oh my God.  Totally Kevin.”  She snatches it from him wide eyed.  “How perfectly cheesy and sleazy.”

“I guess here’s our proof.  Hallmark does make a card for every occasion.”   His eyes scan the rows of cards, briefly wondering if there’s one with a pair of wedding rings, crossed out like a “no smoking’ sign that says “Don’t go through with it.”

They move on, both looking for the perfect gift.

“Cup O’Noodles?”  Jim suggests as they reach a large display.

She thinks it’s an excellent idea.  “And so thrifty.  On sale.  49 cents each.”

They giggle as they toss container after container into the cart.  When they reach 68 Jim gives her a look.

She nods, he laughs and with one final addition the task is complete.

“M&M’s for dessert!!”  She says excitedly as she nearly skips towards the candy aisle.

He watches her in wonder not wanting to over think things too much.   He just wants to enjoy these moments while he can.

He knows there aren’t many left.

Her shoulder brushes his and he's not sure she doesn't do it on purpose.  His hands itch to touch her so he keeps his arms crossed as he stays hunched over, continuing to push the cart.

When she stops to look at a shelf full of scented candles he bites his lip and swings a rack of DVDs around, his eyes falling on one in particular. 

She turns and sees him pick it up and study the cover.  She raises her eyebrows at him.  “Is that one of your desert island movies, Jim?”

He stares her down, disgusted at the mere implication.  “Creed took his copy.  You know it’s lost for good.”

“Creed wanted to watch American Pie II?  Why?” She is dumbfounded.

Jim suspects she really doesn’t want to hear the answer to that question.  Quite frankly – neither does he.

“Ours is not to reason why Beesly…” He says with a smile.

She looks at him thoughtfully for a moment and shakes her head. 

He's so different...

Like there ever would be a day Roy would quote Tennyson.

It seems they’re done with their errand more quickly than she anticipated.   She lets her thoughts drift again, pretends for a second that this is something that they would normally do together, that this is what it would be like when they ran errands on a random Saturday. 

They pass through shelves full of laundry detergent and he grabs a blue bottle - nonchalantly tossing it into the cart.

He can feel her questioning eyes, hear the laugh in her voice when she asks him if he uses fabric softener. 

“You don’t?”  He asks confused.

“No.  I do.”  She replies.

He’s baffled. “Okay…”   

“It’s just now I know.”  She adds casually as they turn another corner.

“Know what?”

She shrugs.  “Why you always smell so good.”

The words hang in the air as she walks ahead of him, stopping in front of a display of hair products.   She brings a hand to her mouth and nibbles on her nails.

He’s still trying to catch his breath as he watches her.

She’s holding a box and reading the label intently.

“What have you got there?”

“Apparently it’s called Curl Tamer.”  She flips the box over again so he can see the front of it.  “I wonder if it works.”

He twists his lips into a grin.  “Having trouble reining yours in?  Need professional help?”

“No.  I’m…”   She places the box back on the shelf.  “It’s just I’m not really good at this kind of stuff…”

“What kind of stuff?”

"Hair. Makeup.  It takes a lot of time.  I'm too impatient."  Pam sighs heavily.  "Not that it'd really make a difference anyway so..."

His heart hurts when he sees this side of her.  He despises those times when it’s painfully obvious she’s blind to what’s right there in front of her.

“Doesn’t seem like it should take too long to me.”  He says softly.  “You’ve got a pretty good head start.”

Her eyes meet his, her hand moves to her hair, letting a section slide through her fingers over and over.  “You don’t think it’s too frizzy?”

“Well.  I mean I’m no expert, Pam.”  He searches for the answer he thinks she wants to hear. “Umm…I think it’s just…curly…”

She throws her hands in the air.  “I just can never do anything with it other than just clip it up in the back.”

“…Or wear a headband.”  He offers, still struggling.

She remembers the few times she’d attempted something new with her unruly hair.  The last time she made an effort was Valentine’s Day.  He’d paid so little attention to her that day she honestly didn’t think he’d noticed.

She blinks when she realizes he’s still talking.  “You should wear it that way more often.  It looks a little softer…”  He whispers, not fully conscious of the fact that his fingers are now reaching out to brush her hair off her shoulder.  His thumb grazes her jaw as he pulls his hand away. “…but you can still see your face.”

She blushes feels a bit lightheaded as her eyes meet his.   She licks her lips nervously.  He sucks in a breath and begins to stand up straight. 

The moment is ruined by a sudden ear piercing shriek of a child being pushed in a cart by his weary looking mother.  Jim gently takes Pam’s elbow so she can move aside and let the woman pass.

It’s suddenly much too quiet and almost awkward as they continue on.  Desperate to cut the tension he dares her to use the PA system.  She hesitates only slightly before she gives in.  He gazes at her adoringly, calling her a dork but meaning something entirely different.

He couldn’t be more in love with her if he tried.

They make their way back to the office, only to head back out again moments later.  When they take the ice, his arm is strong and steady around her waist, his hand firmly holding hers as she shuffles along. 

She smiles to herself, feeling a bit guilty.  When she hesitated earlier he’d immediately taken her arm assuming she’d be unsteady.

She decided then and there not to mention that she’d taken lessons right at this very rink when she was seven.

It was day was full of happy endings for everyone.  Michael finally got the attention he’d craved, Kevin cheated death and she’d spent the whole day laughing with her best friend.

It was very nearly perfect.

That night she does a quick load of laundry, pouring a capful of fabric softener in with a smile.  She sets the knob and makes her way back up from the basement, pulling the clip from her hair.

She walks past Roy and upstairs, smiling all the while. 

Maybe tomorrow she’ll wear a headband again.