INT – Office.
Natalie walks out of the conference room slowly, looking like she’s been traumatized. Jim turns in his chair to face her and looks at her, puzzled.
JIM
Whoa. What happened to you?
NATALIE
I can’t tell you. Code of the treacherous secrets of the corrupt Ya-Ya Sisterhood.
JIM (laughs)
What?
NATALIE (sighs)
Nothing. Just trust me, you don’t even want to know what I just heard. You’ll want to have your ears chopped off.
Michael emerges from his office.
MICHAEL
Jim, can I talk to you in my office for a second?
JIM (to Natalie)
Is it too late to sign up for ear amputation?
NATALIE
And here I thought the floppy-haired pissdemon would be able to take care of himself. (She walks towards her desk.) Good luck.
Dwight is on the floor with a screwdriver, his computer layed out in pieces around him.
INT – Michael’s office.
MICHAEL
Close the door. This is official man business. Men at the square table. Just like the Budweiser commercials.
Jim takes a seat in front of Michael’s desk.
JIM
What’s up, Michael?
MICHAEL
Nothing. Nothing is up. Everything is down. Down in the dumps with all the sewage and the… feces and the… dead animals-
JIM
What’s wrong Michael?
MICHAEL
I need a girlfriend.
JIM Talking Head:
Michael calls me into his office at least three times a day to help with such problems as creating the perfect CD mix tape. Or if telling a joke with an ethnic stereotype is racist. Or what it means when it burns when you pee.
INT – Michael’s office
JIM (sighs)
I thought things with you and Jan were good now.
MICHAEL
Just because she’s living with me, and we’re having sex, and I’m step-fathering her foster child doesn’t mean anything Jim. It’s not exclusive. (Jim shoots a look at the camera.) I just wish there was someone out there for me… Someone who wouldn’t mind throwing back a beer and an Awesome Blossom at Chili’s, or who can fill out a pair of jeans. Or has a decent sized chest. And likes to play hockey. And doesn’t have any emotional baggage. Or actual baggage, like a giant fat belly with some other person’s sperm inside. I mean, I’m not asking for too much, am I?
Holly knocks on the door and opens it.
HOLLY
Hey, Michael.
MICHAEL
Hey, Holly. Holly Berry! Both delicious to eat, and beautiful to look at. Storm. X-men. What’s crackin’?
HOLLY
I’m actually just headed out to lunch. I was just stopping by to see if you might like to join me.
MICHAEL
Oh, well thank you. I would love to.
HOLLY
Great.
MICHAEL
But I’m actually in the middle of an important man talk with my best amigo Jim here. Just shooting the testosterone back and forth. Like Gossip Girl, minus the girls. Boy gossip. Nothing you should pay attention to. Boys only. No girls allowed.
HOLLY
Wow. Do you meet in a treehouse on the weekends, or-
MICHAEL (laughs)
No, but that’s a good idea. We should totally do that.
JIM (shakes his head)
No.
HOLLY
Well maybe some other time, then. (She walks out.)
MICHAEL
Ok. Bye, Holly. (sighs) Now where were we?
JIM
What about Holly? She seems really nice.
MICHAEL
No. She’s just not that into me. I can tell. Hey, what about the new receptionist? She’s pretty hot.
JIM
Yeah, she’s 24 years old.
MICHAEL
Really?
JIM
Yeah.
MICHAEL
And still doesn’t look a day older than 16. Oh well. Too bad. Hey, you know you two are close in age. Maybe you should date her.
JIM
I’m already seeing someone.
MICHAEL
Who?
JIM
Again. Pam.
MICHAEL
Pam left. I fired her.
JIM
She left temporarily to go to school in New York. And we’re still dating.
MICHAEL
Oh. Well then why are you always at reception flirting with the new girl for?
JIM
I’m not and I don’t.
MICHAEL (sighs)
Nothing wrong with keeping your options open, Jim.
JIM Talking Head:
Just for the record so that we’re all on the same page, Natalie and I are just friends. I mean, she’s just really cool to talk to. And it’s nice to have someone normal to talk to in the office now that Pam’s gone. Who I am still dating, and still plan on proposing to. Of course, I would have already done that by now if Andy hadn’t hijacked my original proposal in the first place. I mean, I pretty much spent $200 for someone else’s engagement party. Don’t think I’ll be getting them a wedding gift.
INT – Office.
Jim walks out of Michael’s office to his desk.
NATALIE
Have a good guy talk?
JIM
Yeah.
NATALIE
Oh here, David Wallace called looking for you. (She hands him a piece of paper.) He said that he’ll be making a special visit to our office around 3 today, and would like for you to have your quarterly sales numbers ready for him to review when he gets here.
JIM
Oh. Ok. Thanks.
He walks back to his desk quietly as Natalie eyes him suspiciously.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Just a short little chapter until I figure out where to go from here...
Chapter End Notes:
What do you think should happen next?? :P
To be continued....
To be continued....
