Holly knocks on Michael's door.
"Ugh, what?" he snaps, then immediately apologizes. "Sorry, I was just having a Toby flashback. What's up?"
"Well, speaking of Toby, I think maybe it's time to talk it out with your staff. Between what happened with Toby and all the mysterious comas, and now Jim possibly an attempted murderer, people are a little stressed."
"What do you mean? No one even remembers Toby."
"Um, Michael, he was killed in a fiery plane crash over the jungles of Costa Rica, and that was only like a month ago. People remember."
Michael sighs loudly and gets up from his seat. He walks out into the main office and announces, "Everyone in the conference room - five minutes!"
~
Michael: I can see why people are upset about Phyllis and Stanley and Meredith.... well, maybe not Meredith, so much... but Toby? No one liked him anyway. He was the worst.
~
In the conference room, half of the seats are empty. Everyone looks distraught. Michael takes a breath and starts.
"Okay, Holly has suggested we need a morale booster, what with all the tragedy lately." Everyone just stares. "Okay, the good news is that if Jim is the culprit, he's on the run now so he can't kill any more of us."
"Michael, they're not dead," Angela says flatly. "It wasn't... murder." She looks around quickly then gazes down at her hands before muttering, "Murder is a sin."
"Murder, attempted murder, whatevs," Michael replies dismissively.
Kevin speaks up. "But what if it wasn't Jim? I don't think Jim had a motive to do away with all those people."
Holly smiles sweetly at him. "Have you been watching Law and Order, Kevin?"
He looks back at her questioningly and slowly answers, "Uh, sometimes..."
Oscar pipes up. "And if it wasn't Jim, that means it was someone else here in this office."
Everyone gasps and looks around suspiciously at one another.
"I want to state for the record that I have never attempted to murder anyone at any point in time," Angela says sternly. Dwight just stares at the floor and keeps strangely quiet.
"So who would have a motive?" asks Michael. "Damn it, I wish Jim and Pam were here. They would know what to do."
"Michael, Jim is the prime suspect," Holly reminds him.
"I know, Holly," Michael snaps, then catches himself. "Sorry, I just meant... nevermind." He stands up. "Well, if we're done here I have to go meet Jan down at the B-R-U so we can register for our shower."
"B-R-U?" says Oscar.
"Babies R Us, Oscar, but of course as a gay man, you wouldn't know that..." Oscar just rolls his eyes as everyone else gets up to leave.
"Well, that was productive," mumbles Holly under her breath.
As they leave the room, Andy's cell phone rings. He picks it up and answers "Andrew Bernard here."
"Andy, it's Jim." Andy opens his mouth to say something, "Don't say my name! Just pretend you're talking to a client."
Andy nods slowly and says, "Okay, sir, let me look that up for you." He sits down at his desk.
"First of all, I know they think I am behind all the attempted murders that have been happening, but I can assure you, it's not me," Jim says gruffly.
"Okay," Andy shifts uncomfortably in his seat.
"I need you to do me a favor."
"And why would I do that, praytell?" Andy retorts.
"Because I know what happened to your parents on the ferris wheel that night was no accident!"
The blood drains from Andy's face.
~
Andy: They weren't my real parents anyway, so it wasn't a big loss. They were loaded though. (he grins)
~
"What do you want?" Andy asks Jim.
"I need your private jet."
"Where are you taking it?"
Jim pauses, and then answers, "Costa Rica."
When he finishes talking to Andy and hangs up the phone, he turns back to Pam. "Okay, it's all arranged. Now I'm listening."
"First of all, you do know me! It's me, Katy!"
He stares at her, expressionless.
"Katy, remember? We dated a few years ago? You dumped me on the boat?"
"Oh yeah! Katy!" He nods and snaps his fingers.
She glares at him but continues with her story. "I was so in love with you that I pined for a year or so, and then I decided to win you back. But it would take a lot of surgery to look just the way you'd want me to. You know, like... her."
"That is... the stupidest thing I've ever heard." He shakes his head in disgust. "So how did you manage the rest of it? Getting rid of Pam?"
Katy smiles slyly and says, "You may want to sit down for this one."
---
In a bungalow on the edge of the rainforest, the real Pam Beesly is locked in a back room. There is only a small bed and a chair in the room. She paces back and forth for a moment before knocking on the door.
"Hey!" she yells, to her unseen captor. "I have to pee!"
An ominous yet whiny voice answers from the other side of the door. "Again?"
She hears the sound of the door unlocking, and it slowly opens, revealing one Toby Flenderson, standing in the doorway, very much alive.
---
Meanwhile, at Babies R Us, Michael is having a grand ol' time scanning merchandise with the handheld scanner. "This thing is the best!" he shouts gleefully. Jan rolls her eyes and keeps walking.
Back at the office, everyone has left early for the day. Everyone, that is, except Dwight and Angela. Once they think the coast is clear, they go into the conference room for an afternoon delight. But just as things are getting hot and heavy, a familiar voice booms through the office outside.
"Angela, my sweet! You still here?" Andy stops as he reaches the conference room door, which was conveniently left open. His eyes fall upon his supposedly virginal fiancee, doing the naked pretzel with Dwight K. Schrute. They are all speechless.
Until next time!
Will Jim and Katy-Pam find Pam in the Costa Rican jungle before it's too late?
Will Michael register for three different kinds of breast pump?
Will Andy punch a hole in the wall and/or Dwight?
