It is a few days later. Andy is still missing, and Jim is still dead. Michael decides to hold a memorial service for both of them at the office.
"But Michael," Holly reminds him, "we don't know that Andy is dead."
"Well, he might as well be," Michael snaps. "He hasn't shown up to work all week."
~
Michael: Yeah, things have been a little tense lately and Holly and I haven't been getting along as well as we usually do, but it'll blow over. I mean, at least she's no Toby. That guy was a real creep. I always thought orange was his color. Glad he gets to wear it every day now.
~
Pam enters the office, dressed all in black. She is sobbing into a handkerchief. Everyone kind of murmurs their condolences. Angela approaches and hesitantly offers her a brownie. Pam shakes her head no. Angela becomes indignant and storms off.
~
Angela: I made them just for her. It's not like I poisoned them or anything.
~
Kelly puts her arm around Pam. "It's okay to cry. I totally know how you feel. I had this boyfriend once who I was going to marry but then he turned into a cokehead and got his ass thrown in jail."
"Kelly," Oscar says, "that's not really the same thing. At all."
"Whatever, I was just trying to make her feel better." Kelly rolls her eyes.
Michael walks out of his office and sees Pam. He offers her a hug, then addresses the group. "Let's go outside to the parking lot. It's a beautiful day."
Everyone follows him and once in the parking lot they form a circle.
"Okay, I'd like each of you to say something nice about Jim," Michael says, then adds, "And Andy, since he's probably dead too. Phyllis, you go first."
Phyllis shyly glances around and says, "Jim was the nicest guy in the office. He was always kind to me." Everybody nods, and Phyllis continues, "And he had a great ass."
"Okay, next!" Michael says quickly. "Stanley, your turn."
Stanley barely looks up from his crossword puzzle. "Mmmmhhmm... I was told he did a good impression of me." Everyone chuckles, even Pam.
Michael suddenly remembers. "Oh yeah, what about Andy?"
Stanley is silent.
"Kelly?" Michael prompts.
"Andrew Bernard was the best car sex I ever had."
"What?" Darryl says suddenly, having joined the group. Kelly puts her hands over her mouth and stares wide-eyed at Darryl. Everyone else is silent for a moment, until Michael yells "Next!"
"You know what?" Pam says. "I'm not doing this anymore. Jim was the love of my life and this is not the way he'd want to be remembered. I'm... going." She starts walking toward her car, but all of a sudden Tiger shouts, "Stop!"
Pam turns around. The rest of the office workers are looking at Tiger.
"I have something to say," Tiger says. He steps into the middle of the circle. "I have been keeping it to myself for too long now." There is a pregnant pause, and he continues, "Jim Halpert was my father."
~
Tiger: Yes, it's true. Karen Filippelli is my mom. She gave me up for adoption when Jim dumped her.
~
"How is that even possible?" Oscar asks, bewildered. "You're, like, nineteen. Jim is twenty-eight. And Jim didn't even know Karen nineteen years ago.... when they were nine."
"Oscar, really," Michael says sternly. "Do you have to pick on the kid? His dad just died! Come here, Tiger!" He pulls Tiger into a hug.
Meanwhile, Pam is standing there, mouth agape, trying to figure out what is going on.
"No," she finally says, shaking her head. "There's no way Jim had a baby with Karen. He would have told me."
"He didn't know," Tiger explained.
"But seriously," interrupts Oscar. "Karen and Jim only stopped dating like a year ago..."
Dwight shakes his head with disgust at Oscar. Oscar backs away, giving up.
"I believe you, Tiger," Dwight says.
~
Dwight: SORAS is a very serious and much misunderstood disease. My cousin Mose is a victim of it as well, but his is a partial case.
~
Pam starts to cry again. She runs inside the building.
Everyone stands there in silence for a minute before Phyllis says, "Should I - "
"Ugh, just go," Michael says, waving his hands in the direction in which Pam took off.
~
Michael: What a disaster. If I didn't know better I would think we were on some TV show. Like not the one that you guys are making, but another one, where weird stuff happens to people. [he pauses] Like Dateline.
~
Pam is in the breakroom. She is holding a bag of Sun Chips and swigging a Coke. She still has tears running down her face. Phyllis cautiously approaches her.
"It's okay, Phyllis," Pam says with a sigh. "I would rather be alone right now if you don't mind."
Phyllis nods and exits. Pam sits there with her chips for a few moments before a noise outside the breakroom startles her. She hesitantly gets up and peaks her head out the door. She sees movement in the staircase down the hall.
"Phyllis?" she calls out.
No answer, so she slowly makes her way over to the stairs. Suddenly a person jumps into view. Pam gasps.
"Yes, it's me. And no, I'm not dead," says Jim, with a grin.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Sorry it's been so long since the last update!
Chapter End Notes:
ExtremelyGruntled is the author of 20 other stories.
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