The new temp, who comes in the first day the cameras are there, poor guy, is actually super cute, Pam thinks, then scorns her mental wording of super cute because what is she, thirteen? It’s not that wild sort of attraction, the heart-lurching connection, she felt in the first few days she knew Jim (and, if she admits it to herself, which she never ever does, that she still feels), but the temp has wide blue eyes. He’s her age. He seems nice, or terrified, enough. Pam rolls her eyes at these thoughts after less than two minutes. God, she’s engaged. She shouldn’t be looking for guys.
“Hi, Ryan,” she introduces herself a little later in the day, when the cameras are off recording the accountants’ introductions and thoughts on downsizing in the conference room, but before Michael pulls that despicable stunt with the fake firing. “I’m Pam Beesly. The receptionist.” She hates the fact that she says receptionist like it’s something to be proud of.
“Yeah,” he says, desert-dry. “I got that when Michael kept screaming your name in a ridiculous tone and you were sitting behind the reception desk.” It’s dry, sure, but not in a friendly joking manner. Pam tries to control the bile that rises up, involuntarily, in the back of her throat. He’s cranky, and sick of Dunder-Mifflin, and is so sure he completely understands Michael’s insanity, after one day? Try three years.
“Oh. Well – ” she starts, but she guesses Ryan feels bad, because his face sort of falls by a millimeter.
“I’m sorry,” he says, though Pam can tell by his eyes he’s just saying it to be polite. She thinks he’s probably not the kind of guy that will say ‘sorry’ and actually mean it often. Still, Pam gives him a beatific smile, because that’s just what Pam Beesly does. She forgives, almost unconditionally. She tries to forget, but always has those nagging little reminders in the back of her mind, which she willfully ignores. “So, it’s almost lunchtime, and I’ve got coupons for Cugino’s in this ‘Welcome to Dunder-Mifflin’ bag...” Once again, his tone in “welcome to Dunder-Mifflin” is way too bitter for someone who has been here for a whole goddamn two hours.
“Um, I’m engaged,” Pam sputters out, and it’s a terrible and mean-spirited rejection to his offer. So, softer, she says, “Sorry.” She knows Ryan’s not coming on to her, but she is infuriated by him and, in some stupid way, misses the ridiculous way Jim had said “gift baggy.” She’s just met this Ryan Howard, but somehow she can tell that he is probably not someone that would ever risk being humiliated by silly words or actions (a few years later, when her life will be so different it will dazzle her, and Ryan’s got a ridiculous half beard and spouts nonsense about “Dunder-Mifflin Infinity,” she’ll think of this first impression and smirk).
Pam can see Jim in her peripheral vision, watching Pam and Ryan conversing with some interest. Jim looks worried, or annoyed, or something. Maybe he doesn’t want Ryan to become her new best friend at work, but she seriously doubts that will happen based on their first conversation. Maybe he’s irritated when Pam brushes Ryan off, because Jim might want her to find another great work friend. Sometimes she clings to him like he’s a life raft. She knows it’s pathetic, asking him to be her constant defense against Michael and Kevin’s stupid comments, against Angela’s sneers and cold eyes, against the sheer soul-sucking boredom of being a receptionist at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton. She was never sure what she thought her life would be, but it wasn’t this. Maybe he resents her leaning on him, both emotionally and sometimes even physically, and bottles up all his hatred at her because he’s a nice guy like that.
So, Pam, once she’s behind her desk, turns toward Ryan and gives him a small, tight smile. She tries to make it clear that it’s not flirty, and not exactly friendly, but that there are no hard feelings. Despite the bad haircut, he is really cute. After all, her being engaged isn’t the reason she turned down lunch with him.
Six Dunder-Mifflin Men Pam Finds Attractive at Inappropriate Times (and one she doesn't) by bigtunette
Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm posting two updates at once, because I'm not crazy about this chapter and I think the next one is much stronger.
Chapter End Notes:
I think I was too harsh on Ryan, but oh, after Season 4...
