May 1, there’s an e-mail in all their inboxes from the head of the camera crew, saying that the test audiences responded alarmingly well to what they had filmed, and that the cameras would be back in September to start filming again. There’s also something in the e-mail about audiences wanting very badly to see “a certain romantic drama” resolve in the next year, and Pam has no idea what they’re talking about, though she theorizes it’s a subtle dig at the fact that no, she still hasn’t set a wedding date. Over lunch in the break room, she tells her theory to Jim. He laughs half-heartedly and falls awkwardly silent. It’s moments like those that make her want to ask Jim a question about what, exactly, they are, that she hasn’t quite defined in her head. She wonders how she could be terrified of the answer when she doesn’t even know the question.
Michael comes out of his office and up to her desk to chat and she feels herself squirm. She’s always frustrated by the fact that the uncomfortable squirm isn’t a blast of pure hatred. She wishes she could hate Michael, and in the rare occasion she does (she thinks back to the fake firing again), but she’s seen the humanity in him too often, both pre- and post-cameras. “Pam, am I fat?” he asks her. This must be really serious for him, because he’s actually using her name and not some dumb (and, she secretly thinks, kind of endearing) nickname. “Does my hair look bad?”
“No,” she responds, not bothering to look up. His hair is terrible and he’s kind of chubby, but he’s always looked like that and she values her job. Well, the money part of it, anyway.
“Because I saw a few minutes of the first episode,” he continues, ignoring her response, and now Pam can’t help but look up, because he actually saw footage?! “And yeeeaaaccchhhh. I mean, I’m going to be famous and all that, but I look like... you know that guy downstairs? Not the one you’re, you know, doing. The really...big one?”
He means Lonny. “You don’t look like him, Michael,” Pam sighs, returning to her work.
“Well, not exactly. You know, he, um...”
“What? Why doesn’t he look like you?” Oh, she loves goading him, really. She tells Roy it’s the highlight of her day often, because it’s often indeed a secondary highlight and she doesn’t want to know what he’d think of the real highlight.
“He... uhh... errr... well, you know Mr. Brown and Jan said I can’t talk about those things or we might get sued when the documentary airs. The point is I am gross. I mean,” and he lowers his voice here, “sometimes my hair looks worse than Dwight’s.” Dwight definitely hears him anyway, because a “lowered voice” for Michael is still very loud, and the salesman’s face sets in indignation. She knows, though, that Dwight would never do anything to defy or insult Michael.
“Your hair is fine. I’m not sure why you needed my advice.”
“Because – well, err, this is hard to ask, because I am a man – can I have one of your women’s magazines?” Pam looks up at Jim. He’s in the usual state he’s in when Pam talks to Michael, which is that one hand is busy with his computer mouse, and the other is clamped over his mouth to cover his smile. She sees his attempt not to burst out laughing in his eyes, which actually twinkle. She stops thinking about the way Jim’s eyes twinkle, his grinning lips under his hand.
“Uh...sure...” Pam shuffles through her desk drawer where she keeps her magazines (Michael lets her keep them at work, because according to him, her most important job after being his friend and answering the phones is to be eye candy, and those magazines have all those hot fashion and makeup and sex tips, not that she’s ever taken their advice in any manner), and hands him a Cosmo from a few months ago. Michael pages through it, pausing only to hold up a picture of some B-list actress in a slip and growl, but then he lands on an article.
“‘How to Look Hotter than Ever!’” Michael reads out loud, and Pam hears Jim’s snort. She looks up and gives him a covert wink. Instantly, she feels terribly guilty and drops her head to focus on the computer screen again. “I’ll take this.” He disappears into his office, thankfully.
It’s gradual, but he does start to lose weight that summer, and he must get hair plugs or Propecia or something, because sure enough, by the time the cameras come back in late September, Michael’s looking really good indeed. Sometimes, he’ll come out of his office, or appear at her desk without warning like he infuriatingly does, and Pam will find herself admiring him for just a millisecond until he starts talking, and then she rolls her eyes and thinks, Michael. Not in any way attractive.
So she’s at the stupid Dundies and she’s very, very drunk. She almost never gets drunk – she’s not a college student thinking she’s badass by sneaking wine coolers – but she’s doing it for so many reasons tonight. She needs to forget the fight with Roy, she needs to forget the fact that she always seems to be fighting with Roy. She needs the cameras to see her as a different Pam than what they got last season, which was, undoubtedly, like a mouse. Most importantly, though, she needs to take that ever-present edge off when she deals with Jim. She’s so glad she’s drunk. The Dundies actually seem like fun when accompanied by Jim’s commentary and seven drinks in forty minutes.
“Jim!” she hisses conspiratorially, when Michael goes backstage to prepare further costume changes; God, she’s a little afraid. “I have a secret!”
He leans forward, elbows and forearms on the table, similarly conspiratorially. “What?” He’s been beaming since the second she sat up on that stool. He’s absolutely radiant, she thinks, and then banishes the thought from her head. She’s been doing that too much lately, too.
“I think... Michael’s been looking good lately. Like, really good!” She bursts into laughter so loud that Terri turns her head toward them, alarmed, and even Stanley looks over, more slowly. They both look away, though, exchanging amused looks among themselves. However drunk she is, Pam notices they do that all night, and wonders why.
Jim’s mouth is hanging open. His eyebrows move up and down a few times, and his lips quiver, like he’s trying to say something but is too shocked to, and after about thirty seconds he manages to find words. “Holy shit, Pam,” he says, totally dumbfounded, “I love you (when he says it, even though she knows he means I love you as a friend, Pam is sure she goes red as the Christmas sweater she drags out almost every year, because she feels the heat bloom out from her cheeks), but you are wasted.” He chuckles, not meanly. “Should I tell Roy about your secret affair with Michael Scott?”
Sobriety hits her for a second. “I don’t want to talk about Roy right now,” she almost snaps.
Jim looks taken aback. “Um, okay.” His grin returns a second later and, as ever, he easily maneuvers his way out of a totally awkward situation. “You’re so lucky all the cameras went in the back to record Michael’s hijinx, because if this was caught on tape, I would use this to blackmail you for the rest of your life, Beesly. Or should I say, Scott.”
“Stoooop,” Pam moans, lost in her drunkenness again. Michael comes out a few minutes later, and he’s changed from that ridiculous Indian outfit to his tuxedo again. Jim raises his eyebrows at her when Michael starts to sing – wail pathetically, really – his own Dunder-Mifflin-themed lyrics to “Macarthur Park,” because that song just isn’t bad enough already. Pam glares at Jim good-naturedly; that doesn’t stop the fact that, yes, dammit, for just a second when Michael came out, before he opened his mouth, she thought about how it was a little sexy that his suit was totally rumpled and how his face was perfectly angular, even with the gigantic nose, and his eyes so clear. Even though ninety percent of it was the alcohol talking in her brain, she refused to own up to the other ten percent.
But later that night – still. She only kisses Michael on the cheek, no matter how wet and sloppy the kiss, and she makes sure she gets Jim on the lips.
Six Dunder-Mifflin Men Pam Finds Attractive at Inappropriate Times (and one she doesn't) by bigtunette
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter, and honestly, this entire story, was inspired by that deleted scene from "Sexual Harassment" where Pam tells Michael he's looking good/nice/handsome...
Chapter End Notes:
and I don't think I can TAKE it
cuz it took so long to BAKE it
and I'll never have that recipe again
OHHHH NOOOOO!!!! Oh, and I don't know who's in charge of those sort of things, but it was a lovely surprise to see that blue ribbon on "Charmed!" :)
cuz it took so long to BAKE it
and I'll never have that recipe again
OHHHH NOOOOO!!!! Oh, and I don't know who's in charge of those sort of things, but it was a lovely surprise to see that blue ribbon on "Charmed!" :)
