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Pam shivered in the November afternoon breeze. She took a long drag of her cigarette and tossed it off the roof. After the breakup with Roy and Jim's new relationship, she had started going up to the roof for a smoke on her breaks. But all it seemed to do was remind her of the night they'd spent up there. She'd rather think about that than watch Jim and Karen flirt. Even interaction between the two was irritating. Pam glanced at her watch and began to walk towards the ladder to get back inside. She pulled out her travel bottle of body spray and gave herself a thorough dousing. Pam fumbled to put the bottle in her pocket but dropped it. As she stood up she noticed another shadow on the shingles.
"You know you shouldn't smoke," said Jim shyly.
"Worse things have happened," replied Pam as she turned around to face him. She squinted up at him, the sun giving him a corona like halo. "What are you doing up here, anyway?"
"You've been disappearing every few hours for a couple weeks now. I was going to have Dwight investigate but I'd figure I'd do some sleuthing on my own first."
"I'm surprised you noticed I was gone..." Pam said under her breath.
"Of course I noticed," said Jim.
Pam gave a small jump as she didn't think he would hear her.
"Come on-what's going on? Are you still upset about Roy?" Jim asked, knowing what the real reason was.
"No-it's not Roy," said Pam. "There's just a lot going on right now..."
"Is it Karen?" asked Jim
Pam didn't reply. All she could think about was "this is how he must have felt..."
"What are you doing after work today?" asked Jim.
Pam blinked at him and stuttered, "Nothing."
"How about you come with me tonight back to my place. We're painting it but need some artistic direction. You could help us pick out some colors, hang out for dinner. I think Mark is cooking out tonight."
"Sure."
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Pam followed Jim in her car. She twisted her hair as she wondered what to say, what to do. Everything was so different now...she didn't know how to interact with him anymore. He pulled into his driveway and she parked on the street. She remembered the party here. Sitting on his bed. Everything was so relaxed. So normal.
Jim waited for Pam by his car door and then walked ahead of her into the house.
"I'm gonna change real quick. Help yourself to whatever." Jim said jogging up the stairs.
Pam took off her shoes and coat and walked into the living room. She sat down on the couch and put her feet on the ottoman and closed her eyes. She figured she looked tired as she always did after work. Pam felt like she could still win him over, but not looking like this. What was the point anyway? Jim wasn't the unfaithful type, that's what she liked about him. A nice, decent guy. She heard quick foot steps down the stairs and Jim appeared. He was wearing jeans and a gray t-shirt from Penn State.
"Want a beer?" Jim asked.
"Sure, why not?" Pam said sounding sarcastic without meaning to.
Jim walked out of the kitchen with two bottles of a beer and a piece of paper.
"What's that?" asked Pam has she grabbed the bottle.
"It's a note from my room-mate saying his girlfriend surprised him with a week in Cape Cod and he'll be gone until next Thursday."
"That sounds fun," said Pam, grasping to fill the silences.
"Yeah. So what do you think about this room?" asked Jim as he fell into a chair. "Maybe a bright pink?"
"With lime green stripes..."
"I like your thinking, Beesley..."
"Hmm..maybe a light blue. It would go well with the couch."
"I'm gonna be honest. We're not painting the house, I just wanted to talk to you someplace that wasn't the office. Where there weren't a hundred people running around."
"Oh-ok. What did you want to talk about?"
"You. Me. Us. Not that there's an us...but like..."
"It's ok-I get what you're trying to say..."
"You were the reason I got out of bed to go to work in the morning. Just for the jokes and random conversations, just...I really liked it."
"I know. Me too." Pam didn't know what to say other than one syllable words.
Pam shifted in her chair, knocking the beer off of the end table and all over her.
"Way to go, Pam," she said, standing up. "I'm really sorry. Just show me where the towels are and I can clean it up."
"Pam-it's a couch. I think we'll survive. Go up to my room and in my top dresser drawer is some shirts and sweatpants. They'll be big on you but at least you won't smell like a drunk." Jim said with a nonchalant smile.
Pam considered the obligatory objection but went upstairs instead. She'd been too busy listening to Jim to drink, so her bottle was still full. Pam began peeling her clothes off. The beer had soaked into her bra and underwear too. She stood there naked and opened the dresser drawer. She grabbed the first shirt and pants she could find. Pam put on the sweatpants first and then began fumbling to get the much too big for her shirt on. Jim walked in without her noticing right away. Her creamy back, a luscious hint of a breast. He felt his mouth go dry. She pulled the shirt on and turned around.
"How long have you been standing there?" Pam said, embarrassed but trying to act playful about it.
"Just now-I didn't see anything officer, I swear." said Jim. "I was going to do laundry tonight anyway if you want me to throw those in with my stuff..."
"Sure-that'd be great," said Pam, tossing her clothes into his hamper.
Jim grabbed the hamper and jogged downstairs. Pam sat on his bed. Making sure he wasn't there, she smelled his shirt. Pam remembered going to the store with him and buying fabric softener. She wondered if it was the same bottle...
There were so many memories, so many good things. She wanted them all back. Pam heard Jim's heavy footsteps come down the hall. He stood in the doorway. Pam lying down under the covers. Even with Jim's sweatpants covering her feet, she was still cold. Pam was also hoping he would get under the covers too...but knew that wasn't going to happen.
Jim sat on the bed next to her. Jim didn't know if Pam knew he and Karen had broken up the day before. They didn't talk much anymore but he figured the office gossip would relay the message to her. There was no way of bringing it up without sounding like, "Karen and I broke up-let's have sex."
"Sorry-I got cold and didn't know where your sweatshirts were..." said Pam, which was stretching the truth.
She didn't want to go through his dresser to find condoms and Karen's underwear.
"Its ok. And if you plan on coming over and spilling alcohol over everything again, sweatshirts in the closet," said Jim teasingly.
Pam smiled sheepishly in response. Then, without even realizing he was doing it, Jim climbed under the covers too, laying on his side to face her.
"You cold, too?" asked Pam with the first thing she could think of.
"No, I'm not."
This surprised even Jim. He normally wasn't this forward. Most of the time his confidence was an act, something to hide behind. He was still hiding behind it.
"Look-I know we're not doing anything but you have a girlfriend and I don't..."
"I don't have a girlfriend. I figured you'd heard about it. Karen left me for an ex-boyfriend. That was a nice surprise. That's what I wanted to talk to you about on the roof, someone to vent to...but I wasn't sure so I had to do it on my terms. This isn't exactly what I had in mind but it' better than the windy outside, right?"
"Right."
Pam felt her heart lighten, he facial expression soften. She could smell the fabric softener, the cologne, his shampoo. She never wanted to leave.
"And ever since Casino night...its just..."
Pam wiggled closer to him and nuzzled the front of her face into the curve between his neck and shoulder. Jim leaned his head into her, tucking her into him. Pam reached a hand up and put it on his neck, pulling him closer still. He breathed in deep, smelling her hair, tracing her back with his hand. Jim heard Pam's breathing become slower and deeper. She was falling asleep. He didn't want to move, to wake her up. For the first time, he fell asleep with the lights on.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Title and chapter titles are from 'Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect' by The Decemberists.
Chapter End Notes:
Sorry to pull the "Mark and his girlfriend leave for the week" card but it had to be done.
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