They talked for hours, sharing a couple beers and a pizza, and discussing every subject under the sun. Jim told her about Creed and all the tenants in the building: Angela, who she had already met, was a no-nonsense type of woman with at least ten cats in her apartment. It was something the landlord wasn’t too pleased with her about, but chose to ignore. Jim also told her about Stanley and Terri, the couple on the first floor who mostly kept to themselves, but whose teenage daughters caused a lot of commotion.
“Melissa definitely sounds like a handful,” Pam said as she took a bite of pizza crust.
“Sometimes she annoys Dwight more than I do,” Jim laughed. “She and her friends are always really loud, but when Dwight tells Stanley to quiet them down, Stanley just laughs in his face.”
“Aww, poor Dwight.”
Jim nodded, “Yeah. He’s so annoying, but sometimes he’s just… pathetic.” They ate in silence, reflecting on their superintendent, and then Jim told her, “You know, he owns a beet farm.”
“He does?” Pam asked incredulously.
“Yeah. He grew up there, but came here to make some money on the side. Now his cousin runs it, but every so often he goes home to check on it and stuff.”
“That’s hilarious! Um, but why beets?”
“Because they’re so nutritious, Pam.”
“Oh, of course,” she giggled.
Jim’s smile grew wider at the thought of making her laugh, “But you haven’t even heard the best part,” he told her, and watched as she gave him a curious expression. “It’s also a bed and breakfast.”
She let out a snort, “Oh yeah, cause a beet farm is so romantic—” but then she stopped herself as images of a romantic getaway with Jim flashed involuntarily through her mind. She held her tongue, convincing herself she shouldn’t think about him in that way, and steered the conversation toward safer waters, “Um, so where did you grow up?”
“Oh, down in Glenolden, by the airport.”
“That’s a nice place.”
He nodded, “Yeah. It’s got that average, midtown America feel. The entire town is obsessed with sports. Even when my brother and I were little we would go watch the high school sports. It was a community thing, you know?”
“Uh huh.”
“And Vince Papale was born there, so he’s kind of a local hero…” he trailed off, lost in memories and nostalgia, and Pam couldn’t help but think that this moment they were sharing was extremely intimate. “I dunno,” Jim continued, “I guess it was fate for me to do something with sports. I played basketball a little in high school, but I always preferred talking about the pros with my friends and stuff. That’s how I got into writing about it. High school newspaper, you know.”
“Big-time syndication.”
“Absolutely,” he smirked in response.
She smiled at him thoughtfully, “But yeah, I know what you mean. My family’s go-to gift for me for birthday presents and stuff was always coloring books. I think I must’ve had hundreds when I was younger…”
“A little too old for coloring books now, Beesly?” he asked smugly.
Without missing a beat, she came back with, “ Oh yeah. Now I’m up to tracings.” They both laughed as she continued earnestly, “Well, drawing’s actually not really my thing. I do a lot better with graphic design. Maybe I could show you a little of my work sometime?”
“I’d like that,” he smiled at her and she felt her cheeks flush. She thought she could see him turning red as well, but wasn’t sure if it was from the beer or electricity between them.
He then turned to her and said, “So, I’ve been meaning to tell you about this prank I want to pull on Dwight…”
Pam’s eyes lit up, “Oh yeah! What’s the plan?”
He told her his idea and they carefully began mapping the whole scheme out, and decided to execute it the next evening. It was perfect until Jim realized, “Oh shoot! My poker game is tomorrow night…”
“Oh, that’s okay,” Pam told him, “We can just do it Wednesday or Thursday—”
He frowned, “I have to work both those nights…” They sat back and thought for a moment, both impatient now that they had the prank planned, and finally Jim came up with a solution, “Why don’t you just come to the poker game?”
Pam stammered, “Oh, are you sure? I don’t want to intrude—”
“No way. You’ll be fine,” he assured her, and then added grudgingly, “You can even bring Roy or someone along, if you want…”
“Oh,” Pam thought for a moment about her boyfriend and how he had humiliated her in front of Jim the last time they were all together. Fearing a repeat of his behavior, she lied, “I think he’s working late tomorrow… But I might ask a friend to come, if that’s all right…”
“Sure,” Jim smiled, happy that Roy wouldn’t be joining them. “The more the merrier.”
… … …
“Ohmygod, I’m so excited! This will be just like that episode of Friends where the girls try to learn about poker and try to beat the guys and then it just gets down to Rachel and Ross and Rachel gets a phone call telling her she got turned down for a job so everyone’s like giving money to them and stuff to up the ante…”
“Kelly—”
“And Ross is soooo nice because he lets her win and stuff!”
“Kelly.”
“What?”
Pam frowned, “You know how to play poker, right?”
“Oh, totally,” Kelly replied. “I learned from watching the World Series of Poker when Shannon Elizabeth was on and she looked soooo adorable in that low-cut boho dress and aviators…”
Pam wasn’t sure how she had stayed friends with Kelly all these years, but Kelly was another piece of Kensington that had managed to stay with her. In high school, Kelly was one of the most popular girls in school, who made her own clothes and always set fashion trends. She was always running color schemes by Pam, knowing she had a knack for that “designy” thing. Now, Kelly was pretty successful herself, and owned one of Philly’s most fashion-forward boutiques, Knit Wit. In fact, it was Kelly who had given her the nudge she needed to go after her goals:
“Pam, seriously, you just need to like get off your butt, go get some hot clothes, go take some graphics courses or whatever, and then you’ll be totally awesome—like that girl in My Big Fat Greek Wedding!”
She shook her head at the memory, wondering why that was what finally motivated her, but she was thankful it had. Maybe that’s why she and Kelly remained such good friends all these years. As she picked at her salad and listened to Kelly chatter away, Pam realized she needed to warn her about Jim. Kelly knew better than anyone about all the Philly celebs, and Pam didn’t want her making a scene.
“Um, so Kelly—”
“…So, I don't understand why the closet engineer didn't think of that…”
“Kelly—”
“Yeah?”
Pam knitted her brows together and started in, “So, back to poker…”
“Okay… Ohmygod! I totally know what earrings I’ll wear tonight! They look like diamonds—you know, like diamonds on playing cards—and one is red and one is black! How cute is that!”
“Very cute. Listen Kelly, this guy who’s my neighbor… he’s kinda famous.”
“Famous?” Kelly’s eyes lit up.
“But just around here. See, he’s a sports writer—”
“The good luck charm??” she gasped, and Pam gave a little nod. “Oh. My. God!!!! How did you keep this from me for so long?? He’s the one you went out with on Saturday, right?” Pam nodded again, and watched Kelly spiral into another bottomless, one-sided conversation, “Pam, you seriously need lessons in gossiping with your BFF, cause this is the kind of thing you share immediately after you learn about it! Ohmygod, do you think it would be too fangirl of me to ask him to give me a high five?? All his friends are probably just as cool, which means I need to look super hot tonight…”
Pam signaled for a refill on her lemonade, glad that Kelly was getting all of this out of her system now.
… … …
“Hey,” Jim answered the door, grinning happily. He had asked Pam to come over early so they could finalize the plans for their prank, but it didn’t hurt that it was also a little extra time he got to spend with her.
She held up a glove in each of her hands, “Okay, so this is one of Roy’s construction gloves—looks like it could belong to a serial killer—or we have this latex glove I stole from the Archival room at the museum.” She stepped inside and handed the construction glove to him, and he looked it over carefully.
He sighed dramatically, as if he was making the biggest decision of his life, and then said, “I’m gonna have to go with latex. I mean, if we’re trying to convince Dwight that he killed someone, we have to think of what he would use, and I personally think he’d go for latex.”
“Very true,” Pam nodded in agreement.
Jim went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of corn syrup from the cupboard. He held it up and asked her in a devious voice, “Ready to make some blood?”
She giggled at him and replied, “Absolutely.”
They mixed their concoction together, chatting about work and poker, and before they knew it, Jim’s friends were arriving for the game. The first one that arrived came with the cards and poker chips, and seemed a bit confused by Pam’s presence.
“Uhh… hi. I’m Kevin,” he told her as he shook her hand.
“Pam. Nice to meet you,” she replied.
He then leaned over and whispered to Jim, “I thought these poker nights were guys only.”
“Where’d you get that idea?”
“You said it to Karen once…”
Jim glanced nervously over at his female guest and then turned back to Kevin, “Yeah, well… that was an… extenuating circumstance.” He nodded his head assuredly as Kevin thought about what the word ‘extenuating’ meant. After a brief moment, he gave up.
“Oh. Okay.”
The rest of the players soon filed in: Andy, who Pam knew already, and two other men, Josh and Martin. She introduced herself politely and then Jim led her away into the kitchen to prepare the bloody glove. Once the glove was dripping in the dark red liquid, they carefully took it out into the hallway and placed it at the top of the steps, making sure Dwight would see it when he made his nightly security rounds. They stepped back and admired their work just when Kelly reached the top of the stairs.
“Hey Pam!—Eww, what is that? That looks gross—”
“It’s just corn syrup, water, food coloring and flour,” Jim casually explained, but was silenced by the starstruck look in Kelly’s eyes.
“Ohmygod, Philly Jim! Okay, I know I promised you I wouldn’t freak out, but I’m sorry Pam, this is way too awesome!!! Would it be too weird if you like, gave me a high five or something? Or maybe you should wait until after the poker game so I don’t take all your luck away from you…”
He glanced over at Pam, his eyes asking her if this was really the friend she had invited to his poker game, and she just gave him a simple shrug back. He turned back to Kelly, “How about we just shake hands? I’m Jim—”
“Well duh! I’m Kelly. It’s so great to meet you.” She took his hand and with one fluid motion, pulled him toward her just as she brought out her camera phone from behind her back. She smiled and snapped a picture of the two of them, and then began pressing buttons feverishly. “This is totally my new MySpace picture,” she commented to them as they exchanged another glance and walked back down the hall.
… … …
After playing for a few hours, the blinds were starting to get high. Andy and Kelly had gone out early in the game and were chatting over on the couch. The rest of the group watched the game vigilantly—it was just down to Jim, Pam and Josh now, with Kevin acting as the dealer.
They got their cards and studied them carefully before placing initial bets. Josh immediately folded, as he had been doing all night, and so Jim and Pam kept a keen eye on each other as they discarded. When Pam got her two new cards, she couldn’t keep her gaze on him any longer, and had to smile and look away.
“Yeah, right,” Jim scoffed.
“’Yeah, right,’ what?” she asked playfully. She was a terrible bluffer, and her growing attraction to him made it worse.
“What was this?” He imitated the same face she had just made, and she laughed at him.
“I have good cards.”
“Really?”
“Mmhmm,” she affirmed and got herself under control before saying smoothly, “And I'm gonna take you all-in.” She pushed her chips to the center of the table, a challenge not just to see if he could tell if she was bluffing, but what he would do about it.
“Wow.” He kept his eye on her, acting perceptive, and told her, “I think you're bluffing.” She gave him a flirtatious shrug as he put his chips in, and he knew there could only be two outcomes. Either she was bluffing and he had learned to read her very well, or she wasn’t bluffing and would take some of his money. In his book, it was a win-win situation.
Kevin, who had carefully watched the whole exchange but didn’t quite understand it, added in his two cents, “Yeah, I think she's full of it.” He signaled them to lay down their cards, and the table watched closely to see who won the hand.
“Straight.”
“Oh. Three nines.”
“Jim Halpert, ladies and gentlemen,” Kevin began to applaud, and the rest of the group followed suit as Pam collected her large pile of chips.
“Thank you very much,” he said with a smirk on his face. “It was fun—”
The moment was interrupted by a sudden pounding at Jim’s front door. “Jim! I know you’re in there! Open this door! Or so help me, I will I break it down myself!” Jim and Pam exchanged a glance, trying to stifle their amusement, and Jim went to open the door.
“Hey, Dwight.”
“Don’t play games with me, Jim!” He held up the ‘blood’-covered glove and waved it around, “This is a bloody glove, and it was at the top of the stairs. Whose blood is this Jim? Whose is it?!”
“Woah, Dwight, I—”
“Who did you murder, Jim?!?! Where’s the body??”
Jim put on a faux glare, “Dwight. I have never seen that glove before in my life. Now how do I know you didn’t murder someone?”
“What!!” Dwight stepped back, horrified by his allegation. “Jim, don’t try and pin this on me—”
“I don’t even need gloves. I’m a sportswriter. That looks like something a handyman would use… or maybe a superintendent…” He raised an eyebrow at Dwight and asked, “Now who exactly did you kill? Was it Melissa? Was it one of Angela’s cats?!”
“No!”
“I know you don’t like cats, Dwight. They don’t provide milk or meat, isn’t that right?”
“Uhh…”
“Or maybe you killed Creed! He’s always hanging around, bringing down the reputation of this neighborhood. Maybe you off’ed him so you wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore!”
Dwight snapped his head up and gave Jim a defiant stare, “Listen you! I didn’t kill anyone! I know it was you! And when I find out whose blood this is, I will inform the authorities and have you arrested!”
Jim glanced back at Pam, who gave him a small wink, and so he began phase two of the prank, “Dwight, you know I’m not the only one who lives on the third floor. He leaned in and whispered, “Someone else could’ve dropped that glove…”
Dwight’s accusatory scowl shifted from Jim to Pam, and this was her cue to act nervous. “Oh! Who, me? No—no way. You have got to be mistaken…”
“Is this your glove?” Dwight asked her. A breath of silence passed through the room before she answered.
“No…”
“I don’t believe you!” he shouted and wrestled his keys out of his pocket. “I knew there was something devious about you! Where did you hide the body, Pam?!” He turned around and began unlocking the door to apartment 3B, against Pam’s protests.
… … …
They sat in Pam’s ransacked living room, tired and slaphappy from watching Dwight tear her apartment to shreds. They were in hysterics the entire time he was ripping up the place, but now they were silent, enjoying the satisfaction of a well-executed prank.
“That was so much fun,” Pam told him as she looked at her immediate surroundings. “Even if he did make a mess of things.”
“I can help you clean up if you want,” Jim offered.
“Oh, no, that’s okay. I’m actually going to spend the next couple nights at Roy’s, so I don’t care too much if my place is a mess.”
“Oh, okay,” Jim said softly as he sank even further into the couch. Try as he might, he couldn’t quite hide his disappointment at the news. Even though they spent the past couple nights together, he felt as if he couldn’t get enough of her.
She sensed his change in mood and offered up an explanation, “It’s just, I haven’t seen him in a while… and he is my boyfriend, you know?”
“Oh, yeah. No, I understand. Gotta… give him a little time.” He forced a smile out at her and gave a deep sigh. “Well, I have a mess of my own to clean up from the poker game, so I’m gonna get going.”
“Oh, right. Okay… I’ll see you later then.”
“Okay. See ya.” She walked him to the door, and once he was gone she looked around her apartment. It looked atrocious, like a thief had broken in, but all she could think was that it was a wonderful reminder of him. She didn’t care if it stayed a mess forever.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Big gigantic thanks for EmilyHalpert for all her rephrases and cuts, and NanReg and iwantphillyjim for all their help with getting the Philly environment right. You three are amazing, and I couldn't have gotten this chapter done without you.
Chapter End Notes:
Can I just say that I would totally do what Kelly did with the camera phone if I ever met JKras? If someone ever meets a celeb, try it and let me know if it works out.
