Chapter 3 

The alarm went off at 7am, but Pam was already awake.  Actually that wasn’t quite true; she hadn’t slept at all trying to push her late night conversation with Jim out of her mind.   She simply couldn’t shake the sound of his voice, so alone and so broken.  She hit the alarm clock a little more forcefully then necessary and went to get in the shower. 

As the warm water poured over her, she started to cry again.  Her chest was actually sore from all the crying last night, but she couldn’t help it.  It hadn’t really occurred to her that Jim would be hurting so badly.  He had disappeared, literally vanished from her life. She had assumed that he was mad and moving on, but she really didn’t think that anyone would love her so much that they would still be hurting all these months later.  Especially Jim.  She knew he could have a million girls; it was absolutely jarring to think she had caused him so much pain.

But more than that, she knew as soon as she said “I can’t” that she loved him.  She knew it perhaps all along, but didn’t allow herself to consider it.  Since he had left, he had become this almost mythical person for her, her fairy tale knight in shining armor, but hearing him last night made her realize that he was very real and hurting.  It was almost like she was seeing him for the first time without all the games they used to play to hide from each other.  She just wanted to wrap him up in her arms and piece him back together.  And never let him go.

***

Jim woke up on his bathroom floor, his cheek pressed against the cool tile, the blanket from his bed over his legs.  He sat up and quickly realized that slow and easy was the best plan as he eased himself back against the wall.  When the room stopped spinning, he got up and splashed his face with cool water.  His neck and ears burned with sudden nausea and a pounding dizzying headache.  He choked down advil and water and stumbled back to bed, relieved that it was barely dawn and he could get a few more hours of sleep before needing to get to work.  Normally he would call in, but being new, he felt awkward about doing so, especially since the whole office would know he was hung over.

As he rolled to his stomach to try to get more comfortable, his eyes fell on the cell phone on the floor.  He reached out to grab it, to turn the ringer down just in case.  He flipped the phone open and scrolled through the menu to settings, set it to silent, and began to flip it shut.  He decided at the last minute to text Karen to tell her he may be a few minutes late.  Scrolling through the texts to find hers from the night before, his eyes caught Pam’s name.  He shut his eyes tight, his brain trying to tell him something about Pam and the night before, but it was mostly a blur.  He shook his head to clear the cobwebs and focus on texting Karen.  Surely, if something important happened last night, he would remember when he woke up.

***

Pam got into the office early, fixed tea in the break room, and settled into her desk.  She kept replaying the conversation in her mind.  This time it was his voice that echoed over and over in her head, so angry, so broken.  She clicked to exit her Sudoko puzzle and wandered to the ladies room. 

Relieved that she was alone, she leaned on the counter and looked up at the mirror on the wall.  Her features seemed drawn, furrowed, anxious.  Frankly, she looked five years older than she did yesterday.  Was this what true love did to you?  Why didn’t anyone ever sing about that?  Losing the love of your life and looking like your 60 year old Aunt Lila in the process?

She turned away and leaned against the wall feeling suddenly claustrophobic under the florescent lights.  He was right.  About all of it.  Her inclination was to run from everything, from him.  She looked at herself again.  Was this who she wanted to be?  A receptionist who literally hid from the world in the bathroom?  She squinted at her reflection, sizing herself up, looking for what Jim saw in her.  A sudden wave of nervousness spread through her as she realized that she could not let this chance pass her by.  She straightened up, pulled her hair into and ponytail and headed back out to her desk, resolved that she would not let him have the last word.  For once, she was going to fight for what she wanted.

Pam waited until ten to call the Stamford office.  “Dunder Mifflin, this is Donna.”

“Hi, Donna, this is Pam at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, may I speak to Jim Halpert please?”

“You can try, but he’s a little out of it today.”

Pam giggled a bit at the idea of him hungover at his desk.  She heard a familiar click as she was put on hold and apparently transferred.  She drummed her pencil on her desk waiting for Jim to pick up, rehearsing what she planned to say.  She heard another click and then a familiar voice.  This one wasn’t mired in alcohol and the sound was soothing instead of jarring, “Jim Halpert, how may I help you?”

“Jim?”  She took a breath, “It’s Pam.”

The pause on the other end seemed to last forever, “Yeah, hi.”

“I wanted to be sure you weren’t in a coma or something.”

Jim massaged his forehead to soothe his pounding headache, “I should be so lucky.”

“That bad?”

“Not good Beesly.  Not good.”  He laughed.  It was short and half hearted, but Pam decided it was still a laugh and that was a start. 

“Okay, I know you’re at work, and you’re hung over, but we need to talk about last night.”  Pam was surprised at herself, actually getting all that out and whispering it quietly enough that she felt sure no one heard her clearly, except for Jim.

“Um, yeah, I can’t really do that here.”

“I know.  I just figured you might not hang up on me at work.”

“Devious plan.”

“Is it working?”

Jim smirked, “Well, I don’t seem to be hanging up.”

Pam dipped her head down below her counter to hide the smile that began to spread across her face.  “Good. So will you call me tonight sometime?”

“Pam….”  Jim’s voice wavered with uncertainty.  He wasn’t sure that he really wanted to have an emotional talk with her after all these months.  The last one nearly killed him.  If the next one went badly, he would never recover. 

“Please?”

He turned to gaze out over the water, unsure of what to say.  Ultimately, the chance that she may love him back was worth the risk. 

“Okay.”