I ran out the gym door into the night sky's darkness. I thought I saw someone standing in the shadows, but I kept walking away. I just needed to breathe. I needed a drink. I walked to the drinking fountain down the walkway far from the gym.

My fingers pressed hard on the metal button, and cool water came out of the faucet. I lowered my face down and took a long drink. Through the corner of my eye, I saw his feet appear beside me. I slowly let go of the fountain letting my hands fall to my side. I looked up into his eyes, and he walked toward me. He put his hands on my face and leaned into my body. I felt his lips press hard against my mouth. My breath caught up in my chest as I realized what was happening.

He was kissing me!

His right arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me up towards his mouth, and his left against my cheek with his thumb rubbing my face gently. I put my left hand up on his chest for the second time that night, and my right hand gripped his neck, his hair running through my fingers.

It was passionate and loving, not heated and hormonal. He was sucking out every last ounce of strength I had holding me up. Then he pulled away. 

My lips were on fire but felt good. He leaned his forehead against mine and smiled. My thumb ran over his ear lobe as he said, “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Me too,” I was surprised at my honesty.

He leaned back to kiss me again, and I lifted my chin to accept. It was a long soft, gentle one. Both of my hands were running through his hair, now holding on for dear life. This time I pulled back.

“Jim, I don’t know what to say.” It was barely over a whisper.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

 “Roy,” Jim’s hands fell to his sides as I spoke, reminding us that someone else was involved.

“I know…Are you going to stay with him?” 

“No, no. I don’t love him” Jim’s eyes lifted off the floor, slowly rising to my face. I was biting my bottom lip, trying not to cry, when he looked at me. The tears were back in his eyes, but I think they weren’t because of fear or pain this time. “But, I can’t dump him then run off with you. I need time to think about everything. I haven’t been alone for a long time, and that’s so silly for someone our age. Don’t let go of me, don’t lose hope, stay there for me when I’m ready, please.” I started to cry, and he wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me tight. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

****

I had broken up with Roy shortly after the dance night, and he didn’t take it well. I was thrilled Jim and Kelly were both there when I needed them. It was hard just to walk away from Roy. I had been living my life with him for so long that I didn't even know who I was. I wasn’t sure what I liked to do. I wasn’t sure what television shows I enjoyed. Everything was always Roy’s. 

Jim had given me my space, and he didn’t push me. We were still really close, but now there was something more profound, a better understanding of each other. We didn’t have to be awkward with each other anymore, and it finally felt like we could breathe. It had been a long, arduous road, and there were a few more miles to go, but eventually, we would make it. I just knew it. 

I enjoyed spending time at home and getting to draw. I had stopped drawing years earlier because Roy thought it was “Lame.” Plus, I was getting good at it. Next semester I was switching out my P.E. class for Art, and I was excited. 

“What are you working on?” I looked up from my sketchpad to see Jim looking over my shoulder. I instinctively closed the pages and covered them up.

“Oh, just something I’ve been working on for a while.”

“Can I see?” 

“Not yet, I’m not finished with it, and I don’t want to showcase it without it being done, even to you.” He came around the bench and sat down beside me. His left hand slid between us, and I lowered my right hand to cover his. It was the only contact we would make in public or otherwise. I still wasn’t ready, but there was something that Jim possessed, something internal that he had that just pulled me to him. 

We both looked forward, avoiding each other’s eyes. Sometimes it was too hard to look at his face. 

“I wish I could kiss you” He looked down at his feet that were outstretched in front of him. 

“Me too” I turned my face to the left, watching the other kids eating their lunch. Why was I torturing us? 

“Hey, Halpert.” Oh, that’s right, Roy. 

Our hands pulled apart fast, and Jim stood up. Roy was stomping toward us quickly. Jim’s eyes darted toward me for a second, and I looked up in shock. Did he know? Did someone see us? Who told him? 

“What’s this? I hear you have a thing for my Pammy?”

“Roy, I’m not your Pam,” I emphasized the M showing him I wasn’t his or Pammy anymore. I don’t think he heard me because he pulled his fist back, and I yelled, “ROY!”

Dwight sprayed Roy and everyone around him, including Jim and me, with pepper spray. The Principal was walking by just as Dwight pulled the trigger and came running over. It was the fastest I’d seen Mr. Flenderson ever move.

“Dwight! Roy! Jim!” Everyone was coughing, and tears were streaming from our faces. “Ok, the four of you, please come to my office.”

We all got up and followed him. Jim and I stayed back behind Dwight and Roy. I reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it in support. I let go just as we walked through the door, ensuring no one saw. 

“Ok, so what started all of this?” Mr. Flenderson was a quiet man with a sad face. He walked with drooped shoulders and always appeared to be miserable. He was also quiet, shy, and very friendly. Usually easy to talk to if there was something on your mind, but his office wasn’t where I had wanted to be at that moment.

I gulped down the breath I had been holding and almost spoke when Jim did first.

“It was a silly misunderstanding, Roy was going to give me a high five, and I guess Dwight thought he would hit me or something. I don’t know what Dwight was thinking, but we were all three just talking.” Everyone kept rubbing their eyes and blinking back the painful burn.

Roy’s face dropped in embarrassment as Jim acted as if nothing had happened. I think he finally realized that Jim was a good guy, and if I liked him, it would be ok.

“Dwight? Is that what you saw, perhaps?”

“False. I saw him standing in an attack position with his hand pulled back, ready to strike. I can not be wrong, and that was not misunderstood. 

“Roy?”

“Uh, yea. It was just, you know, a joke. Yea, Halpert’s right; this guy just lost it,” he pointed towards Dwight. His eyes were darting all over the room, unsure who or what to look at.

“Pam?”

I couldn’t reply with words, so I just nodded.

“Ok, you three can go, but Dwight, I need to talk to you.”

We silently stood up and headed out of his office. When we got into the hallway, Roy stopped us. 

“Hey man, thanks.”

“Naw, don’t worry about it.” 

Then Roy turned and walked away, and that was it. He let me go, and I was free to be with Jim. 

I turned to face Jim and smiled at his pathetic red face. “I love you.” I wiped the tears running down his cheeks, and he did the same to me, and we walked out the door holding hands.