After Valentine’s Day, I wasn’t sure how to act around Jimmy or Roy. I was more confused about boys than ever and didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, so I just waited. I was waiting for one of them to make some sort of move, some action to explain themselves. Roy was his same old self; however, rude, crude, tough, and aggravating. Jimmy was a little different. He seemed embarrassed around me, shy and overly quiet. He turned away from me and started playing with the boys more and more. 

By the end of the school year, nothing had been fixed between the boys. Roy was still evil, and Jimmy and I spoke to each other and would often play here and there, but we weren't as close. Mr. Scott took us on a field trip to the skating rink on the last day. I wasn’t overly excited about the idea since I didn’t know how to skate, and I knew Kelly would be off with Ryan, but I still went and told myself to have a good time. 

When we arrived at the rink, we all ran inside. There was a small row of skates set aside for us, so we started searching through them to find our size. When I pulled up a pair to look at the back, I brushed my arm against someone standing next to me, and I turned quickly to see Jimmy holding up his pair of skates. When he saw me looking at him, he promptly grabbed the skates and turned away, heading towards the boys, where Roy was waving him over. I do think I saw a tiny smidge of a smile, though, when he walked away. 

“Pammy, come on, we’re going out.” Kelly was yelling from the edge of the rink.

“Wait for me. I have to put mine on.” 

I found an empty bench and started to undo my shoes, watching my classmates stumble onto the ice. I kicked my tennis shoes off, placed them under the bench, and slid the skates over my little white socks. 

“Over, under, then through,” I whispered the mantra, ensuring I tied the little laces tight. 

When I stood up, my little legs wobbled on the skates. My feet looked huge in the skates, and I was scared to walk in them. 

“COME on, Pammy! I want to GOOOO!”

I could tell Kelly was losing her mind having to wait for me, so I took a small calculated step towards the entrance of the ice. It didn't seem as tricky as I had anticipated, and when I reached the wall and stepped onto the cold frozen ground, my right foot stood firmly, but the left took a little slip. I lost my breath and thought I was headed down. 

“Whoa.” 

“Fine, you go 'round the edge. Ryan and I are gonna be in the middle.” 

I exhaled in relief that she was going to leave me be. I didn't need more attention to my lack of ice skating talent than I was already receiving. I looked up from the ground and saw her grab Ryan's hand, pulling him to the middle. They were both much better at it than I was. My parents never took me to the rink, so I didn’t know what I was doing. Mr. Scott flew up to me quickly, stopping just a few inches from where I was standing, and ice flakes blew up at my legs. He was now wearing a ridiculous-looking hockey outfit. 

“Do you need any help?”

“No thank you.” He was a good guy, although eccentric at times, I knew he always had our best interests at heart. 

I moved around the outer edge, not venturing too far from the wall. My little fingers were scraping along the edge of the wall while I slowly made my way around the edge. I was having a blast. 

After a few minutes, I felt someone coming up behind me, and my body tensed up. When the skates were right behind me, I felt a hand push my back, and I stumbled forward, bending at the waist, thankfully not falling. 

“Ha Ha, you can’t even skate!”

I looked to see Roy showing off by skating backward with three other boys laughing around him. To my surprise, Jimmy came up behind me and reached out his hand to help me. 

“Are you ok?” 

“Uh... yea, thanks” I took his hand, let him help me up, and then immediately released it to lean back against the wall in support. I started pushing myself on the ice again and kept my eyes on my feet. I didn’t know what to say to him since we hadn’t spoken in such a long while. 

“'K, well..um…I guess... uh, I’ll see you later?” He asked it as if he was unsure. 

“'K,” I never took my eyes off my feet but could see him skate away in my peripheral vision. I still had a mad crazy crush on him, no matter how far we drifted apart. 

During the rest of the field trip, Roy would laugh, and Jimmy would shyly smile on every lap. I figured everything was going to be okay between us. Since it was the last day of school, I guess I'd have to wait three months to find out for sure, but if this were any indication, I would be correct. 

***

“Do I have to wear this? I look silly.” 

It was the first day of 2nd grade, and I was already feeling old. My mother had dressed me in a blue dress with a white collar and a little red tie. It wasn’t a regular tie like my dad would wear to work but floppier and girly, and I hated it.

“You look so cute, though, honey. Come here, let me pull your hair up.” My wild mane had grown out over the summer and was way past my shoulders, completely unmanageable. 

When I heard the school bus pull up outside, I pulled away from my mom's grip and started running out the door. “Bye, mom, the bus is going to leave me.” She didn’t get to pull my hair up, so it flew behind me, flapping in the air as I ran down the walkway. 

When I ran onto the bus, I saw Kelly practically busting at the seams to get my attention. She had saved the seat beside her for me.

“Pammy! Oh my God, your hair is so great! It's gotten so long; I'm so jealous.”

“Thanks, Kell.” I scanned the bus, looking for other familiar faces. I felt relief when I caught his eye, my cheeks instantly blushing as we smiled in recognition. His hair had grown a little bit, too. It was curling behind his ears. 

“…then she ran, and I thought I would die laughing. Hey, are you listening to me?” 

“What? Yes, of course, I’m listening.” I turned back in my seat and sat facing frontward, putting my backpack on my lap. 

“What did I say then?” 

“Your sister’s diaper fell off, and your mom tried to put it back on, and she ran away. See, I was listening.”

“Oh, I thought since you were drooling over Jimmy and not looking at me, you weren’t listening!”

“I was not drooling. I don’t even like him. He’s just my friend!” 

“Whatever, Pammy, you are always staring at him... Oooh, Jimmy you’re soooo cute oohhh Jimmy…Ow!” I hit her in the upper arm. My face had turned bright red and felt like it was on fire. 

“Shhh, stop it.”

“Fine, ow.” She rubbed her arm when she turned toward the window looking outside at the passing houses. She didn’t say anything else for the duration of the ride. 

****

“Pamela Beesly”

“Here,” I responded while raising my hand. 

Our new teacher seemed nice, a little stiff, but nice. She hadn't smiled yet in the first few minutes of class, but she had to, right? I had recognized all the names she called out, except one: Andrew Bernard. 

When he shot his hand up violently, I looked over at him, questioning everything about him. He wore his hair tight on his head, sat straight, and wore a sweater vest over a nice dress shirt. 

“Andrew, you can call me Andy Bernard, present and on time.” A wave of giggles flowed across the classroom. I placed my hand over my mouth to stifle the laughter. 

“Um.. ok. Thank you, Andrew” Mrs. Gould was shortly taken aback by the forwardness of this young boy. 

“OK, well, there are some new faces here,” she gestured towards Andy, “And many others I’ve seen around school already. Most of you came from Mr. Scott’s class last year.” She stopped and shook her head. She knew him and his personality. “So that probably means we need to catch up on some things he forgot to go over.” 

Mrs. Gould was beautiful, with short light brown hair just below her chin, smooth with a tiny wisp of curl. She had pretty lipstick on and a black knee-length skirt. Her top was long-sleeved and a very light fabric that buttoned down. She also had a matching jacket draped over the back of her chair. You could tell from looking at her she meant business. The 2nd grade would be the complete opposite of the year prior, and we all knew it. 

The first day flew by, and many others followed behind it. We did a lot of school work and hardly ever had playtime. It appeared the days of nap time were over. We were now fully immersed in learning. It was incredibly exhausting. 

Andy was always entertaining to watch, though, so at least class wasn’t too stuffy. From across the room, I would watch Jimmy playing small jokes on him. Andy's reactions were priceless. It made me miss the days Jimmy and I were closer.

I remember Jimmy taping all his pencils in his backpack to the front of his desk just around the edge. I didn’t know what was going on but watching it was entertaining. Andy turned around to tell Jimmy something, and Jimmy responded by leaning back in his chair and folding his arms over his chest. Then Andy grabbed his pencil case and started pushing the pencils onto the floor. Jimmy just sat there smiling, never attempting to stop Andy. It began to make me think that maybe someday I'd be able to help him out, and we could be good friends again. It was always possible.