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Pam sat at her desk playing a game of solitaire, with a half-finished memo minimized underneath in case Michael came by. He had been acting so weird today. Well, more so than usual. He would stand at her desk with a big, goofy grin on his face, just giggle and walk back into his office.
Yeah, something was definitely up.
Pam figured it had to have something to do with the fact that Michael said corporate was making them work after hours tonight. He had made it clear on Monday that they were not to plan anything that night outside of work. She figured it was more than likely some 50's themed inventory or Full Moon Masquerade Ball- another of Michael's silly parties.
About 4:15 he came out and you could tell he just couldn't hold it in any longer. He had a huge grin on his face and had his face covering his hands like a little kid. "Okay, people. I'll bet you've all been just busting at the seams to find out what is going on tonight, and the wait is over."
Pam was only half listening to Michael. She had been studying the back of Jim's collar. The way his hair curled up just above it, and the collar was sideways revealing just a little of his brown tie. For just a few minutes she let herself fantasize about what would happen if she were to walk over and fix his collar, then run her hands along the front of his shirt and bend down to kiss his neck...
"Casino Night! Yes, its been too long, my friends. I decided it was time for another of my famous Casino nights in the warehouse. There are a few of you-Karen, Andy-who have never had the pleasure of witnessing this awesome event. Well, let me tell you, you are in for a treat!"
Except for a pained moan from Angela, and cheers from Kevin and Dwight, Pam heard absolutely nothing after that. Her eyes were fixated on the back of Jim's head and her heart was beating far too loudly for her to hear anything Michael said. She waited to see his reaction, but he turned to look at his computer screen, and she knew it was because he wanted to avoid any possibility of eye contact with her. She heard little pieces of info from Michael. "Be here at 7 pm..." then "best Casino Night ever..." and "everybody dress up and make me proud!" but all she could do was try to erase the images that came to her all at once, in a flood-the desk, the parking lot, Jim's lips on hers. She couldn't wait til Michael shut up so she could just get out of there. She needed to compose herself, and figure out how she would get through this night.
From the moment Michael uttered the words Casino Night, Jim froze. For a moment he thought he'd heard him all wrong-almost willed it to be so. He fixated his gaze on the computer screen. He knew if he turned his head toward Michael, Pam would see his bewilderment. Oh, God, the thoughts that just those two words conjured up in his mind! But he couldn't let himself go there-not here. Not in front of Pam, and certainly not in front of Karen. This had to be the worst timing and it hadn't been very long since Roy had come after him that afternoon in the office.
He was still letting the anger he felt towards Pam settle in his gut. You know, he thought, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to deal with tonight. He would just remind himself of Pam's stupidity in getting back with Roy, then Roy coming after him and with a girl as awesome as Karen on his arm he wouldn't even think about the past. All of sudden it seemed silly to him, and he decided he might have fun that night after all. A night to look towards the future rather than dredge up hurt from the past.
*******
Pam had showered and was standing in front of her closet in her underwear. She hadn't planned on needing anything to dress up in, and money had been tight since she left Roy. When she first left, she'd even had to take an extra job on the weekends at a coffee house for two months just to get on her feet. She didn't have alot, but she was proud of herself for being brave enough to leave him and make it on her own. She had kicked herself when she woke up with Roy the morning after Phyllis' wedding. She had been so miserable the night before, and seeing Karen in Jim's arms dancing just pushed her over the edge. It was when she caught herself imagining it was Jim and not Roy making love to her that night when it hit her what a mess she had made for herself. Giving Roy false hope. Letting Jim see her leave with him- He had to have lost all respect for her after watching her go back to someone who treated her so poorly.
She had grown so tired of figuring out what was going on in Jim's head. He ran hot and cold with her. He stood in the parking lot as they talked Michael off the ledge during his fake suicide attempt, smiling and making jokes. Then two days later it was like he couldn't stand to look her direction, even ignoring her smile as she passed him in the break room.
As Pam looked through the dismal array of possibilities for that night's attire, her hand rested on the dress. She stopped cold, her hand grasping the silky periwinkle fabric and tugging it off the hanger. She hadn't worn it since that night. She hadn't cleaned it. It was probably all in her mind but when she held it to her face, she could swear it smelled like him. Sitting down on her bed, she lay it over her knees and closed her eyes. The same images she had pushed away this afternoon were still fresh in her memory. His eyes sad and desperate, a little scared. "I'm in love with you". She could still hear his words and see the tear as it rolled down his cheek. Every time she thought of it her stomach turned. How could she have stood there, making him believe he had seen it all wrong?
What Pam wouldn't give to turn the clock back, make it all different. She let it all go, let him walk out. She had just needed time, and he saw it as a rejection. Suddenly, her thoughts made her weary. Pam realized she had been carrying these feeling around for so long that it exhausted her.
She looked down at the dress for a long time.
What would he do if she showed up looking exactly as she had that night. Would it remind him that maybe he still loved her? Or would he hate her even more for bringing up the pain of that night? Either way, she knew it would shock him to see her that way. She was so tired of the game, not knowing what was going on in his mind. She knew that one way or another, she would get a reaction out of him if she did it. Her desire to know Jim's feelings coupled with a newfound sense of courage bubbled up inside Pam.
So, the periwinkle dress it was. Now all Pam had to do was roll her hair, do her makeup and slip on THE dress.
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Story Notes:
This is my first fanfic, since I messed up the categories and disclaimer on the first one I submitted. Anyway, I'm not sure how many chapters I'll do. I may just start off with 2 or 3 on my first try. Hope you guys think its decent. :)
Author's Chapter Notes:
Michael decides its time for another Casino Night.
Chapter End Notes:
Since this is my first fanfic, I would love feedback. Go easy on me!
