I look at the phone and pick it up,
For the millionth time I put it down again,
I know I let you go,
And I've got no right to know.
Pam sat at her kitchen table and stared at Jim's wedding invitation. Roy was out with some of the guys from the warehouse, just “grabbing a beer”, which Pam knew could easily turn into three or four. She picked up the thick piece of paper and studied it closer. When she had received it last month, she'd set it aside right away, not really looking at it, then RSVP'd over e-mail, so she wouldn't actually have to talk to him, but his phone number was listed too. Pam bit her bottom lip and glanced at the cordless phone sitting on the counter a few feet away.
She grabbed it on impulse, but didn't dial. What would she even say? It would be awkward enough meeting him in person tomorrow, she didn't need to make it worse by calling ahead of time and saying something stupid. The truth was, with all the talk about Jim lately, her head had been a little bit of a mess. She didn't still love him- actually, she wasn't sure that she ever loved him- but things hadn't been great with Roy, and she couldn't help thinking about the office casino night over three years ago. Jim had flat out given her a choice then, and she'd picked Roy. Pam wondered, just for a second, how her life would be different if she'd just told Jim that she loved him too that night. Would this be their wedding everyone was getting excited for? That was crazy. Sticking with Roy was the right move, they were supposed to get married, and they'd been together for so long it would just be weird being with anyone else. She was about to put the phone down and go to bed, when for some reason she found her fingers dialing the number on the sheet in front of her.
I'll just call and say hi, she thought, break the ice a little bit for tomorrow. The phone rang once, twice, three times, and no one answered. Pam was about to hang up, it was better this way after all, when the machine picked up.
“It's Jim Halpert, I can't answer the phone right now but leave a message and I'll call you back.” The familiar voice filled her ears, and Pam was suddenly positive she was going to cry, but she wasn't sure why. The beep followed the message, reminding Pam that she was supposed to talk now.
“Um, Hey Jim, it's Pam. I know it's been a while since we've talked so I just wanted to say 'Hi' and make sure things weren't still weird with us or whatever. Just because Phyllis thought they might be. OK. So you don't have to call me back, I guess... well I'll see you tomorrow OK? Bye.” Pam hung up the phone, all too aware of how stupid she'd sounded on the phone. The first thing Jim hears from her in three years would be a voice mail in which she sounded shaky and unsure of herself, almost like she was talking to an ex-boyfriend or something.
- - - - - - - - - -
Jim came home late that night. He and Karen were scheduled to have their bachelor/bachelorette parties, and he could only imagine what Karen was doing for hers. He hadn't felt much like partying, so he'd gone to the house of one of his friends from the office, who made quite the effort even bringing in strippers, making Jim all too uncomfortable. He grabbed a can of grape soda out of the refrigerator, then pulled out his cell phone to check his messages. One from his mother, asking again what time the rehearsal dinner was tomorrow night. Another from Kevin, letting him know that people from Scranton were also coming in tomorrow. The last was from a number Jim didn't recognize. The voice he did know.
“Um hey Jim, it's Pam...” Jim's heart stopped for a second. He listened to the rest of the message, but he didn't really understand the words that she was saying. All he wanted was to listen to her voice. God, he hadn't realized how much he missed her voice. He played the message again. Then again. “I'll see you tomorrow OK? Bye.” Her last words finally hit him. She was coming. Tomorrow. How the hell was he supposed to get married when she was sitting right, staring at him. Maybe it would be different, maybe he wouldn't feel anything for her anymore. She was married, Roy was coming to the wedding too, so it wasn't like she was going to hit on him or anything. Their little thing was over now, if something had ever existed between them. It was just one night where Jim had had a few drinks and told her that he loved her. That was all, it didn't mean anything. Right? There was one little kiss too, but clearly she didn't think about that stuff anymore. Neither did he, really. He had Karen now.
The phone rang just then, making Jim jump. He glanced at the screen, half hoping it would be Pam calling again, for whatever reason. Of course it wasn't. Karen's number flashed on the screen, and Jim flipped open his phone.
“Halpert, it's me. Can you come get me?”
“Yeah,” Jim said, looking at the clock. It was almost midnight. “What's going on?”
“The party kinda broke up and Bella's off with some guy and she was my ride home. I'm at that new bar, Dixon's?”
“OK, I'll be there in ten minutes.” Jim closed his phone, and he was glad that Karen's night out wasn't as wild as he thought. Strangely, there was a small part of him that wished that her night had been a little too wild, so he would have an excuse not to marry her. A very small part of him.
“Thanks,” Karen said as she slid into the car next to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I swear, all my bridesmaids are total sluts. Why am I friends with such slutty girls?”
“I don't know,” Jim replied awkwardly. The guilt of his recent thoughts was creeping into his mind.
“So how was your night?”
“I have to tell you something.” Karen looked over at him, clearly worried.
“What did you do?”
“Nothing. It's just...” Jim wasn't even sure why he was about to tell her about Pam. It was stupid because nothing was going on with them anymore, and he didn't still have feelings for her or anything. “There was this girl, in Scranton. She's kinda the reason I left, actually.”
“OK...” Karen said uneasily, urging him to go on.
“Well anyway,” He paused to clear his throat. “I had a crush on her, and I told her I loved her and she turned me down.” He kept his eyes on the road, while Karen's eyes were solely focused on him.
“Why are you telling me this?” There was a little anger in her voice. “Do you still love her?”
“No,” Jim answered too quickly. “She's coming to the wedding though, so I thought you should know. Her name's Pam.”
“Alright then, I will be on the lookout for Pam at the wedding.” This was probably supposed to be a joke, but Jim didn't laugh.
“She's married, so you don't have anything to worry about.” Karen frowned.
“Good, I'm glad you decided to stay away from married women.” She spat. “Come on Jim, what's wrong with you? I don't want to hear about all your exes two days before our wedding.”
“She's not even my ex,” Jim offered, but Karen had already thrown open the door and was storming toward her apartment building. Jim took a deep breath then drove back to his own building, Pam's message playing over and over in his mind the entire way.
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali
© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali