He plops into the front seat of his car as his eyes climb the walls of the Dunder Mifflin building, searching for a girl with bouncy, red curly hair looking out a window with the same frown and a dream for more in her eyes.
He’s afraid something will slip past his lips on their way to New York. But he’ll choke back his urge to fight and smile because he knows Karen hates it when he looks vulnerable.
Jim’s always listened to all types of stories about love. They were always about how happy his friends were and how great their lives were because of love. But he never understood why love was so perfect for everyone else when all it did for him was suffocate his dreams.
He wraps his hand around Karen’s more tightly as he tries to convince himself that this is right. Their arms awkwardly hover over the cup holders situated between them in the console of Jim’ car and Karen sighs because she hates how they can’t be “natural.” She looks up at him, her eyes dripping with hope and his stomach twists as his lips purse and he forces himself to smile.
“Aren’t you excited? I mean, this is it, Jim.” Karen says, her words almost a whisper but pinched with faux confidence.
“If ‘this is it’ then I should be smiling,” Jim thinks. He quickly erases the thought and responds, “Yeah, of course I’m excited.” He shows off a big grin and Karen mimics it, almost hinting to the fact that she understands his unwillingness to march forward.
“We both need to get out of Scranton and just move on with our lives. It isn’t fair to me or you to keep things the way they were.”
“Yeah, I totally agree.”
Jim shuts his mouth – how many times have they had this conversation? He can think of at least four times when she’s chewed him out. There was that one time at the Starbucks across from Chili’s when their barista’s name just happened to be Pam – Karen ranted for eight minutes about how he “shouldn’t have looked at her that way” or been “so sweet to her.” Or that other time when Jim mentioned a joke he and Pam played on Dwight and how fantastic that day at work does – Karen couldn’t help but ask why their work days “weren’t ever fun” or why he “just stop hanging out with her so much.”
Karen continues on for the entire trip with useless information about her newly engaged long lost friend, how she almost spilled her coffee on her pajamas last night, and how thrilled she is to meet some authentic “New Yorkas.”
Jim stares through the windshield, thinking about how wrong this feels and how perfect it should be. He’s driving with a beautiful young woman who he has the liberty to call his girlfriend to the Big Apple to interview for a position high up in the corporate offices of Dunder Mifflin. He has a great group of friends, including one who he feels way more attached to than normal, but that’s okay because the more he tells himself to move on, the better he will feel about living his soon-to-be perfect life.
It has been four years since he’s seen another girl and gotten butterflies. It has been two months since he’s gotten goose-bumps strayed across his arms. But it has only been moments since the last time he felt the all too common pinch in his throat and the tug at his heart when Pam looked into his eyes.
He yanks the wheel to glide into a rare parking spot a few blocks down from the Dunder Mifflin offices. They step out and begin to walk down a gray frosted street accented with brick apartments and the occasional makeshift tree surrounded by a plastic black fence. Litter is strewn about the sidewalk but he thinks of it as decoration, just like lampposts in Scranton were adorned with scrolls showing local hot spots and dine-ins. The “New Yorkas” pace by with cold eyes and hands in their pockets, their attention purposely drawn away from the business-like couple struggling to find their sense of direction.
Buildings around him collide with the sky and act as a barrier to the life in Scranton he knew he was leaving behind. The girl hugged close against his shoulder as they pace toward the headquarters of their future symbolizes a new beginning that he cannot bring himself to take. And the hiding tears in his sorrowful eyes are silent reminders of why he has to do this.
They arrive at the front doors of the intimidating building and he reaches for the handle very slowly.
“Come on! Let’s do this!” Karen shrieked ecstatically, her hands forming small fists and reaching at the sky as if she were cheering him on.
He smiles halfheartedly, allows her to step forward, and glances toward the sun and prays for something better than what he had to leave behind.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The city is filled with new beginnings but he doesn't think he'll ever be ready to take one.
Chapter End Notes:
Hmmm... so I have a bunch of ideas for the next few chapters but I have no idea how to start! Don't worry - more will be on the way.
By the way -- this chapter was inspired by The Rocket Summer's "Cross My Heart."
As always, comments/suggestions/anything-you-want-to-say is greatly appreciated.
By the way -- this chapter was inspired by The Rocket Summer's "Cross My Heart."
As always, comments/suggestions/anything-you-want-to-say is greatly appreciated.
