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Jim awoke alone, in an unfamiliar hospital room, and an overwhelming nausea hit him right away. The nurse walked in soon enough to get him a basin in time, but turned out there wasn’t much down there anyway. She had promptly given him a shot of something to quiet his stomach, and told him his fiancée had gone home for a few minutes.
Soon after that, she’d informed him that Pam had called to say she’d been delayed, and would be back soon. That seemed like forever ago. He wanted to talk to Pam. What was taking her so long? The churning in his gut was easing up, he rationalized, but he still felt miserable.
Jim was coming to the conclusion, while attempting to rearrange himself, that the bed was simply not quite long enough for him, when he heard someone at the door. His eyes shot up expectantly, but he was disappointed to see it was just the nurse again.
“Stomach better?” Did the shot do some good?” she asked sympathetically.
“Yeah, much better,” he answered, sincerely grateful. As unpleasant as throwing up was in a normal situation, it was excruciating with broken ribs.
“So, I called the doctor and he ordered you a different pain medicine. How about some Percocet?” She held up a little cup of pills.
“Could we..um..wait a few more minutes on that?” he asked.
“This is less likely to upset your stomach, and pain relief is important in your condition. We want you to take nice deep breaths – you don’t want to develop pneumonia, do you?”
“I just..it’s not that bad. I don’t want it yet,” he said hesitantly. He felt out of control and unable to gather himself. He wanted to talk to Pam. He wanted to be awake - he wanted to make sense. And he didn’t want to throw up any more. His ribs were beginning to throb, though. “Just a few more minutes?”
The nurse clearly thought he was making a bad decision, but she glanced at his tubes and sighed. “OK, just hit the button when you’re ready, then,” she said and walked out.
Jim continued to fidget. He couldn’t get comfortable no matter how he shifted his weight. His left side was tethered with his IV, his right side was tethered with the chest tube. He hated lying flat on his back, and every time he moved very much, it freaking hurt. He felt like a frustrated child, and he just wanted to talk to Pam. He wanted to see her face, hear her, feel her touch. Now.
Miraculously , there was a new knock on the door, and in walked Pam. He knew it was crazy, but he felt better immediately. He noticed her face was pinched with worry, so he gave her the best smile he could muster and a warm “Hi.”
It worked reasonably well. Her relief showed and she reached to grasp his hand. “Jim?”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he admitted as he squeezed her hand, and he was rewarded with a small smile. Not one that made it to her eyes, but a smile nevertheless.
“I’m glad you’re here, too, “ she whispered, looking down. “I was so scared. When I saw you.”
“I’m okay, Pam,” he reassured both of them. “I’m not sure what I said in the ER…the medicine…” his voice trailed off.
“I wanted to talk to you ,” she said, “but you were all weird.”
“I remember trying to tell you about the dog, “he recalled. “Did he destroy the house?” Jim asked, and that got an exclamation out of her.
“Oh my God! You would not believe. He pulled the toilet paper roll down and unrolled it into the dining room. He ripped one of the throw pillows in the living room to shreds – there are little foam bits all in that carpet. And he chewed a hole in the 40 pound dog food bag. There were kibbles all over the kitchen floor. I only found one accident though, and it was right by the back door. He tried.” She paused and the gravity of the night’s events returned. “The studio is a mess.”
A looming silence hung in the air as they both tried to figure out where to start about that.
“Hell of a night,” he finally said.
She nodded.
“Understatement,” he continued, lifting his eyebrows.
“Ryan took Ginny home and then he came back here. You were asleep and they said you probably wouldn’t wake up for awhile, so he took me back home to get my car, and I found the dog. That’s what took me so long.”
Jim nodded, and Pam continued. “Ryan’s trying to be nice. “ Pam tilted her head and her voice took on a hushed tone. “He said he opened the garage door and saw you…“ she paused, as if she was scared to finish, “…lunge up at Alex…from the floor and knock his hand up as the gun went off. He thinks you saved his life.”
“I might have,” Jim replied matter of factly. “But not on purpose,” he added with a wry look.
Another stretch of silence preceded her next question. “Did you think it was me?” she asked quietly, “At the door?”
He searched the room with his eyes before meeting hers again, and admitted simply, “Yes.” He could see her taking in the full meaning of that.
“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” he said truthfully.
“Jim,” she started, and her voice cracked along with her composure. “I am so sorry. I’m the cause of all this. I should have paid attention to what you said about him, but I never imagined.” The words escaped in a flurry.
“No.”
“I could have prevented all of this…” Tears began to roll down her cheeks.
“No,” he said more forcefully. “You couldn’t have predicted this. I never imagined this either, Pam. I knew he had a thing for you but never suspected…”
“I should have,” she sniffled.
“No,” Jim said a third time, more kindly, shaking his head “no.”
“He tried to kill you, and now he’s in the ICU and….” Her voice fell off and she looked down.
“Not your fault,” he said. His hand shook slightly as he reached to lift her chin and wipe a tear from her face. “C’mon.”
Pam forced a smile. “I talked to Keisha and she said he’d been acting a little weird lately, but she didn’t see this coming either. She feels terrible.” She dabbed at her face with the back of her hand.
“Not her fault either,” he shifted in the bed and silently conceded that the nurse may have been right. “You know Pam, Alex was the person who followed you that night in New York.”
“What?” Her red eyes widened.
“Yeah, he told me he wanted to make sure you got home safely, since you’d been getting those phone calls. And he drugged you that night I came to New York. You weren’t drunk. He wanted to…get…” Jim shrugged a little, “..rid of me. He said this was his third try, so I guess it was him over at the apartment, too. He just didn’t have our new address.”
“Oh my God. He…he plotted? All that time?”
“Definitely.” Jim said, and he saw a new wave of guilt hit Pam, and watched as she absorbed this new information.
“Jim, he almost killed you.” She squeezed his forearm with her hand, as if to reassure herself that he was still there.
“Hey, hey, he didn’t. I’m gonna be fine,” Jim assured her as he attempted to turn in bed to face her better. He was more than ready for that pain medicine. “It’s going to be okay.”
She nodded hesitantly. “You know, Ryan told me tonight what he said to you. Before you came to New York.” She brushed a piece of stray hair from her face, and despite the fact she’d pulled herself together, he could tell there was a lot still going on under the surface with her. “You know, about holding me back.”
“To be fair I had him pushed into a corner when he said that, Pam. I think he was just trying to get back at me any way he could.” Jim tried to dismiss the incident, hoping to avoid the whole New York conversation right now. He didn’t have a lot of stamina left.
“I just want to make this perfectly clear. I’m happy here. With you,” she stated carefully, with clear meaning. “You know that.”
He smiled and said quietly but confidently, “Yeah.”
And finally, Pam smiled back.
Just then the nurse walked back in without knocking. “Sorry, I didn’t see you come in,” she said to Pam, but she didn’t leave. “Mr. Halpert, I really think you should take this now,” she said, holding up the small paper medicine cup.
“What is it?” Pam asked.
“The pain meds he’s been refusing for the past hour.”
Pam looked back at Jim with a frown, expecting an explanation.
“I just wanted to talk to you…and make sense, you know,” he stammered, unable to hide a wince when he shifted to look at the nurse. “And I didn’t want to throw up any more,” he said defensively.
“Jim?” Pam said, the apprehension and anxiety returning to her voice.
The nurse dug him in deeper. “I kept telling him it was important for him to take this on time – he needs to breathe deeply to prevent an infection in that lung.” He wished the nurse would just shut up. “But he insisted on waiting.” She directed her next comment to him. “This may not cause nausea like the IV meds did.”
“I’ll take it now,” he said quickly.
“This will probably make you sleep, though,” the nurse added.
Pam looked anxious, lips pursed in concern, silently gripping his arm. Then her expression changed and she said, “I’ll stay here with you until you go to sleep, okay?”
Wow, she got it. He could see it in her face. She understood.
“That would be great,” he agreed, and swallowed the pills.
They returned to lighter conversation about the dog, and over the course of the next ten minutes, he felt himself relax, and gradually the pain in his chest didn’t matter very much any more.
“What,” he asked sleepily, “did you want to tell me. In the ER?”
“You heard that? I thought you were unconscious,” she said.
“I could hear, but my tongue wouldn’t work,” he chuckled. He was feeling a lot better.
“I just wanted to tell you, um, that I love you,” Pam soothed him.
“Oh.” His eyelids were heavy, and he pulled her hand to his chest. “I love you. Too.”
Blinking his eyes, he tried to focus on Pam, but she kept blurring. Oh yeah, she was still wearing that great red dress. He was pretty sure he said out loud, “You look great in red,” and then the world just melted away.
***********
Saturday and Sunday were a blur of sleep, medicine, and pieces of various ballgames for Jim. Pam was there visiting when she wasn’t cleaning up the house and seeing to the puppy, but in his stupor he hadn’t been much of a conversationalist, and they really didn’t discuss anything of consequence.
By Monday, he was able to slack off on the pain meds, and he was more alert, feeling more his old self. Unfortunately, Pam had to be at work all day. He amused himself by making the unappealing food on his tray into interesting shapes and trying to freak out the nurses in various ways, usually unsuccessfully. They were a tough crowd.
He did have Susan the nurse going for awhile about the jello. He’d poked a hole in the bottom of the little jello cup, stuffed in a dead cockroach he’d talked the cleaning guy into finding for him, and she’d actually bought it for a few minutes. But they weren’t nearly as much fun to mess with as Dwight and Andy.
Finally that evening, after going home to see about the puppy, Pam appeared. She’d promised to bring him a few necessary items from home.
“Hey,” he greeted her cheerfully when she arrived.
“Wow, you look…better,” Pam said. She smiled a broad smile, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She was wearing that green sweater he liked so much, he noticed.
“Yeah, I might even make sense tonight. I actually feel pretty good.”
“That’s great,” she said earnestly, and she plopped the bag of clothes onto the foot of his bed.
“Thanks. Nothing like clean underwear,” he said, and they laughed, exchanging stories about the little stuff that went on in the hospital and the office, and the adventures of their puppy.
Eventually they got to another subject. “So, I hear they’re going to transfer Alex to New York tomorrow,” Jim said.
“I heard that from Keisha, too. His family wants him closer and he’s stable now. They say he’ll probably be in the hospital for a month, but he’ll eventually be okay. I mean, physically. I’m not sure about after that, but she heard he’d be in a special jail or hospital for the mentally ill or something. Pam finished, “Don’t take this wrong, but he was really a talented guy.”
“I understand,” Jim said, pushing the button to raise the head of the bed a little more. “Maybe he’ll end up being a great artist after all – guess he’ll have plenty of time to draw.” Jim knew there was still an edge to his voice. “ I just won’t be buying his work,” Jim said, lifting his eyebrows.
“Me neither,” Pam said.
“Pam?”
“Yes?”
“You realize that Van Gogh shot himself twice in the chest?”
“Oh my.”
“Yep” Jim punctuated the thought while they contemplated that irony.
“You’ve been reading my textbooks, haven’t you? “ Pam accused him.
“Well, I may have read up a little before that trip to New York,” he admitted. “And the sadness goes on forever.”
“What?” she looked at him, confused.
“Van Gogh’s last words.”
“I…” she started, but didn’t finish.
“I know he was your friend, Pam, and he – he has a bad illness. It’s okay to be sad it turned out this way for him. I understand.”
“But…” she protested halfheartedly.
“Aaand, as long as we never see him again I’m okay with that,” Jim added with a closed mouth smile, and she nodded.
He started to speak again and then hesitated.
“What?” she prodded gently.
“You know, it was a really strange thing to have someone pointing a gun at you.”
“I can’t imagine.”
“Thing is, I’ve always wondered how in the world a person could actually kill another person,” he said. “And now I know.” His long fingers absently twisted the cord to the call button as he spoke.
“He was completely out of his head,” Pam observed.
“No, I don’t mean Alex, I mean me.” He paused a beat, and then continued with candor. “ When I went after Alex, I wanted to kill him, Pam. The gun went off when we were fighting for it, but if I’d gotten control of it, there’s no doubt in my mind that I could have shot him dead. Would have. I absolutely would have.”
Pam furrowed her brow and looked at him with sympathy in her eyes.
“I don’t know, it’s just a weird thing to know about yourself,” he said, looking away. “To know that you’re capable of that.”
“You were protecting me,” she reminded him.
He nodded. “And I’d do it again,” he said matter of factly. “It’s just…weird.”
“It’s normal to defend yourself, Jim. And truthfully? I kind of like that,” she admitted with a mischevious grin. “it’s kind of hot.”
Jim was mortified to feel his face flush with color. How did she do that? he wondered, as a huge smile spread over his face and his world somehow seemed right again.
********
It was late Thursday afternoon and Jim felt silly sitting in the obligatory wheelchair outside the hospital, waiting for Pam to pull the car around. There was a rain brewing in the clouds, and the air was thick and heavy . It felt good to be outside. When the Yaris came into view, he rose slowly and carefully and thanked the nurse for everything. Other than the healing ribs, he felt fine and he couldn’t wait to get home. He’d rather be working at Dunder Mifflin than sitting in a hospital, and that was saying a lot.
The mood was celebratory on the way home, with Pam bubbly and cheerful, talking nonstop about the crazy day at work. She glowed, he thought, as he watched her speaking, so animated and alive.
“Guess what?”
“What?” he smiled.
“Ryan and Kelly are back together, “ she laughed.
“ No way.”
“Afraid so. He came by the office today to take her to lunch.” she continued. “He’s still on his religious kick, and she’s really upset he won’t spend the night at her apartment anymore,” Pam shook her head in disbelief. “By the way, you know Dwight is very impressed with you for what you did Friday night.”
Jim groaned. “I would have thought he would consider it part of my duty as a citizen or something.”
“No, I guess since you aren’t actually a deputy or anything, you get major credit . He did mention you must have learned something from him, though, “ she giggled. “Dwight was also trying to convince Ryan that he owes you a life debt, and I think Ryan half bought it.”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah, Dwight was in rare form. But he was genuinely impressed. Seriously. I think you’re his new, brave hero,” she grinned with an evil glint in her eye.
“Oh Jesus, Pam, I was scared shitless and desperate.”
Pam shrugged, still half smiling when she braked for a red light. She turned to him and said, wiggling her eyebrows for effect. “One of the women policemen told me I should hang on to you. Said you were a keeper,” she winked.
“Oh come on..” Now she was just enjoying teasing him, trying to make him uncomfortable, and it was working. He shot her a dirty look.
She ignored him. “Your worst problem is going to be Kelly. She thinks you saved Ryan, too.”
His eyes widened in real fear at the thought of a grateful, fawning Kelly, as Pam pulled into a parking lot. It was the Thai place he liked so much.
She shot a questioning glance at him. “The usual?” she asked.
He grinned and nodded. Hospital food had been bad, and this was just what he needed. “Are you sure? I know you don’t like this much.”
“I’m not very hungry anyway,” she said.
“You know, why don’t you get two of everything I usually get. I’m hungry enough to eat for both of us.”
“You’ve got it,” she said, and headed in to get the food.
*************
Twenty minutes later, Jim walked into their home and at her insistence, took a seat at the kitchen table while Pam unpacked the food. “I can do that,” he started.
“Nope, you just sit there tonight. Let me do it. Oh wait,” she thought of something and headed straight out the back door. As she walked back in, he heard her call, “Voldemort, come here boy, your daddy’s home.”
A fuzzy bundle of energy galloped in the door, and Jim met Pam’s eyes with a silent question.
She nodded.
“Come here big guy, “ Jim cooed and the dog put his paws up on Jim’s thigh, wagging his tail furiously. He scratched the excited pup between his front legs. “Wow, you’ve grown.”
He looked up at Pam again, ”Are you sure?”
She nodded again, and Jim couldn’t suppress a big smile.
“Hey, Voldemort, you have the most awesome mom on the planet, you know that?” he asked the dog. He contemplated while he watched her open the foam containers of food on the table and get drinks for them. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he was sure she was still holding something back.
About to twist the cap off of a beer, she asked him first, “Can you have this?”
“You bet I can. I’m not on any medicines except that Advil.” A cold beer sounded heavenly. She was trying to make him happy tonight, and it was working. He lifted one of the skewers and bit into the first bite of peanut sauce slathered chicken. “Wow, this is so freaking good,” he said as he chomped on down the stick in a most ungentlemanly manner. “I thought I was going to starve in there.”
He thought more about the dog – maybe that’s what was bothering her. “You know Pam, you don’t have to name him Voldemort to please me…because of…what happened. You know? He’s your puppy.”
“I know. It fits. This is what I want,” she said decisively, and she popped open a Coke for herself.
“Okay, Voldemort it is, then,” he said, and the pup let out a little yip at the mention of his name.
“Besides, we have other names to pick out.” she said casually.
“Hmm,” he said absentmindedly, and reached down again to scratch the dog under his chest until his leg thumped. And then it hit him, and he sat upright a little too quickly in the chair. “Oww.” He pulled his forearm to his side involuntarily to cover his sore ribs. “What?”
Pam had a strange conspiratory look on her face, and it dawned on him.
“Pam?” he asked tentatively.
She nodded “yes”, and gave him a teeth together “yikes” look.
He thought he might explode, and a huge, giddy smile spread over his face. “Oh my God! Pam! “ he said, and stood carefully, pulling her into his arms.
“Wow! Wait,” he said, pulling back for a moment to look at her face. “Are you okay with this?” he asked. “How did this...” he stammered. “Wait. That sounds really dumb.”
Her eyes were liquid as she nodded her okay and smiled, “I must have forgotten to take my pills that weekend we came home from New York. I never forget, but that weekend…” her voice trailed off, and then she continued with new energy.
“The last two or three weeks things had been...weird... and I thought I might be – that’s what I wanted to tell you in the Emergency Room. Then I’d completely talked myself out of it, and this morning I took a test just to prove I wasn’t. And I was. It was positive,” she said with trepidation.
He pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. “Oh wow, Pam,” he whispered into her curls.
“I was upset, because this isn’t how we had it planned,” she continued and now she stepped back so she could see his face. “Then I thought about it and I knew what you would say.”
He was beaming. “I love you. I love that we’re going to be a family. God Pam, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I mean, chicken satay, a dog named Voldemort, and a baby? Our baby? Doesn’t get any better.”
She lifted her arm to whack him and he put up both hands in real fear. “Oh sorry, I nearly forgot.” She admitted. “So sit down and eat while it’s still warm. We can talk sitting down, you know – besides, your ribs are still sore.”
He eased back down, and as she took the opposite chair, he asked, “Speaking of which, when did we, um, make this baby?” His brow wrinkled in thought as he dug his fork into the food. “When we came home from New York I was out of commission for awhile, as I recall,” he said, and stuffed an overloaded forkful of #308 into his mouth.
“There was that Wednesday night – it was Wednesday, wasn’t it…” she mused.
“Oh my God.” He exclaimed and then swallowed. “Pretzel night? When you…because I couldn’t …” His eyes widened. “This kid is going to be a contortionist.”
Pam giggled. “That had to be when.”
“Well, we may have to have a redo tonight. Because I’m in the same shape I was then – same bum ribs.”
“We’ll see about that,” she teased. “This kid may be scarred for life.”
***************
Later that night, they lounged in bed, spent and contented. Pam was drowsy, but Jim’s mind was in overdrive as he considered this huge new event in their lives. He had, afterall, gone from near mortality to immortality in less than a week, he reflected.
“This is amazing,” he said, reaching over to touch her abdomen lightly.
“Yup,” she answered with closed eyes and a hint of a smile.
“Pam?”
“Unhuh.”
“Do you want to get married in December?”
“That’s fine,” she said absently and snuggled a little closer into his good side.
“Pam?”
“Um.”
“Isn’t it weird how things happen in life?”
“How’s that?” she mumbled. “I’m sleepy. Aren’t you sleepy?”
“I mean if all that hadn’t happened in New York, this wouldn’t have happened, and...I don’t know. I guess now I’m glad it happened the way it did.” She didn’t answer.
“Pam?”
“Uh.” She was fading.
“I mean, are we going to have to name the baby Alex?”
“Jim!” That woke her up.
“Sorry.”
“Go to sleep,” she murmured.
“Do you want a boy or a girl?”
“Don’t care.”
“Do you want to take childbirth classes?”
No answer this time.
“Pam?”
Deep breathing.
“Good grief. Am I going to have to do this all by myself?” he said, as he heard the rain began to fall outside. He wondered if the studio roof would leak again.
Pam was snoring softly.
“I’m going to be a dad,” he said, staring at the ceiling in the dark.
Pam shifted slightly and resumed her snoring.
“Holy crap.”
*
Author's Chapter Notes:
So here's the final chapter - hopefully everything gets wrapped up with a little twist at the end. Thanks for staying with this one, folks.
The chapter title is from a truly beautiful Kurt Elling song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGbGUhYe0Ts&feature=related
"...I learn my fate in what I cannot fear...and learn by going where I have to go.."
Thanks to Callisto and NanReg for their beta help on this one.
*
The chapter title is from a truly beautiful Kurt Elling song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGbGUhYe0Ts&feature=related
"...I learn my fate in what I cannot fear...and learn by going where I have to go.."
Thanks to Callisto and NanReg for their beta help on this one.
*
Chapter End Notes:
I'm pretty sure they lived happily ever after. Sorry it took so long for me to finish, and thanks for reading - comments are always appreciated.
jazzfan is the author of 16 other stories.
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