Pam wondered why Toby bothered to clear his throat, because everything that followed was a mumble.

"Charity Date Auction, hereinafter referred to as ‘the Event', shall mumble mumble..."

This was going to take a while.

*  *  *  *  *

Kevin wrinkled his nose. "Man... you reek."

Jim laughed. "Thanks, Kev. Dwight, wait up. I need to borrow some clothes."

"No time!"

"Dwight, c'mon."

"But the six-fingered man will get away!"

"He's virtual, Dwight! Please?"

Dwight sighed. "Oh, alright, follow me."

He led them into the farmhouse and up to his room. He pulled a shirt out of the closet and held it up in front of Jim.

"Long sleeves, Dwight."

Jim took the clothes Dwight threw at him and looked around. "Bathroom?"

"Under the porch."

"Really?"

"Hurry!"

"Okay, okay!"

After a quick sink bath, some mouthwash, and a splash of Old Spice, Jim scrambled into the backseat (again) and they were off.

*  *  *  *  *

"...mumble highest bidder at the close of the mumble hereafter mumble ‘the Winner'..."

"That's me!" Packer undid another button on his shirt and made sure his collar was flipped up.

"...shall win one date with the datee, mumble mumble ‘the Prize'..."

Packer winked at Pam. "That's you. Heh-heh."

Pam crossed her arms and fidgeted with her necklace.

*  *  *  *  *

Dwight screeched to a stop and they ran toward the door of the office building.

"What if Tate doesn't let us in?" Kevin puffed. "It is Saturday."

"Leave Tate to me," Dwight said. "I'm Official Security Supervisor of the Branch. We have a rapport."

Jim stopped. "Dwight, don't-"

"Uh, Jim? Please? Leave this to the professionals."

When they burst into the lobby, Tate looked up. He didn't seem surprised.

Dwight stepped forward. "Tate, we're here on business-related business. As Official Sec-"

"Whatever," said Tate and waved them toward the elevator.

"Oh. Thank you," managed Dwight.

"Thanks, Tate," said Jim, smiling.

"Sure, Jim. Good luck."

*  *  *  *  *

Toby looked up at the screeching noise outside. Pam looked at Packer triumphantly. "I told you he'd come."

Packer scoffed. "He ain't comin'. I saw to that myself."

Pam arched an eyebrow. "Then why are you so jumpy?"

Packer turned on Toby. "Get movin', will you, Flindersson? We don't have all night."

Toby shrugged.

*  *  *  *  *

When they entered, Dwight made a beeline for Michael's office. "Vengeance is almost mine," he whispered as he closed Michael's door and blinds.

Jim felt dizzy. "I don't feel so good," he said. He looked at the clock. Ten till five. He still had some time. "I need to lay down for a sec."

"Okay," said Kevin, easing Jim down onto the couch. He glanced around the office, nervous. "I've got your back."

"Thanks, man." Jim lay back with an arm over his eyes, so he didn't see Kevin edge over to accounting. Or hide behind his desk.

*  *  *  *  *

Dwight logged in and began searching.

He found BFD in a group melee. Systematically, ARM eliminated every character on the screen, until he faced his foe.

ARM: Hello.

ARM: My name is Dwight K. Schrute.

ARM: You killed my avatar.

ARM: Prepare to die.

BFD raised his sword, froze, then turned and fled to the next level.

ARM chased him through the halls of a virtual castle, across thresholds, through storage rooms. ARM was flying down a spiral staircase when BFD threw a dagger into his gut.

*  *  *  *  *

"Just sign here."

Pam stared at Toby, then took the pen from Packer. She signed.

"He didn't come."

Toby was sympathetic, but resigned. "Todd, stay here a moment, there's some paperwork to go with your check. And you still need to write a check."

*  *  *  *  *

Dwight gasped. Life points began to drain away. No! he thought, not again!

BFD: You must be that dork who saluted me.

BFD: Stupid.

BFD: And now you're back for more.

BFD: That's pathetic.

BFD: You'll never be ruthless enough for this game.

BFD: I fed your feet to my virtual dog, by the way.

At that, ARM pulled the dagger out.

ARM: Hello.

ARM: My name is Dwight K. Schrute.

ARM: You killed my avatar.

ARM: Prepare to die.

And ARM stood. The drain of life points slowed. ARM advanced.

clash... clink clink clash

ARM: Hello.

ARM: My name is Dwight K. Schrute.

ARM: You killed my avatar.

ARM: Prepare to die.

BFD seemed surprised. ARM continued to advance.

clash clash

ARM: Hello!

ARM: My name is Dwight K. Schrute!

ARM: You killed my avatar!

ARM: Prepare to die!

BFD: Shut up!

CLASH

ARM: HELLO!

ARM: MY NAME IS DWIGHT K. SCHRUTE!

ARM: YOU KILLED MY AVATAR!

ARM: PREPARE TO DIE!

ARM knocked BFD's sword aside and backed him into a trestle table.

ARM: Offer me gold.

BFD: Yes.

ARM: Life points, too.

BFD: Yes, please!

ARM: Offer me everything I ask for.

BFD: Anything you want!

BFD tried to strike, but ARM blocked and punched his sword into BFD's belly.

ARM: I want my avatar back, you bastard!

And he ran BFD through.

*  *  *  *  *

Pam focused on her computer as she walked back to the front. Her feet felt numb.  When she reached her desk, Pam sank into her chair. She would never be able to face these people again. She opened her email account and began to write her letter of resignation to Michael.

Just as she was about to hit Send -

"There's a shortage of perfect pranksters in the world. It'd be a shame to lose you."

Pam popped up from her chair. "Jim!" She ran around the counter and jumped onto the couch.

"Oof!"

"Jim! You came! I knew you'd come!" And she squeezed him to her.

"Ow!"

Pam sat up. "Oh, Jim. I'm so sorry."

Jim eyed her. "What have you done now, Beesly?"

"I signed the paperwork," she said.

Jim shook his head. "It's not official."

"Sure it is. Packer signed, I signed, Toby watched."

"Was there a notary present?"

Pam frowned. "A notary? Um, no..."

"Then it's not official. Right, Packer?"

Pam turned to see Packer leaning on the counter. He pointed a thumb at Toby, who stood nearby.

"Flindersson'll fix it. But first, I think I'll make that phone call to Corporate. You're so fired, Halpert." Packer picked up Pam's phone.

"I have a better idea," said Jim. "Why don't you call and resign?"

"Excuse me?"

Jim smiled. "Remember that sales convention in Orlando last year?"

"Yeah," said Packer.

"And the side trip to the safari place?"

Packer shrugged. "Yeah, so what?"

Jim's eyebrows rose. "Michael has some pretty compromising photos of you and one of the gorillas. And the gorilla's on top."

Pam gasped and giggled.

"You're bluffing," sneered Packer.

Jim fixed Packer with a glare. "Am I? Maybe I am. Maybe I'm making it all up. Or maybe I copied the files from Michael's camera, and I've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to share them in a company-wide email. I think you know the answer." Jim stood. "Drop the phone."

Packer dropped it.

Jim pointed to Pam's chair. "Sit."

Packer sat.

"Open your email and write. Keep it short. Something along the lines of ‘I quit, effective immediately'."

Packer wrote it.

"Send it."

Packer sent it.

"Now get out."

Packer got out.

As the door closed behind him, Dwight strutted from Michael's office. "Yes! I did it! Where's Kevin?" he asked. Kevin rose slowly from his hiding place in accounting. "C'mon, Kevin, I'll buy you a beer."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You too, Toby. Let's go." Dwight shook his head. "Man, I've been on this quest so long, I don't know what to do now."

Toby chuckled and said, "Have you ever considered starting your own business? Somewhere... not here?"

"Huh," Dwight said. "I'd be my own boss." He got a funny look on his face. Then he smiled. "That's perfect!"

As Kevin followed them out, he turned back. "You guys coming?"

Jim and Pam looked at one another, then back to Kevin. "Nah," said Pam, "we'll catch up with you later."

A slow grin spread on Kevin's face, prompting Jim to push him out the door. "Thanks, buddy, really."

"Okay, but don't-"

Jim locked the door and turned back to Pam. "Finally."

Pam smiled. "Finally." She walked over to Jim's desk. "Come here."

Jim gave her a questioning look, but followed.

Pam positioned Jim in front of his desk and looked into his eyes. "I have a lot of things to say to you," she said. "But before I do, I have a favor to ask."

"What's that?"

"I'd like a do-over." Pam walked over to the light switches.

"A do-over?"

"Yes." Pam flipped the switches and all of the fluorescents went dark. The only light remaining in the office came from the computer monitors.

Jim opened his mouth to speak, but Pam held a finger to her lips.

Jim watched as Pam walked toward him, beautiful and resolute. When she stood before him, Pam said, "I'm in love with you, too, Jim Halpert."

Jim laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Then kiss me."

Pam smiled. "As you wish."

And of all the kisses in the history of kisses, this one became known simply as The Kiss.

"The End."

She sighs. "Ohhhhh, squeeeeee..."

He frowns. "Is that good?"

"Yes," she says in a dreamy voice.

"Well, that's good. It kinda sounded like you had an air leak."

She yawns.

"Let's get you to bed."

He tucks her in and wishes her sweet dreams, then walks softly down the hall to his own room. He changes quietly. As he slips into bed, his wife turns over to face him.

"Mmm. You're up late tonight."

"She wanted a bedtime story."

"The usual?"

He laughs softly. "The usual."

She's quiet for a moment, then, "Ryan?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to nag."

"I know. I'm sorry I was short with you."

She sighs and he knows she's smiling in the dark. "Goodnight, Ryan."

"Goodnight, Kelly."

She snuggles into her pillow, then her eyes pop open. "Oh! I almost forgot! Jim called. They'll be here at 1:00. Do you think you could mow the grass before then? Please please please?"

He laughs and kisses her.

"As you wish."