“So I have a really important question for you.”
“Uh oh.”
“Why do you automatically assume it’s bad?”
“Because you’re asking it.”
“Thanks, Beesly.”
“Welcome.”
“Seriously, question.”
“You sound like Dwight.”
“Wow. Unkind.”
“Truth hurts.”
“Are you going to listen?”
“You can’t wait for a commercial?”
“The future of our relationship depends on the answer.”
“Oh God.”
“If that is your answer, I’m extremely concerned.”
“I don’t even know the question, how can that be my…ugh. Never mind. Lemme pause…all right, what’s so important?”
“Who’s on your free pass list?”
“Who’s on my what?”
“Free pass list.”
“I don’t know…oh, like who would I…”
“Yes…?”
“Someone I’d want to have a free pass to, like, make out with?”
“Make out, yeah, or…whatever.”
“The future of our relationship depends on this answer?”
“Yes. And now you see why God was a bad answer?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know why God is a bad answer? Pam…”
“If I wasn’t so comfortable I’d kick you, jerk. No, what I don’t know is who’s on my free pass list.”
“Oh come on. I know there’s somebody.”
“I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Well start thinking.”
“…”
“Any day now…”
“I’m thinking!”
“What about Brad Pitt?”
“Eh.”
“’Eh?’ Are you allowed to ‘eh’ Brad Pitt?”
“I just did, so yes.”
“I thought he was every girl’s dream guy.”
“He’s good looking, but I just…I don’t know. I’ve never been that into him, I guess.”
“Okay, so, who does make the cut?”
“Um…ooo, okay, how about Paul Rudd? I’ve always liked him.”
“Ever since Clueless, I’ll bet.”
“Maybe. Please don’t start on your Clueless rant again.”
“It’s not a rant—”
“Here we go…”
“—but it always bears repeating: Clueless is one of the worst movies ever made. See? I said it calmly."
“I’m proud of you.”
“Who else?”
“Let’s see…maybe Ewan MacGregor?”
“Not a bad choice.”
“Is he on your list too?”
“Of course.”
“And…oh, Hugh Laurie.”
“He’s at least twenty years older than you.”
“No he isn’t. And even if he is…so? He has nice eyes. And he’s British.”
“He’s losing his hair.”
“And Matthew Fox.”
“Dr. Jack Cries-hard?”
“Very clever.”
“Thanks.”
“And Indiana Jones.”
“Harrison Ford?”
“No. Indiana Jones.”
“He’s not—”
“My free pass list contains Indiana. Jones. End of discussion.”
“…All right then.”
“And I can’t forget Conan.”
“…”
“What? I love Conan.”
“…Conan O’Brien?”
“Let’s think about it: tall, funny, smart, and a total dork. Hard to believe I’d have a crush on him, huh?”
“Touche.”
“I win. What’s that look?”
“I’ve just realized that, hypothetically, you’re kind of a slut, Pam—OW! Hey!”
“I take enough abuse from Angela, thanks. Who’s on your list?”
“Oh I don’t have a list.”
“Mmhmm. Seriously.”
“Seriously! I can’t help it that I’m more loyal than you.”
“You cheated.”
“I did not. And more importantly, I would not.”
“Not fair.”
“Totally fair. I guess I’m just a better boyfriend than you are girlfriend, that’s all.”
“…”
“Stop giving me the look!”
“…”
“Okay, okay…Natalie Portman’s not hideous.”
Author's Chapter Notes:
Not going to even try and convince you this one's important. But I likes it. Also, I tried a new style - I was inspired by the brilliant co-authored works of Cousin Mose and Wendy Blue. They do it way better (twss), but it looked like such fun (TWSS) so I gave it a go and had a blast (TWSS hat trick!). ;)
Title adapted from The White Stripes' "Fell In Love With A Girl."
Title adapted from The White Stripes' "Fell In Love With A Girl."
