Michael Scott stepped out of his office and strode purposefully to the common area in front of reception.

“Can I have everyone’s attention?” he asked.

Staring down at the carpet with a look of apparent dread on his face, he looked up and waited a beat before continuing. Toastmasters stressed the importance of eye contact before relaying potentially somber news, and the membership card in his wallet wasn’t given out to just anybody.

“I have some good news, and I have some bad news.”

The din of the office lessened, but didn’t die away completely. There were even a few groans. Most of the time, Michael’s boldness this early on a Monday meant he was either going to act out his favorite Saturday Night Live skit, or ask for girlfriend advice. It was usually harmless. Today was different.

“I just got off the phone with Corporate, and they have informed me that due to reasons beyond their control, some of you will be getting laid off.”

There were a few eye rolls, somebody coughed, and more than a couple people stopped typing to look up from their monitors to hear how he spun this tale. For as serious as it sounded, there was no way Michael was serious? The only person who looked as if he might be playing along was Dwight.

“And what’s the bad news, Michael,” he asked, grinning deviously at the camera.

“No, Dwight,” he retorted. “Just…shut up,” Michael muttered. He waited three seconds to compose himself before continuing.

“The real bad news is that, yes, there will be cuts forthcoming later this afternoon. The good news, however, is that some of you will be getting laid.”

Michael tried to mask his emotions with a smile, but his weak attempt to play this news off as something other than life changing fell way short of its mark. The guy at Toastmasters who suggested keeping your speeches light was full of shit.

“So, this is a joke, right? Jim inquired.

“No, Jim. This is deadly serious,” Michael answered.

Most of the office workers had heard the rumors, but nobody expected to see it actually happen. Sure, business wasn’t great, but sales were solid, and everybody had received Christmas bonuses at the end of last year. Plus, the Stamford branch had shut down not that long ago. It was a shock to the routine-driven system of everyone at the Scranton branch that some of them were at risk of being let go.

“David Wallace informed me that the company has decided to make strategic decisions now to stay ahead of the curve and to avoid a financial crisis in the future,” Michael added. “But we can assure you that anybody who is let go will receive six months of severance pay.”

“So you really are serious?” Jim asked with a look of disbelief on his face.

“Yes, Jim. I am deadly serious.”

Suddenly, the volume level in the office reached unheard of proportions; questions were thrown at Michael with no regard for his well being.

It was like that hilarious scene in the movie “Airplane!” when the sign indicated it was alright to panic. Except nobody was laughing.

“People, people, please,” Michael begged. Wallace hadn’t told him about this part of the announcement. “I have a call later this morning with Wallace, at which point I’m sure I’ll have more information. But for right now, I can honestly say that I don’t have anything else to say.”

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, the volume in the office leveled off at a steady buzz.

“If anybody needs me, please send me an e-mail. I have a lot of work that needs to get done around this announcement.”

And with that, Michael spun on his heel, walked back into his office, closed the shades, and started crying.