Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
“Pam, come on, let’s...can we...you know?” (Jim's voice is urgent and needy)
“Now? Do you think we have time? We have to be there in an hour, and we’ll have to shower again because we’ll get all sweaty.”
“We’ll be quick about it.”
“Are you sure, Jim?”
“Oh yeah, ‘cause look what I have here. This’ll get the job done right.”
“Oh my God. It’s. . .enormous!”
“I think it’ll be adequate – the mechanical advantage comes in the length – or so my science teacher told me.”
“He did, did he?” (Pam sounds shocked)
“She did.”
(Pam giggles) “You’re serious. Do we really have time? Thirty minutes?”
(Jim’s voice is low and throaty.) “Come here right now, Beesly. I don’t want to do this by myself, and you know you've been begging for it.”
“Okay, okay, so I have.”
(shuffling noises)
“Where do you want to start?”
“How about - here - easy at first.”
“Here?”
“Yeah, that’s working.”
“Starting to loosen up?”
“Definitely. Now a little bit over here.”
“See how well this thing works?”
“Shut up Jim. On top now.”
“Good thing I’m tall.”
“Don’t get cocky, it’s not done yet. Move down here - to the bottom – yes, there.”
“This is the easy part.”
“Okay, it's beginning to happen. What now?”
“I’m going to push this a little farther in, so hold on there, Pam.”
“Go ahead, I’m ready.”
“Oh yeah. See how much farther I’m getting each time I do this?”
“Keep going.”
“Don’t worry, wouldn’t stop now for the world.” (Jim was panting with exertion now)
(a creaking noise is heard)
“Oh yeeeeessss.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. You still okay?”
“Are you kidding? So close. Keep going, a little farther. Right there. And there. Hurry.”
(more muffled noises)
“Coming?” (Jim gets the question out between gasps)
“Nearly!”
“One more time. Yeeeeesss…there goes.” (moment of silence)
“Oh my God did that feel good or what?”
“Hallelujah.”
(they catch their collective breath)
“Wow. That required serious effort. You satisfied now?”
“Yes, thanks to you and that...thing, I’m a happy woman. I have to say, that was even harder than I thought it would be.”
“I told you I’d get it done right though, didn’t I?.”
“Yeah, you did. And you did. I can see why you bought the biggest crowbar now.”
“Yup. (He lifted the dislodged painting to look at it one more time.) Poor old BoBo. Guess I should take him out and put him by the trash can on our way out. . . I think I can patch the drywall here and a new coat of paint will have this looking great.”
“I love you, Jim Halpert, - you’re a handy guy.”
“A lot can be accomplished with the right tool. Let’s go, we’re gonna be late.”
“Told you so.”
“Yeah, but wasn’t it worth it?”
“Totally.”
(Jim and Pam hurry out the front door of their house, and Jim leans the clown painting beside the garbage can that is already sitting at the curb. They jump in the car and quickly speed down the street.)
Story Notes:
The song that goes with this is Bessie Smith's Kitchen Man.
Author's Chapter Notes:
And now for something completely different.
I apologize for this in advance. A big shout out to NanReg for helping me tone this down. Yes, you read that right.
I apologize for this in advance. A big shout out to NanReg for helping me tone this down. Yes, you read that right.
Chapter End Notes:
This was in response to the "Do It Yourself Jim" challenge. *evil grin* Forgive me for the misleading packaging?
jazzfan is the author of 16 other stories.
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