She watches him walk away and the battle rages on in her head. She can't let him leave like this. Whatever this is that they're doing now it isn't just friendship. Much as they might both like to pretend it is.

Because in some ways it would be so much easier to still just keep on thinking of themselves as best friends. Then she wouldn't have to break Roy's heart... again. And he wouldn't have to deal with Karen. They might even be able to pull it off given enough time and a lot more energy than either of them seem to have at this point.

So even though in some ways it would be easier, she knows that in all the most important ways it wouldn't be easy at all, and in fact at the moment it's sort of killing them both.

"Jim!" She barely registers that she's breathing heavily and it takes her a minute to realize it's because she's pretty much sprinted out of the store to reach him before he drives away and leaves her in the travel section.

"Jim, wait!" He hasn't said anything yet, but he has stopped walking toward his car.
He turns to her with a blank look on his face and she jogs lightly to catch up to him. The evening is cold and the sky holds only the last pale wash of twilight. She stops about a foot away from him and it's only then that it occurs to her that she has no idea what to say.

She just sort of looks at him for a minute, shaking her head once or twice in frustration. This has never been easy for them, but it seems almost cruelly difficult right now.

"Pam, what is it?" He asks finally.

"I just... I don't want it to be the same thing all over again either." The look on his face is still blank, though his eyes are wider.

"Okay." He nods.

"Jim, I... I don't know what this is, or what we're doing, but I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" he asks, confused. "For what?"

"I don't know! Everything. This all just so screwed up, you know?"

"Yeah. I know."

She swallows hard, trying to get her throat to stop swelling up. The last thing she wants to do right now is cry.

"So, what do we do now?"

"I don't know. I guess that depends."

"On what?"

"Just... okay, look, I just... I have to know, okay?"

She isn't sure where he's going with this, but more than that she isn't sure she wants to know.

"Pam, do you... How do you feel about me? Or us, I guess."

Her eyes widen again and she's pretty sure that if she isn't actually shaking with fear she'll start doing so soon.

"I..." It's all she can manage.

"Please?" he whispers.

The look on his face is heartbreaking, yet it's one she's seen hundreds of times before. Every time she left work with Roy. Every time she asked him about one of his dates. Every time they laughed together. It's always been there, hidden beneath his smile.

In certain small ways he's been asking this question for years. And he deserves an answer. But what if it's too late now? After all, she reminds herself, he is definitely still with Karen.

"Jim, I..." She knows what she has to do. Without giving herself enough time to think twice about it she closes the distance between them, stands on tiptoes, and reaches up into his curls to pull him down to her. She kisses him lightly at first, but it isn't enough, and soon her lips are parting to draw him in even more. His hands are around her hips, his long fingers spanning the small of her back. Neither seems willing to stop kissing, but after a few minutes Jim shifts backwards and moves his hands to her shoulders. They're both breathing heavily now.

She still isn't sure what he's thinking. His normally expressive face is just as blank as it was a few minutes ago. She tries a small smile.

He smiles back and then they're both sort of laughing with amazement, and perhaps some pent up fear.

"You know that wasn't really an answer to my question, right?" he asks teasingly once their laughter has subsided.

"Yeah. About that. See, the thing is... I think I'm in love with you." Somehow what had seemed impossible moments before isn't nearly as difficult once she actually just says it. Still, she keeps her head down, not knowing how he'll react.

When she finally looks up at him, he's not looking at her, he's looking off into the distance, but he has this smile on his face that's unlike anything she's ever seen before.

And that's when she really can't help it anymore and the tears just start falling. She reaches up to swipe at them and the motion draws his attention back to her. He turns toward her then and just pulls her into him. Wrapping his arms around her tightly, he whispers soothing things like "It's okay," and "Don't cry." But it's too much to take in.

They stand there for a long time while the sky blackens more and more with each passing minute. It's freezing cold, but she barely notices.

Eventually Jim lifts her face up to his and kisses her again. With her eyes closed and her lips against his she thinks about everything that's still in their way. But at least now all of those things are external. At least they've stopped trying to pretend for each other. Because no matter how good or bad they've always been at fooling the rest of the world, she knows now that not one of their imaginary scenarios has ever really been believable to the people they were trying the hardest to pretend for: each other.

Deep down she's always known how he felt, and she imagines that deep down he's always known her feelings too.

***

Three months later she feels like everything has finally calmed down. She never expected to be that girl. The one with all the drama in her life. She never expected to be the girl who kisses one man while she's dating or engaged to another. And she knows that when she and Jim have kids (well, if they have kids, but she's pretty sure they will eventually) there are parts of the story that she'll leave out when they ask her to tell them how Mommy and Daddy fell in love.

But more importantly she knows that she'll never have to pretend to like the happy ending. She just will. For all its messiness, for all the drama and denial-filled years they spent getting here, this is exactly the kind of happy ending she's always dreamed of.