Disclaimer: I own a little more than last time. A John Krasinski autographed picture, and a I heart Jim t-shirt! But I still don't own the Office. Nuff said.
Lay It Down
The day seemed to drag on for Jim. Avoiding further questions from Michael and Dwight was the least of his problems it seemed. All morning he’d noticed how different things were since his return. In the short period of time he was gone, Jim agonized over how everything would be once he went back to work. He knew things would be more difficult after having anticipated his return to Dunder Mifflin for the past week, only to come back and have to deal with the fact that Pam was married. The fact that she wasn’t should have made things easier. Somehow, things felt worse than he could ever have imagined.
He had to stop himself from loitering at her desk, waiting for her to finish up her paperwork before she clocked out for lunch. Instead, he headed for the break room, walked toward the soda machine and flattened his dollar bill on the side of the machine. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Meredith, Phyllis, Angela, and Kelly huddled at the vending machine beside him.
“I heard he like, poured his heart out to her. And she rejected him. And then they did it on Michael’s desk, and Pam had to break it off with Roy. Now, I’m not sure about the rest, but one of the guys in the warehouse told the hot trainee security guard that totally loves me in that pink dress I wore yesterday that Roy punched Jim’s lights out and Jim punched back. Now he has a restraining order, and that’s why he had to transfer,” Kelly babbled, oblivious to the fact that Jim was standing right next to her.
He cleared his throat and Kelly turned around, grinning at Jim as though nothing had happened. “Hi, Jim! How was Australia? Did you see Nicole Kidman while you were there?”
Jim shook his head, removing his soda from the machine and walking toward the break table. “Actually, no, I didn’t.”
Kelly followed him to the table. “Ugh, that sucks. But you so would have gotten an autograph for me, right? You know I love her. She’s so gorgeous. I love her accent. Did you feel yourself picking up an accent when you were there? When I went to Texas to visit my dad’s sister, I found myself saying y’all, like, all the time for about a month. Did you see any baby kangaroos? Aww, they must have been so cute! And aren’t wallabies from Australia?”
“Kelly, he was listening to you. He knows you were talking about him,” Angela interrupted, squeezing some Purel onto her hands.
Kelly giggled, embarrassed that she had been caught. “Sorry, Jim. When I heard all that stuff they said about you, I stuck up for you and said that you would never swing back at Roy. I mean, it’s common sense, you know? You’re taller, but Roy is really big. He’s the type of guy who’s really, I don’t know, strong and manly. Not that you’re not strong. I’m just saying that Roy would probably be the guy I’d pick against almost anyone in a fight. You know what I mean? But regardless, I totally chewed them out and told them that you wouldn’t hit Roy. You’re too… nice to do that.”
He nodded. “Good to hear it,” he said, taking a bite of his sandwich as Kelly retreated to the other side of the table next to Phyllis. Jim couldn’t help but notice the obviously empty seat next to him.
By mid afternoon, Jim decided that he had dealt with the frustration of his fallout with Pam for long enough. He’d already eaten lunch alone, and he got about halfway to Pam’s desk before realizing that it probably wasn’t a good idea to steal some candy to settle his grumbling stomach. He made a detour to the vending machine, staring blankly at its contents. He tossed the change back and forth between his hands, looking at his own reflection in the glass.
He walked back to his desk empty handed, and slipped the change back into his pocket. He dialed a number on his sales sheet, being as friendly as possible to the person on the other line, but knowing that his heart just wasn’t in it. He listened to the voice on the other end as he turned toward the reception desk.
“I’ll be sure to fax that to you right away, Mr. Trent,” he said absently into the telephone. He blindly reached for a post it note, writing all the necessary information on it so it could be handed to Pam to fax. He cringed. Mr. Trent could wait, he decided. It wasn’t like he was a big account, anyway. And he did mention something about leaving for a vacation.
Jim hung up the phone and sighed. After returning all of the calls he missed while he was away, he decided that he deserved a break. He clicked idly with his mouse, creating a square around all of his icons. Soon, after rearranging his icons, cleaning out some old files, and checking his work email for the first time in months, he wandered into the games folder. Before he knew it, all of his remaining Free Cell cards shot up to the top of his screen, twisting yet another knot in his stomach. There wasn’t a single thing he could do in this office that wouldn’t remind him of Pam.
He glanced over at the reception desk, only to find it empty yet again. He wasn’t sure what bothered him more; the fact that she looked away whenever he tried to make eye contact, the fact that she was constantly away from her desk, or the fact that she had her back to him more now than she had in all the years she had known him. He didn’t want to think about it, but the gaping hole in reception was forcing him to do just that.
He’d always been a guy who had this need to fix things. And right away. He was a pretty good listener, and he’d heard that he was great at giving advice or being there for someone when they were upset. It was one of his best and worst traits. He absolutely hated seeing someone he cared about being unhappy. He knew he had to fix things with Pam. He wanted it to be over and done with so he could feel better about the situation. But it bothered him that this wasn’t going to be a quick fix. This would take time, a lot of it. It would probably get worse before it got better. He hated that.
But he knew that if he didn’t start trying to fix it now, it would probably never get fixed. He had to do something. But what? He watched as Pam sat back down at her desk, picking up the telephone and dialing without looking up. She held the phone in her left hand and a pencil in her right, writing something on a piece of paper beside her.
“Jimmy Dean!” Michael shouted, emerging from his office. “Step into my office for a moment.”
Jim sighed, following Michael into his office and taking a seat on the other side of the desk. Michael quickly shut the door and sat down, folding his hands in front of him.
“Look, Jim, I know you’re a little bummed out over this thing with Pam. Your heart is still being stomped on, and ripped into little pieces. And probably chopped up into smaller pieces—”
“Is there a reason you called me in here?” Jim asked, interrupting Michael’s train of thought.
“You and Pam need to work this out,” Michael stated simply, leaning back in his chair. “Like I said earlier, we are a family here. If members of the family are fighting, it affects the rest of us. It brings everybody down, and we all feel like we want to lock ourselves in our rooms and watch Stepmom for the 137th time.”
“You’ve watched Stepmom over a hundred times?”
“I watch it when I’m sad, it’s good for a release… can we focus here, please?”
“Sure, of course,” Jim said with a nod.
Michael sighed. “When I announced that Pam wasn’t married—”
“Which wasn’t right, by the way. She should have been able to tell me that on her own,” Jim offered.
“Okay, you know what, Jiminy Cricket? I am your boss. I am the head of this family. And I know what’s best for you guys. And right now, what’s best for you is to talk to Pam and to work things out. You guys were BFFs before. And I know you really liked her, and I know it was probably hard to watch her rip your heart out and eat it for dinner, but you need to put all of that past you and start over,” Michael insisted.
Jim cringed at the imagery Michael presented. “Uh, thanks, Michael, but I don’t think right now’s a good time to talk to her. Everything’s still fresh. We’ll talk eventually.”
“There’s no time like the present, my friend,” Michael said, walking around his desk and giving Jim a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Think about it, all right? And if you need any advice, Dr. Ruth’s door is always open.”
“I hope you mean Dear Abby,” Jim said, horrified at Michael’s misplaced reference.
“God, no, Dear Abby is that doctor who gives out way too much information about her sex life,” Michael said, opening the door for Jim.
Jim walked to his desk, placing his hands on the back of his chair as he took a look at Pam’s empty desk once again. Leaning there for a moment, he watched the desk closely, hoping Pam would appear. Slowly, he grew more and more impatient. He walked away and started toward the door, unsure of where he was really going. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking out of the office, and before he knew it, he was up on the roof. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt, taking a deep breath and wondering how he could get Pam to listen to him. He was sure once he explained it all to her, she would understand. There would be a lot of awkwardness and arguing and frustration, sure, but he was ready to lay it all down for her, to explain how he felt, to try and repair what was left of the friendship they once had.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw some movement. His heart began to beat faster as he realized it was Pam. He stood, frozen in place as he watched her slip off her pink cardigan sweater and place it on the ledge next to her, revealing her short sleeved blouse. She leaned forward against the ledge, looking out at the parking lot below.
He wasn’t sure what to do next. Should he talk to her? He didn’t want to scare her. Staring at her wasn’t exactly the best option, either. His thoughts jumbled as he watched her take out the barrette in her hair, placing it on top of the cardigan. She slipped a hair elastic off her wrist and gathered her hair into a low ponytail. She turned around, seemingly surprised to see Jim there. She quickly looked away, but it was almost as though she knew Jim had seen her. She turned toward Jim and gave him a weak smile. “This is uh, a good way to clear your head.”
Jim nodded. “Yeah. Sure is,” he said, walking toward Pam and leaning backward against the ledge.
Their eyes met for a moment and she looked away, returning to her original leaning position. They sat for a moment in a painful silence as she picked up the barrette next to her and clicked it open and shut. He wasn’t sure what to say to her. He wasn’t even sure if she was ready to talk. All the feelings of anger, rejection and heartbreak swelled up again, his hands clenched and his head pounding. He turned around, leaning against the ledge in a similar fashion to Pam. Unable to take the silence any longer, he pointed out at the Scranton skyline.
“See that building right there, next to the cloud that looks like Dwight’s head? That was my elementary school.”
Pam merely nodded, avoiding eye contact.
“Actually, that cloud may look more like Kevin. It’s got kind of a large head.”
“Jim—”
“And about a block away, right next to that scary, Alfred Hitchcock looking crow on the power line? That’s the Boys and Girls club. I used to play basketball there every day after school. Until my school got its own team, we played other Boys and Girls clubs in the area. I’m pretty sure there’s still an embarrassing picture of me in a t-shirt and ugly shorts next to the trophy in the trophy case. At least, that’s what my nephew said.”
“Listen—”
“And if you walk around the other side of the roof, I think you can see Scranton High. Not positive, but I think that’s it.”
“I didn’t call off the wedding because of you,” she blurted out, turning to her right and leaning her elbow against the ledge as she spoke.
Jim said nothing. He straightened up, crossing his arms, and looked beyond Pam, out into the parking lot. Jim squinted in to the sunlight, and looked back at Pam, trying to comprehend what she had said. His expression was blank, but he took a few steps back toward the door through which he exited the building. He noticed her face turn pale as she seemed to realize the effect her words had on him.
“I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was—”
He used his hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he looked at her. “You didn’t call off the wedding because you realized you were in love with me. I get it. You already made the fact that you weren’t interested perfectly clear. Twice. In one night. Oh, and after we spent the evening up here, when you denied that it was a date. So, I guess that makes three times.”
A breeze blew across the roof at that moment. The leaves on the trees below rustled and Pam shivered slightly. Jim knew that the shiver wasn’t from the rush of cool air. Sure, what he had said was pretty harsh, but it was a justified response to something like Pam’s admission. The apologetic look on her face disappeared, and he saw a wounded look in her eyes. His heart sank as he saw the transformation that his words had caused. A part of him wanted to apologize, talk it out, smooth things over. But things were far too complicated to patch up with a hug and an apology.
“Jim, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was just trying to explain,” Pam said, looking down at her shoes. She paused for a moment before she looked up, changing her tone entirely. “And you know what? You have some explaining to do yourself.”
“Oh yeah? What do I have to explain?” Jim asked, frustrated. “I think my motives are pretty obvious in this situation, don’t you?”
“Oh, no, there’s plenty for you to explain,” Pam seethed. “Like the fact that you took off to Australia, then you tried to transfer somewhere else.” Pam’s voice was frantic and pained as she spat out the last part of the sentence. She threw her hands in the air, and let them drop to her sides as she continued. “I don’t know what part of that you don’t think needs more explaining.”
Jim raised his eyebrows. “Wow, because I can’t find a part of it that does. I left because of you, Pam. For so long, I waited for you to notice how I felt about you. Sometimes I thought if I waited long enough, you would see. You would change your mind; something in you would just click and everything would be right, and we could be together. That night, I let everything out. I told you how I felt. I told you that I was in love with you. You rejected me. Tell me what part of that scenario warrants a courtesy call to let you know I was transferring because you broke my heart.”
“We were friends, Jim!”
“Yeah, you’re right. We were friends. And I told you I was done with being just friends.” He turned toward the door to the roof and walked downstairs without looking behind him.
He glanced at the clock as he passed his desk. It was five minutes past five o’clock, and it was finally time to get out of there. He quickly grabbed his jacket, flung his messenger bag over his shoulder, and walked out to his car without saying goodbye to anyone he passed. He sat in the car for a moment before putting the key in the ignition, closing his eyes and hoping that he would wake up to find that this terrible day had all been a dream. But he had no such luck.
He put the car in drive and started the trip back home, entertaining the idea of plastering his resume all over the internet when he got home.
to be continued
Author's Chapter Notes:
I was finally able to manage the time to work this second chapter out onto paper! And I couldn't have done it without my fantastic betas! If I had a Dundie to give them, I would. They're the best! Thank you to you, for reading, too! I appreciate it!
